Welp This is a Thing
by G1 ArchAngel
Summary: Me and two friends get pulled into the world of Hyperdimension Neptunia. Shenanigans and misadventure awaits. Takes place during Re;Birth 3. *First person perspective*
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole

Let's start things off shall we? My name is Steven. I'm 5 foot 10, about 200 pounds, blonde with blue eyes, and 19 years old. I'm a gamer, like, big gamer. I was actually on my Xbox when it happened, talking with some friends.

"Dammit Johnny!"

"What!?"

"Stop getting yourself killed!"

The first voice belonged to Storm. Storm is our resident loon. He is way out in left field. Storm is Asian, 6 foot 2, black hair that is in bed head style, dark brown eyes, light skin, and well built.

The second voice, obviously, was Johnny. Johnny is well….Johnny for lack of a better term. He is usually a mix of Tucker and Caboose from Red vs. Blue. He's 6 foot 4, Canadian, has green eyes, brown hair, and tan-ish white skin.

I was the third voice. Out of the three of us, I'm the sociopath. That's only because I like to mimic some of Ryan Haywood's quirks for my own personal entertainment. We were playing a round of crucible on Destiny for the 360. Johnny was in last place while me and Storm were topping the room. As the match ends, something weird started to happen to my T.V.

"Um guys…there's a whirlpool on my T.V. screen, and it's pulling things into it like it's a black hole."

"G1, you're not the only one." Said Storm. By the way, they know me by my gamer tag. They know my real name, but professionalism is what we pride ourselves in. (My tag is G1 ArchAngel. Yes I realize I'm unoriginal with user names.)

"You too, Storm?" Questioned Johnny.

"Johnny, Storm, you see it too? Are we sharing a trip or something somehow?"

"No." Storm deadpanned.

"Nope." Johnny responded in the same tone as Storm.

"Well shit. What do we do?"

"What can we do?"

"Don't be so pessimistic Johnny. We could always jump in…"

"That's a bad idea, dumbass."

"Johnny, G1…, the pull is getting stronger…"

"NOW OR NEVER LADIES! ALLONS-Y!"

"Sunnovabitch!"

"Johnny, you're Tucker, not Grif!" I like RvB a lot if you haven't noticed.

"What!?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Guys, now's not the time."

"Since when was Storm the voice of reason here?" The two of us speak in unison. It was then that we were pulled into the vortexes on our screens.

"Geronimo!" Guess who. (This guy)

Next thing I know, I see the two of them and we are falling out of the sky. Storm was untangling himself from a purple haired girl that was rambling on about how she was used to falling like this. Just gonna tune that out for sanity's sake. Mental note: Stay a good 5 feet from her. Speaking of mental notes, do not jump/get pulled into vortexes. Bad things happen.

"I immediately regret my decision."

"Oh, and why is that?" Johnny asked me, his voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm and spite.

"Well I kind of figured we would be much closer to the ground from the get go."

"This isn't an episode of Doctor Who, you know..." That doesn't stop me from wishing it was. Plus, I don't go running around and crushing your dreams now do I Johnny?

"Two things Johnny."

"What?"

"One, where are Storm and the girl glued to his arm? And two, is that a river?"

"Don't know and yes, yes it is."

"This whole day is gonna suck a great big bag of dicks, isn't it Johnny?"

"Probably."

*Splash*

 **Author's Note: Well, I'm hoping whoever decides to gives this a chance likes it. I don't think it's all that great but meh. If you're gonna critique this or whatever, all I ask is that you please be gentle.**


	2. The Wheel of Fate is Turning

Chapter 2: The Wheel of Fate is Turning

After a few minutes of swimming to shore, both of us were none too happy about our predicament.

"Johnny, I'm gonna find whoever made that portal, and put them in a hole."

"That might not be the best idea…"

"That's not the point!"

"G1, let's just find our way out of this forest."

"Let's not forget about Storm."

"I'm not going to, let's just get moving."

After about 5 minutes of walking, I started to hear voices. When I turned to Johnny, he looked like he could hear them too.

"Johnny, please tell me I'm not delusional and hearing things."

"I hear them too."

"Want to check it out?"

"I'm all wet G1. I just want to get out of this forest and get a change of clothes.'

"First off, get a girlfriend then. Second of all, I'm fairly certain that one of those voices is Storm's."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, buddy."

*Time skip 2 minutes*

"What did we just stumble upon?" I asked as we were walking closer. What we found was bazaar to say the least. There was Storm, sitting on top of the purple haired girl, who was sitting on top of a raven haired girl. From the way things looked, the raven haired one was the other two's crash pad. The two looked like they were quite comfortable sitting on the crushed girl, just shooting the shit with a girl with a lighter shade of purple hair. She looked like she was in her pajamas, slippers and all. I'm smiling quite a bit after seeing this.

"G1, you're gonna make a grand entrance, aren't you?" he asked me. He probably guessed that by the look on my face.

"Grand on your scale or mine?"

"Mine." He deadpanned.

"Yup!" Maybe I was a bit too cheery, because Johnny looked about 3 different kinds of worried. I decided to do what I do best to make ourselves known: Situational comedy!

"Storm!" I called out, "Usually if you do something like this, you have to buy the ladies dinner first!" I walked out of the bushes dragging Johnny. He's curled up, holding his sides, and losing his shit. The three in the pile faces lit up red, especially the one at the bottom of it. 'It was a good life' I think to myself as I await my inevitable demise. She wasn't just red in embarrassment. You can tell it was also from sheer lividity.

"Will you two get off of me!? And You!" She points at me after they get off, "Get your mind out of the gutter!" Storm decided to speak on my behalf.

"G1's mind isn't in the gutter, it's the reason the gutter exists in the first place." Storm you traitor. Now I'm dead for sure.

"Yeah, it's the reason why he's my favorite person." Johnny, not you too…

"Heeey, we shouldn't be mean to each other. Why can't we be friends instead?" the pajama wearing girl asked. 'Wow. She talks in such a slow tempo', I thought.

"Then we should probably introduce ourselves, no?" I responded, a light smile on my face.

"Alright, my name's Johnny."

"Mine's Steven, but these two call me G1 for reason's I'm too lazy to explain."

"Well my name's Neptune!" exclaimed the original purple haired girl. Now that I can actually get a good look, it looks like she is wearing what appears to be the love child of a hoodie and a belly shirt. "This is Plutie", she continued, pointing to the pajama clad girl "and the tsundere here is Noire." Oh that's bad for me. That's very bad. If you don't know, tsunderes tend to be very aggressive when teased. If I wasn't dead before, I have a snowball's chance in hell now. My feelings of worry and dread must have been radiating off me, because Storm decided he was still my friend and changed the subject completely.

"G1, Johnny, ever since we got here, have you felt…different?" We both took the time to look ourselves over so that we could answer his question. That's when I noticed a major physical change.

"Guys look!" I exclaimed as I lifted my shirt. "No pudge! There used to be a moderate amount, but not anymore!"

"And I'm a lot more muscular than I was." Johnny said, enlightening us to his own observations.

"I'd also like to mention that I feel tingly and it feels like there is something deep down in my chest, metaphorically of course. What about you Storm?"

"I feel a lot warmer than usual."

And that's why I was clinging to him. It was so comfy feeling. Interrupted Neptune.

"As much as I _Love_ hearing this conversation, we should take these four to somewhere to rest and recover." Trying to save myself from an early grave, I respond in a "trying to score brownie points" manner,

"Thank you for helping us, Noire." Let's just add the most kindness filled smile that would be appropriate and I should be good to go.

"O-Oh…um," she stuttered out, "I'm just doing what any normal person would do. No need to thank me."

"That's not the point…" I deadpanned. After a small pause, we silently decided to leave. We started to walk with Noire in the lead.


	3. Rebel 1

Chapter 3: Rebel 1

 **Well, I was not expecting 150 or so views in less than 48 hours, let alone the three follows that aren't from Johnny himself. So here's another chapter because I'm fully on my own hype train.**

20 minutes. 20 minutes of silence. Well, except for the natural sounds of the forest. It was actually pretty nice. I had time and concentration to wrap my head around what's happening. I was actually mulling over a question when a _certain someone_ decided to break my train of thought.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what, Neptune?"

"Get Noire all hot and bothered like that."

"Yeeah, I've never seen Noire get like that." So Plutie's a part of this too now, huh?

"Well these two," pointing to Storm and Johnny, "can tell you that I have quite the way with words. And I believe myself to be an excellent manipulator of the mind."

"But the kind of flustered that you made her wasn't tsundere like at all! She should have hit you or something!" Jeez Nep, yell any louder and Noire will notice. Then we're all screwed.

"She will never notice me yelling though." How did she…

"I read ahead in the script." She says matter-of-factly.

"Ignoring the blatant disrespect to the fourth wall, I'll just kind of sum up how I did what I did, okay?"

"Sure!" She answered excitedly. Plutie also looks like she wants to know. I take a glance at Storm and Johnny, and they look like they already know what I'm going to say. They move between us and Noire, probably to keep her from killing me seeing as how _someone_ got her attention so now she is walking closer to us.

"Well, if you can't blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit." And just like that, as predicted, Noire blew a gasket. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that.

"Are you telling me that all that kindness was an act!?" She practically was screeching.

"Nooooo." I draw it out, thinking of how I will phrase this "The way I weaved my words was the act, the emotion and what not behind the words was all real."

"Oh." Well at least she is visibly calming down, still in the arms of the two absurdly large males.

"G1, you are getting into dangerous territory…" Storm says worried. I don't see why "Okay, though, and verbally mention it.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, whether you realize it or not, you are on the road to getting a tsundere to fall for you."

"I really want to call bullshit…"

"Well I have to agree to big and warm there" Neptune …why? Why would you encourage him? I'm also 99% sure I heard Johnny say 'bow chika bow wow' "I ship it." NEPTUNE STOP! "I mean you both are pretty lonely looking," I'll agree to that one, "You both have no friends…"

"Okay! That's bullshit and you know it!" I responded with a volume and fury that Michael Jones, the rage quit guy, would be proud of.

"Okay, okay… sheesh. No need to be so loud."

"You should probably stop while you're behind, Neptune." Johnny makes himself known with some helpful advice, "We've only seen very small glimpses of G1 getting truly angry, and when those few times did happen, bad things happened."

"What could have possibly happened that could make you scared of his temper?"

"Storm if you would, seeing as how you were there?"

"Sure Johnny. We were playing Minecraft when it all happened. Someone decided to troll G1 by destroying all of the roses he planted. Before you say anything, it was a half-hours worth of work. G1 found it, and suddenly got really quiet. The next thing I know he killed the person, took their stuff, and spent the next hour killing then repeatedly. All that time, he was laughing like a maniac." The three girls stopped and stared at me with a look of shock and terror in their eyes.

"I did do that. I also trapped her in a hole after I took away her privileges so she couldn't get out. Called her Edgar too."

"Why Edgar?"

"Edgar…always Edgar…"

"What are you going on about…" I didn't give Noire the chance to finish.

"Look, you don't understand, Edgar is the one in the hole!"

"You see, G1 has a thing for acting like a sociopath in order for people to fear him." Johnny added to Storm's small narrative. Before he could continue. (I interrupted him. I see to be interrupting people a lot lately.)

"There is a reason I claim to be the Mad King." Que awkward silence. After about 5 minutes, I remembered the question I was going to ask earlier and decided to ask it.

"Storm, Johnny, do you think we were compensated?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well think about it. We are ordinary human beings that have been dragged into a world that follows video game logic. Do you think that the powers that be decided to give us weapons, abilities, and skills to make sure that we don't catch a sudden case of death?"

"I don't know. We don't exactly have a way to check." Johnny counters, then turns towards the girls, "Do we have a way to check?"

"Open your inventories." Noire tells us like it's common place.

"For those of us who don't know how the fuck that works…" Johnny responds sassily to the not so helpful advice.

*sigh* "Imagine the menu for an RPG, then imagine it being tangible. It should pop up in front of you." Explained Noire.

"Like this?" I showed her the results of her more detailed instructions. It's like a hologram that has a list of categories: Outfits, items, weapons, accessories, and the likes.

"Yes, that's it!"

"Cool!" Johnny and Storm pull up theirs shortly after. After looking at my menu more thoroughly, I see that I have a *new* icon next to outfits, weapons, and accessories. I look at the outfit first. It says Devil Hunter's Style. 'Eh, screw it, what's the worst that can happen?' I equip it through on-screen instructions, and find myself wearing Dante's outfit from Devil May Cry 4. Red coat, black ass-less chaps over red pants, the works. 'Awesome! I'm bringing sexy back.' I look over to see that I'm not the only one who thinks I look good in this because Storm and Johnny are giving me thumbs up and Noire is sporting a not so subtle blush. Don't know if for me, but taking Storm's words into consideration… Anyway, Plutie and Neptune aren't even paying attention to what's going on around them.

I return to my menu and pick the accessories option next. I feel like leaving the weapons for last. The accessory is the perfect amulet (the one from DMC 3). Someone really felt like making my stuff DMC-centric, not that I'm complaining. It boosted my luck (it's funny because Dante is known to have shitty luck) and both types of attack stats. Wow, I'm already acting like this is a normal thing.

Last but certainly not least, the weapons. There are two weapons "slots"; one for firearms and one for the other types of weapons. The firearms that I have are two M1911semi-auto pistols called Fame and Infamy. Fame is blue and designed for left handed fire, while Infamy is red and designed for right handed fire. My "melee" weapon would make Shirou from Fate/Stay Night green with envy. Lucifer, the necroworldly backpack that spawns an infinite amount of exploding blades. It is skeletal in design, all based around a large skull. This skull is what makes up most of the backpack, and it sits on my left shoulder. After getting used to my newfound arsenal, I realized I was right in my assumptions. I have the knowledge of how to use these weapons, weapons that were from videogames. Again, I'm not gonna complain.

Johnny has training gi on similar to Goku's. The only differences were that it was black instead of orange, red instead of blue, and didn't have the symbols on the front and back. In his hands are a grenade launcher that looks like it was made from the Canadian flag itself. He pressed a button on the weapon's grip, and it changed into a war hammer, like Nora's weapon from RWBY. Storm had on robes with a flame design, and looked like a warlocks robes from Destiny. He was holding a large sniper rifle, which turned into a katana. (these weapons are their designs so don't try to pin this on me)

"Well boys, we look more than ready to kick some ass."

"Yes G1, yes we do." Storm agreed.

"Your weapon is really creepy Stevie." Plutie draws out. I can feel my face go to a blank expression after she says that.

"How do you know that nickname?" I whispered ominously.

"I just came up with it. Do you not want to be called that?" Oh god, she looks like she's gonna cry. I feel like I kicked a puppy.

"It's fine, you can call me that if you want."

"Yay!" she cheered.

"Should we take our new gear out for a test drive?" asked Johnny.

"I'm game, what about you Storm?"

"Sure, if these three don't object." The three girls nodded, showing it was alright.

"Johnny, take the Canadia hammer for a spin." Without replying, though I could tell he was a bit offended at my name for the hammer, he deftly swings it with skill and power. Transforming it back to a grenade launcher, he fires several rounds. He looks a lot more satisfied at the results than he should.

"Hey Johnny, why does the maple leaf look like a button?" Storm asks.

"Let's find out, shall we?" I say as I press the button for him. A strange whining sound is emitted from the weapon, along with a sweet smell. "Now try firing this thing."

"Sure?" He sounded uncertain, and I didn't blame him. He pulled the trigger and the round was loosed. When it detonated, we were all taken by surprise. Maple syrup went everywhere. It didn't hit us, but still.

"That was a thing." I managed to get out after a bit of time.

"Ooh-ooh, do you think it's the key to beating the legendary pancake monster?" Neptune asked eagerly.

"Don't be stupid!" Noire spoke for about half of us.

"As much as I agree with you there, Noire," I start "There's no need to be that harsh about it."

"I know it's just…"

"I get it. Trust me I do. Me, Storm, and Johnny have all run into people that just immediately get to you. Sometimes it's better to just let it go."

"~Let~it~go~,~Let~it~go~" Storm and Johnny start singing that damn song, and instantly prove my point.

"NO! NONE OF THAT! SHAME ON YOU!" I yell, interrupting the two.

"We should stop being so loud."

"Thank you Plutia, this is getting really annoying."

"No problem, Noire."

"Storm, you're next." I said, deciding to get the ball rolling again.

"Alright." With his weapon in it's gun form, Storm fires round after round at a tree. After a little while, he turns both himself and the weapon, ricocheting the rounds off of the rocks and the ground around the area to hit the original target. He then whipped it around, changing it into it's katana form. He swung it around in a combination of savagery and grace. After his display there was a round of applause from the two purple haired girls. He put out his hand, signaling it being my turn.

I walk out and pull out Fame and Infamy. I hold them out in front of me, tilted so they are horizontal. My wrists are touching and my knuckles are facing up. Taking not even a second to aim, I let loose upon the tree next to the one Storm was shooting at. A hailstorm of bullets slam into the tree, rounds being discharged at speeds that rival machine guns. I cease firing, and the tree collapses. I take a glance over my shoulder to see shocked faces from the girls, and impressed faces from my fellow males.

With a smirk, I turn back and withdraw two blades from the skeletal wings of Lucifer, after holstering the pistols. Slashing away, I move through the empty space as if I were dancing. I could hear the faint sound of flamenco music coming from seemingly nowhere. The blades, held in a reverse grip, began to glow in response to my will. I let the blades fly, and after a short distance, they stopped and floated in midair. Following up that small display, I loosed more and more to float in the air. 25 blades hung about, and after I clapped twice they detonated signaling the end of my performance. I turned towards my friends, walked to Noire, presented a blood red rose with a black stem, winked, and went on my way back on the path.

"Since when were you such a lady-killer, G1?" asked Johnny, pointing his thumb back towards a still blushing Noire, rose clutched to her chest.

"Not too sure myself. Just kind of following a gut instinct. But there are two other answers for this. Either A) The whole 'good things come to those that wait' thing might not be as bullshit as I thought, or B) Some of whoever's personality that I got my skills from, most likely Dante's, has bled into my own. In the end, I'm not complaining." I responded with a shrug.

"We should get moving. We have made a lot of noise and probably attracted the attention of the monsters in this forest." Storm being level headed once again lads and gents.

*ROAR*

Once again me and Johnny speak in unison.

"I hate it when you're right, Storm…"

 **Man, this was a pain to type up. I salute those whose chapters are 5k+ on a regular basis.**

 **For those of you who think we are overpowered, think of it like this: we will be, eventually, going up against enemies that give the goddesses a run for their money according to dialog. It's just so we can keep up really. More will be explained, it's just gonna be a slow drip is all.**


	4. Action!

Chapter 4: Action!

 **OK, so I'll put this in now so no one can complain. I do not own Hyperdimension Neptunia. It would be a much worse story if I did. Any and all references and the likes belongs to their respective owners.**

 **I'd also like to thank those who are following this story, because I feel a lot more confident in my writing skills knowing you are looking forward to the next chapter. This being my first non-school mandated story, especially one that complete strangers (And a wild Johnny) are reading, makes me nervous. So again, thanks. Now, on with the show!**

We all got ready for the impending attack. I had Fame and Infamy at the ready. Johnny had the Canadia hammer in its grenade launcher form, Storm had his sword in rifle mode, Noire has a single edged short sword, Neptune has a katana with no hand guard that is as long as she is tall, maybe longer, and Plutie pulled out… a teddy bear? *Sigh* I really should stop questioning it, or else it'll sap my sanity.

The bushes start to rustle, and we all visibly tense up. Out of the darkness of the forest came… We all deadpanned at what we saw, and I think I saw Johnny face-vault. It was all silence as we stared at the creature, for only a few minutes that is…

"HAHAHAHAHA! What the fuck is this bullshit!?" I half asked, half shouted, pointing at the beast. "When I heard that, I expected, like, a dragon or something. The last thing that should follow a roar like that is a GOD DAMN PANCAKE MONSTER!" My anger was growing at an obvious rate, and yet _some people_ didn't pick up on that.

"It doesn't matter! Pancakes!" Neptune exclaimed, sparkles in her eyes. Plutie also had them, just not as…much? Not sure how to describe it, but I'm sure that someone understands.

"Johnny, could you please take care of this?" I ask exasperatedly, as I holster the twin pistols.

"Sure." After that one word, the creature born from the embodiment of the emotion what, was dealt with. Neptune went to gorge herself on the fluffy looking flapjacks that were left behind by the corpse, but they were suddenly crushed beneath a massive claw. The previously mentioned appendage belonged to a dragon like beast that had dark blue scales and piercing red eyes. It was covered in an intricate weave of vines that shimmered like they were made from silver, giving it a regal, yet feral appearance.

"You see that! That is what should roar like that!" I shout ecstatically, pointing at our new (read: appropriate) foe. The others looked at me concerned.

"Why do you seem excited about a boss fight?" Noire asked.

"Why not?" I responded with a shit eating grin.

"Because we could die…"

"Overwhelming odds with little to no chance of success, how can I resist?"

"You're insane!"

"Maybe a little…" I muse in response to her accusation. But, aren't we all crazy in our own little ways.

"You three should get out of here. You guys are more important than us." Storm tries to get them to run. You shouldn't say things like that though, because obvious foreshadowing is obvious.

"Storm has a point. You guys are from here, we aren't. That gives you priority." I expected the line from Storm, seeing as how I know he has played the games like I have. I did not expect that from Johnny.

"We aren't leaving you behind!" The three shout in. Enough is enough. Full asshole mode is on now.

"Just go!" I yell with all that I could, making sure there was no room for any rebuttal. They turn to each other, and make their decision.

"You better come back to us!" Noire calls out to us as the three run down the path. Now that I think about it, the dragon-thing has been oddly patient. Maybe it knows the value of drama, perhaps?

"We will, promise! You'll be in Planeptune, right?" Storms yells out in return.

"Yup!" Neptune's answer is the last thing we hear from the group before they disappear from our sight. Looking back towards the monster in front of us, only one phrase (smart ass remark) came to mind.

"Shall we dance?" I say, imitating one of Nero's taunts.

"G1, stop. It looks angry enough as it is." Johnny warns me. And he's right, It looked quite irked that we kept it waiting for so long, but it was getting pissed because of me. That's never stopped me before, so…

"Can't stop, won't stop, Johnny boy."

"G1, STAHP!" No Storm, no I will not. "I'll make you."

"Are we really doing this right now?" Johnny asks, being the straight man to try to get things on track.

*ROAR*

Looks like the dragon does a better job, because it gets our attention instead.

"Looks like we don't have a choice now! Here it comes!" So commences the battle. Storm starts things off with several rounds of his rifle, and staggers it. I take the opening and slash away at its leg. As it falls, Johnny comes up high, and smashes it into the ground with a grenade boosted Canadia hammer.

While it's dazed, we lay into it with everything we have. It was a symphony of carnage, detailed be the whistle of blades and explosions. After a while it recovers and exhales ice. Storm and Johnny roll out of the way, but I was not as fortunate. I was frozen solid, and could only move my eyes. After being frozen, the damn thing eats me. Luckily, it swallows me whole.

"G1!" I can hear my two friends yell out, if but muffled due to the ice and dragon. Everything went black.

After and indeterminate amount of time, I hear a voice call out to me.

"Hey kid, time to wake up!"

"Who's there!?" I call out to the voice.

"You know who I am." No way…

"This can't be real…"

"It is."

"So are you in my head or something?"

"More like bound to your soul, but yeah, pretty much."

"Why?"

"Remember the whole get stuff so you don't 'catch a sudden case of death'?"

"Oh…Do the others have a similar situation?"

"Yup!"

"Well ain't that convenient?" Well, things certainly got awkward. Neither of us could really carry on the conversation from there.

"So yeah, hold still for a second. I'm gonna unlock your Devil Trigger so you can get the hell out of here."

"I have a Devil Trigger? Why?"

"Don't know."

"Alright, get it over with then." The owner of the second voice in my head then stabbed me through the chest with his sword. It tingles more than it hurts, but I assume that is because this is in my mind and is not affecting my physical body…yet… He starts to walk away.

"See ya later, kid."

"Right back at you, Dante." My vision was filled with red and black. When my sight clears, I see that I'm still in the dragon's stomach. I can hear the sounds of battle from outside, so I at least know Storm and Johnny are alright. Maybe. I feel really strong and it feels like I'm hyped up on caffeine, because it's like energy is flowing through my veins. 'Well, it's time to get the hell outta Dodge.' And with that thought, I claw and shoot my way out. I only clawed because I couldn't find Lucifer anywhere. I burst through the creature, covered in bile and gore and climb out of the hole I created. Storm and Johnny's eyes look like they are ready to pop out of their heads.

 **"Why are you guys looking at me like that?"** My voice came out distorted, and sounded like several people were saying the same thing at the same time. It was pretty weird.

"Well, the fact that you look like some kinda demon is kind of surprising." That is a very fair point. The flash of black and red must have been me activating DT.

 **"So, what do I look like?"**

"Well, you look reptilian in appearance, with a bit of insect here and there. You're mostly red with black detailing is the best way I can put it. You have a set of bat or dragon like wings." 'I do?' I turn and confirm that I indeed have wings. 'Fuck yeah!' "There are a set of horns that starts at the middle of the side of your head, go back, then come forward to a point in way similar to a seven. Lastly, you have glowing cracks running across your chest, lower arms, and lower legs." Storm reported, circling me as he did so.

"Don't forget about the spikes on his arms and legs." I disengaged the Trigger, seeing as how it was getting tiring to maintain it.

"We should probably get the rewards for killing this thing, huh." I say pointing at the corpse. The three of us get close, and pop ups appear in front of us, showing our rewards.

"I got a training scroll and 15,000 credits."

"You should save that for later."

"I will. What did you and G1 get, Storm?"

"I got a bandolier of plasma grenades from Halo, and 15,000 credits. What about you G1?"

"I got 15,000 credits and a weapon called Nix. Let's see what it is." I pull out my new weapon and I'm not disappointed. Not disappointed at all. It's a scythe. The blade seems to be coming out of the mouth of a dragon, and is emitting a mist that is cold to the touch. The shaft and blade mount (?) are a dark blue with silver detail, like the design of the dragon we just slew. The blade itself is a light blue and looks like it's glowing.

"G1, that's fucking awesome looking…" Jeez Johnny, way to be Captain Obvious.

"Imma see what it do." I say, ignoring certain aspects of the way the English language is spoken due to excitement.

"Just make it quick, we have places to be, and promises to keep." Storm reminded us.

"Yeah…that and you smell."

"That I do, Johnny, that I do."

I give Nix a few experimental swings, and find that it is a lot easier to use than I expected. I picked up the pace, making the weapon nothing but a blur of motion. With that part done, I held it so the blade was behind me and the tip was on the ground. The blade shifts to accommodate the position. Slashing in a vertical arc, a straight line of ice-spikes travels across the ground. Slamming the bladeless end on the ground produced three rings of ice spikes around me. The first was close to me, while the other two went farther out with each slam. I place Nix on my back, and the blade retracts itself into the dragon mouth, and the mouth closes. Sure made carrying it easier.

"Okay, I'm gonna have fun with this." I smiled maniacally at my new "toy". "So, where do we go to get to Planeptune?"

"That way." Storm replies as he points down the dirt road the girls traveled down earlier.

"Should I DT and fly over to let them know we are okay?"

"That's a bad idea. They will probably attack you on sight or freak out."

"That's…a reasonable point. I'll give you that, Johnny."

"So, are we ready to go?" We wordlessly follow Storm as he starts walking. I'm looking forward to the looks on those three's faces when we walk through the door. This is gonna be great!

 **And another one bites the dust. I'd appreciate a few more reviews but if you don't, that's fine. Hope you enjoyed!**


	5. Homecoming Part 1: We're Back!

Homecoming Part 1: We're Back!

"So, are we gonna do something epic? I see the city now, so we should start planning." I said after about a half-hours worth of walking.

"G1, after everything that's happened today, do you really think they would like any more surprises?"

"Johnny, you're getting soft on me. I'm disappointed."

"I really hate you sometimes."

"Second verse, same as the first."

"God dammit…"

"Enough you two. People are staring and no one will tell us where to go at this rate."

"Storm, you aren't the straight man out of the three of us. Stop being so serious."

"One of us needs to get the plot rolling again, G1."

"Fair point. Johnny, ask for directions."

"Why me?"

"Why not you?"

"-_-"

"Did…Did you just emoticon me!?"

"Yes, yes I did." He said, proud of himself.

*In an undisclosed location by the power of fourth wall breaking*

"Achoo!" Sneezed a small fairy. "I believe someone used one of my personal quirks. :( "

*Back to us*

"Storm, how did you just show us that?"

"That's easy, Johnny. I opened a window in the fourth wall."

"But…I…What!?" He stuttered out, sounding similar to one Gavin Free.

"Johnny, don't bother. You'll break your brain if you try to comprehend the art of fourth wall breaking. I learned that first hand."

"Still G1!"

"I know man, I know."

"We're here!"

"And how do you know that, Storm?"

"I don't know, educated guess." He responded, staring at the sign outside the building.

"Well then…Thanks for letting us know, Storm."

"See G1, we didn't need directions."

"Yeah, just plot convenience, Johnny"

"I resent that."

"Resent it all you want. I'm gonna ask where those three went." I turn to ask the man at the desk, but he was already pointing towards the way they went. I thank the man and he responds with a nod. When we got to the door, we stopped, to plan how things should go. Actually, plan isn't a good word. It was more like shooting down all of my ideas.

"Should we knock?"

"Nah, kick the door down Johnny."

"Why?"

"Well, I would do it, but I don't think you want a stinky me to be the first of us they see."

"Hey! Don't goof off with her!"

"Sounds like they pissed off Noire." Stared Johnny.

"Well, she does have a short fuse…"

"Like you're one to talk."

"Wasn't saying I didn't, Storm."

"Aww, can't I? Just for a liiittle bit…?"

"Yeah, c'mon Noire, just for a bit. Don't be a curmudgeon."

"Johnny, Storm…the hell's a curmudgeon?"

"No idea/No clue." The two responded.

"Don't curmudgeon me! Do you even understand the situation you're in?"

"Situation, start! Right now, I'm in Plutie's Basilicom with lots of old games and manga, and… So given the situation, I've gotta try them all out. Uh, right?"

"That's not what I meant. Before you hit your head, you might have had family or even friends, no? Those people might be worried about you, so do you really think this is the time for you fool around?"

"Oh, okay. You're right. I'm like a missing person case! Nep Jr. and Histy and them must be worried. But even if I try to go home, I dunno where I am."

Aw, Noire! Neppy is sick so…or…Um…more like, injured? Eiiither way, you should be nicer to the poor girl…"

"You only say that because you want to hang out with her."

"Hehehe. Guilty as charged…"

"Alright you two, now…" we opened the door and made ourselves known, interrupting their conversation in the process. The three just stare at us, so I decide to break the silence.

"She's right you know. You should be nicer, otherwise you won't make any more friends, let alone keep the ones you have now."

*Silence*

"You're back!" The three yelled, then rushed us. Neptune ran and hug tackled Storm and Plutie did the same to Johnny. As Noire approached me, I held my hand out to signal her to stop.

"As much as I'd appreciate the same welcome home present, Noire, I smell and am covered in dragon gunk."

"It's not like I wanted to hug you or anything anyway…" Your face says otherwise.

"Anyway, I'd like to go take a shower. Where's the bathroom?"

"Down that hall, second door on the right. Leave your clothes by the door, I'll clean them."

"Ok, thanks."

*One shower later*

"I'm back, what did I miss?"

"They continued their argument from earlier." Storm reported.

"Oh…So I didn't miss much?"

"Pretty much."

"Hey G1, where are your pants?"

"I don't know Johnny. Hey Noire, where are my pants?"

"They should be done being cleaned any time now. Why?"

"Well, I'm currently standing here in just my boxers and it is starting to get breezy."

"I-I-I'll…I'll go get them."

"Okay. Thank you." When she returned, she didn't look at me and handed me my clothes. After putting on the outfit, Noire decided to get back to what she was saying earlier.

"Now that everyone is here, and clothed, let's move! We're going to work!"

"No rest for the weary boys and girls."

"You said it G1."

"Steven, why of all people are you complaining?"

"Well Noire, I was frozen alive and eaten by a dragon _after_ being ripped from my own reality and put into a new one. I've had a long day, okay."

"Oh, that's…wow…"

"No matter now. If there is shit to be done, let's get it done and over with."

"Let's just go…"

"Okay. Lead the way, then." And so we were off.


	6. Homecoming Part 2: Back to the Grind

Homecoming Part 2: Back to the Grind

"Man, what's up with this? I try to play and then I'm told to go work. This is like déjà vu… Last time it was Histy up in my grill, but now it's Noire." Neptune, really…

"How long are you going to keep mumbling to yourself? Look. We're here."

"Huh? That was fast. Oh, wait…This is where you accept those Quest things, isn't it?"

"Wow Neppy, you know about that…?"

"Naturally. Before I came here, I was doing a whole bunch. I'm the CPU of Planeptune, after all!"

"Aww, you're such a dependable girl…!"

"You're sticking to that story? It's getting painful to hear, so stop while you're ahead."

"As much as I enjoy watching this, can someone explain what this place is for those who don't know?" I'm sorry Johnny, but your request is going to be ignored.

"No, you stop! It's not all in my head. I'm Planeptune's CPU."

"It's sad that you have to make Neppy sound like a liar…"

"Are they ignoring us, Storm?" Johnny's anger is building at a steady pace.

"Just leave it be, Johnny. Some things can't be helped."

"That doesn't make it okay…"

"Okay, listen. You're Planeptune's CPU, right Plutia?"

"Uh-huh. That's meeee…"

"Which means SHE can't be. You founded this nation, so you're naturally its sole CPU!"

"I, um, don't really get that whole explanation, but I'm totally telling the truth!"

"I didn't want to go this far because it makes me out to be a nasty person, but…Prove it. If you're going to insist that you're telling the truth, then transform." That actually isn't that bad, pretty reasonable when you think about it Noire.

"Transform, eh?"

"Yeah, activate HDD. If you're a CPU, it shouldn't be a problem, right?"

"Oh, that thing! Yeah! You'd believe me for sure if I do that! Oh, Noire. You should've chirped that song sooner. It completely slipped my mind."

"She's gonna fail, isn't she?" Johnny whispered to me.

"Gloriously Johnny, Gloriously."

"Stop delaying and do it."

"Okay, okay. Don't rush me. Watch closely! Hyaaaaaaah!'

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…" Well, it looks like all five of us are feeling the same way towards her display.

"Huh? What-what-what!?"

"You don't wanna transform…?"

"Just as I expected."

"No, nope, no way! This isn't what's supposed to happen! W-Well, I'm kinda klutzy, so my cool transformation pose must've been wrong. One more time! Hah! Hiyah! Equip! Shine! FUSIOOOOON! Well what the heck!?"

"G1, you were right. Very, very right." Johnny was struggling to control himself. Thankfully no one picked up on it but me and Storm.

"I know."

"Yeah, all right, we get it. Just admit you lied and apologize. No need to keep being stubborn."

"Oh look, the pot's calling the kettle black."

"And what's that supposed to mean, Steven?"

"You're too stubborn to admit that she might _not_ be lying."

"Yeah! I'm not lying! Why are you so mean?! Why don't you transform then?!"

"I can't. I'm not a CPU."

"See! See, you can't, either! So don't act all snooty-patooty!" This banter between Neptune and Noire, while entertaining, is getting old quick.

"I never once said that I'm a CPU!"

"Okay, then how about you, Putie? Can you do the thing with the changing?"

"I was kind of hoping she would say 'the thing with the thing'" I said.

"Shut up, you idiot!" Me or Neptune?

"Oooh, sure. I can transform…"

"Really? You haven't shown me yet."

"Boo! Don't be a meanie…Fiiiine, I'll transform now…!"

"Crap! No, no. Let's…Let's not do that, okay?"

"Awww, why not…?"

"Yeah, why are you stopping her? Getting all panicky like that sets off my suspicious alarms."

"I have to agree with Neptune. What could this small girl do to get the big, bad Noire all scared like this?" Johnny added in a mocking fashion.

"Johnny, the fuck bro!?"

"What G1?"

"The snarky wit is my shtick."

"I can do it just as good, if not better, than you."

"Oh really?" Challenge accepted, bitch!

"Shut up! Don't say such reckless and stupid things!"

"Uh, why are you so frantic…?"

"NEVER talk Plutia into activating HDD. Do you understand?"

"I'd like to reiterate my question from earlier." Sorry Johnny, but it's gonna be just like last time you asked.

"O-Okay. My bad…I think…"

"Um, I don't really get it, but now I don't have to transform…?"

"Nope, no need to do that! W-We better start working!" She grabbed the closest Quest and dragged us out the door.

 **Alright. Super short chapter. Don't fret though, for a longer one shall come soon. Think of this like a tease of sorts.**


	7. Homecoming Part 3

Homecoming Part 3: Exposition, Presented with Commentary

"A hard day's work is at an end. Good job everyone."

"Hooray for working hard…!"

"I am not used to this, but hey, pocket money."

"I'm with G1 on this one."

"Same."

"The back of my mind is saying this isn't really CPU-worthy work. Doing odd jobs, increasing shares…" Neptune, stop complaining. It's not that bad.

"True, most ordinary citizens take on Quests to make a bit of money."

"Do you blame them though? Not bad pay for not too hard work. Seems like easy living to me."

"Johnny brings up a good point, doesn't he Storm?"

"Yeah, not a bad plan at all."

"I dunno how to do any kind of work except for this soooo…" Poor Plutie, we are gonna help you.

"Damn inner kindness bullshit…" I muttered.

"What was that?" Storm asked.

"Nothing."

"We're being ignored, aren't we?"

"Don't sweat it too much."

"That's okay. You're still new to this whole CPU thing."

"Hehehe. You're so nice to me…"

"SEE!"

"Johnny chill man."

"No! No I will not!"

*Chop* *Thud*

"What was that noise, Steven?"

"Johnny's body hitting the ground."

"Why…?"

"I knocked him out because he was starting to freak out."

"Oh…"

"Anyway…Plutia, you need to get more competent, otherwise your people are going to start doubting your ability."

"I take it back…You're being mean again…"

"Don't worry, we'll help you out Plutia."

"Thank you, Storm."

"Excuse me, ladies."

"What, Neptune?"

"Is a CPU…something you become? You're not just…born one?"

"What? Of course you're not. Ugh…I was supposed to become a CPU myself, but…You'll see. Someday, I'll become the CPU of my own nation, and this one won't even hold a candle to it!"

"Hooraaaay…! Go for it, Noire!"

"You should at least say that you won't lose to me, your greatest rival, or there's no competition."

"But she's cheering you on as a friend, not as a competitor." I say, trying to get in some actual conversation in with the three girls.

"I know that, but still…"

"Would you rather have a friend or a rival?"

"…friend…"

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked in a teasing manner.

"I said I'd rather have a friend!"

"That's what I thought."

"Awww, I like being your friend too!"

"Hey Plutia, we haven't seen her today."

"She had to go do some shopping…"

"Whoa, hey! Too much subject jumping!'

"I agree with Neptune."

"Of course you would Storm, you two have very similar personalities." Ouch. A little quick on the draw there, aren't 'cha Johnny. By the way, when did you wake up?

"I will admit that they could have had a better segway into that."

"Whatever G1."

"So, like you turn into a CPU? Isn't it bad if anybody can become one…?"

"It's not easy, so it's not a problem. Seriously, what's wrong with you? This is basic, common knowledge."

"To be fair, we're in the same boat as her. This is news to me." That's because you're lame and don't own a PlayStation console, Johnny.

"It's not MY common knowledge! Me, Nep Jr., and everyone else were born CPUs!"

"You were born that way? Woooow, that's so neat…" Activating shit-eating grin. Inserting mischievous feelings into eyes. This is going to be fun.

"Why are you smiling like that, Steven? It's a bit unsettling."

"G1, don't you dare…"

"No reason, and I don't know what you're talking about Johnny."

"You were going to start singing 'Born this Way'."

"No I wasn't. I was planning no such thing."

"The more you deny it, the guiltier you seem."

"Ah, whatever Noire."

"Back on topic, I told you to stop believing everything this girl says, Plutia."

"Man, this is so crazy. It's like I've literally fallen down to a different world."

"Hm, it's almost like there's three other people here who have not only experienced the same thing, but have also been _saying that all along!_ "

"G1, no need to be salty."

"No, this situation deserves at least a little salt, Storm."

"I'm curious, though. How do you become a CPU? Does something good come from it?"

"I can't believe you're this ignorant. I kind of pity you. Whatever. It's annoying, but I'll explain it to you."

"Could you learn us a thing while you're at it?" Hehehe, me and my ignoring of grammar.

"Fine."

"Yay! I'm not pumped about how you phrased it, but do go on!"

"First, you need a CPU Memory, which is found inside of a Memory Core."

"Oh, like a Class Change item! Kinda boring names, though. Are they rare drops?"

"Beyond rare. Legendary. Only a few Memory Cores exist, and they only produce CPU Memories once every couple of centuries."

"Centuries? Pretty balls for a respawn time. Only MMO shut-ins who camp for weeks can get it!" On an island, a blonde woman with blue eyes and noticeable…assets… sneezed.

"The interval is still randomized, so it's not like you can set a clock for the next one's arrival."

"Pretty small odds."

"Indeed."

"Johnny, what do you know about gambling and what not?"

"The basics."

"Anyway, if you really want one, I guess you could camp for it, like you said. But competition is kind of light."

"Aaaaand, there's a Memory Core near this place…"

"I see. So you were hanging out by the CPU Memory, Plutie? Man, I bet there was a swashbuckling fantasy melee to claim it!"

"That's a bit absurd, even by your standards." Storm deadpanned, and I couldn't agree with him more. Johnny looks like he wants to drown this craziness with the temporary relief known as alcohol.

"Nobody battles over it. I just said there aren't a lot of people looking for one."

"I stumbled upon mine when I went on a loooovely picnic…"

"Aw, it was that easy? I don't get it yet. Keep on with the explainings."

"Well, the weather was reeeally nice that day and I decided to open up my basket by the river…"

"Sounds like a nice time."

"Yes it does, Storm."

"Gotta agree with those two" I said.

"It was nice."

"That's good."

"Ooh, stop right there! Don't remind me of that day!" Holy hell in a hand basket, Noire's shaking like a leaf. "The sheer terror I felt the first time Plutia activated HDD…"

"Terror, you say?" Oh, Neptune, you shall learn soon enough.

"Ugh, forget it. Let's get back on topic. You need that item to turn into a CPU. Only people born with certain qualities are eligible, so if someone lacking those tries…"

"Yeah, yeah? If they try…?"

"From her tone of voice, something bad happens."

"Correct, Johnny. I mean, it's an old fairy tale, but I was told that they would turn into a hideous monster."

"That's bad."

"Indeed, ol' chap."

"G1, why'd you turn British on us?"

"Shits and giggles, mostly."

"Makes sense, knowing you."

"Sounds terrifying. What gives? It's rare to get the item, and even if someone does, they might be monsterfied instead? That's a pretty big risk! You had some brave guts to wanna be a CPU, Plutie!"

"Oh, I didn't really want to…I picked it up and thought it was my rice ball, soooo I ate it…"

"I said not to remind me!"

"Sounds like she played a game of Russian Roulette." Stated Johnny.

"It is risky," Noire continued, "but I think there's some merit to becoming a CPU. First of all, you can go and found your own nation."

"Huh? So the CPUs make the nation? Not t'other way around?"

"Sounds like mideval times." Storm said analytically.

"Oh, I know what you mean…Did the chicken or the egg hatch first, riiiight?"

"Yeah, kinda-sorta! But anyway, whichever is first, it all ends up the same, huh?"

"The first step to enlightenment is accepting the inevitability of things."

"Wow Stevie, that was surprisingly deep…"

"G1 just got all sage-y on us… dafuq?'

"I have my moments."

"Not to interrupt your philosophical musings, but I'm going to keep talking."

"You like the sound of your own voice, don't you?"

"Hey!"

"Johnny, be nice…"

"That WAS nice, Storm. I could have said something worse."

"I gotta agree with Johnny, Storm. I mean, she does talk a lot. But, I bet she has other impressive skills involving her mouth." Hehe, blowjob joke. I'm just going to let that little statement sink in…

"G1!" Storm shouted.

"You beautiful bastard…" Johnny praised.

"I try, but I think I broke them…" There they were, red faced and still as statues.

"Good job, asshole. Now we won't get an explanation."

"You were just singing high praises a moment ago. Plus out of the three of us, you are the only one who needs it, Johnny."

"Guys, let's stop so they can recover."

"Alright, Storm/Sure, Storm"

*Five minutes later*

Holy shit, that took longer than I thought.

"Noire, could you please resume your explanation?"

"Oh…uh…Sure, Johnny. So secondly, you gain divine powers. And with those powers, you protect and guide humanity. If you do a good job, people will have more faith in you, and that increases your powers further.

"See, that jives with what I know about CPUs."

"For the longest time, there was only one CPU in existence and ruled the only nation. It's still fine for those who believe in her, but many disagree with, and have no faith in, this CPU. Life outside of her nation's borders can be pretty hard to endure. That's why I want to become a CPU and give those people a new nation for them to believe in!"

"You've earned my respect." Johnny proclaimed proudly.

"Noble ambitions indeed."

"Well, if I went sage mode, Storm just went samurai mode."

"G1, that was a bit racist."

"Oh, fuck. Sorry, Storm."

"It's not a big deal, I know what you meant."

"Thanks you three…"

"No problem!" Well shit, the three of us spoke in unison. If it were two of us it would have made sense, but three?

"That's exactly the type of motivation Class President Noire would have." Way to ruin the moment, Neptune.

"You're sooo cool, Noire…"

"But then Plutia beat me to it! And she wasn't even trying to be a CPU!"

"Awww…I've already apologized for that one gajillion times."

"And you guys said I was salty…"

"Hmm, I see, I see. I think I get most of at least half of it. Thanks. But if that's how it is here, I don't need to be a CPU. Kind of frustrating that I can't change forms, but it isn't really that big a deal. Besides, if I become a CPU, it means that I'd hafta do more work. I'm tired of all the forced labor."

"I must hurry and become a CPU. It'd kill me if I turn into an old hag while Plutia stays young…"

"Aww, you'll be okay…You'd be a cute old lady, Noire…"

"That brings up a good question. G1, will you age, seeing as how you're a demon now?"

"Don't know, I guess it will depend on how much of me is demonic. I'll ask Dante, he should know more about this than I do. Hold on." Time to have a chat with the voice in my head.

'Hey, Dante! Get your lazy ass up! I need some answers!'

'I'm up, kid. What do you need?'

'I'm assuming you heard Johnny's question.'

'The whole aging thing, right?'

'Yeah.'

'You won't, or at least you shouldn't.'

'Really?'

'Whoever brought us here had some seriously long term plans for you three. Plus, the more demonic you are, the more traits you'll share with demons. That should explain the lifespan thing.'

'How much of me is demonic? I mean, you are half demon and you lived for a regular amount of time…'

'About ¾. Nero was about that much and he had that arm of his, so who's to say that they made it so you had a demon's lifespan.'

'Okay, that makes sense. Thanks.'

'No problem, now go get us some pizza.'

'Later.'

'Fine.'

'You sound like a child that's been told to eat his vegetables.'

'Whatever you say, kid.' And like that, I was kicked out of the conversation.

"So what's the verdict?"

"No aging, whoever brought us here had long term plans for us. Really long term."

"Oh, well then." Oh I should probably mention that I explained everything that I knew to Johnny and Storm involving our…predicament.

"Noire, Spinster Edition…Hahaha! I'd pay to see that! But seriously, I doubt you'd be cute. You'd probably wear floral muumuus and lecture 'kids these days'…Hey! Stop the presses!"

"What!? Don't shout!"

"Noire, you're getting older? I mean, why?"

"What do you mean, why? That's how the concept of time works. What do you think I am?"

"N-No, nut I mean, Plutie will always look like that."

*Bang Bang Bang*

"Stevie, why are you hitting your head against the wall…?"

"Just…Don't worry about it." I can hear just how done I am with this conversation in my voice. I'd like to put it in the 200% range.

"Okay…Neppy, I'm a CPU now, so I'm always going to look like this…"

"Uh-oh, hold up. So unless I become a CPU here, I'm gonna get old and stuff too, right?"

"…Yes, that is how the concept of time works."

"So it is safe to assume that you believe that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, Noire?"

"Yes, why?"

"G1, really?"

"I like making references! You two have known me long enough that you should know this! Anyway, if you look at time from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's actually a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey…stuff." The smile I get from making a Doctor Who reference falters when I look at all of the unamused faces. At least the two purple haired girls allowed me to speak my piece.

"Neppy, were you born way far away from books and language…?" Plutie continued from earlier.

"Nope, this won't do at all! I like being young and adorable! But letting myself become all sexy and busty wouldn't be too bad…Still, I get all that sexiness when I transform, and we'd only really need one old hag in the party."

"I like how we aren't even considered in these conversations."

"Johnny, there is a reason this chapter is called 'Exposition, Presented with Commentary'."

"Storm, fourth wall needs a break."

"G1, there hasn't been much breaking to begin with." As he says this, he looks at the sky, and Neptune appears to be doing the same.

"We're disappointed in you."

"Me?"

"No, the other you."

 **Me?**

"Yes."

 **Just get back to the story…**

"Enough you two. And Neptune, I have no idea what you're talking about. How am I supposed to respond to your insane ramblings?"

"That settles it! I'm gonna become a CPU! Again! For the approximate 240 million members of the Nep-Nep fan club, I vow to keep my current figure!"

"Ooooh, fun…You're going to become a CPU, too…?"

"If it were that easy, I'd already be one, y'know. You have no idea how hard I've been trying…"

"Oh, I bet it was quite hard." Johnny was giggling like a school girl at my joke.

"Ugh, have you no shame, Steven?"

"Shame?! Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome."

"You are unbearable!"

"You know you love me."

"…that's the problem…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"Anyway…If we find that memory thing, I call dibs. And then you can get one, Noire."

"Excuse me? Where do you get off deciding that?"

"I bet you would like to know exactly where she gets off, don't you?"

"Stop that!"

"Dude! Come on! Main characters always get priority!"

"Technically, G1 is the main character in this fic."

"In canon, I'm the main character, Storm. And Noire, even if you become a CPU, you won't be all that popular. Thus, Nep-Nep gets dibs."

"That statement is going to bite her in the ass, isn't it?" Johnny whispered to me.

"Oh yeah."

"Whatever! I know I'd be way more popular than you! I'm not giving my item to you!"

"Hehehe…I hope all of us get to become CPUs…"

We have a bit more work to do, then we can go back to the Basilicom. I just want today to be over. I plan on sleeping this off like a bad hangover.

"Let's go already!" Looks like I was being left behind in my musings.

"Coming!" And thus, the adventure continues.


	8. Now We Play the Waiting Game

Chapter 8: Now we Play the Waiting Game

"My feet are on fire! I can't walk anymore!"

"I'm pretty tired, too…"

"Dibs on couch!" I cry out as I flopped onto said piece of furniture.

"Dammit, G1!"

"You mad, bro?"

"Gosh, you are all pathetic. This isn't very hard."

"I can't make an argument for those two, but the three of us are NOT used to this, at all." Storm reasoned.

"Nuh-uh, it's soooo hard… You're too energetic, Noire…"

"I concur! I dunno about Plutie or Storm, but my lovely frame wasn't built for hard labor."

"Don't make such weird excuses! Plutia is the CPU, and you're just some random moocher! You're both in a position where you ought to be working ten times harder than I am!"

"Setting the bar pretty high, aren't 'cha, Noire?" Quipped Johnny.

"Yikes, that's harsh! You're so strict, Noire! Not even Histy has ever been that hard on me!"

"Only people who are pushed to work hard will become successful!"

"Hey, I've been wondering…Who's this Histy person you mention every now and then?"

"Yeah, I'm just as curious as Plutia." Johnny commented.

"I'm kind of curious too. Is she your history teacher…?" The tsundere added to the conversation.

"Heck no! She's more like a coach than a teacher, if that makes sense."

"Ooooh, you're so good with synonyms, Neppy…"

"It doesn't matter what term you use. We're asking who she is."

"Hmm, how do I explain it…?"

"Very carefully…"

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated, Stevie."

"Your point?"

"Anyway, Histy is the oracle for my nation. She floats on a book and is real smart, but kinda weird, too…She's always telling me to work. I dunno if she's what we'd call human, though…"

"Okay, enough. I think I got the gist of it."

"Has Detective Noire solved the case?" Nice one, Johnny.

"You do…? Wow Noire, you're so amazing…"

"I guess you don't get it, then? Behold, for I am wearing my shocked face."

"It's not that I understood you, but there's someone here very similar to who you described. She floats, is smart but a little bit odd, and yells at everyone to get to work."  
"Hmm? Ohhh, that's right…She sounds like Histoire!"

"I'm glad you finally understand…Wait! You said Histoire…?"

"Plutia! Plutia! Please open the door! (° ∀° )"

"Her timing couldn't be better." Noire stated.

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear." I say, once again trying to sound wise. The key word here is trying.

"That voice…! It's way more loli than the one I'm used to, but could it possibly be…?"

"Welcome home, Histoire."

"Phew…I finally made it back… (; ·∀·)"

"Holy floating gravy boats!"

"That's a sight I'd like to see."

"All I can think of is a floating gravy boat with a halo above it."

"So the three of us are on the same page?"

"Appears so."

"You three are idiots."

"You took soooo long…Where did you go?"

"I went shopping at the general store just outside the city. (~_~;)"

"That's an hour's walk, max." Yeah, I think it only took us 30 minutes. But that's for normal people Noire, not tiny balls of adorable with wings.

"Yes, but they had a deal on AA batteries, and when bought in bulk, become quite a heavy burden… (-_-;) Due to that, my return trip took me about three days. (-_-;)"

"Aww, don't push yourself when you're so itty-bitty."

"You're a weird one, Histoire." Now! Now I shall make my move.

"You're…You're so tiny…I would like to feed you a small cracker…"

"I would appreciate it if you did not treat me like a small pet. I also fail to see why my anecdote is amusing. Hmm? These are new faces. Who are they? (°_° )"

"This is Stevie…"

"Sup?" I said, adding a two finger salute to my intro.

"This is Johnny…"

"Yo." He said casually while hanging over the side of his chair.

"This is Storm…"

"Hello." Storm said politely.

"And this is Neppy. They are my neeeew friends…"

"Is that so? I have a strange feeling she and I have met somewhere before… (-.-) Oops, where are my manners? I am the one who guides the CPU of this nation, Histoire."

"Y-You're…You're Histy! A teeny-tiny bite-sized Histy!"

"Eep! W-What is the matter with you? Please refrain from embracing me without warning! Σ(°Д°lll)"

"So flippin' cute! It's a handheld Histy! Mini-Histy! Oh man…This is the best thing ever!"

*Snap Snap Snap*

"G1, are you taking pictures?"

"I'm sorry Storm, but this is just adorable."

"So Histy…is Histoire?"

"Looks that way. But she keeps calling her small for some reason." You will know soon, Noire.

"Oh, but Histy sounds so cute…I like that nickname…I'm gonna start calling her that, too…!"

"I am…having trouble breathing…Help me, you five…! (Д ;)"

"Nah, just gonna let this play out." Paraphrased Team Four Star reference, Johnny…Well done…sorta.

"Uh-oooooh, Histy is gonna get smuuuushed…"

"Yeah, we need to stop Neptune. Come on, let her go already."

*Line Break (Seeing as how I don't know how to make the line…)*

"What a frightening ordeal! You must not grab someone and squeeze them with all your might! °( ° ´ Д ` ° )°"

"Hehe, sorry about that. I couldn't help it, 'cus you're just so cute and tiny!"

"So basically, if you had a cute and furry pet or something, you'd end up accidentally killing it."

"And Noire hits the nail on the end!"

"Whoa, why are you two ganging up on me!?"

"Well, I got my pictures, so you are no longer required…"

"And I was telling the truth."

"I see how it is…Hey, can I take her home with me? If I set her next to Big Histy, it'd make for a really great postcard!"

"Is this what dealing with me is like?"

"This is exactly what it's like dealing with you, Storm."

"Oh."

"There's a Big Histy, too? Wowee…Can we trade for a bit…?"

"Please do not trade me like a toy! So…Neptune, was it? (´ ∇ ` )"

"Is she ignoring us?"

"Johnny, let this one play out."

"Why, G1?"

"Well, certain conversations need to stay consistent."

"Oh."

"Yep. I guess you don't know who I am either, huh, Mini-Histy?"  
"I do not. (=_=) Well, I do not believe so, but I feel a strange tug in my heart…"

"Really!? So maybe you do know me in your little heart of hearts!"

"No, no. It is not like that. May I hear your situation in as much detail as you can muster? (- -⋉)"

"Sure!"

*Break*

"I see. So where you are from, you are a CPU. Noire and I also exist there. (- -⋉)"

"We're in a somewhat similar situation. Before you ask, we aren't from the same place as Neptune, and we were nothing special. No powers or anything like that. Three normal guys that played games and went to school."

"What do you mean 'were'?"

"Things have changed since we got here, and now we can do the things."

"Okay…? (-_-;)"

"That's the truth. I thought Noire was pretending that she didn't recognize me at first. But this Noire's actually a clone, and you're all teeny-tiny now, so I dunno what to believe anymore!"

"I know I've mentioned it before, but stop calling me things like a clone and a phony."

"I see. If it is like that… (-_-) But could it be? No, I mustn't rule out the possibility…Hmm…"

*Puff, puff…fssshhhh…*

"Uh-ohhhh! You're smoking from the head again, Histy…!"

"Are you okay? You're not trying to process something beyong your capabilities, are you?"

"Huh, Mini-Histy has low specs? So they went with convenience over performance when they built her…?"

"Storm, grab a fan and open a window. G1, use Nix to cool her off."

"On it!"

"I am crunching some very large numbers, so please refrain from poking fun at me. (` ·ω· ´) The thought is appreciated though, boys."

"No problem,"

"So that means…Yes, yes. I believe that is the only logical conclusion. (-_-)"

"Which is!? Don't act satisfied on your own! Print it out or whatever you do!"

"It is merely conjecture, but… (-_-;) Neptune, it is possible that you have come here from a different dimension! (-_-)/~"

"H-Holy craporoni!"

*Sigh* Three collective sighs were heard. I'll let you guess who from.

"I need a drink. I've had enough of today."

"I thought you didn't drink, G1?"

"I don't…"

"Then where did that bottle of Jack come from?"

"What bottle of Jack?"

"The one in your hand."

"I-I-I…I don't know. I honestly don't know where this came from." I said, eyeing the bottle of alcohol in my hand,

"This is complete nonsense."

"No, no! We were all supposed to shout in disbelief at the same time. Didn't you get the memo?"

"You're preaching to the choir, Neptune."

"What do you mean?" She responds, and gets the attention of everyone in the room.

"Me, G1, and Storm have been going through this song and dance all day today, and we were ignored like we were insane people speaking gibberish."

"Granted, I did flub quite a few words while we were out and about doing Quests." I said, countering his argument.

"I'll never believe such an insane explanation. Histiore, this girl's just feeding us a giant crock, so you don't have to take her story seriously. And these three are crazy."

"That may be a little bit true for me and G1, but Johnny is sane as far as we know."

"It's no crock! I'm a CPU, and also this entire franchise's main character!"

"You know, I'm surprised the fourth wall doesn't go to therapy with all the abuse it deals with."

"Really, G1?"

"Yup!"

"Were they lying, it would be easy to expose them. But there are hints of reality in their words. (-.-;) Plus, it is the only way for me to explain the mysterious bond I have toward Neptune. (-^-)"

"Heyyyy, soooo… What's a different dime mention?"

"It's complicated…"

"How complicated?"

"Very."

"Oh…"

"Histoire, you're tired from that shopping trip. You might've blown a gasket or something."

"No, tell me how I can get back home! You've gotta know, Mini-Histy!"

"Please do not all speak to me at once! ((=⎺□⎺=;)) I must think… (°_° ) First we must verify that all of you are indeed from another dimension."

"And how are we supposed to do that? It's impossible."

"All things are possible! =*^-^*="

"What?"

"If another Histoire exists in Neptune's dimension, then I should be able to communicate with her. ~_~"

"What about you three? Do you have a Histoire?" We look at each other, silently agreeing on an answer.

"Nope!"

"Then how can you prove you are from a different dimension?"

"Gives us a moment." Johnny says, beckoning us towards him as he walks away. When the three of us are close, he asks, "How do we prove it?"

"Johnny, let us handle this."

"Okay…?"

"We're gonna show them the game, aren't we?" We had discovered earlier that any handheld electronics we had with us were brought here too.

"No other option, G1."

"I could Devil Trigger…"

"The game is better proof."

"You realize that they are going to go through an existential crises because of this."

"Not like we have a choice."

"Damn…I do not want to do this, but, okay." Me and Storm pull out our PSVitas. Johnny's eyes become saucers, probably due to realizing what we were talking about. Turning back to the females in the room, I say, "Now don't freak out, okay?"

"Fine, just try to prove your crazy story already."

"We warned you." So, from there, we showed them the beginning of Re;Birth 3, or at least to the point where they take Neptune to the Basilicom for the first time. To say most of our audience was shell-shocked, would be an understatement. Histoire is taking it like a champ, though.

"How are YOU so calm about this?"

"I've always known. =*^-^*="

"We should wait for them to recover."

*Five minutes and an impatient me armed with a bucket of ice water later*

"Now, are you going to accept what we were saying?" Storm asked, after everyone was recovered and dry.

"Yes, but could we please go back to what Histoire was saying?" Noire asked, still a bit shaken.

"Yeah, I mean, when did you download that app, Mini-Histy?!"

"So, can we talk to the big Histy…?"

"Please wait a moment while I attempt to establish a connection. (` ·ω· ´)"

"Okay! Thanks and stuff!"

"…(* ·ω· *)~~~~~~~"

"Ba-bum. Ba-bum."

"…(* ·ω· *)~~~~~~~"

"~Ring~ring~ring~ring~ring~ring~ring~Banana Phone~…~Ring~ring~ring~ring~ring~ring~ring~BANANA PHONE!~"

"Really, you two?"

"Really, Johnny."

"Ugh. Fine, do whatever you want."

"…(* ·ω· *)~~~~~~~"

"Want some?" I ask, holding up the bottle that had appeared out of thin air.

"Maybe later."

"Okay. Oh, by the way, I'd like that hug you owe me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, Neptune hugged Storm and Plutie hugged Johnny. Following the pattern, you should have hugged me."

"But you went to take a shower."

"Well, I thought that you would like it if you didn't need a shower too."

"Aww, look at you two…You're like an old married couple…"

"Yeah Plutie, they look cute together."

"You two just pulled the pin on the grenade, you know that?"

"We are not a couple!"

*Cricket noises*

"…Um, hey Mini-Histy, hello? No connection yet? This is taking longer than dial-up…"

"Please do not speak to me now! This is not something that can be done quickly. {{(_)}} Communicating with another dimension will take me, hmm…About three days. ( · A · )"

"That long!? How about we aim for three minutes?"

"Try harderrrr… We wanna communicate…!"

"Please do not request the impossible from me. (-_-;)" As soon as she says that, I grab some duct tape and put over Storm's mouth.

"Why did you tape his mouth?"

"He was going to make a Gurren Lagann reference. Normally, that would be okay, but seeing as how this is a dealing with interdimensional what-nots, it shouldn't really be said. And you two should be more patient. You don't want her to burn out, now do you?"

"No. No I wouldn't. My last chance at going home would be gone…"

"I would like to let everyone know that I will not be able to move or speak until I establish a link. (` · ω · ´) Therefore, I ask you do not cause mischief for a few days. Pardon me. (-_-)"

"No promises." Dammit Storm. I was gonna say that.

"Hey, wait…! I have more talking to do…"

"Searching for network…Establishing link…Searching for network… (* · ω · *)~~~"

"Well, junk in my trunk. She's like a frozen computer."

"Poke, poke…Wow, she doesn't move at aaaall…She's like one of my dolls…Hehehe. Maybe I'll put some different clothes on her…"

"Get me a black marker."

"Why, Stevie?"

"Well Plutie, Imma doodle on her face."

"Hehehe…Sounds like fun…I'll go get it…"

"Stop it. She said not to bother her for a few days, so let's leave her alone, okay? Once this fails, Histoire will know that Neptune is lying."

"You say this after everything that Me and G1 showed you?"

"That's how it is in your dimension and that game. That doesn't mean that is how things actually are."

"She does bring up a good point Storm." Johnny said.

"Well, if we're done here, I'm going home. Goodbye." Noire said after some time.

"See you later, Noire."

*Click*

"Now we play the waiting game, huh."

"Roll credits…"

 **Well, for those that visit this consistently, I have bad news. Due to how I write this, I will start posting every two weeks instead of every week. Gives me more time to think and pre-write the chapters. Until next time, then.**


	9. One Crazy Ass Night

Chapter 9: One Crazy Ass Night

 **I would just like you all to know that Johnny has earned all my hate with what he made me write in this chapter. So, to you Johnny, I give a hardy fuck you. Enough of my rambling, on with the show!**

"So, what are we gonna do now?"

"What else but play games and nap?!"

"I was actually referring to that second part. Me, Storm, and Johnny don't exactly have a place to stay…"

"You can stay with us…!"

"Is that really okay, Plutie?"

"Of course, Johnny…You guys are my friends…"

"Oooh, it'll be like a sleep over!"

"Yaaaaay! Sleep over!"

"Alright! Now we got to go get snacks and stuff!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Neptune. We still need to get basic things, like pajamas, seeing as how we don't have any."

"Okay, Johnny. Pajamas, then food." So we headed out the door after grabbing what we assumed would be enough money for everything. When we get to the store, we split up. The two girls go to the grocery section to get the food for the night. I swear, if Neptune doesn't get my chips and dip, I will make her demise slow and painful. We three guys head to the clothing section to get what we need. I got a black t-shirt and green sports shorts. Johnny got black pajama pants with red maple leaves and a white t-shirt. Storm got a blue shirt with matching pants, with the pants having a dragon motif on the right leg. After confirming that Neptune got the appropriate snacks, we went home. On our way, a kind of…debate…rose up. It all started with one question.

"Should we invite Noire?" This perfectly innocent, reasonable question from Plutie started off a chain reaction that descended to the point of angry gibberish. (I don't English well sometimes) After all that, it was decided that we _were_ going to invite her, and that _I_ was the one to go and get her. After maybe an hour of walking around, and deciphering the hieroglyphics that was Plutie's written directions, I found Noire's place.

*rap rap rap*

I hear a shuffling sound, then footsteps. Noire opens the door, looking drained and like she just got out of bed.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's fine. What do you want and how did you find out where I live?"

"Plutie sent me. She wants you to come to our little get together."

"Get together?"

"I refuse to call it 'Slumber Party'."

"So when is it?"

"Right about now."

"Oh, well, why should I go?"

"Please" I say, getting on my knees in a begging manner, "I need someone to keep me sane. I've never been exposed to Johnny and Storm for this long in one sitting. Add the other two to the mix, and I'll lose it."

"It can't be that bad…"

"You, like many others before you, are severely overestimating my tolerance for peope."

"*sigh* Alright. Fine. I'll go. Just, let me get my things."

"Okay." She goes back into her house and after a few minutes comes back with a small bag.

"I'm ready. Let's go."

"Alright. Hey, do you want me to carry your bag?"

"Um…Sure…?" I take the bag and place it in the pocket on the left-inside part of my coat. She looks absolutely befuddled

"Before you ask, I don't know how it works. Just that it does. I looked in there earlier for some gum, and found a shotgun."

"That still doesn't explain how something like that can exist!"

"Well, I'm the one who has it, and I can't explain why the hell it's a thing, so we should just leave it at that. Okay? Good. Now, why do you look like you ran an entire five-k at full speed?"

"Like I said before, I'm looking for a CPU Memory. It's grueling work, but it's worth it."

"You know, I'd be more than happy to lend a hand."

"I don't need help!"

"Yes! You! Do! Don't be stubborn!... *sigh* Look, this is how I see it. you go out looking for a CPU memory to the point that you are physically, and probably mentally, exhausted. Good leaders lead by example. Now what kind of example would you set if you keep up this work ethic? I'm not saying hard work is bad, but too much hard work is. Ya get me?"

"Yes, I get the point."

"Alright, now let's go in."

"We're here already?"

"I learned some time ago, that when I go on rants, no matter how long they really are, time seems to go by faster. It's weird." I open the door, and see that my night was going to be hell. Right smack dab in the middle of the floor was an empty bottle. Knowing certain people in our company, that means Truth or Dare, or Spin the Bottle. Fuck that noise.

"Nope." I turn on my heel, moving to leave, but it was too late.

"Where do you think you're going…?" Oh shit! Plutie sounds creepy as hell!"

"Nowhere! Nowhere at all!" Fuck! Fuck! Backpedal faster! Backpedal as fast as you can brain!

"Okay…!" Good, it worked. Crisis averted.

"Oh magic bottle of Jack, where are you when I actually want you to be here?"

"It's in your hand, G1"

"When did it get there?"

"About ten seconds after you walked into the room."

"Oh my God…It's like the TARDIS. It's here when it needs to be!" And in the instant after I was done, the bottle was empty.

'I'm gonna need more, aren't I?'

'Oh yeah. Healing facor is a gift AND a curse.'

'Dante, why must good things have strings attached?'

'Don't know kid. Just how it works sometimes.'

"Why did you drink the whole bottle?"

"Well Noire, I saw the bottle on the floor and decided that I was clearly too sober to handle the events that will probably occur tonight."

"It won't be that bad G1…"

"Johnny, that's bullshit and you know it!"

"I know… :("

"No! Not again, Johnny!"

"Yeah! Everyone's here! Let's party!" Looks like Neptune is our "host" for the night. Better make sure nothing bad happens.

"Storm, Johnny…Come here." They approached me, and we huddled up. "We need to discuss some rules. We all know that Neptune is planning something, and I'm having none of it."

"So what are we gonna do?" and like that, I let my inner insanity loose. There is no need for details, but I will say this. The Mad King shall rise, and this world shall come to know of Edgar…I come back from my musings to hear that they were done talking out the rules. Break!

"Alright, Neptune, we have a few rules that we would like to be instated."

"Okay, Johnny. What are they?"

"One," Storm started, "No guy shall kiss another guy."

"That's reasonable, go on…"

"The final one is that no articles of clothing shall be removed via dare or other similar means."

"No! Absolutely not!"

"You just want to see Storm without his shirt, don't you?"

"And I bet you want to see Noire in nothing but her panties, huh Stevie?"

"Touché, Neptune. Touché."

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Well Noire, that means that I would not mind seeing you in nothing but your underwear. You are an attractive girl after all." And not just physically, but I'll let that little tid-but stay in my head.

"Stupid pervert!" Oh wow, I just slammed the tsundere button now didn't I?

"Moving on!" Storm called out, sparing me from a night of pain and suffering, "Let's all have something to eat. We also managed to get our hands on a few movies."

"What movies?"

"The Avengers, Transformer: Age of Extinction, and all thirteen seasons of Red vs. Blue."

"How did you manage that?"

"I pirated them a few weeks ago."

"How dare you, Johnny! How dare you pirate RvB!"

"I got it to watch on car rides!"

"Your excuse doesn't matter! One does not simply steal RvB! They deserve the money for all of their hard work!"

"I know, but I'm poor…" Johnny whines.

"Before we talk about what movie we want to watch, let's get in our PJ's!"

"Sure, Neptune."  
"Jeez Storm. She has you wrapped around her finger."

"Johnny, down boy. Noire, here's your bag."

"Thanks."

"How did you…"

"Magic pockets, Storm."

"Seems legit." Johnny says as we walk to the bathroom and form a line. Me, the most inpatient of us (in my opinion), was last. I'm tapping my foot, crossing my arms. You know, that pose and what not that impatient dads have when waiting in a line at Wal-Mart. We all got changed and sat back down in the living room…thing…I'm not quite sure if it is actually is a living room. It's more like a lounge. Oh well. Noire is in a black nightgown, Plutie didn't even change, and Neptune was in a purple t-shirt and short-shorts.

"I'd actually like to strike down the movie idea."

"Why, Storm?"

"Well, I don't think you three are into sci-fi action movies, Neptune. Also, if we watch RvB, G1 will make us watch all thirteen seasons in one go."

"I would do that."

"So, what should we do then?"

"Karaoke?"

"Who are you, and what have you done to Steven?"

"Hey! I may be a bit crude at times, but I am a music man at heart."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I play tenor saxophone and steel drum pan. I was also told throughout highschool that I should've joined chorus."

"He's not lying about the sax part. He played Epic Sax Guy through the mic once just because he could."

"That was awesome and you know it, Storm!"

"Let's put it to a vote then. Raise your hand if you want to sing karaoke." Me, Neptune, Storm and…Noire? Okay…didn't expect that…Okay, so me, Neptune, Storm, and Noire raised our hands. Johnny looked completely against the idea, and Plutie had fallen asleep and was resting her head against Johnny's shoulder.

"Four against two. Karaoke it is!"

"Johnny, go first."

"Why?"

"It'll be like ripping off a Band-Aid."

"Ugh…Fine."

"So what'll it be!?"

"Calm down, Neptune. I'm going to sing a song called Little Things by One Direction."

"Boo!"

"You're just hating!"

"No, he just knows that they're bad."

"Both of you! I thought you were my friends…Whatever. I'm just gonna sing the damn song."

"I'll pull it up on my phone." I pull it up on YouTube and wait for when he's ready. When he gives the signal, I press play. As the lyrics kick in, he starts singing. Not bad, not bad at all. I mean's there's certainly better, but it was better than I expected.

"So who's next?"

"Why, you are, Storm."

"Neptune, why!?"

"I wanna hear you."

"Okay…I'm going to sing Kokoro by Toraboruta. It will be the English version." He sang his piece. It was a nice baritone, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was in a church choir.

"Now it's your turn, Neptune."

"Why can't Stevie go?"

"I want to go last. That and this way we can get some diversity so things don't get stale."

"Fine, I'll go." She starts singing without telling as anything about the song. I can't understand any of the words though. I think she's singing in Japanese. Whatever. Exceeds expectations.

"Alright! Your turn Noire!"

"I'll go when I'm ready, Neptune."

"Are you ready?"

"N-No! I practically just said I wasn't ready."

"Alright, here's what we'll do. We'll all turn around and close our eyes. It'll be like singing in the shower."

"Okay…But only if you turn around."

"Wow Johnny, I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said."

"Fuck off, G1."

"Enough. Let's let her sing." We all turn our backs so she could relax. Stage fright happens to the best of us. I'm going to pull my phone out though, because if the videos that Storm made me watch are anything close to what's about to happen, I want a recording. She starts, and I hit record. I regret nothing, because she sounds fantastic.

"You shouldn't be so self-conscious. That was great."

"Woohoo!"

"Nice job!"

"…zzz…"

"Wow, Noire! I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Shut up Neptune! Steven, it's your turn."

"What about Plutie?"

"One, she fell asleep…again…Two, she can't sing, at all."

"It can't be that bad…"

"Johnny, take the worst thing you have ever heard, and multiply it by cancer. That's what her singing is like."

"That's bad."

"So we have a torture method if we need it."

"…Why did you jump to that conclusion?"

"I like thinking ahead."

"G1, you really ARE a sociopath."

"Only sometimes."

"Can we please move on?"

"Sure. I think I'll sing Piano Man by Billy Joel."

"You botch this, and I'll hate you forever."

"You're a hateful person, aren't you, Johnny?"

"Whatever, get to it." So I sing, and put my all into it. That's only because if I don't, it sounds like crap. It also happens to be one of my favorite songs. I basked in the glory as I was applauded.

"That was really good, G1. I'm impressed."

"Johnny, I openly admitted to being a band nerd. You shouldn't be surprised."

"Alright, let's eat, then we'll play Truth or Dare!"

"Okay, give me a few minutes. Noire, where is a shovel?"

"Why do you need a shovel?"

"Reasons."

"I'm not going to get a straight answer, am i?"

"Nope."

"Fine, follow me." She lead me to a storage closet, and handed me a shovel "Here. Do whatever, I'm done."

"I'll be back in five."

*Five minutes later*

"Miss me?"

"You were gone…?"

"Done napping for a while?"

"Yeah…What were you doing?"

"Set up work for a dare."

"Here's your chips and dip."

"Yay!" Wavy chips and French onion dip. So we all sit down and enjoy the buffet of junk.

"Okay, since Stevie was so excited earlier, he can spin the bottle first."

"Okay." I sin the bottle and it lands on Johnny. "Johnny, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth." Fuck! Okay, plan B.

"If you had to kiss a guy, who would it be?"

"It'd be my gay friend from high school, Josh." He grabs the bottle and spins it. it lands on Noire,

"Noire, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you," He starts, as his face contorts into a wicked smile, "to kiss G1, full on the lips, and with tongue."

"WHAT!" She screamed as her face started to resemble the shade of a tomato. I'm fairly certain mine is the same.

"Ah, ah, ah~. No escaping this one, Noire. Thems the rules."

"Shut up, Neptune!"

"Awww, is Noire embarrassed that her first kiss is in front of us…?" Plutie is teaming up with Johnny. The trolling is real.

"L-Let's…Let's just get this over with…"

"Y-Yeah…Sure…" We slowly inch towards each other. I see Johnny pull out his phone, probably to get blackmail material. I can feel her breath on my face. Our lips meet, and she slides her tongue into my mouth before I can realize what was happening. I don't even know any words that describe what I'm feeling. Her lips are really soft, and she tastes like chocolate. That's probably due to the cheesecake she had. I can feel my mind going numb and my consciousness slipping. When I regain hold of the reigns, I'm in the black room I met Dante in.

'Hey kid. What's up?'

'Why am I here?'

'Well, you started kissing that girl. Your body took over and put your consciousness here so you don't break. You two have been sucking face for the last five minutes,'

'Well…That's a thing.'

'Yup.'

"G1! Noire! Stop! You need to breathe!"

'Dante, I should get back. Wanna lend a hand?'

'Sure.' I return to the real world as Storm grabs my shoulders. Neptune is grabbing Noire's, and the pull us apart.

"Dear God, you two were never gonna stop!"

"You!" Noire shouted, pointing at me, "This never happened!"

"I think he's broken."

"Why do you say that?"

"Stevie hasn't moved at all since you two were separated."

"Let's continue! Noire, Spin the bottle!" She spins the bottle and it lands on Storm.

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth." The numb feeling is going away, and I turn to see Noire struggling to find a question to ask. Leaning over, I whisper into her ear. I notice that she shivered a bit when I did. I'll have to remember that.

"Ask him about his harem problem."

"Alright. Storm, is it true that you had a problem involving a harem?"

"Yes, and you are not getting anything more about it." Storm answered quickly.

"From him, maybe. Me and G1 know all about it."

"Not tonight, Johnny. Too long of a story." So we continued for a while, and the bottle eventually returned to me. I spin the bottle and it lands on Storm. Time to put my plan into action.

"Storm. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."  
"I dare you to put Johnny in the hole dug outside."

"You want me to turn Johnny into Edgar?"

"Yes."

"G1, are you mad?"

"I'm not mad, but revenge is still nice. You should know that I hold grudges just to spite people." And with that, Storm picked up Johnny and brought him outside. When Storm came back, Plutie asks us about what just happened.

"Why does putting Johnny in a hole change his name…?"

"Yeah, and why Edgar?" Neptune chimed in.

"Look, you don't understand! Edgar is the one in the hole!" I say, authority and madness in my voice. *Cough Cough* "I think we should call it a night."

"I agree. I don't want to be up any longer." Noire said, sharing my discomfort and level of doneness.

"Aww, the lovebirds want to go to bed so they can cuddle."

"All of my hate, Neptune."

"Okay, Okay. Calm down Stevie. It is late, so bed time everybody"

"Yay!...zzz…" We all head to our spots, except Plutie who fell asleep on the couch. Neptune somehow found the time to move my stuff next to Noire's. I look over, giving her a dirty look, but she had her back to me and was already asleep. I sigh, lay down, and close my eyes. After what seems like a hour, I feel an arm wrap around me, then something soft press against my back. I peek over my shoulder to see Noire was cuddling me, just like Neptune predicted. My face heats up, and I try to force myself to sleep.

` "D-Don't think this means anything. This is just for earlier…"

"Alright…Would you mind if I rolled over?"

"N-No…" So I rolled over, and see her blushing. I wrap my arms around her waist, and she around my chest. I can feel a light smile on my face, and can see one on hers.

"Good night, Noire."

"Good night." She closes her eyes, and I follow her lead, ready to go to the land of dreams.

*One use of the sleep later*

I wake up to see Noire's face filling my vision. We pulled ourselves closer to each other in our sleep, and I can feel my forehead pressed against hers. I smell pancakes, and look at the clock to see if it was a reasonable time for the breakfast pastry. It read 9 o'clock. I don't want to wake her, she looks so peaceful. Eh, fuck it. Sleep is good, pancakes are better.

"Noire. Hey, Noire." I whisper-say to her as I shake her gently.

"Hmm…What is it?" She says groggily.

"Someone made pancakes, and it's 9 o'clock. We should get up."

"Five more minutes."

"Come on, lazy bones. You're acting like Neptune." Tease/Taunt successful. She's wide eyed and bushy tailed.

"Fine, let's go get breakfast." We get up and walk to the kitchen/dining room. Johnny is sitting at the table with a shit-eating grin.

"What's so entertaining, cum-guzzler?"

"G1, you are _not_ a morning person."

"Answer the fucking question, asshat."

"I took pictures this morning while you two were sleeping."

"Unamused Steven is unamused."

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning. Smells like victory."

"Of course Storm makes a Deadpool reference."

"He's not joking, Stevie. He made 372,844 pancakes."

"Neptune, be reasonable." Noire says as I look into the kitchen. I tug on her shoulder and signal her to look. What I saw was shocking. "You…You weren't kidding…" There were piles upon piles of pancakes.

"Storm, why?"

"I started making them for everyone and got carried away."

"Carried away is an understatement. Did you make bacon?"

"And sausage."

"Johnny must be happy."

"Nope, or at least, not as happy as you were. Real talk though, are you two gonna go out?"

"I'm all for it, but it's really up to Noire." We all turn to face the girl in question.

"I-I wouldn't mind…" Wait a second…since she said yes…

"Johnny, you are singlehandedly responsible for me getting my first girlfriend."

"So I am. I take cash and credit."

"I'm not paying you."

"Wait, if you never had a girlfriend, last night was your first kiss too."

"Yes it was Noire…Hey, do you know any good food joints around here?"

"Of course I do. Why?"

"Well I need to know a nice place to take you on our first date."

"L-Let's get something to eat! We have work to do!"

"You're gonna tease the shit out of her, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm serious about the date though."

"Guys, we have a problem!"

"What is it!?"

"There's a pig eating all of the bacon!"

"That's fucked up."

"I want pictures!"

"Of course you do, Steven. Neptune, get it away!"

"I'm trying! It keeps getting loose!"

"Johnny, Canadia Hammer."

"Canadia Ham-? Oh. I got'cha." After one maple syrup explosion, the pig was detained.

"Who's going to clean this up?" Everyone had a finger on their nose, except for Neptune. She was eating without us.

"So Neptune is cleaning this mess. I'm going for a walk."

"A normal walk or an Alucard walk?"

"Alucard walk, Storm."

"So we won't see you for a while, then."

"Yup." And out the door I went, looking forward to the day.


	10. Some Stuff Happens (Chap 10 Part 1)

Chapter 10: Some Stuff Happens and the Story Goes On

So it's been a few days since we were brought here. We've been doing work around the Basilicom. Me, Johnny and Storm have been doing grunt work (Quests), but it's not too bad. Johnny used his scroll that he got from the dragon and learned how to use the Gallick Gun. He uses it at every opportunity. I think he's been trying to mix the technique with his hammer, but I'm not sure. Storm learned that he can manipulate the fire that comes from his plasma grenades. I've been practicing with my DT, Nix and Lucifer. Dante said that the longer I hold Devil Trigger, I'll gain a higher endurance for it. Out of the two weapons, I've been working with Nix more. Scythes are a pain in the ass to learn to use. The three of us are on the couch, drinking some soda because we just got back from some Quests.

"That's it for today." Noire stated.

"Wow, with the six of us, work sure goes by fast…"

"Thaaaaanks…!"

"Naturally. When I'm around, the mightiest of mole hills are nothing but ant hills!"

"We're the ones who have worked, you just sat there." Storm's annoyed at Neptune. Hell is probably frozen solid right now.

"Yeah, you were in our way the whole time! Okay Steven, we'd better get going."

"Oh, me too…"

"No need. If you come along, it'll take even longer. Just wait here." I shake my head at Noire's attitude towards Plutie as we walk out the door.

"So, where to this time?"

"Zeca Ruins. It's a bit farther out than usual, but we are more likely to find something."

"Alright, lead the way." As we are walking, Noire sneezes. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Silence. We reach the ruins after about forty five minutes. After taking an initial look around, I hear footsteps. Tapping Noire's shoulder, I point to the entrance.

"I think someone's coming."

"Hey guys!"

"Oh, Space Christ, it's Neptune and company."

"No need to be an ass about it."

"You two are fine, Johnny, because I know you'll help. Those two's motives are questionable at best."

"I told you not to follow me!"

"But, but, but…Neppy ran off, so I thought I'd run off, too…Then Storm and Johnny followed us…"

"No way I'll let you become a CPU on your own. You're one gajillion years too young to pull a fast one on me!"

"I don't mind you coming along, but Plutia walks so slow and wanders down random paths…"

"I promise not to do that today…I'll walk suuuper fast…"

"You know, that's not necessarily a bad thing."

"What do you mean by that, Storm?"

"Well Noire, if she's trailing behind us, she might find something we overlooked. And if she goes down some random path, there might be a chance that an item of some kind could be there."

"Huh, never thought of it like that…"

"Ignoring my big speech, eh? If that's how it's gonna be, then I'll go on ahead of you!"

"OH, okay. Good luck."

"Be caaaaarefuuuul…"

"See ya!"

"Have fun."

"Don't die."

"Wow, thanks for the morbid thought, G1."

"What?! Do YOU want to deal with a sad Storm and Plutie?"

"Fair dues. Fair dues."

"H-Huh? You won't try to stop me? I'm the type of go-getter who really will go if I get going!"

"Do whatever you want. Assuming you know where to look."

"Uh…"

"Let's take our time. I mean, even if I wanted to do this in a hurry…"

"And you usually do do this in a hurry…" I quipped.

"…Plutia's here now, so…"

"Yaaay…! If we walk slow and talk a lot, it'll be like a date…!"

"I-Idiot. Don't say such misleading things!"

"Don't think I didn't see you looking at me when you said that, Noire."

"Shut up, Steven!"

"Nope." I say, popping the p.

"Why not?"

"I am the troll master, master of the troll."

"Internet goers tremble before him!" Johnny says while we mimic the whole "combat skirt" scene from RWBY.

"Um, hey, why don't us three girls stick together? It's pretty rude to try and get ahead of one another and steal their thunder. A-yup!"

"And what about us?"

"Oh, Johnny. Guys can't become CPUs, or do anything involving transforming." Oh dear God, I want to prove her wrong. Seeing the look on her face would be priceless.

"Of course the guilty party would want to cover her tracks."

"Awww, I'm really sorry! I was in the wrong, so please take me with you! Pleeeeease?"

"Weeeeeell, okay. Hehehe…Let's be best buddies again…!"

"Good grief. Ever since you four appeared, everything we try to do ends up so chaotic."

"Hey, at least it's not boring."

"Yeah, that is true." We start looking around, the girls taking the lead. An hour or so passed and _someone_ was getting impatient.

"Hey, are we there yet?"

"Relax. Just a little farther."

"Hmm? Hmm…Hmmmmm…"

"Huh. It's rare for me to see you thinking deeply about anything. What's wrong?"

"Um, well…Were there always so many monsters here?"

"Good observation. Their numbers have actually been increasing, especially since you became a CPU. The boys have been helping to keep them down, but still…"

"Oh…But if there are this many monsters around, we can't have a picnic…"

"We'd be fine. They're weak enough that I can handle them by myself."

"Except for that one time…"

"I thought we agreed to never speak of that!"

"What happened?"

"Fan service."

"All the eye candy?"

"All the eye candy."

"S-Shut up!"

"But if we run all over and get into fights, our lunches would get smushed…"

"And you make good lunches. It would be a shame." Johnny brown-noses.

"So are we there now? How about now? ...Now?"

"You're so irritating. I said it's a bit farther, didn't I? Look. You can see it from here."

"Oh, so that's the goal line! Time to activate my turbo mode! Gotta loot the loot before Noire!"

"Hey, stop!"

"Ehehehe. Neppy made a silly joke…"

"I'd hardly call it a joke! Hey, I'm first! Stop right there!" And off they go.

"We better catch up."

"G1, Johnny, let's go." We catch up after a few minutes.

"Hah! What kinda idiot would I be if I stopped because you asked!? …Gahhhh!"

"Oomph!"

*Crash*

"Ouch! Come on, don't ram into me like that!"

"Steven, don't even think about it!"

"Killjoy." I mutter.

"Neptune, you're the one who ran full tilt and then stopped mid-stride! What happened?!"

"Take a gander o'er yonder. People, there be!"

"Really? Who'd come all the way out here besides us…?"

"People with the same goal as us, perhaps?"

"True that, Storm." I can see on old-ish looking lady in a revealing gothic outfit talking to a rat. Weird.

"A mouse and an old lady comedy team? Huh. I feel like I've seen that little rat-thing before."

"You know them?"

"I…think so? My memory is more fuzzy than that rodent. I get the same brain-tingle from the old lady, too. Like she's been slapped on my hearet's Akashic record."

"So do you know them, or not? Wait, they're holding the…!"

"*Huff, huff* Stop leaving me behind…"

"Yeah, no need to take off like that." Storm adds to the list of complaints.

"Hmm? Ooh, is that a rat? It's so adorable…!"

"Grr! I won't let them have it!"

"Huh? Noire, what's up? Hey, wait!"

"Mister Raaaat! Squeaky, squeaky!"

"Storm, Johnny, go with Neptune and Noire. I'll go with Plutie."

"Okay/Sure." We run after our respective groups. After I run for a while, I hear Plutie.

"Please waaaaait, Mister Rat…!"

"Who's there?!"

"Oh, hey Stevie…I finally caught up with Mister Rat…He's even cuter up close…!"

"Me? Cute…?"

"Yeeeeep. Cute and cuddly…"

"Yeah, kinda like a stuffed animal you would give to a five year old."

"Hehehe. You got good eyes. However, I am not a rat. You may call me…Warechu!"

` "Wah-ray-chu? Ewww…That's not very cute…"

"Wh-What'd you say!?"

"Anyway, Mister Rat…Ummmmm…"

"I said Warechu! Why're you staring at me?"

"I was looking for your outfit's zipper…Is it on your back…?"

Re holding

"Yeah! This ain't no outfit, and there ain't no zipper! I'm the real deal! Ain't nobody in my skin but me!"

"Oh, really? Hmmmmmm…That might be a problem…"

"Why…is that a problem?"

"Um, becaaaaause…A stuffed animal rat is cute, but real rats are icky…"

"Don't forget most are usually carrying all kinds of diseases."

"I-Icky!? I'll have you know that among my peers, I bathe about three times as often! And I have all my shots! Wait, why am I even arguing with this ditzy broad and red coated know-it-all/ I'm a busy individual, so I gotta scram, chu?"

"But real rats dig through trash and play in the poopy sewer…Ewwwwwww…You're sooooo gross…!"

"Hey, enough's enough, chu! Knock it off, wouldja?"

"And I bet you even…! Huuuuh? Wait up, Mister Rat…!" Warechu leaves, and we give chase.

"Why're you so persistent?! How many times do I gotta say that I'm busy, chu?!"

"Um, ummmm, well…! Those things you're holding…What are they called again…? They're, uh…those things, right? You know, the things Noire and Neppy really, really want…?"

"Like hell I'd know, chu."

"CPU Memories."

"Whatever. Those two broads you mentioned. They're the ones you left back there with the two weird guys?"

"I dunnooo, maybe…They really want those things, so gimme, please…"

"Don't be a fool. You really think I can hand these over just like that?"

"Aww, don't be a meanie…" I slowly reach for Infamy, ready to turn the rodent into Swiss cheese.

"Besides, those guys are probably dead as doornails right about now."

"Huhuh?" Time to reach for the other gun now. He better not be bullshitting us.

"That old hag doesn't know how to dial it back. I bet they're beaten to a pulp by now…I'm sorry they got caught up in her menopausal nonsense, but hey."

"…What does that mean? Are you saying something had happened to my friends…?"

"I didn't do it, chu. Just chalk it up to bad luck and head on home."

"You know, if something happened to them, I might get angryyyy…Noire said not to, buuuut…"

"The psycho's talking to herself now…Ugh. My patience is at its limit!"

"You're not the one bumming it on her couch."

"That's rough."

"You have no idea."

"It's okay to get mad at times like this, riiiight? We gotta get back to them…Okaaaay, I gotta get them out of trouble…!" Light fills the area.

"Yipes! That's bright! Wh-What's the deal, chu?!"

"You're screwed." I say, taking a step away from the unfortunate soul.

"Hmhmhmhmm. Such impertinence from a tiny rodent…" Said a deeper, more sultry voice.

"Wh-Who are you? Wh-Where'd that airhead go!?"

"Rats like you are disgusting little bottom-feeders whose only skill is wallowing in others' filth."

"Did she transform…? No way…She…She can't be a CPU, can she!?"

"A CPU? Who gave you permission to label me as such?"

"Holy crap! This is bad, chu! My rat senses are screaming at me to defend myself…! B-But my body…is totally paralyzed. I'm screwed, chu." Looks like it's my turn to "transform". I activate my Devil Trigger, and feel the familiar rush of power.

" **I told you.** "

"What in the world are you, chu!"

"So you can transform as well? Interesting…You will call me Her Ladyship, scum!"

"N-N-Noooooooo!"

" **Hahaha…This'll be fun!** " We head to save our friends after we have our…fun…with the rat.

 **End of part 1. Had to split it up. This is a long ass chapter. I'll put the rest up within the week, when I don't have to worry about classes. Please bear with me.**


	11. And the Story Goes On (Chap 10 Part 2)

Chapter 10-2 (11) And the Story Goes On

*Parry!*

"Hmm!? Who dares to get in my way!?"

"My, my…To be both disgraceful and lovely at the same time…Pretty young things getting laid out by an ugly tramp is a rare sight."

" **Hopefully it's a sight that we will never have to see again.** "

"Who the hell are you two!?"

"Egadzooks! More villains! Wait, is she a dominatrix…? And what's up with the monster with her? An angry old hag, a dominatrix, and a monster that can talk…Yeah, we're pretty screwed. This is an unwinnable situation."

"Wh-Wh-Why did you transform, Plutia!?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about her. Where'd she go? Did she run away? It's cool, I understand if she did. Live happily for us, our dear friend…Er, what? Transformed, you say?! Wait, that means…Nuh-uh! What? That!? That person is Plutie!?"

"Yeah, and next to her is G1 in his DT."

"Noire, is that how you ought to greet me? I transformed just so I could save the four of you…"

" **And I feel so loved being called a simple monster. I'm much more than that…A demon…** "

"G1, get off your high horse."

"I refuse to believe that that is Steven."

"Poor little Noire. You have such high hopes, but such little strength to crush anything in your way."

"Ugh…You don't have to go that far…"

" **Where's Johnny?** "

"He got a good look at Plutie and smashed into a wall propelled by a nose bleed."

" **Is that even physically possible?** "

"Mmm, how cute. Crying such frustrated little tears makes you look like a true adult. That's why you mustn't make that face anymore. If you do, I doubt I can control my urge to torment you. Or maybe…that's what you want?"

"Get real! Ugh…I really hate this form of hers…I told her not to transform so many times…"

"This sadist is Plutie? The spaced-out, gullible Plutie? Sadie is more like it…! And what happened to the nice and friendly Stevie? It's like he's radiating evil. I don't believe it…I mean, I know me and the other CPUs have personality shifts, but…This is way over the top! Nobody should have mood swings this ginormous!"

"You…Are you Planeptune's CPU?"

"Bingo. I am CPU Iris Heart; the ruler of Planeptune. Even an idiot like you can tell, huh?"

"You sure know how to talk big. As for that thing you're dragging behind you…"

"Is it your little rat friend? Yes."

"I see. The dumb rat didn't even stand a chance against you two…However…If you think such a minor victory will make me flinch, you will not live to regret it."

" **Ooooh, I'm soooo scared. What are you gonna do, knit us sweaters until we die?** "

"Apply cold water to that burn."

"Storm, we can always rely on you to be a wingman to our jokes."

"When did you wake up?"

"Like a bitch in heat…Why are you so greedy about taking another's life away? You showed me a lovely sight, so I'll reward you in knind. But before that…You two. Do you see what I have?"

"Those are…!"

"Oh! The CPU Mammories or whatever!"

" **And you two; Imma learn you a thing.** "

"Hmph. Stole them back by force? What a barbaric CPU."

"You wound me. These are the payment owed for the special services rendered for the filthy rat. We need to have an important discussion, so would you kindly shut up for a few lines? You two want these, right?"

" **Storm, knock Johnny out.** "

"Why?"

" **All the kink.** "

"Right. That is a thing." And he proceeds to knock him out before Johnny could get a word in otherwise.

"Of course we do!"

"Yeah, yeah! Gimme!"

"I see. So you do. If you want something, you know that there's a certain attitude you must adopt to get it. if you want me to give these to you, what will you give me in exchange?"

"Ugh…Steven, can't you stop her?"

" **I can…but I won't.** "

"Why?"

" **I enjoy adventures in sadism every once in a while.** "

"Oh Stevie, we will have so much fun together…Just like we did with Mister Rat…"

"Those two acting like that scares me." You should be scared. Very scared.

"H-Huh? What would you want from us, Sadie? Uh-oh! Is it my sexy bod?! No! That's always off-limits. But I guess, if it's you…Uh, it's embarrassing, but…"

"I-Idiot.! When Plutia's in this form, she takes everything literally! Jokes are ineffective!"

"Your body, hmm? Hahahahaha! Not half bad, little one!"

"Brrrrr! The shiver in my spine is going up and down like a cat on catnip! Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. S-So, uh, Sadie…Actually…"

"You wouldn't dare retract such a delectable offer now, would you?"

"U-Um, well, that is to say…Buh-Buh-Buh-Be gentle, okay…?"

"Ooh, my silken touch will be anything but painful. I'll look forward to closing this deal…But first, Noire…You heard Neppy's offer, so…Will you not give me something even greater in value to you…?"

"S-Something greater than my body?! Are you nuts? What else could I possibly give?! Grrr! You've raised the bar to a really stupidly high spot, Neptune!"

"Shame on me, I know…I didn't think she'd take me seriously…What's she gonna do to me…?"

"I see. So Noire doesn't want her precious item, after all…Too bad, so sad. Not like I need to keep it, then. I suppose I'll just throw it away."

"N-No! You're kidding, right? If you're just gonna chuck it, give it to me instead!"

"But I thought you'd be happy to give yourself to me for this thing. I figured you would be delighted. I wonder how long it will take for you to find another one…All by yourself…"

"Steven will help me…"

"No he won't. I won't let him."

"G-Grrr…"

"Noire, bunch up your pride like worn undies and toss it away! It's not so bad, is it? Even if you get groped a bit, or other unmentionable stuff, you're tough enough to get over it! Plus you'll be doing the same things with Stevie at some point, anyway."

"S-Shut up! That sounds terrible! Now's not the time for that!"

"But you do have a point…If I discard this and someone boring finds it, that would be bad. Maybe it's best to destroy it. I'll smash it on the ground and grind it to dust with my heel."

"W-Wait! Okay, just…just wait!"

"Oh? Did you say something that isn't what I want to hear again?"

"Ugh…Fine…Y-You…can ask me…"

"What? I can't hear you…"

"I'll do any ONE thing you ask of me, s-so…please!"

"Kinky."

" **When did he wake up?!** "

"No idea."

"Hmhmhmm…Hahahaha! Beautiful! What an attractive proposal!" Do not think dirty, just this once. 'Dammit!' Images of Plutie and Noire doing the dirty pop into my mind.

"Whoa. That's extreme, Noire!"

"Urrrgh…"

"I think G1's not so innocent mind has been broken by the implications."

" **Oh look, the pot's calling the kettle black.** "

"Johnny…"

"Okay, Storm. I'll let it go…for now…"

"You've both done so well today. Here is your reward for keeping me entertained."

"Thanks! Well, I mean, my head is knocking around some pretty complex emotions right now, but hey…"

"With this…Finally, I can…"

"I'm sorry for all the foreplay. You're such a good villain to have waited for us in silence."

"Tch. I just didn't want to get involved in that ridiculous farce. Besides, aren't those two your friends? Are you sure you want them to go through with this?"

"They are mine, yes. What's the problem?"

"Those with the ability to become a CPU are one in a thousand. No…One in a million. You must know what will happen if someone lacking the proper qualities tries to use one of those."

"Ugh…"

"They would take on a most hideous form, correct? If it happens, oh well."

"CPU of Planeptune…You are a cold woman."

"Don't misunderstand. Whether they become CPUs or hideous monsters…I will give them the same amount of my…affections."

"If…If I don't have what it takes to become a CPU…I'll turn into a monster…"

" **I have faith in you. Both of you.** "

"Okay, whatever! Neptune's gonna go first!"

"Huh? W-Wait! Aren't you having any second thoughts or misgivings!?"

"Nope! I'm gonna go first, Noire!"

"I said to wait! I have to become a CPU before you!"

"Johnny, I'm surprised you aren't complaining about being ignored."

"I'm enjoying the show." He responds, munching on popcorn. Gonna ignore that, considering.

"Huh!? The items are reacting! Impossible…!"

"Hmhmhmm. As expected of my sweet little darlings." When the light from their transformations fade, both are clad in one-piece swimsuit like armor, thigh-high stocking-things, and other CPU armor stuff.

"Ahh. It's been too long since I've taken this form. Although, I seem to look a tiny bit different here…"

"I did it…I've become a CPU…Hahaha! Of course I did! There's no way I wouldn't! Man, what an amazing feeling!"

"Mmm. You're both lovely."

"I don't believe this…Is this even statistically possible?"

"Why bother with statistics when reality has already given you the answer?"

"Now then…You took us to the cleaners before, but now it's time to return the favor!"

"Hahaha! What a predicament for you, having to take on all of us. Your body just might break!"

"Don't act so confident…These CPUs are the same as freshly hatched chicks…Rather, this is preferable. I'll destroy you all before you can amass any more power!"

" **Could you give us a moment once more? Good. Johnny, Storm, come here. Let me act like Guru and unleash your hidden potential.** "

"I need an adult…"

" **I AM AN ADULT!** " I yell as I place a palm on each of their foreheads. The two start glowing, and light consumed them. When it died down, Johnny's short hair was standing on end and turned a fierce red. The color of his eyes had also turned red. (Super Saiyan God because he made me. Don't chew my head off.) Storm's eye color turned gold. He had angelic looking wings made of fire, and was covered in a flame-like light. (Think of a Sunsinger's Radiance from Destiny.)

"Oh, you are fucked now!"

"So this is what you were talking about before, G1."

" **Yup. Now you may proceed with your villain bullshit.** "

"Before I was interrupted, I forgot to mention…"

"What is it? I hardly expect you to beg for mercy now!"

"No, no. I was going to say how upset it made me that you tormented these four without my permission. So…Don't you dare think I will show you any leniency!" She lunged at the woman, I never got her name, blade-whip in hand. I'm glad I've been training with Dante. I can't use Lucifer like this, and a scythe is more difficult to wield than floating, throw-able blades. We follow Plutie's lead, charging our foe. I hit her with a few slashes, before launching her skywards. Johnny hit her will she was air-born, and slammed her into the ground. Storm and Neptune slash her at the same time, forming an X. Noire lets loose a barrage of slashes and kicks, knocking her towards Plutie. She proceeds to knock away the old woman's spear, embedding it into the wall, then stopping on the woman with her heel repeatedly. From the looks of it, she knows she's been defeated. My DT runs out, and she takes the opportunity to blast me with what I assume was magic. Next thing I know, I'm impaled on the spear. I think I'm gonna take a power nap. When I come to, I hear the sounds of the pain of others.

"Gaaaaah!"

"Hahaha, an easy win! Amazing…So this is the power of a CPU!"

"I'm far from top condition, but an enemy of her caliber is a nonissue."

"The climax, already? You were more of a lightweight than you lead me to believe."

'How long was I out?'

"Five seconds. Ten tops.'

'So not long enough for me to make a joke, but long enough for them to think I'm dead.'

'Pretty much.'

'Now we wait for on opportunity.'

'Surprise entrance?'

'Expecting anything less?'

'Good point.'

"You accursed sextuple teaming fools…! Do you find it heroic to battle an enemy six against one?! Plus, I killed your one friend."

"And you will pay dearly for that!"

"Did you guys even check for a pulse before saying I'm dead." I say as they all turn towards me. "I mean come on! This stopped hurting after the initial puncture." I separate myself from the wall, spear still in my chest.

"Steven!"

"Noire, I'm glad that I'm alive too, but could you give me a moment?"

"Why?"

"I'm going to take care of this spear." And like that, my blood is spilt onto the ground once more as I forcefully rip the spear from my torso. Everyone looks shocked. "What…Healing factor…"

"So much for destroying us all right here."

"If you haven't sampled enough of our services menu, I can always offer you some one-on-one service…"

"As much as I don't want to steal your thunder, I believe I deserve the honor seeing how she impaled me through the heart."

"Grrr! I won't forget this!" She said as she ran off.

"Ahahaha! That's so lame! What a third-rate parting line!"

"Was it wise to let her escape? We could have captured her and pumped her for more information."

"It's fine. Tormenting someone like her isn't fun at all. Besides, interrogations are boring as sin and we had more pressing concerns, like Stevie's health."

"I'm good."

"That's good."

"If you say so. I'm honestly surprised, Plutie. I never would have thought your HDD form would be quite like…this…"

"Care to clarify that statement? Form the words with that pretty mouth of yours…"

"I see why Noire did everything in her power to keep you from transforming."

"Same. I was not prepared for this." Johnny agreed.

"Ugh! I told you time and time again not to transform! When we change back, you're getting scolded!"

"How cowardly of you to wait until I'm just a weak little girl. Why not scold me in these forms?"  
"Fine, if that's how you want it! I'm a CPU now too, so even against you, I should be able to-!"

"Don't, Noire. If Plutie hadn't transformed and come to our aid along with Stevie, we would not be in one piece. Thank you. You saved us."

"No problem. Anytime."

"Aww, don't mention it. Besides…"

"Besides…?"

"Hmhmhmm. I do so adore the small, jiggly-puffy Neppy, but this new form is quite lovely, too. Oh, I can't decide which of your bodies to take…"

"I'd personally go for this Neptune."

"Johnny, you're not helping."

"I'm helping Plutia, Storm"

*Audible Face Palm*

"Huh? Um, that deal…We were just…"

"Plutia! Enough with that joke!"

"I can guarantee you, it's not a joke." I say all sinister-like.

"Are you serious, G1?"

"As serious as you all thought my stab wounds were, Johnny."

"Noire, you said you would do any one thing I asked, right? Hmm, what kind of demand should I make? There are so many things I want you to do, but I can't decide!"

"H-Huh!? What're you talking about? I said that in the heat of the moment! If you take it seriously, I…"

"Would it behoove a new CPU to say something like 'I was lying'?"

"Ugh…"

"Lead by example, Noire."

"Shut up Steven! I know that."

"In any event, it's uncouth to get started here. Let's go back to the Basilicom where we can take our time. And don't worry boys. You will be partaking as well."

"W-Why?" Johnny asked timidly. Ha! I knew it. He was talking all that good shit about being able to handle Plutie earlier! Now look at him! Pussin' out like a bitch!

"I don't want you to feel left out. Now, you all best prepare yourself…Hmhmhmhmhmm…!"

"What should we do?"

"Well running isn't an option, except for G1."

"Sorry. Got no mojo. I'm outta juice for a while."

"And if we break our promises, I fear something even worse will happen. Let's mentally prepare ourselves."

"Done!"

"Are we about to witness Johnny's departure from the masochist closet?"

"No, I just finally got over my initial shock. Sooo…Go to Hell!"

"What do you mean, Storm?"

"Well Neptune, Johnny puts up will so much verbal harassment from us, we've started to think he likes it."

"Go! To! Hell!"

"Well I know I will. I've got a kingdom to run." I respond with the best counter ever.

"…Well played, G1…Well played…" Johnny clapped as he approved of my quip.

"Well, if we are done here, let's get going…" No answer was needed as Plutie "takes" us home.

*One dread filled trip later*

"Are you reeeeeady, Neppy?"

"Ack! Th-The time has come, huh? It's going to happen…Pluite, take me away…"

"Here I coooome, Neppy…! You sure look adorable right now…"

"Y-You don't look with your hands, my good buddy! It's embarrassing! Be gentle and don't pinch me, okay?"

"Okaaaay…I promise…Wowee, you've got such pretty and smooth skin…!"

"Well lather, rinse and repeat my expectations, Plutie! You're like a washing pro! Scrub me down real good and I'll add my soul to our deal! Ooh!"

"What kind of creepy atmosphere are you two trying to create?!"

"Huuuh? What did I say that was so weird…?"

"Aww, don't butt in, Noire! This is what people want to see, I guess, so let the imaginating commence!"

"You make it sound like a battle or something! It's so embarrassing to listen to you two back here…"

"You think you're embarrassed? Imagine how we feel."

"Yeah! This is super uncomfortable!" We are in a large bath. We three guys have our backs turned to the girls, with nothing but a towel around each of our waists. "Whose idea was it to have guys join girls in the bath, anyways!?"

"You're all embarrassed, huh? What kind of scenarios were coming to your soapy clean minds?"

"Wh-What? It's not like I-" Noire stuttered out panickedly.

"C'mon, c'mon. Don't be shy. Tell your good pal Nep-Nep. Well? Does it involve Stevie?"

"I dare not utter a word, for risk of death."

"What Johnny said."

"I, for once, have no way to respond." I say, caught off guard by Neptune.

"Wh-Why you! If you don't knock it off, I'm going to smack you!"

"Owwwwwwy…Noire, you're getting worked up and scrubbing my back too hard…"

"What!? O-Oh. Sorry."

"Booooo…You better do it right, because you promised to scrub me sparkling clean…"

"I said I'm sorry. Honestly, I should be happy that this is all you asked of us."

"Yeah, as awkward as this is, it's nice to just sit in the steam and relax."

"Is that why we had no hot water yesterday morning…?"

"Yes Plutie, yes it is. Forty minute showers are nice."

"Noire, you're right though. Plutie's eyes were like a slobbering wolf or whatever back there. I really thought she was gonna get all up under my duds and stuff…"

"I don't even want to think about what she would do to us…" Storm said with a shiver.

"Aww, I wouldn't do anything bad like thaaaat…Okay, Neppy, do the wave! Lift up your arms…!"

"Huh? Oh, okay. Whee!"

"Yaaaaay, armpit scrubbing time…! Scrubby, scrubby, scrub…"

"Pfffft! Gahahaha, that tickles!"

"Stop flailing like a caged animal! Let's try to have a normal bath!"

"Ah…haha…Now my sides hurt. I'm good, Plutie. Now how about we give our patient guests their reward?"

"Ooh, that sounds like fuuuun…Come on, Noire…"

"Um, no thanks. I don't need this to get any weirder."

"Aw, c'mon. You can wash Stevie's back."

"You need to come up with something new. That is getting a bit stale, isn't it?"

"Don't be like that, Stevie. You're my win button when dealing with Noire. Either way, here I come, Storm!"

"Wheeeeee!" Plutie cheers, probably going for Johnny.

"Noire, I do have a favor to ask."

"What is it?"

"Well, I can feel this knot in the middle of my back, and I was wondering if you could help me out." I ask, ignoring the indignant yells and calls for help coming from my friends.

"F-Fine! But only because I owe you for earlier!" I can hear her walk towards me after a moment of what I assume is hesitation. She places her hands on my shoulders. She starts massaging my shoulders and neck, then working her way down. I didn't ask for a full back massage, but I am not complaining. I haven't ever felt this relaxed.

"Noire, you have magic hands, you know that? I'm gonna have a hard time returning this favor."

"Ack! Neptune! Why did you grab me?!"

"So much for relaxing, huh G1?"

"I guess s- Ow! Noire!"

"Sorry!"

"Neptune…"

"What!? She's being all boring…"

"That's not an excuse to grab her ass though. Besides, it's mine, and only I can touch it." I say like it's common knowledge.

"Now you're harassing me!?"

"I did say that I was going to tease you."

"Ugh…Whatever…We're done in here, right?"

"I believe so. Thank you, Noire. I feel great."

"Don't mention it. Seriously. Don't." We all get dried off and changed, in private of course. We do know what common decency is (or at least, most of us do *coughJohnnycough*). I meet the others in the main room when I'm done.

"That was pretty much a blast. Taking a group bath is a good time!"

"Uh-huuuuuh…! Let's do it tomorrow, too…"

"Ugh…There's no way I'll ever get in the bath with you two again."

"I'm in the same boat as Noire. You forced us to violate the bro-code. Not okay." Johnny lamented.

"Neptune! Neptune! (; ºД°)"

"Do my mini-ears hear Mini-Histy?"

"Huh…? I thought she froze…"

"She said she wouldn't be able to move or speak until she connected with the other…N-No way!"

"Believe it, Noire. Histoire done did it." Storm announced.

"I did it! A connection with the other dimension has been established! Please hurry over here! (; ºД°)"

"Y-Yeah! Here I come, ready or not!" Neptune rushes to the small fairy with us on her tail. "You've been connected, right, Mini-Histy? Where is she? Where's my Histy?"

"Please calm down. I'm bringing up the video feed. (·.·)"

"Whoa, it's Histy! Hey!"

"That's your Histy…? It's hard to tell if she's big or not from the video…"

"I can't believe it…She wasn't making it up…" Disbelief was radiating from Noire.

"To Star Trek or not to Star Trek. That is the question."

"Yo, Histy! Can you see me? It's a-me, Neptune!"

"Yes. There is no mistaking you, Neptune. To think that you had been sent to another dimension…"

"You think YOU'RE surprised?! You know how I can get back, right?"

"Well, about that…"

"Neptune!? Is that you, Neptune!?" Called out a light purple haired girl wearing a sailor outfit.

"Huh? That sounds like…"

"Please Nepgear, we are trying to hold a very serious conversation right now."

"Let me see her! I want to see my big sister!"

"W-Wait, no, do not push your face so close to that…!"

"Oh goodness, it really is you!"

"Whassup, Nep Jr.? Good to see you. How's the things?"

"Ooooh, that girl looks like an older, smart Neppy…So why did she ask for her big sister…?"

"Um, no matter what lens you look at it through, Neptune is the younger of the two."

"There is no way that she is Neptune's younger sister."

"Yes she is, Johnny. We told you before that this series is weird."

"Why do I even bother?"

"Hey! This is my touching reunion scene, so I want quiet from the bleachers. We get that a lot, though."

"You disappeared so suddenly! I've been worried sick! I thought you'd…left me again…"

"Hey, plug that leaky eye plumbing! I'm fine, and I'll be home real soon!"

"Okay…I'm sorry…If I'd gone out working with you that day, this wouldn't have happened…"

"Or you could be in this with us…"

"…I didn't think of that…Thank you Mr. Red Coat."

"Excuse me, Nepgear. I hate to interrupt you, but…"

"Hey, Nepgear! Why're you hogging all the fun?!" A girl in pink winter clothes exclaimed.

"Well, I'm talking to my big sister right now, so…"

"With Neptune? So she's actually in another dimension?"

"Look! It's a tiny Noire! Hello Tiny Noire!" I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should.

"Tiny Noire!?"

"I wanna look, too…" She's like the first girl that interrupted Nepgear, but in blue.

"Yeah, but me first!" Pink announced.

"Huh? Everyone, um…"

"Do not crowd me all at once! Oof…!"

"Yay! Neptune, can you see me?"

"That's…another dimension? Wow…"

"It looks kind of strange to me. Wait, is that MY big sister!? Is that why he called me 'Tiny Noire'?"

"P-Please wait, everyone! I'm still talking to Neptune…"

"Bring us back really nice souvenirs! Like buckets of yummy kitty candy!"

"I'd like…a picture book…"

"If I go over there, would I get to have two big sisters?!"

"Please stop pushing against me…There's not enough room…!"

"E-Everyone, enough is enough!"

"Waaaaah!" The children yelled as the sounds of their struggles is all that we hear.

"Oops. The video feed is growing a tad choppy. One moment while I buffer. (*·ω·*)~~~"

"Whoa, a connection error? Mini-Histy, you better not 404 on us!"

"Yeah, that'd suck."

"Yours is a pretty lively dimension, to say the least. What about you guys?"

"It's 'meh' to be honest."

"Neppy, you're soooo popular…"

"Are those two in pink and blue twins?"

"Yeah…Why do you ask, Stevie?"

"They are small and adorable and I want to give them a hug."

"*pant, pant* I managed to lock them inside a different room."

"Oh, hi! Don't hang up on us again. My heart skipped a hop!"

"That was no fault of mine. Nepgear and her friends were interfering. Now, who was it that was talking about Star Trek?"

"Twas I…" Without a word, she gives me the 'live long and prosper' hand sign.

*Not so internal squealing*

"That aside, let us discuss the matter at hand, getting you home."

"Oh, yeah. How do we do it?"

"Well…I am uncertain at this time."  
"Dun-dun-dunnn! Th-That's not gonna fly! You even made me use that crazy melodramatic noise from years ago!"

"Th-There is nothing to be done. I only recently learned that you arrived in another dimension."

"But it's your jobby-job to do something about it, right? It's cool. Even if you cheat a bit, nobody will bat an eye because you're Histy, my deus ex machina!"

"Neptune. Chill. We're dealing with different dimensions. Not exactly an easy thing to mess with."

"The young man in the martial arts outfit is correct. Do not demand such things of me! I will research and then contact you once I find a solution. Farewell."

"Whoa, come on! Histy, don't run away from your responsibilibuddy!"

"Oh. ((=⎺□⎺=;)) She ended the call."

"Gee whiz! The one time I need her, and she's completely useless!"

"Even though you are upset with the other me, I feel like I am the one being insulted…(ͻД `)"

"It's okay, Histoire," I say as I place the small fairy so that she is sitting on top of my head. "She's bein' a butt."

"Am not!"

"You were asking too much of her. Isn't it enough that you were able to establish one another's safety?"

"Can I please get down? (°.°)"

"Nope."

"Cheer up, Neppy. Hehehe…"

"Hmph…What's with the chortle, Plutie?"

"Weeeell, if you're not going home yet, we can keep playing together. Soooo, I'm happy…"

"Jeez. You just smacked me with the blunt end of a reality stick like it wasn't a big deal at all…Oh well. I'm having fun hanging out with you, Psuedo-Noire, Stevie, Storm, and Johnny."

"…I'm gonna say this now, but I'm not going to be able to shower you with my attention. I'm finally a CPU, so I need to hurry up and found my own nation…"

"Well, okay. But know that I'm totally gonna steal your boyfriend while you're gone!"

"I'll cut out your splee- I-I mean, whatever! He's not mt boyfriend! And even if he was, it's not like you could anyway."

"That's right, because I'm going with her."

"What? You never mentioned anything like that."

"It takes stubborn to get through to stubborn. I'm going with just so you don't wind up doing something you'll regret."

"Like what?"

"Overworking to the point of exhaustion is a good example. I'm also the ultimate meat shield. I shrugged off a fatal wound like it was nothing. Could come in handy~"

"…Alright…You can come…"

"He really does have a silver tongue."

"It won't be that bad."

"You just want to cuddle her more, don't you?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny your accusations, Johnny."

"So I'm right."

"I am a physical person who likes physical contract. There is nothing wrong with that."

"No matter! Since this is how things are gonna be for a while, let's have more fun, Pluite!"

"What about us?"

"We would never forget you two…"

"May I please get down now?"

"A little bit longer."

"Are we not going to talk about G1's fan-gasm?"

"We should get going."

"Fine…" I set the fairy back onto her book and head towards the door. "See you later."

*Click*

 **I hope you enjoyed this holiday treat. I'd just like to put out a reminder to feel free to review and send me PMs about this. That is all and enjoy your respective holidays.**


	12. Skip!

Chapter 12: Skip!

It's been about three years since we were brought here. Noire established her nation and called it Lastation. We fought a lot in the beginning, trying to get things going, but in the end, we found a happy medium. I get 50% of all the work, and she gets 50%. The fighting was because I wanted to do all the quests and what not, while she did all the paperwork. I really don't like paperwork. Haven't gotten any new Devil Arms, but I can hold Devil Trigger for an hour and a half if I don't exert myself. So hey, silver lining. Guy night is a thing and it happens once every three months so we can keep in touch and see how things are going. It was great, seeing Storm's face, when he first told us that he had to learn from Jiraiya, the toad sage. He can't stand perverts, so he was all kinds of done. Johnny was incredibly excited when he told us who was stuck in his head. His "mentor" was Vegeta, but more importantly, Team Four Star's interpretation of Vegeta. We meet at this nice little diner I found in Planeptune. That's only because I refused to meet at any other place they suggested. I _really_ like diner food.

Back to right now though. I'm looking through the fridge/freezer to see if I have the necessary ingredients I needed to make dinner tonight. Chicken breasts? Check. Eggs? Check. Now to check the pantry for seasoned bread crumbs, paprika, and potatoes. But of course, we have none of those items. Damn…Looks like I need to take a trip to the store. Better tell Noire.

"Noire! I'm heading to the store!"

"Why!?"

"Need a few things to make dinner! I'll be back in a few!" I walk out the door and down the street to the store. After picking up what I needed and paying I head back home.

"Hey, you missed Neptune and them. They just left for home."

"Why were they here?"

"Neptune and Plutia were being lazy so Histoire sent them to learn something from us."

"What did you teach them?"

"I taught them about the Scout System."

"You know they'll be back…"

"I know…"

"I should probably wait to start dinner then."

"Yeah."

"We've had a long day so far, so come here and relax with me."

"Sure." She said with a smile. Sitting down on the couch, she curled up and leaned against my side. She's been doing that for the six months that we've been dating. Says I'm really warm. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment.

*Knock Knock*

I'm woken by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Carefully shifting out of the hold Noire subconsciously placed me in, I walk over and open the door.

"Oh, hey you four. What's up?"

"Not much. You?"

"Just woke up from a nap."

"Let's not forget that we made Mini-Histy mad again."

"Hehehe…That's why we're back…"

"Now, what were you out getting, G1?"

"Some stuff for dinner."

"Hmm…Is someone here…?

"Yeah. It's the guys."

"Why are they here?"

"The predicted reason."

*Pout*

"Don't be like that. At least they're here."

*Pout*

"But for real, this dimension's Histy is such a baby when she's mad. She's got no funny bone installed!"

"We thought we'd learn how to work reeeeally hard from you two until she calms down…"

"And let me guess, you two got roped into this."

"Yes and no. Histoire kicked us out in her rage. We went along with them seeing as how we had nothing better to do."

*More Dramatic Pouting*

"Ummmm…Are you mad, too…?"

"Not really…"

"She's more disappointed than anything."

"And how would you know that?"

"Neptune, when you live with someone for three years, you tend to learn how to read between the lines."

"But Noire's face is soooo angry…Neppy, you see it too, right?"

"I can't tell. Noire's a pisspot all the time, whether it's in her face or her attitude."

"What!? Don't call me a pisspot! That makes no sense! Don't talk like you know me!"

"Uh-oh, I knew it…She IS mad…"

"Only because she just ticked me off!"

"Neptune WAS pushing her buttons…"

"Storm! I thought we were friends!"

"I know the feeling all too well, Neptune, and you have my sympathies."

"I don't like pity parties Stevie. Now Noire, think of a calm blue ocean, and then look at how sad Plutie's face is."

"Don't act like you have nothing to do with this! You two are both at fault, you know!"

"Awwww, boo-hoo…Noire…"

"Ugh! H-Hmph! Just because you make that face doesn't mean I'll forgive you."

"Oh, come on! Look at this face. Isn't it just adorable? She's like a puppy. You can't say no to this."

"Not you too! Traitor!"

"Don't be like that. You always go on about how you wish they would visit more."

"Well, we haven't seen each other in a long time. I was happy that you were coming over, but all you want to do is be lazy HERE!"

"Waaaaah…!"

"Huh? Jeez, are you crying?! Why?!"

"Wow, you made her cry. You're such a bully Noire! Noire bullied a girl to tears!"

"Shame on you."

"That's cold."

"Mental Note: Don't have kids with Noire. She'll only make them cry more than they already do."

"I didn't…I wouldn't…! Come on, it's okay…So stop crying, please?"

"You…won't be mad anymore…?"

"I won't be upset with you two. I promise, okay?"

"Oh, okay. Hehehe…"

"Phew…Yeah, there you go. Smile like you always do."

"You're absolutely adorable when you're like this."

"Noire, it's because you react in such weird and huffy-puffy ways that things get complicated. I don't know how Stevie deals with it."

"Stop making me out to be the villain!"

"You do tend to blow things out of proportion."

"How would you know, Johnny?"

"G1 told us about that big fight from a few years back. You COULD have just jumped to your point of wanting to split the work evenly, but you turned it into an argument that lasted for a week."

"You know what!? Whatever! Let's go. You came here to learn how to work, right?" We're heading to the Guild. I'm fairly certain I know how this is gonna play out.

"Let's start here for now."

"Oh, okay…What's here…?"

"This is where you get those Quests things, right?"

"Yes, this is the same type of building that we were doing things in the first few days we were in this dimension."

"Johnny's right, but if I tried to explain all the complicated bits to you first, you'd end up spacing out again. I figured I'd introduce things to you over time, as a way to get you into the habit of working normally."

"But doing Quests, really…? You're treating us like we're complete boobs! The dumb kind!"

"You aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer, Neptune."

"Great…Now it's four against two…"

"Your idiocy IS an easily observable fact. Plus…this is something we can all do together, so…"

"We can do anything by working with each other~!"

"Noire…You have a cuuuuute little smile forming…"

"Th-That's not true at all! I'm not happy we all get to hang out together or anything!"

"God dammit! Years of hard work and effort! Wasted!"

"What are you going on about?"

"All of these years, I've been trying to get you out of those tsundere habits of yours. And it was working, or at least I thought it did, but you have proved me wrong."

"Stevie's on our side now! That must mean that she is happy she gets to play with us after so long!"

"No…"

"But!"

"Steven. No."

"B-But…"

"I said no!"

"Fine…"

"Whipped."

"Johnny, at least I'm not whipped literally."

"Really, G1?"

"Did you expect any less?"

"No, no I did not."

"Can we get going now? I don't like wasting time."

"Where to?"

"Wanderer's Cave." The trip to the Cave took about 25 minutes. Johnny found himself giving Plutie a piggy-back ride because she claimed that she was too tired to walk.

"Working hard, I see. Anything to report?" Noire asked a guard that was stationed there.

"Why i-its Lady Black Heart and- It's you! The inspiration to all males!"

"Oh for fucks sake…" Face meet palm. I think the two of you would get along quite well.

"Stevie…What's he talking about…?"

"I've earned a bit of a reputation. The people even gave me a title."

"Which is…?"

"The Man who Wields a Thousand Blades!"

"Yes, yes. Tis I. Now could you please answer your goddess' question?"

"Of course. There are no irregularities, ma'am!"

"I see. Carry on then."

"Yes, ma'am! And it was an honor to meet a living legend like you, sir!" We walk off as he finishes.

"Ugh…Fame is a double edged sword…"

"What about Infamy?"

"No! You know what!? NO! Bad Johnny!"

"HAHAHAHA!"

"So you make the boys call you Black Heart, eh Noire?"

"I think it's better to have a little formality in work matters."

"I wish your workers would stop idolizing me, though."

"Why?"

"It's getting kind of creepy, to be honest. I saw some guy pick up a piece of gum I spit out once."

"Ewwwww…that's so icky…"

"Tell me about it…"

"Who was that man, Noire…?"

"Part of my guard. Since we're so close to Lowee's border, I have some stationed here…just in case."

"Oh nifty! So do you have a Special Tactics and Rescue Squad, too!?"

"STARS!" I hear Johnny say, imitating Nemesis from Resident Evil 3. Good man.

"Special tack ticks what…? There weren't any guards like him where we crossed over, though…"

"There's no need for a patrol by Planeptune, Plutia. Unless you're planning to invade? That'd be a scary scenario…"

"No kidding! Imagine Sadie flying in with a flamethrower and a blue turtle shell declaring war! And she would be fighting Stevie with Storm and Johnny by her side in the brawl of the century!"

"What are you all smiles about, G1?"

"Oh, just some internet things. Nothing to concern yourself with, Johnny."

"I still want to know. Care to share with the class?"

"One shell, two shells, red shell, blue shell, death-on-swift-wings-comes-for-you shell. I'm also imagining the Meet the Pyro video, except it has Plutie transformed instead of our favorite gas mask wearing psycho."

"I guess that isn't impossible…Hmm. Maybe a few guards should be put over there, too…"

"Aww, boo…I would neeeever do that…" *Transformation Stuff* "Unless you secretly lust for me to crush you in such a way, Noire…Tch, tch tch. What would your dear boyfriend say?"

"Well she does act pretty arrogant, so if you want to teach her some humility, then by all means go ahead."

"Whoa! Why'd you suddenly transform like that?!"

"Don't encourage her! Plutia, change back! Quick! Please!"

"But, but, but…You were both being meanies…Grrrr…!"

"She does have a point."

"It doesn't matter, Storm. It's seriously bad for my heart if you change forms over every little conversation…All that aside, I can't let my guard down when it comes to Lowee. Countless immigrant applications arrive each day, and the Seven Sages are supposedly causing problems…"

"It gets real old, real quick."

"Hmmmmmmmmmm…I wonder about our nation…We're by Lowee too, right…?"

"I dunno. Histy does the map stuff. And all the other stuff. Well, except the stuff Storm and Johnny take care of."

"…You, Storm and Johnny drew the shortest straws in the whole world, Histoire…"

"So what are we here for?"

"We need three Crystal Skulls."

"Wonderful. Grinding."

"Boringest Quest type ever. Of all time." Oh. Well, it looks like I'm slowly turning into Wash on the inside. Not necessarily a problem, but it's worth noting. We find the monsters needed and get to work. After getting the items, we walk to the Guild and make insignificant small talk as we do so. Collecting our reward, we head home.

"So is it nap time now?"

"Sure Neptune. There are spare blankets and pillows in the closet down the hall."

"Why are you letting them have their way?"

"Hey, I was watching them in that cave. They were working pretty damn hard. Let 'em rest for a bit. I'm thinking about joining them."

"Are you having trouble sleeping again?"

"Yeah."

"G1 has trouble sleeping?"

"Yes. Every once in a while he winds up not being able to sleep because he pulls something in his back."

"There was one night where I woke up half on the bed, upside-down, doing a back bend. I hurt for weeks."

*Ring Ring Ring*

"Hmm? A phone call? That's rare…Hello, Noire speaking."

"…"

"Histoire? That's even more rare. Wait can you even hold a phone bigger than you are?"

"…"

"I'm gonna lay down now. Who's on the phone?"

"Histoire, now go take that nap."

"Don't need to tell me twice." Time to use the sleep.

"Hey! Wake up!"

"Huh…? Oh, how long was I out?"

"A few hours. It's 2 o'clock now."

"Why'd you wake me?"

"For you to start making dinner."

"Right. I was supposed to do that. I definitely don't need that long though."

"Lady Black Heart! Lady Black Heart!"

"Hmm? The border control guard."

"Oh, this common game design. If you try to relax, there's a high chance it'll trigger more trouble."

"Aww…so no more tea…?"

"I kinda wanted to taste whatever it was that G1 was going to make…"

"It's…It's terrible…Something so awful that it threatens our nation's existence!"

"Calm down and explain."

"U-Understood! I apologize. I got a bit worked up over it…Why does it always all go to hell on my shift? If it were tomorrow, I'd be drinking alone at home…"

"Okay…Too calm. Stop your bitching and explain."

"S-Sorry, Sir! So basically…Lowee's CPU has invaded!"

"What?!"

"Wonderful…Just what we needed today…"

"Lowee's CPU…That's Blanc! Uh, so where is she?"

"I wanna say hi too…Tell us where she is, pleeeeease…"

"U-Um, I asked her to wait by the border for the time being."

"She complied? So she's waiting there quietly? Did you leave a guard there with her?"

"Oops…Sorry! I panicked and rushed here, so I didn't think about it…"

"*sigh*…That's kind of your job, dude…"

"That is why I apologized!"

"Sounds like you two hire people who are as difficult to deal with as Noire."

"You'll sound like a meanie if you raise your voice to him…There, there…Nice guard…"

"Such adorable kindness…! You truly are a CPU!"

"Hey! Don't steal my citizens!"

"Our citizens."

"Are we really doing this right now?"

"We agreed to split everything, which makes them as much my citizens as they are yours."

"You are such an ass."

"And you can be a pompous bitch!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck _you_!"

"Fuck! You!"

"Our room. Sometime when we aren't busy." Her face was a radiant shade of red after that comment. Victory is mine.

"Okay, now that that's over with...Can we get back on track here?"

"If she's serious about invading, it wouldn't matter if a guard were there or not. I'll go and send her back myself. I've got to hurry!"

"Hold your horsebirds, little lady! We'll go, too."

"Wait for meeeee…"

"So bull-headed…" Giving chase to the three girls, we head towards Bandicrash.

"You guys shouldn't just take off like that." Johnny said after we caught up.

"Sorry Johnny…"

"We can't just sit around while Lowee's CPU is at the border!"

"That doesn't mean you should rush into things without thinking them through."

"Your right. Thank you for reminding me, Storm."

"Let's get a move on! We don't have all day!"

"Neptune, slow down. We just said we shouldn't rush into this."

"Alright, alright. We still need to get to the border. It's fightin' time!" She called out, charging the first monster she saw.

"I think I'll join her. Today has been pretty boring."

"I just want this to be over, Johnny. I'm tired of all the interuptions"

"What's that black thing with yellow rings in that bush?"

"I couldn't care less, Storm. Let's get going." We head in the direction Neptune went, killing anything that moved. When we catch up, Blanc's in HDD, Noire's in HDD, and the slacking duo are in a bush. Only one phrase sums up my level of done.

"Fuck me sideways."

"Whatever! Hmph. I'm not the one going around with that nasty face!"

"Get over here you three! It's dangerous!"

"Not really…"

"What nasty face? Well, let me introduce myself. I'm Lastation's CPU, Black Heart. This is a surprise. I never thought the illustrious Lowee would have a little girl as a CPU."

"Can it, pigtails! Don't they teach manners to new nations? You like keeping your guests waiting forever?"

"That's G1's fault."

"And who the hell are you?"

"I'm Johnny. This is Storm and this asshole is G1."

"Don't introduce me like that. My real name is Steven, so call me by whichever is more to your liking."

"But it's true, G1"

"I like slow dripping the fact that I'm an asshole to new people, though."

"Some humans who think they're tough enough to talk to a CPU. You're too cocky."

"Actually, I'm a demon, Johnny's an alien god of fighting, and Storm I think is a phoenix. Not really sure to be honest."

"Wait. I know you."

"Which one of us?"

"All three of you. I've seen you in Lowee on several occasions."

"That's my fault. I take monster hunting jobs from whoever is willing to pay. I don't discriminate against citizens of other nations. I sometimes drag these two on jobs I can't handle on my own." Okay, Operation: Keep Noire from Pissing off Blanc is working.

"Well thanks, I guess."

"Ah, don't mention it." I wave her off.

"Ooh, they better watch out. Blanc might get crazy mad!"

"They won't back down, though…"

"Yeah, 'cuz they haven't had Blanc's fury drilled into their skulls. She'll use anything as a weapon and bust up her surroundings. She can split the earth with a single blow! All who come into contact with her are slain! And at the top of the pile of corpses, grinning like Stevie when he's all demon-fied, will stand Blanc!"

"Ooh, what a scary story! Blanny is reeeeeally scary!"

"Yes she is, my friend! I may have exaggerated her legend a little bit, but hey."

"It's soooo amazing that you have such a scary friend…"

"Like I said, she's almost always a super quiet, nice girl. Besides, when it comes to HDD, Sadie is about a hundred times more frightening!"

"Aww, but I'm always really nice…"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're not." Neptune said, trembling.

"You don't have to shake your head that many times…Theeeen…do you wanna compare now? I'll transform and we'll go talk to Blanny…!"

"Yikes! No, stop! That is definitely not cool! If you do that, even with all of us there, there's no way we could cope with the aftermath…!"

"What the hell's up with those two idiots shouting while pretending to hide in those bushes?"

"They're Planeptune's so-called CPUs…"

"Maybe you should think harder about the people you associate with."

"Be nice. They can't help the way they are. She just looks at the good, instead of the bad." Johnny said the first part almost insultingly.

"And what would that be?"

"They are quite entertaining to be around. Never a dull moment with those two. No matter how much they grate on your nerves, you'll still have a good time."

"Let's get back to the matter at hand. Why are you even here? What business does Lowee's CPU have in my nation?"

"Th-That's, uh…Well…Your dumbass nation doesn't impress me much, and, uh…"

"You forgot, didn't you?" I ask.

"Yeah…"

"It's alright. I forget stuff while I'm in the middle of it too. A few too many concussions." I say, patting her shoulder.

"Lady Black Heart! Sirs! We have a situation! A serious situation!"

"Huh? You again?"

"Phew…Am I off the hook?" Blanc mutters to herself, within hearing distance, of course.

"Wow, I thought he was just some throwaway character, but this is his third appearance! I never would've guessed it! You're an impressive dude, you know that?" And Neptune starts the meta-discussion.

"Huh? Um, thank you for your kind words…?"

"But his name is just a generic one. It's too bad he didn't get an actual name…" Plutie says, feeding the fire.

"U-Um, well, outside of this game, I do have an actual name…"

"Don't you see, Plutie? The shock is that an NPC without an actual name has made three appearances. If he had a name, everyone'd know that he'd pop up again later, see."

"Oooh. Now I get it…"

"An enlightening game design lecture, ladies. I see now the pros and cons to displaying an NPC's name."

"Isn't there something important you came here to tell us?"

"Sorry, sir! You're right! I slipped out of character!"

"So what happened? Tell me already."

"Yes, my lady! I received word that someone is attacking one of our nation's software manufacturing factories!"

"What?! Who's responsible?!"

"Uh, I don't really know…That's kind of why I used the generic pronoun 'someone'"

"Yes, I know that much, geez! You surely know the foe's number, and the scale of damage…?"

"Oh…no…sorry…I didn't listen to the whole report."

"You had one fucking job. Noire, when we wrap this up, he's fired. Blanc, I trust that you'll behave yourself."

"We'd better get going. Storm, grab the girls."

"Sure."

"Bye-bye, Blanny!"

"Uhh…Okay, bye-bye…Hey! You three!"

"Yeah?"

"You're welcome to Lowee anytime. I need to thank you properly for helping my citizens."

"Oh, alright. See you later, then." We rush towards the factory. I was leading us guys while Noire was leading the females of our group. When we get there, the place looked like New Orleans after Katrina.

"Uh-oh…It's really busted up…"

"That's an understatement." Johnny said, vocalizing exactly what I was thinking.

"Who would do such a thing…?

"The Nazis?"

"Who the hell are the Nazis? Why would they even be here?"

"Nazis don't like not Nazi stuff."

"That is by for the dumbest thing I have ever heard from you, and I have been living with you for three years."

"Okay, then how about the Seven Sages?"

"Plausible, but still stupid."

"Oh, you have so much to learn. I am the master of destroying expectations."

"Whoever is truly at fault here needs to be stopped right away! Come on!" She heads off, and we follow suit. While the facility is wrecked, it's still navigable. I hear a loud voice coming from the very back of the building, and point so everyone knows.

"Gwahaha! Demolish, destroy! Games that I can't make copies of have no right to exist!"

"You just don't have high enough ripping capabilities, chu." Oh, the rat's back. Round two. Fight!

"What's that, pipsqueak?! You think you can make copies of these so-called 'see-dees'?!"

"Easily. Busting down any protective measures is the mark of a true pirated wares dealer, chu!"

"Well I don't like it! Some tiny rat shouldn't be able to do things that I can't! All their games must die!"

"Do what you want, I guess. But seriously, why in the world was I forced into coming along?"

"More people, more destruction! Even a little rat can be helpful! Gaaaahahahaha!"

"Arguing with this meathead is tiring. That old hag was more tolerable…I'll bust stuff up with you, but I ain't gonna even try to fight those CPU broads or those freaky guys."

"I don't want a cowards help anyway! Nobody can match my awesome destructive powers in battle!"

"You've never met them, so of course you can talk like that…Try beating that sadistic CPU and that monster guy…" When we actually get to where the two are (my hearing was awesome enough for me to hear them from so far) Plutie makes our presence known.

"Oooh goodie! It's Mister Rat!"

"C-Crap! That sleepy voice…!"

"Well shit…It is him."

"Him too!?"

"Hehehe. I've miiiissed you…"

"D-Don't come any closer! Stay…Stay back, chu!"

"Ew! Plutie don't touch that. Wild rats are dirtier than my unwashed cereal bowls!"

"Oh, that's right…Mister Rat is icky and dirty…Stevie told me that before…"

"He did!?"

"I did."

"I got proper hygiene, y'know! And I'm not a rat, either! My name's Warechu, dang it…"

"If the rat's here, then that must mean the Seven Sages are behind this." Noire concluded.

"Somebody better pick up that phone…"

"What…?"

"Because I fucking called it!"

"THAT IS CORRECT!"

"Shit that's loud!"

"I'm with ya, Johnny! My ears just exploded with noise…!"

"Oww…My ears are ringing…" Poor Plutie.

"I am one of the Seven Sages! The strongest of them al…COPYPASTE!"

"Alright, treads, settle down…"

"Cripes, man…why does everyone spill the beans about who they are so readily?!"

"What?! Should I have kept my identity a secret?!" If it wasn't for how loud he was, I bet I could get along with this guy.

"Well, obviously…Oh, wait. This'll be a good chance to get them to remember my name, too…! Uh, behold, the Seven Sages' glorious idol and mascot! I am…Warechu…" That was lack-luster at best.

"Man, I can't hear a thing thanks to that giant robot…Okay, okay, my hearing is coming back now…" Noire was the first to recover.

"Whew. The ringing's dying down…" Next was Neptune.

"Noire, Neptune. Are you guys alright?"

"We're fine. How about you guys?"

"G1 had earplugs."

"And you didn't give them to us!?"

"I only had three pairs! Sorry…"

"Big guy, you gotta dial it back a little! At least warn us before you started shouting that loud. Be courteous!"

"Huh? Aww, Mister Rat looks all depressed for some reason…"

"Ahhhh, screw the lot of ya."

"Okay, so I couldn't hear all of it, but you there. You've made quite a mess, you fiend!"

"What!?" He exclaimed while reeling in shock. "How dare you not listen to my every word! I am the strongest of all the Seven Sages! And my name is Copyyyyyyyyyyyypaaaaaaaaste!"

"Jeez, enough of that already! But now we see the true nature of the Seven Sages, attacking my nation so blatantly…"

"Bwahahaha! Coming up with devious schemes isn't my thing. I just like to go hog wild!"

"I agree with him. It's nice to let loose every once in a while."

"G1, what are you talking about."

"Oh yeah, I never told any of you. One day, I got bored and decided to see just how strong I got. I put everything I had into Fame and Infamy and fired. I couldn't Devil Trigger for a week, but that mountain's gone now."

"That was you!"

"G1, you are a special kind of stupid."

"Johnny, criticize me later."

"What?! Hang on, that's definitely not what we were told to tell them!"

"Huh? They told us to do something?" I could watch these two for hours.

"Ugh, you stupid linebacker! Here, read this if you can."

"You ain't the boss of me! Hmm. Let's see here…Ha, ha, ha. Because Lowee's CPU drew your attention away from here, I was able to easily…Hey, what's this word?"

"Demolish!"

"Ah. I was easily able to demolish your precious factory."

"Huh? Oh, I get it now. That's what it was all about. That's why she came…"

"Huh? What's this stuff saying? What does Lowee's CPU got to do with any of this?"

"Clamp it, you buffoon!"

"Huh? I don't really get it, but does that mean Blanny is your friend…?"

"I think that's what they mean. I don't really get it, either."

"From what he actually said, it sounds like Blanc came here for a different reason, and they just were taking advantage of the situation." Storm logiced.

"Yeah! I don't remember making nice with no CPU!"

"Shut! Up!"

"Sorry to interrupt your idiotic rambling, but you've seriously pissed me off."

"Same. I was gonna make dinner, but no~…He had to be a douche and attack our factory."

"Huh? Really? So you wanna rumble with the strongest of the Seven Sages?! That's me, by the way!"

"Noire, what'll we do…? He keeps saying that he's the strongest…"

"Ignore it. Those who keep bragging about themselves are usually overcompensating."

"…Huh? Really?"

"Yeah. For example…Hey, Neptune. Who's the strongest CPU?"

"Glad ya asked! It's me, of course! I'm the strongest for a simple reason! 'Cuz I'm the strongest!"

"Get it now, Plutia?"

"Ohhhhh, okay…!"

"Neptune, you just got played." Johnny comments.

"Like a fiddle." I say, being his wingman.

"Huh? I'm not quite pleased with your satisfied expression…"

"Hello?! How long are you going to chat? Make it clear whether or not we're gonna FIGHT!"

"Don't remind me. I already said I was pissed!" *Transformation Effect* "I'll do to you what you've done to my precious factory! Prepare yourself! Plutia, you help, too!"

"Are you suuuuure…?"

"Sweet memories of whiplash, Noire! Are you thinking straight?!"

"Of course I am, Neptune. Unless I turn him into scrap metal, I won't be happy!"

"Hehehe. Well, since I have Noire's blessing…Whee…!" *Transforms* "I'll stamp every nut and bolt under my heel until there's not even a spot of oil left! Stevie, would you be a dear and transform…?"

"Nope. I want to use my explode-y swords. I'm going to show him what real destruction is like!"

"Crap! She's here! I'm gonna scram! I don't care to see what happens next, chu!"

"Bah! Mini-bosses can go home! Be sure to toss me up my favorite salad for my triumphant return!"

"Yeah, now I know he's dead…"

"Six against one again? How boring. The same thing over and over will not satisfy me!"

"Don't overestimate me! You're no match for me, no matter how many of you there are!"

"Huh. The last one said basically the same thing. Maybe they all study the same Villainy 101 book?" Holy shit Noire can be arrogant in this form.

"Either that, or the Seven Sages have a thing for…multiplayer action. In that case, they're quite the group of perverts. Dearest Neppy, you agree with me, right…?"

"Awkward! Why're you asking me? Why not Stevie or Johnny? I think I'm cool being a spectator or whatever for this one…"

"That simply won't do. Either you play with us, or I will have to play with you…"

"Hahaha! That sounds nice! If it comes to that, count me in."

"Unless it's dinner time. I'm dragging you home if you even try, then."

"Friends close, enemies closer, I guess! Someone save me! But okay, I get it, I'll join in!" *Transforms* "The two of you really do get carried away too often. I should be glad that Stevie helps keep you in check, Noire, or I fear that this would be much worse."

"I don't want to hear that from a girl who is the very definition of getting carried away."

"Hmhmhmm. I feel better when Neppy is here with us. In this form, I tend to overdo it before I can stop myself. When that happens, use your body to stop me. The boys can help, of course…"

"I refuse. I feel bad for our foe, somewhat."

"I don't need no CPU sympathy! I've reached my limit, so I'm gonna start my rampage now!"

"Plutia, don't hold back at all! Give him your very worst!"

"Aw, fine. I don't get off on outright violence, but if my Noire asks it of me, I will."

"Now there's a flat-out lie…"

"Yup."

"After he starts charging, Noire goes high into the air and delivers a powerful helm-breaker strike. I throw six blades that hit him in the chest. Johnny and Storm lay into Copypaste with rounds from their respective guns. The two Planeptune CPUs deftly slash at the hulking machine. When they finish, I hurl five more blades, but they are knocked away. They catch in the air without him noticing. He rolls up and slams into Noire and Johnny, sending them flying. Responding to my thoughts, the blades that were hanging in the air surround and impale our foe. I toss the rose that appears in my mouth whenever I use Lucifer, and the blades detonate, staggering the behemoth. With this diversion, Storm has the time to check up on our injured friends.

"Johnny, now would be a good time to wrap this up!"

"Already working on it, G1!" In his hands, which are spread out wide, are two glowing yellow orbs that are sparking with electricity. Did Vegeta actually teach him what I think he taught him?

"Neptune, Plutie, break away!"

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

"Okay!" Neptune says reluctantly, grabbing Plutie by the arm as she retreats. Johnny moves his hands together, signaling the end.

"Final Flash!" And in a blinding amount of light, the fight is over.

"Gaaah! This amazingly strong body is broken…Noooooo!"

*Explosion*

"Ahaha! What a fierce explosion! Now that's what I call finishing a man off!"

"Johnny, you better watch your back."

"Storm…Shut up."

"Don't worry Johhny, I would never hurt one of my friends."

"He was noisy to the end."

"…Nowhere near you two, Noire…"

"You said it, Neptune."

"Oh? Did my little Neppy and good friend Storm just say something rude? I missed it."

"Please stop wrapping me up in more arguments."

"I'm not. Wrapping up, though? Isn't that where we twist our arms and legs together…?"

"No, that's cuddling."

"And you and Noire would know all about that, G1."

"No food for you, Johnny!"

"G1, why!?"

"H-Hey, stop! Don't touch…! Noire, anybody, do something!"

"I ain't touching that with a fourty foot pole."

"Not my problem. Maybe the two CPUs of Planeptune should work it out themselves."

"Noire, that's cold."

"Aw, come on. Why not wrap yourself up with me? Or can I treat you as my present to unwrap…?"

"Gaaah! Knock it off! If you don't, I'm going to get angry!"

"And I don't think Johnny's heart can take much more of this…" Storm said, hoping to save a life today.

"Oh, alright. Perhaps I'll stop here for now." *Transforms* "Hehehe…The older-looking Neppy is so soft and smooth…She feels like a water slide…"

"You really have to wonder if she's the same person…"

"Like you're one to talk. Anyway…" *Both Transform* "What'll we do about my factory? It looks like it'll take a while to get it running again…"

"It's pretty badly damaged, huh? But we socked it to one of those sage guys, so we're kinda equal."

"Not really, Neptune. Never the less, it's getting late. Why don't we all head back to our place, I'll cook up dinner, and we worry about it in the morning when we have more time and energy."

"Okay! Sounds like a plan." So we head back. I make a simple, homemade, and as American as you can get meal: Chicken tenders and fries. The chicken is breaded in the bread crumbs mixed with some Italian seasoning, while the potatoes are cut like steak fries and lightly rolled in paprika before going into the frier.

"Well, bon apatite."

"G1, this is the most American thing you have ever produced."

"Shut up and eat, Canadian." Everyone but me takes a tender and a fry to try. The culinary artist of our group is the first to speak.

"For how simple it is, it's really good."

"Yeah! I could gobble these down for hours."

"Soooo gooood…!"

"Better than I expected, G1."

"It's really nothing impressive. I watched my dad cook a lot when I was a kid, so I picked up a few of his simpler meals." After we finish eating, the four residents of Planeptune head home.

"I'm beat."

"Same."

"So…about earlier…" She started with a wild blush.

"You do know I said that to rile you up. If are to do that, I want to wait for quite a while."

"And why is that."

"I really am not looking forward to writing it."

"What?"

"I said I want to wait for marriage."

"That's not what-"

"Yes it is!"

"Either way, let's go to bed."

"Sounds like a plan." We get changed and crawl into bed.

 **Six thousand words. I didn't expect this chapter to be this long. Oh well. I hope my Alucard/Integra mimicry was up to snuff. Feel free to let me know if it isn't. For some reason there are two reviews that it won't let me read, so if you could PM them to me or something that would be great. So you know who you are, the last one I was able to read was from Tehg. Thanks for putting up with me and see you next time.**


	13. Castle Crashers!

Chapter 13: Castle Crashers

It's been a while since the events involving the Seven Sages. Maybe a few weeks. A month at most. Lastation is currently the top nation, with Planeptune in second and Lowee in last. Neptune and Plutie are trying to raise their shares so Neptune can go home. It breaks my heart a bit that I can't tell them that they are wasting their time. And back to Lowee…Dear God! I am drowning in paperwork! There are so many immigrant applications! Blanc is…well…I don't want to talk about my latest encounter with her. Let's just leave it at some criticisms were made, and tables were turned into weapons. Now, since I brought up the Seven Sages, they've been a pain in my ass. It's been tiny, random shit, but the problem has been how often it was.

We planned to head for Planeptune's Basilicom after this small Quest we had to do. As soon as we walk in the door, Noire starts her rant.

"Ugh! I'm so pissed off!"

"Hey, hey. Chill out, girl. We just started a new chapter, so don't be pissed off already."

"If you think _this_ is ridiculous, you should know that this is the sixth time in the past week that she's gone on like this."

"Hey! …It's only been five…And what are you babbling about, Neptune? Plutia, aren't you upset, too?"

"I dunno…"

"She can't really say if she's upset or not if she doesn't know what _you're_ upset about."

"I don't care! I was only asking if she agreed with me Storm, so she should just roll with it and say yes!"

"Awww, but that's not faaaair..,."

"Was the sabotage of your factory by the Seven Sages and perhaps Lowee that awful? (⎺□⎺;)"

"It's not worth calling sabotage! It's harassment, plain and simple!"

"Please make it stop…"

"Painting regular CD's black, selling them like they're MY software! Jamming toothpicks in controller ports…!"

"That…is harassment, truly." The small fairy agreed with Noire, and set off the metaphorical landmine.

"Annoying junk like that has been happening throughout our nation at a constant pace…"

"And I've been the one that has had to clean most of it up…"

"Ugh, I hate being screwed with! I mean, a CPU siding with the Seven Sages? Am I right or what?!"

"But didn't they clearly state that they didn't like CPUs? Why would they make an exception?" I said, but was ignored.

"S-So, Noire…Did you travel all the way to Planeptune today to voice your complaints? (;° Д ° )"

"Are you saying we aren't welcome?"

"N-No, that is not it at all!"

"I like when you come to plaaaay, but I don't like it when you're mad or suuuuper whiny…"

"I can't help it! I don't have anyone who is willing to listen anymore…"

"G1 won't listen to you?"

"Johnny, I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I have a very low tolerance for many things. Whining just happens to be one of them."

"Aww…"

"Awwwww…"

"Aww. ( ⎺ □ ⎺; )"

"Wh-What!? Stop looking at me with those pitying eyes!"

"That's our Noire, yes indeed! Here you go. I'll listen to all of your complaints today instead of Stevie."

"Grr! A-Are you serious, Neptune? If you mean that, I'm going to unload everything I got…"

"Huh? If I usually get all jokey with Noire like that, she gets even more upset…"

"That is how much baggage she has at this moment, it seems."

"Booooo, I don't wanna hear it…"

"Neptune, you have accepted a fate worse than death. It is only because you consented that I don't feel bad."

"I mean, come ON! I don't like that they feel the need to sabotage me in the first place. If their nation is SO much better, shouldn't a real CPU just do her best to support her OWN nation?!"

'She just doesn't get it!'

'Let it go, kid. You aren't going to win this.'

'I don't want to win, just to get my point across.'

'Don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Indeed…(;° Д °)"

"If it's a matter of pride and she doesn't want to lose, why stoop to such a pathetic low, y'know? I mean, how can a nation led by a CPU for so long be run this way?! It boggles my mind!"

"Uh-huh…" Neptune has stopped listening. As expected.

"Gee whiz, how nice for Planeptune! Nothing bad ever happens to you!"

"We have two CPUs who do nothing but play games and nap all day that make a small fairy do all of their work. We've got it bad, too." Johnny snarked.

"Hey! We don't make Histy do _all_ of our work!"

"You're right…We do the rest!" I think I heard something in Johnny snap right before he said that.

"Ummm, hey, Noire…?"

"Don't butt in. I'm still going."

"Buuuut…! I thought you came over to play, but all you do is whine, whine, whiiiine…"

"So you'll be a friend and listen, right?! Nobody else will!"

"You done goofed."

"Why do you say that, Storm?"

"That's why." He said, pointing to Plutie's expression, which was growing more and more sinister and was full of malice.

"If you just whine and whine…It's not fun for me at aaaaall…"

"You just have to deal with it, okay?! I mean, these things are actually happening!"

"Uh, Noire, maybe you should just drop it for now…"

"Don't you start on me, too!"

"That is not the case. Please take a look at Plutia. (; - Д - )"

"I understand all that, but, ummm…Listening to you go on and on and on kinda makes me maaaad…"

"H-Huh? Oh…crap…You're completely right! I'm sorry, I went too far. Please forgive me, okay?"

"Noire, if you're THAT mad, then…"

"S-Stop! Wait, wait, wait!"

"Readers! Scroll past! Skip her evolution! Please!"

"A-Allow me to exit and prepare a fresh pot of soothing tea!"

"I'll help!" Storm and Histoire dash out. Also, for the record, Storm is fulfilling an Asian stereotype. That is all.

"That's cheating! They fled the scene!"

"Instead of complaining forever…" *Transforms* "Why not move your ass and voice your complaints to the culprit?!"

"Yikes! She's here!"

"M-My dear Sadie, we humbly request your pardon! Please quell your rage!"

"Aww, my sweet little Neppy…"

"How may I be of assistance, ma'am?"

"I would love some private time with Noire, so would you, Stevie, and Johnny kindly get the hell out?"

"Oh, we can go? You got it! Toodles!"

"W-Wait! Don't abandon me! Noooo…!"

"You reap what you sow." Johnny takes his leave.

"Noire, I love you, but you deserve this. You didn't heed our warnings. You just couldn't let things go." I say over my shoulder while standing at the door, shutting it afterwards.

*Time Skip*

"…It's been over two hours." No shit, Neptune.

"The shrieking has subsided…Perhaps it is over?" Wishful thinking, Histoire.

"The question that should be asked is: Are we gonna like what we see?"

"That's a good point, Johnny. Mini-Histy, so some recon."

"A-Absolutely not! You should scout it out yourself, Neptune."

"I don't wanna! You're tiny, so you can sneak in all tactical espionage-like."

"Due to my diminutive size, any blow I take is far more dangerous. A single hit may prove fatal!"

"Oh, I know! Let's send one of the boys!"

"Great idea!"

"No way in hell am I doing that!"

"My body may heal absurdly fast, but my psyche does not."

"No." Was Storm's simple response.

"Heeeey, how long are you five going to stay out there…?" Oh great, the grand poohbah of torture is back.

"Yipes! P-Plutie, you're back to normal? Oh thank cod…"

"M-M-May I ask where Noire has gone?"

"Noire's riiiight theeeere…"

"I AM GOING TO LOWEE."

"Flip-flops a-flappin'! Noire?! Your eyes are staring way beyond the horizon…"

"I AM GOING TO LOWEE. THEY WILL HEAR MY COMPLAINTS. DIRECTLY. IN LOWEE. LOWEE."

"You broke her…You broke her and now she's like a robot stuck in a loop. How the hell did you manage that!?" Johnny exclaimed.

"H-Her vitals are normal, at least. Noire, please come to your senses!"

"Noire says she wants to go to Lowee, so we should go with her…Riiiight…?"

"Y-Yep! We sure will!"

"I thought for quite a while that Plutie couldn't scare me. This has proven me wrong." Johnny states, looking a tiny bit shaken.

"Yaaaaay! We all get to go outside and play together, like we planned…I'm sooooo excited…!"

"LOWEE…I AM GOING TO LOWEE…TO COMPLAIN DIRECTLY…"

"Yeah, it's great we're heading to Lowee and all, but…"

"GOING AND GOING AND GOING AND GOING AND GOING AND GOING AND…"

"We can't exactly go anywhere if she's like this."

"Aww, come on, Storm…I reeeally wanna go out and play…"

"This was your doing, Plutia… (⎺□⎺;)"

"I guess that's that. Until Noire's not completely nuts, we should kick back for a spell." We waited, I don't know…forty-five minutes before Noire came to.

"GOING AND GOING AND GOING AND…huh? Wh-What was I…?"

"Noire! Are you back to normal?"

"Why'm I standing here? Where is this? My memories are…If I try to remember, my head, it…"

"It's better if you don't remember…"

"I'll take your word for it, Storm."

"Yay, now we can go to Lowee…!"

"Lowee? That's right, I have to go to Lowee. I feel like nothing in the world is more important than that."

"It seems as though it was carved into her very soul. (°_°)"

"We kinda wasted a lot of time, but now we can get moving! Heeeere weeeee…"

*Slam*

"I've found you!"

"Oh great, the brat's back…What do you want…?" This girl has earned legitimate hate from Johnny. If she makes him angry, I'm going to loath this girl.

"I'm not a brat you gibbering oaf!"

"I'm not an oaf you stupid bitch!"

"How dare you!"

"Ugh, not this nonsense again."

"What'u talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

"We've dealt with her before. She's quite annoying."

"We were dealing with the dragon, weren't we?"

"Probably. Storm and Johnny have run into her too, apparently."

"Abnes, what business do you have with us today?"

"Oh, Lastation's CPU and her lap dog are here, too. How nice. All the perpetrators are in one spot!"

"Heeeey, why are we perpetrators…?"

"Don't play dumb with me! You know what I mean! The cases of little girls going missing in every single nation…You're the criminals behind them!"

"That's crazy talk!" Storm says, effectively magic-ing himself in front of Abnes.

"Totally crazy." Next is Johnny to Storm's right.

"Fucking Looney Tunes." Last is me to Storm's left, completing the trifecta.

"Ignoring those three, why do you think we would be kidnapping little girls?"

"Because…Y-You know, you're doing suspicious and awful things to them! Only CPUs could dream up such heinous acts!"

"Your logic is seriously broken. Anyway, we don't know anything." Noire, leave the sass to the professionals.

"I know nooooothing…"

"You are free to inspect the inside of the Basilicom should you harbor any suspicions. (=A=*)"

"Huh? So you didn't do it…?"

"What a not unfalse accusation! Libel, slander…Slanbel! Only villains do that kind of stuff! Maybe the Seven Sages are guilty! And they wanna blame us instead! I bet my detectiving is right!"

"Impossible! I wouldn't let them! But if it wasn't you six. Then I need to start looking for the criminal all over again…"

"Give us a break, kiddo. We were all pumped to go to Lowee, and then you got here and paraded on our rain."

"Huh? You're going to Lowee? Why?"

"So we can see Blanc and say-"

"Hey! Don't tell her so readily! She's our enemy, got it?"

"Hmm. I see…Lowee, huh…? Um, I just remembered something I gotta take care of. You're off the hook for today. Bye."

*Click*

"Oh, she closed the door this time. I'm amazed she gets a sliding door to make so much noise in the first place."

"You and me both, Neptune." Storm said with a sigh.

"She said whatever she wanted to say and then left. What a nuisance."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it, Noire." I say, trying to keep her from going into psychosis again.

"Children are still disappearing? (·_·?) I was concerned about this a while back, actually…"

"As much as I want to Batman this, we have more pressing concerns."

"Hey, c'mon, let's go plaaaay…" My point is proven.

"Okay, okay. Shall we? I simply must go and complain directly to Lowee's CPU!" So we head to Lastation, to go through Rud. Arms Sewer to get to Lowee. When we get to Rud. Arms Sewer, Neptune strikes up a conversation.

"Excuse me, Noire?"

"What? You sound too serious."

"We're flying by the seat of our knee-highs and pants and all, but I doubt Blanc would do something this bad."

"Your beliefs are irrelevant. My nation was attacked."

"Why won't you listen to me, Noire!? Think about it! Treads reacted in such a way that working with a CPU was equivalent to a cardinal sin. There is no way Blanc is responsible for this."

"Why do you believe in her that much!? Why don't you believe what I'm saying!?"

"It's not like that!"

"Like hell it isn't!"

"I'm just looking over all the facts we have, and you're jumping to conclusions based on one conversation!"

"Well here's one more fact! We're! Done!"

"…What…?"

"We're done. Through…I've been thinking this over, and I've come to the realization that we didn't have much of a connection. We rushed into things. Deep down, we both knew that this wasn't going to work. I'm just upset that it has to end like this…"

"…" The rest of the trip to Lowee was silent, sans the sounds of fighting when we had to deal with monsters. There was one point when we needed to hide from Loweean guards, but overall it was an uneventful walk.

"Wooow, so this is Lowee? It's so interesting…" Plutie was awe struck. I could see a blonde woman in green with VERY large breasts (Vert) standing not so far away. She was talking to herself.

"I see. Interesting. This is what the largest nation looks like. The streets of Lowee are fascinating."

"Huuuuuuuh?"

"Oh?"

"…Hmmmmmmmmmm."

"D-Do you have some business with me? Perhaps I have some tea frozen on my face?"

"Uuuummmmmm, is this your first time in Lowee, lady?"

"Hmm? Um, yes, but…"

"Wow, so you're the same as us…!"

"Th-The same? Is that so…?"

"We have to go find Blanny. Bye-Bye, lady!"

"A-All right. Best of luck to you." After we leave, I hear the tell-tale clacking of someone running in heels. "P-Please wait a moment! Would you happen to be…Noire?"

"I am, yes. Why?"

"Just curious. Your name sounded familiar. I believe I shall take my leave…"

"HEYYYYYYYYYYY! It's Vert! Vert, Vert, Vert!"

"Heavens! Wh-Wh-Wh-Why do you know my name!?"

"Is she your friend, Neppy?"

"Heck yeah! Of course there'd be a Vert over here, too! Wow, it's been a while since I've seen her!"

"So basically, she's a friend of yours in the other dimension."

"U-Um, what's going on? Over here? Dimensions? Just how much do you know about me…? And what is wrong with those young men?"

"Depressed G1 is depressed."

"Yeeeaaah…Stevie's all sad because Noire broke up with him…Johnny and Storm are being nice…Noire wasn't…" Noire visibly flinched, but didn't comment. I didn't either. What's done is done, as much as I don't want it to be.

"I'll do the greeting stuff! This is Vert, and she's like me and Noire. She's Leanbox's CP-"

"AHHHHHH! BLAAAAH! GLOOORRHGNNNN!"

"G-Good gravy, those are some weird noises to make all of a sudden. Why'd you do that?"

"B-Because…you shouldn't reveal a maiden's most intimate secrets like that! Come over here a moment!"

"Hey, don't tug my ear!" The two were whispering, but I paid it no mind.

"What are you two whispering about…?"

"We can't waste time right now."

"Oops, they're right, actually. We gotta hurry and see Blanc. Sorry Vert. I'm in a rush today!"

"All right, let's get moving. We're going to bust right through the Basilicom's front gates!"

"Uh, why are G1's eyes sparkling like that?"

"No idea, Storm."

"EXPLOSIONS!?" Mr. Torgue impression successful.

"Yes, Steven…Explosions…"

"Fuck the hell yes!"

"Looks like he's out of his funk."

"Yay!"

"Yaaaaay!"

"Yay, indeed!"

"I heard an extra voice."

"Huh? Are you gonna join us, Vert?"

"What a terrible response. You were going to kick me out of your party?"

"You were never in it. I can't let some random person join us."

"But the more help, the better."

"Fine, she can come, but someone has to keep an eye on her."

"I believe I will stay by Stevie. He seems to need an eye kept on him as well."

"I'm fine, really."

"I can tell you are wearing a mask to hide your emotions."

"She's good. It took us quite some time to recognize when G1 puts up his wall."

"Either way, I ought to properly introduce myself. My name is Vert. I have traveled to Lowee from afar for my own reasons."

"And those are?"

"I believe them to be similar to yours."

"You're making it hard to trust you."

"It'll be fine, Noire. Vert is Vert, so there's no need to worry."

"You think that ridiculous logic will reassure me? Plus, I don't like the way she went straight to Steven."

"You just broke up with him and you're already jealous."

"I'm not jealous, Johnny. He's the person I'm closest to, and I don't want to see him hurt again."

"I'm Plutia. It's nice to meet you, Vert."

"I'm Johnny. Captain Depression here is G1, and the grand wizard of China is Storm."

"Johnny…" Storm said in a warning manner.

"Sorry Storm, it needed to be done."

"So what is your real name? You have been called Steven, Stevie, and G1."

"Steven. These numbskulls call me G1, the purple duo call me Stevie."

"Is it all right if I refer to you as Stevie?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Well then, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." We head towards the center of the city, which is where the Basilicom is most likely to be. It was ten minutes of walking around before we found the building. Maybe.

"This the place?"

"It's soooooooooooo big! Like a princess's castle…!"

"Storm, what do you think?"

"It looks incredible, G1."

"The security is quite lax for a Basilicom. Are they unprepared or perhaps…?"

"Or perhaps they are waiting for us…"

"Exactly, my red coated friend." Noire was sizzling after that comment from Vert.

"Well, he's not upset anymore. Mopey G1 was weird to see."

"Let's go. We don't have time to dilly-dally." Siege time! It really speaks for itself. I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get to blast the door open. After a while Neptune, once again, starts a conversation.

"Oh hey, a big open room!"

"It sure is…Um, this could be…?"

"Our destination, I assume. And look, the CPU is sitting here, waiting for us to arrive."

"As we expected." Blanc is in HDD. Hooray for healing factors!

"You're so fricken' slow. I thought you might've bit the dust on your way here or something."

"Sounds like you really have been sitting here and waiting for us."

"Blanc's all HDD'ed up, too. Hey, go back to normal. It's easier to talk to you that way."

"What? Like you know anything about my forms. Don't spout crap you know nothing about."

"Neptune, we haven't seen her in her normal form yet."

"Storm, this is too complicated for me…"

"I believe you said something to that effect when we met, as well." Vert observed.

"Did I? Well, they do say that repetition is one of the basics of comedy. Ain't that so, Plutie-pie?"

"It is so, Neppy-poo…I like jokes I can understand…"

"These two are idiots."

"They're your idiots though, Johnny."

"Hey, could you please stop ruining the serious atmosphere?"

"Did you all come here to present your piss-poor comedy routine to me?"

"No way. I have a mountain of complaints to direct into that angry face of yours."

"I do not believe that I'm all right with being considered part of their comedy routine."

"Same goes for me and Johnny. If we were doing this, you'd be on the ground laughing like mad."

"Our comedy's like pouring pee, they say! How cruel! I throw away my shame, rep, and pride to get a guffaw!"

"Gonna have to call bullshit."

"Why do you betray me, Storm?!"

"Neppy, you're a living joke!"

"…Come on, you two…"

"They'll do this forever, won't they? None of you dumbassess are worthy of being CPUs, just as I thought."

"What'd you just say?"

"I'll take you all on at once…This world's one and only CPU is gonna kick your unfunny asses!"

"The world's only CPU, you say?" Vert questioned.

"Overconfidence will be your undoing."

"Well said, G1."

"Ha! If you want a fight, you've got one!"

"Ga-thunk! Hey! Don't start fighting yet!"

"Huuuuh? Abnes?"

"Ew. The little baby child's here?"

"Start talkin' kid. I'm not in the best of moods, and it would be a real shame if my trigger fingers started to get itchy."

"Stop calling me a child! As for you, stop your slacking and get the camera in position already!"

"Ugh, why do I keep getting recruited as the underling, chu…?"

"Stop whining! I'm busy with other things myself, but I still came!"

"Oh, goodie, Mister Rat is here…But, um, why…?"

"It's not that complicated. I already knew that Lowee and the Seven Sages are in cahoots."

*Audible Face Palm Mark Two*

"You say that like it's shady. They just lend me a hand every now and then."

"Ha! I told you so!"

"Seriously, Noire…?"

"I see, I see…Lowee and the Seven Sages…" Vert, what is going through your mind?

"Anyway, you're the one who isn't suitable to be a CPU! You teamed up with a group like them, after all."

"Don't get smart, you damn newbie! I've been protecting this nation all by myself for ages! I'll do whatever it takes to keep it safe! There's no way in hell I'm gonna be bitched into submission by some newborn CPUs and their lackeys!"

"Fights on, then!"

"I feel kinda sorry for Blanny…"

"Why's that?"

"I just said not to start! C'mon rat, aren't you ready yet? You're such a dullard!"

"Shut up, ya little broad! I ain't used to this kind of thing, so…Okay, all set, chu!"

"All right, roll camera! A-Ahem! Hiya, Gamindustri friends! This is the lovely and popular idol of the Seven Sages, Abnes!"

"Yuck. It's creepy how two-faced this kid can be…"

"Can it, rat! Your stupid comments are gonna get picked up by the mic! Err, um…I…I mean…Ehehehe? Golly, I'm soooo sorry! I'm sure you're all surprised by our sudden broadcast, but this is must see TV! Right here, in front of my adorable and impressionable eyes, an all-out brawl between CPUs and their friends is occurring!"

"Huh? Wh-What the heck?! Are we TV right now?!"

"Yeah. I thought it would be good for the world to see me beat the crap outta your assess."

"N-No way…! Crap! My big television debut and I'm in my everyday clothes!? Ugh, how's my hair? Bring me a mirror!"

"Wait, are we doin' it live?! Hey, hey! Can you see me, Histy?!"

"Hmm, if this is being broadcast across the world, this isn't where I need to be. Sayonara…"

"Wait for us outside."

"If that is what you wish, then fine." Vert proceeded to leave in a sprint.

"Is this the thingy that records us? Hey, lemme seeeee…!"

"Don't touch the tech! You'll get your grubby prints on the lens! Move outta frame, you're blocking me!"

"You dumbassess have no idea how to create an air of tension. Do you understand the situation you're in?"

"Of course. We're gonna duke it out. Nothing else to it, really."

"You went through all this trouble to create this stage for us, so…" *Noire Transforms* "I'll take the opportunity to show the world how fast Lowee's CPU falls in battle!"

"I smell your bull from here! I'll show the world that they don't need no CPU but me!"

"Are we good then? We allowed to keep doin' what we've been doing?"

"Only because you're helping my nation."

"Cool. Still want to fight though. It runs through my veins." I'll give you one guess as to who's talking.

"Hey, you four. Hurry up and transform." I shake my head to Johnny and Storm. There's no need for us to do that.

"Are you suuuuure? Okay…"

"Hey, uh, time out!"

"Huuuh?"

"Why are you stopping her? Hurry up and change!"

"Think about it. Do we really wanna show Sadie off to the world on primetime TV? Methinks not…"

"That, and the last time I checked, she's mad at you. Do you really want to deal with that now?"

"What could she possibly be mad about?" I clear my throat obnoxiously and wave. "…Oh…"

"It could scar the kiddies for life and we'll get complaints from the PTA or MPAA or PETA or whatever."

"Th-Those are fair points. What should we do, then?"

"Aww, so can I transform or not…?"

"Dammit! Stop frickin' procrastinating!"

"Yeah, get the violence started, otherwise our viewers are going to change channels!"

"A little girl like you should watch her language. Am I going to need to get a bar of soap?" Troll mode activated. Setting: Dante pre-fight. I learned from the man, after all.

"I ain't no little girl!"

"You sure act like one…"

"Shut up, you bastard!"

"*sigh*…They just don't teach kids manners these days…" I shake my head slowly to give off the idea that I'm disappointed.

"Hahaha…Lowee's CPU must be quite the masochist to expose her uncouth behavior to the entire world. In fact, the two of us may make the perfect couple…!" Plutie transformed during my banter, which means I was being ignored by my friends. Sad face. "Don't worry Stevie, I caught what you said. Might I say, you know how to banter…"

"I aim to please…Hey Johnny, from the sounds of it, you have some competition!"

"There is no way I would replace Johnny. He holds a special place in my heart."

"Welp, she changed. Fine…Whatever happens next ain't no fault o' mine!" *Transforms* "Should we receive any complaints, we will forward them to you, Noire."

"No way. They'll be addressed to your Basilicom, so why should I accept them?"

"Ah-ha! This was your plan all along, wasn't it?!"

"Why, I have no idea what you're trying to imply."

"Are you done barking yet? I'm done with waiting."

"Throwing a tantrum, are we? Steven was right, you are childish…"

"I'll crush you!"

"How confident. I don't dislike that. After all, I find forcing such a strong woman to tears to be a most delightful turn-on! Ahhh, how will I get you to cry? Tying you up and rendering you defenseless is a good start…"

"Sadie, enough already. The world is watching us."

"Ignore her! Do whatever you want to her after we beat her up!"

"Noire, stop enabling her!"

"Keep it PG-13 at the very most."

"Johnny, no."

"To all our loyal viewers, we're sorry for the delay. The big showdown is about to begin! It's a no-holds-barred match! Don't you dare change the channel! Staaay tuned!" Blanc takes the lead by flying into the air, then proceeding to smash the ground with her axe. The resulting earthquake knocked us on our assess. Not pleasant in the least. We all recover, and just in time too, because she was comin' in hot. I draw two swords from the top of Lucifer and cross them to block the blow. I could feel my bones rattle. Not doing that again. Johnny helped me out by doing his impersonation on M.C. Hammer, which sent Blanc towards Storm. He responds with an eight-hit combo, which launches her towards Neptune, who follows up with her own eight-hit combo. She staggers for a moment before rushing at Johnny and hits him with the bladeless side of the axe-head, right in the family jewels.

"Gonna wiz red…" …Aaaaaaaand he's down!

"Fighting Viper!" As expected, Plutie comes in as the avenger of Johnny's balls, hitting Blanc with the powerful special move. Taking the opportunity, I switched to Nix and took a horizontal swing with it. Several shards of ice were launched towards the unfortunate CPU of Lowee. It didn't seem that it was all that effective, so I followed up with a moderate amount of dakka-dakka.

"Lace Ribbons Dance!" After Noire's signature technique was finished, so was the fight.

"Gwaaaaaaah!"

"*pant, pant* That'll do it! See, world? See what a sorry mess the CPU of Lowee is right now?"

"As expected of Blanc…She held her ground against the six of us for this long…"

"Oh dear, all my sweat is causing my leather to chafe…You gave us a real rough ride, I admit…But I'll pay my discomfort back in full, plus interest for all the teasing you gave us and what you did to Johnny…"

"And that's a wrap! Hiya, everyone! Did you see that?! Lowee's CPU lost! She was utterly defeated!"

"I…I lost…? Me? How…?"

"Lookie, lookie! Look how sad and stupid the CPU who ruled over you for so long appears now! Ahahaha! So lame! Incredibly uncool!"

"I…I…" Blanc doesn't deserve this, but we can't stop it. Damn! She transforms against her will. "I'm losing so many believers…My powers are drying up…"

"Blanc…"

"The brats ticking me off. I don't care about Lowee's CPU or anything," Insert tsundere joke here. "But she's going too far."

"Definitely."

"What boorish manners, tormenting my victim before I get the chance…You should wait your turn…"

"Well, today's broadcast is at an end! I can't wait to see you again! Ugh. Finally. What an annoying personality. Although I did get to see a CPU looking so pathetic, so that was kind of cool!"

"L-Let's get the hell out of here, chu! If we don't, that sadistic CPU and her back-up are going to turn us inside out!"

"Oh, dear…Lady Blanc…"

"Minister, I…"

"I see that you have lost. Just as my calculations had calculated." I don't mean to be that guy, but he could have said that in such a simpler and less redundant way.

"What…should I do? If this keeps up, my nation…Lowee will…"

"Do not worry. Leave everything to me. Yes, everything…I will do as I see fit with this nation!"

"Huh? …Minister?"

"Minister?! How wrong you are. For you see, my true identity is…Mister Badd, one of the Seven Sages!"

"So Noire, what was that earlier?"

"Shut up, Steven."

"Seven Sages…? You? H-How can this be…?"

"Without even realizing it, you had appointed one of the Seven Sages as your right-hand man, huh?" Even though I like this Neptune more, it won't stop me from criticizing her for pointing out the obvious.

"What? How stupid can she get?! She's gotten exactly what she deserves!" Noire being arrogant cliché.

"You should train your gimps properly. Train them so thoroughly that they would never dare question their master!"

"Or you could run background checks."

"Bwahaha! We are grateful to you all. Had you six lost, I would've had to continue ingratiating myself under this hot-headed brat."

"How long are you going to yak? I'm gonna go home. Laters!"

"M-Me too! I'm busting outta this joint as soon as possible, chu!"

"You are not dismissed, rat. I have one more job for you."

"What?!"

"You must broadcast my political and socioeconomical agendas as the nation's great new leader. Prepare the camera. But before that…Guard, over there."

"Sir!"

"Loweean soldiers? There looks to be quite a few of them."

"Too many to be a coincidence."

"He already controls the military? This nation wouldn't have lasted much longer even if we left it alone." No shit, detective Noire.

"…" Sad Blanc is sad.

"Arrest them. Make sure they don't have any story-breaking escapipes to warp out of prison with, too!"

"Understood!"

"Oh, it sounds as though we are going to get all chained up…" Oh Plutie, aren't you the naughty one.

"We're worn down already…Taking on this many strong soldiers will prove difficult…"

"Hmm? Why, my darling little Neppy, you just said something rather filthy." At least I'm not the only one who noticed. Johnny would have too, but he's still down for the count.

"Okay, enough innuendo. Let's just keep quiet. Thanks to SOMEONE, we're in a bind."

"I'm too pretty to go to jail!"

"Okay first of all, when did you wake up? Second off, Johnny, there are no words." I feel a prick in my neck. After feeling around, I pull out a dart.

"We were informed of your impressive healing and destructive capabilities. That dart was filled with a potent neurotoxin. Lethal to even CPUs, but it will be enough to keep you down for a while." My vision got blurry, and the last thing I can understand is that I'm falling.

 **So I apologize for the excess of what nots towards the end of this chapter. I was watching CinemaSins on youtube while typing this up. Otherwise I hope you enjoyed. Cya next time.**


	14. Breaking In and Breaking Down

Chapter 14: Breaking In and Breaking Down

I come to in a prison cell. I'm not on the floor, so I must be shackled to the wall. I try to move, and when I do, all I feel is pain. That's when Johnny's voice registered in my mind.

"You think you have it bad, you should see G1."

"What's wrong with Stevie…?"

"Well, Plutie…He's been pinned to the wall of this cell by all things sharp and pointy." I found my voice again, right in time to comment.

"Yeah, and it hurts like hell. I'm pretty sure my body's putting everything it has towards keeping me alive. Probably can't even Devil Trigger at this rate."

"That's pretty bad. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, Blanc, I'm good. You see, Mister Badd has fucked up pretty bad. He pierced my heart with a Devil Arm."

"A Devil Arm? What is it?"

"A sword called Alastor. I like the looks of it, seeing as how there is lightning dancing around the blade."

"You're still going to need some help, Steven."

"I assumed that was a given."

"Then maybe I can be of assistance."

"That sultry, sophisticated voice could only belong to…! Vert! You're still alive!" Yeah Neptune…I did tell her to wait outside. Then again, you probably didn't hear.

"Please don't kill me off merely because I was out of the story for a bit. It has been a while, everyone."

"Where did you go? You disappeared without a word." Noire, why do you have trust issues when it comes to strangers?

"I was outside, where I was asked to be. Because I listened to our pin-cushion, I can reappear now to bail you out." I could hear a jingle as she lifted something in her hand.

"Huh? Is that the master key you got that…?" Sounds like Blanc recognizes what Vert has.

"Wooooow…How did you get it…?"

"One of the guards posted nearby was clutching it as if it were a very precious treasure. One moment, please." The sounds of two doors being opened was obvious in the enclosed area, and when they got to my cell, the girls looked quite sickened.

"Trust me, it's not as bad as it looks. It's more like a dull throbbing than anything else."

"Now, we must be careful when rem-"

"Nah, just yank 'em on out. My demonic side will take care of the rest." Noire is the first to approach. "Wait! Don't touch Alastor. One, this is a test, and two, it'll electrocute you." She pulls a spear out of my left thigh, and I flinch.

"Sorry!"

"Correction time. Be gentle, but don't hesitate."

"Reeeeeeeaally…?" What have I done? "Okaaaay…!" The next ten minutes is Plutie taking her time, removing the sharp objects as slowly and as painfully as possible with a twisted smile on her face.

"Okay. Now to get down." I push myself of the wall with my forearms, with Alastor still lodged in my chest. Being freed from my predicament, I gripped Alastor by the blade a proceeded to remove the sword. My new weapon is coursing with power. "Oh…It's payback time."

"Then let's go. I need revenge for that old man stealing my nation!" We start running (me gimping) towards the exit. When we get out of the actual prison, we wind up in a cave. No ordinary cave though.

"Are those…?"

"Demons? Yes. They're minor ones though, so normal attacks will work fine. This brings good news and bad news."

"What is it?"

"Good news is that I'll be able to build up enough energy to Devil Trigger again."

"And the bad news?"

"I was getting to that, Neptune. The bad news is that we'll have to come back here at a later date to find the big bad that orders these things around."

"How do you know so much about demons?"

"It takes one to know one, Blanc. That's all I'm saying."

"I can tell by the look in your eye that you want to take your new toy for spin, don't you G1?"

"Funny that you mentioned that." After I say that, I use the "Round Trip" skill on the closest demon, a marionette. It was cut to pieces by the spinning blade before said blade returns. Catching the hilt, I rest Alastor's blade on my shoulder and smirk to my friends.

"Cocky bastard."

"By all means, Johnny, show me up…" Thus the competition started between all of us. A competition of who could kill a demon in the most stylish way. We all lost to Blanc when she did this crazy thing with her hammer, flipping it around like it was a stick. About half way into our cave escape, Neptune speaks up.

"By the way, Plutie…"

"Hmmmmmmm? What's up?"

"It's cool we're helping Blanc retake her nation and stuff, but…how're we gonna do it?"

"We'll just…ummmmm…How do we do it, Noire…?"

"Don't shoulder me with this!"

"Why don't we give him a taste of his own medicine?"

"Keep talking, Johnny. I think you're on a roll." Storm said, trying to coax Johnny to speak.

"He did this by humiliating her on TV. Why don't we do the same to him?"

"That's a great idea…We can have Mister Rat film, too…!"

"And I owe him for how he 'detained' me."

"I have a question to ask you, Steven. I already asked this question to these five."

"Sure, Blanc. Shoot."

"Are you willing to be my friend?"

"It's an odd time to be asking, but sure. I'd be more than happy to."

"Let's get moving now that we have a plan." Noire, taking charge, lead us the rest of the way out of the cave. We only had a little bit of resistance, so I've only built up enough juice to Trigger once, for about 20 minutes. The cave's exit lead to a different part of the castle.

"Where to now, Blanc?"

"Follow me. It's a different way to get to that bastard."

"Lead the way…" After traversing the winding paths and warp areas, I can hear the fat old man.

"Hmm, no, this won't do…The balance is a bit off…"

"Give it up already, chu! How long're you gonna make me wait?!"

"Don't rush me. This is my grand debut as a nation's leader, so I must make my comb-over appear flawless."

"Nobody cares about a frumpy old man's balding hairstyle, chu! I hust wanna leave!"

"Even if you hurry home, it's not as though there's anything waiting for you when you get back."

"Dude, this really sucks, chu…The longer you fuss with your 'do, all I can think about is those two escaping, and then…"

"Hmph. A foolish concern. I oversaw that dungeon's creation over the years I've spent here. I am certain that even if they all band together, escape from there is impossible."

"Surprise Motherfucka!" Opportunity taken advantage of.

"Cheese burgers and fries motherfucka!" Really Johnny? Really?

"Sonofabitch! I…I knew it!"

"We made it time."

"Damn straight, Noire!" Okay Johnny, turn it down a knotch.

"Minister…!"

"Drat, the CPUs and friends! You don't mean to tell me you escaped from my dungeon, do you!?" Hey, where'd Vert go?

"Yeah, and I'd like to file a complaint. My living arrangements felt like I was sleeping on bricks, and the springs were coming up through."

"Of course we did! As soon as you put us in there, the flag for the next story scene triggered."

"Urgh! When you put it in fourth-wall-breaking terms like that, it appears I was careless!"

"I told you so! Screw this! I don't care anymore. I'm gonna bounce."

"We won't let you! Plutia, go!"

"Ookey-dokey. Whee…!" *Transforms* "Lovely. I've captured the filthy rodent."

"Hey, no fair! L-Let go of me! Lemme go, chu!"

"You mustn't struggle, little one. If you behave, I won't hurt you."

"Wh-What're you gonna do to me?! Certain animal rights groups ain't gonna like how you touch me…!"

"We only want you to do what you were doing before, camera-rat." Storm said.

"Th-The camera?"

"Yep, yep!" *Neptune Transforms* "After all, we must broadcast the speech this man will give where he confesses to all his wrongdoings."

"So that's your strategy…? It seems as though you planned this quite thoroughly, Lady Blanc."

"…Prepare yourself. There's no chance in hell that I'm going to forgive you."

"Ooh, I'm shaking in my 30,000 credit suit! But is it not inconsistent of you to team up with them?"

"Shut up! You're the one at fault here, not her!" *Transforms* "Plus you're the reason I took a nut-shot earlier!"

"As for me, uh, it's not like I'm actually cooperating with Lowee's CPU or anything." Tsun-Tsun is real. *Transforms* "It's more that I want to knock your teeth out myself!"

"Storm, shall we?"

"Let's." We both transform, but instead the usual red and black, my vision is filled with blue energy. I feel a lot lighter, and lightning is cackling around my form.

" **You're in for a real** _ **shock**_ **if you think you can get away with this little stunt of yours.** "

"Boooo!"

" **Screw you, Johnny! I'm punny!** "

"I suggest you surrender while you have the chance."

"No, Storm. Letting him cry uncle is far too boring. Our little rodent friend wants to film me and Stevie teaching this sweaty pig some discipline. Isn't that right?"

"Th-That is absolutely what I want, chu!"

"…" Mr. Badd was silent, for a moment. "Hehe…Hahaha…Is it really fine for you to broadcast something like this?"

"Hmm? Are you trying to stall for time?" That's kind of obvious.

"He has a point. This may turn into something improper to broadcast into the living rooms across the globe."

"That's not it at all. It's just that, there are only three CPUs among you."

"Three? …No…"

"…" Blanc is not happy."

"Mister Rat. Don't begin recording just yet."

"Wh-Whatever you say, chu!"

"Don't give us that blank stare. Transform already! We're doing this for YOUR nation, after all!"

"She can't, Noire."

"I figured as much. After that last battle, I doubt anyone is left to power you with their faith…Without the faith of your people, you are nothing. The power of a CPU seems so fickle and inconvenient!"

"Grr…!"

"What about it? Even if we don't have Lowee's CPU with us, beating you won't be a problem at all."

"Bit arrogant there, Noire." Johnny commented.

"Noire, if we do that, we may be the ones who gain faith from the people of Lowee instead of Blanc. This would result in Lowee's total extinction and Blanc would no longer have the powers of a CPU…" Have I ever mentioned that I like this Neptune more? No? Well, now you know.

"Oh…You're right."

"Hmm. So my darling, shy little Blanc can't transform…"

"Geheheheheh! If you're fine with that, do as you wish to me! Just know that the curtain would fall on Lowee, and it would be at the hands of you fools!"

"What to do…? I want to beat the snot out of this guy way more than I want to worry about Lowee." Same, Noire.

"I would love to keep the cute, non-CPU version of Blanc as my personal pet…"

"Don't joke around about tha-…Wait, you weren't joking were you?"

"Aww, I'm glad my dear little Neppy has come to understand me."

"Wait. We should think smarter, not harder." I has the dumb. Storm, you are a beautiful bastard for reminding me.

" **What about us? We're all technically citizens here. Can't WE put our faith in her?** "

"You'd do that for me…?"

" **Yeah. Why wouldn't we?** "

"Same. Plutie, Noire, I suggest that you do as well."

"Stevie, Neppy, how did you know what I was going to suggest?"

" **Magic.** "

"Huh? Me? Uh, well…As my upperclassman of sorts, maybe I'll put some faith in you. Just a tiny but!"

"You…Ahh…? I feel…a little bit of power. It's small, but it's enough to…" *Blanc Transforms* "Transform! I did it!"

"H-How can this be?!"

" **Fuck you, that's how.** "

"Hahaha…Hahahahaha! Now I can pummel your wrinkled face into dough without hesitation!" Blanc is three seconds from going Dark Side on us.

"Gosh, you're such a pain…"

"Now there are truly four CPUs for him to contend with."

"So do you want us to sit out or…?"

"Of course not. It wouldn't be as much fun if all of us didn't play. I do like this aggressive Blanny, though…She's cute, too…"

"Drat…I never would have thought the situation would unfurl in this manner…But it's also my chance to bury all four CPUs and their associates here and take over the world…like a true businessman!"

"That's impossible."

" **And retarded.** "

"How can you be so sure, hmm? I still have one last ace up my professionally laundered sleeve! I diverted some of Lowee's military budget into the development of this super-cool powered mech suit!"

"Wh-What the hell?!"

"You were even embezzling from the national budget?" Noire seems shocked.

" **Like a true politician.** "

"Pretty sloppy management of your trusted advisors."

"C-Can it, pigtails! That doesn't matter right now!"

"Which one?"

"The purple one! Jeez…You're any idiot…"

"That's Johnny for you."

"Mwahahaha! Unwanted CPUs…Witness my true power!" Mr. Badd said as his mech suit stomped around. The thing was proportionally as fat as he was. It was also rocking a Professor Port moustache.

"Hmph. I'll crush that ugly mech suit like a can of soda! You'll know my true rage and regret crossing me!"

"We mustn't kill him. We need to make him divulge his secrets afterwards."

"So beating him within an inch of his life is still on the table?"

"*sigh* Yes Johnny, as long as he can still talk…"

"Cool."

"It finally begins…!"

" **Yes it does, Plutie. This is going to be great.** "

"Start filming, my dear rodent!" Plutie said with a wink.

"You got it, chu!"

The time for talk was over. I stay back and shoot at the machine with Fame and Infamy, resulting in small bolts of lightning flying at the old man.

" **Guys, let's act as support. Let's let the girls have their fun.** "

"Sure, why not?" Storm said, as the two of them switch their weapons into their gun forms and join me in the hailstorm of death and destruction. Neptune, Noire, and Plutie are slicing away at the machine, while Blanc is just standing there. Why? Whatever. The guy is on his back and Blanc is approaching him. She brings up one of her feet and slams it down on his face over and over and over again. Her resemblance to Yuki Terumi from Blazblue: Chronophantasma is fucking terrifying. That was over quick. Damn. What a drag. Point's across, so I guess it's a 'okay. Time to end this once and for all.

"Live from Lowee's Basilicom, this is Neptune…"

"And Noire, reporting…But, um…"

"I'm so sorrrrrryyyyyyy! Everything I did was wrong!"

"I can't hear you, pig! Squeal louder!" Blanc screamed out.

"Gah! Please stop shouting…!"

"Hahaha! How dare you try and speak like a human, you swine! Stay on all fours and squeal!" Plutie said, signaling the beginning of her turn.

"Ack, stop! Please stop poking my piggy toes with such fervor…! M-Mercy…"

" **So who wants bacon!?** "

"Herkgargerk!"

"S-So, um, yeah! As you've just seen, the stuff that went down today was all the Seven Sages' wicked scheme. Now to Johnny for the weather."

"Thanks, Neptune. From the looks of things, a shit storm's a brewin' for Mr. Badd. Back to you."

"And now, we go to Reporter Noire, for her professional opinion."

"Um, let's see…It might look like we're coercing a confession, but his deeds are all documented fact. I know it's probably too late to even ask, but is it really okay for us to broadcast this?"

"I wonder…So hey, mums and pops of the world cover your little spawns' eyes and ears real tight!"

"It's definitely too late for that."

"R-Rat! Stop recording…please! Try to honor the wishes of your fallen comrade…!"

" **Stop recording and I'll cook you like a steak!** "

"Oh, man…Sorry, but I gotta be Lady Plutia's and the boss man's loyal servant, chu!"

"That's a good little pet. Unlike this filthy hog…!"

"Ow, stop! Please don't pull out my precious remaining hairs one by one! That really hurts, somewhat!"

"Tch. I'm done for now."

" **I'm with Blanc. This is getting stale.** "

"I can't believe I let this piece of crap manipulate me…What an embarrassment."

"Y-You mean, it's finally over…? The gods of business have spared me…"

"Aww, you're tired of him already? That's fine. I'll continue to enjoy him all by myself…"

"Noooooooo!"

" **No.** " I can hear the CinemaSins sin counter sound. Yay!

"Um, so, even if we gotta force her, shouldn't we end the show?"

"Yeah…Dear viewers, this concludes the Seven Sages' emergency apology press conference!"

"Hey, you idiots watching TV! Don't you DARE think about losing faith in me EVER AGAIN! If you do, you'll suffer the same punishments this jerkoff got!"

"Take this! Yah! HAAAAAH!"

"S-Someone save meeeeee!"

"Not gonna touch that with a forty foot pole." Storm said warily. Plutie went for another ten minutes before she released her transformation.

"A bunch of stuff happened today, but we did on ace attorney's job at closing the case!"

"Alright, Phoenix Wright, settle down."

"I'm so glad, Blanny…"

"Yeah, um…Th-Thanks, Plutia. And you too, Neptune."

"Don't even mention it! No biggie."

"That's right. We're friiiiends…"

"Aren't you forgetting to thank a few people?"

"Right. Johnny, Storm, Steven…Thank you."

"What the hell!? What about me?!"

"You'll never get a thank you from me."

"What was that?!"

"Alright children, play nice…" Storm says, trying to prevent an argument.

"Heeeey, be friends…"

"This is A-OK, pal. They were like this in my world, too. So before you know it, they'll be good buddies."

"We'll never be friends!" The two of them yelled at the same time.

"See? They're already singin' the same jingles!"

"Just you wait…If I get serious, Lastation won't even be a blip on my gamepad's radar! Don't even bother to come crying to me then!"

"Yeah, sure. Just be careful you don't ruin your nation all by yourself AGAIN."

"Frickin' newbie…!"

"Senile has-been…!"

"Umm, now that you mention it…I can see them acting like gooooood friends, even when they argue…"

"Mind if we switch topics for a bit? I've got something on my mind that I've been meaning to talk about for a while now."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Politics…Sorta…"

"Ugh. That's Histy's job."

"It's nothing like that. I just want to suggest something."

"Which is…?"

"A neutral area where the borders of your three nations intersect."

"G1, what are you planning?"

"Storm, I'm planning on making a place for those who can't afford the Guild's fees to go to so they can get their problems taken care of. It will also serve as the central hub of an information web that will keep track of demon activity."

"And who will run this place?"

"Yours truly, Noire."

"You?"

"Yeah, it'll be exactly what I've been doing with you, minus the paperwork, and I'll be getting info from all three nations."

"It is a good idea. I support it."

"We'll have to talk to Histy, but she should be fine with it. It's all up to you, Noire."

"That means you'll have to move out."

"That is correct."

"Have I treated you that badly that you would run from me so quickly?"

"Not at all. In fact, this is all to protect you. We already ran into demons today. And like I said before, there's a bigger fish still kicking about. That means we're going to need a bigger net."

"Really…?"

"Yeah."

"Fine…"

"Now all you have to do is get this place built."

"I know that, Johnny."

"Until the construction is complete, you can stay at my Basilicom here in Lowee. It's closer to your suggested area than the other two."

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine. I do have to repay you, after all." Noire still looks upset. I'm going to have to fix that.

"Don't make that face. I'm not abandoning you. You are my best friend after all."

"What about us?"

"Have we lived together for three years?"

"Alright…I'll shut up."

"Really?" Noire asks with tears in her eyes.

"Really." Without another word she hugs me as tight as she could. It's actually hurts a bit, but I'll deal.

"Awww…"

"I think it's time to go home now, Plutie. I bet Histy's crying from all the lonely silence!" Way to ruin the fucking moment Neptune.

"We should head home too. You need to start packing."

"Bye-Bye, Blanny…!"

"Hey, um…When I get the time, do you think I can…come over…?"

"Yeeeeah…! Come over aaanytime…"

"R-Really? It's a promise, okay…?"

"Uh-huuuuh, I promise…"

"C-Cool…Hehe…"

"Hmph."

"Oh? I know that jealous look Lonely Heart. Do you think Blanc is gonna take your only two friends from you?"

"What?! N-No, I don't! They would never pick Lowee's CPU as a friend over me, anyway. Steven said so himself."

"You can't know for sure. I mean, Plutie keeps saying how Blanc is totally cool and stuff, and Stevie is moving in with her with no hesitation. As for me, Storm, and Johnny, we always get to hang out with Plutie, so we're safe."

"Grrr! PLUTIA! Don't just stand around talking. We've got to hurry home!"

"Jealous Noire is jealous." Johnny, there can only be one.

"Aww, don't drag meeee…"

"Oh…"

"See you laaaater, Blanny…!"

"See you sometime tomorrow."

"Okay. See you later, then."

"After walking a while, Neptune once again starts up a conversation. I hope that doesn't become a trend.

"Hey, Plutie. Something's been buggering me out…"

"Hmmm? What's that…?"

"When you turned into Sadie today, you were strangely nice to Blanc. Do you like her that much, or what?"

"It's actually pretty simple why she did that. Make your victim trust you, and crushing them becomes even more satisfying."

"G1, you know way too much about sadism."

"No, it's a basic psychological phenomena. Kidnappers use it all the time, too. It's how Stockholm's syndrome works." I will be honest. I've watched way too much Law and Order: SVU and NCIS.

"He's right…She was crying, and her face looked super cute to me, soooo…"

"What?" Noire asked rhetorically.

"Super cute, huh…?"

"So I thought, if I act nice before I act mean, she'd cry even harder and then it'd be even more super cuter…!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"But, ummm, I don't think that now. It was just what I thought at the time…"

"You are a cruel, cruel person…"

"Johnny, you're sooo mean…" After that, we head home and wrap up the eventful day with packing, eating, and other various activites.

 **Not much to say, except that I apologize for the shitty ending. Thanks for putting up with me and see you in two weeks.**


	15. Bang the Doldrums

Chapter 15: Bang the Doldrums

It's been two weeks since our little excursion to Lowee. My proposed plan went off without a hitch. Devil May Cry is up and running. I would have named it something else, but Dante was having none of it. Something along the lines of "You use my powers, so I get to name the shop." Blanc has come to refer to me as her brother. It was super awkward at first. I've grown use to it, even if it still bugs me a bit. The two of us were walking down the streets of Planeptune. She wanted to visit Plutie and asked me to join her. I didn't have a reason to say no. As we meander our way through the purple city, I hear two familiar voices.

"Even though this-dimension's-you hates to lose, you kinda suck at games. You're head-shakingly mistaken if you believe you can defeat me at your skill level."

"I refuse to accept that. Even if it's just at a stupid game, I can't believe that you're better than me!"

"So hey, try to face this factoid. If you couldn't do your work with me around, why're you coming along now?"

"I-It'll all work out. I usually work incredibly hard, so I can take a break like this if I want. Besides, if I don't show my face around here every now and then, they might forget me…"

"Whoa, your face just looked like it was punched by a love fist!"

"Huh!? N-N-No it didn't! Don't say anything that'll cause a misunderstanding!" That's when we caught up to the N duo.

"How shameful, shouting in the middle of a busy street."

"You got your ass handed to you by Neptune? That's just sad…"

"Blanc? Stevie? Well, what a coinkydink."

"Ugh. Why is the benevolent CPU of Lowee at a lowly place like this?"

"I'd appreciate it if you tried to call me by my name, newbie CPU of Lastation."

"Grrr!"

"Grrr!"

"Alright you two, settle down. No need for you to growl at each other like animals. At least, not in public."

"Um, so what's up, Blanc? Got some biz in Planeptune?"

"It's nothing official like that. I had some free time, so I've come to visit with Plutia."

"You've been coming and going all over the place since then, huh? So in this dimension, both Blanc and Noire are fighting for Plutie's attention."

"I-It's not like that…" Blanc said, blushing.

"Neptune, we both know that Noire is straight, so why're you saying that?"

"She might be bi…"

"…That's not an inaccurate line of thinking…"

"Shut up! Both of you!" Low five of victory. "You've got fewer shares than this newbie, Blanc, but you can hang out here?"

"It's not that I have fewer shares. Lowee still has more brand-loyal followers than Lastation."

"I noticed you said 'still'…At least you admit that it's only a matter of time until I pass you."

"Could you not twist my words to work them against me?"

"So Stevie, what are you doing here!?" Neptune said obnoxiously in order to diffuse the situation. I should thank her later.

"Blanc asked me to accompany her. I also wanted to show off a new Devil Arm that I got from the thing running the show in Lowee's dungeon. Took care of that a week ago."

"What is it?" Noire asked.

"See this suitcase?"

"Yeah…"

"It has the ability to change into 666 different forms."

What's its name, Steven?"

"Pandora."

"Brother, why didn't you tell me you have a box that contains all the evils of the world?" Blanc said menacingly.

"For this exact reason."

"Oh look! We're almost to the Basilicom, so you all better learn how to play nice, okay?" We walk into the living area of the Basilicom, "I'm home!" and we're all shocked. Things escalated very quickly.

"Welcome back, Neppy…You're sooooo late…"

"Goo…" Babies. Four of them. Wat…?

"Yeah, sorry about that. Noire kept begging me to stay with her."

"Ploo…Poo…Pooty…" Said the human bumblebee.

"I told you not to word things in a way that'll cause misunderstandings, especially around Steven!"

"She's not wrong. I have eight different things I could say, but there are small children around."

"Wait…Children…?"

"Yes Blanc…Children…" In order from left to right, was a baby with cream/pink eyes and hair, a baby with green eyes and brown hair that had a leaf bow in it, the bumblebee, and a baby with a symbol an it's hand that was very similar to a CPU power symbol-eye-thing. This is going to be my entire day, isn't it? The cream one started to cry.

"Aww, it's okay…They aren't scaaaary…"

"Huh? Is she really going to cry?"

"They are babies. They do cry a lot."

"I don't like crying kids."

"Hey, c'mon, gimme a smile! Oogedy-boogedy-boo!" Neptune is surprisingly good with kids.

"Huh…? Hehehehehe…"

"Whew, that was a close one. She's all smiles again."

"Amaaaaazing…Neppy, you're a baby whisperer…!"

"Y-You think so? I was just following my gut…"

"By the way, Plutia?" Noire started.

"Yeeeees?"

"These miniature humans circling you…"

"Huh? The baaaaabies…?"

"Baby. A word used to denote one who was recently born into the world." Blanc reported robotically.

"Uh-huh. Babies, you say." Even after I brought it up several times, it just sunk into the three girls.

"…"

"…"

"…" The three had faces of shock, and that was when Johnny and Storm entered.

"WHAAAAAAAAT?!" Was the delayed response.

"Bah! Waaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Aah! No yelling, pleeeeease…"

"Of course we're going to yell! Plutie, when'd you pop them out?!"

"Huuuuh?"

"Right! Why didn't you tell me? Whose are they?! Where's the dad?!"

"Hey, Noire, I think Johnny's the dad." Oh, I'm playing a dangerous game.

"He better not be!"

"I'm not! I'm not! I swear!"

"Ummm, everyone…?"

"Wait, wait. Sonething's wrong. Let's just count off some simple prime numbers to calm down…!" Prime numbers? Really, Noire?

"Prime numbers! Okay, I got this one!" No Neptune, no you don't. "3.1415926535897932384636433832…"

"Stop, Neptune. The twenty-first number after the decimal is 2. Rookie mistake."

"Blanc, how many numbers of Pi do you know?"

"Enough, Storm."

"What kind of ridiculous antics have you seven gotten into now?"

"Mini-Histy! This is a life-changing issue we're tackling here!"

"Let's see…I was going to show off my demonic suitcase, I tried to get Noire to kill Johnny and almost succeeded, and Plutie managed to have four children in the span of two weeks."

"Usually, we'd be congratulating you for something like this, but I can't force myself to celebrate just yet…" Blanc said mostly to herself.

"That's not what this iiiiis…!"

"*sigh* Neptune, I recall explaining this to you already… (°Д°|||)"

"What, Plutie's pregger production? I didn't hear a single contraction about this!"

"We're using the Basilicom as a daycare, Neptune. You know, due to the disappearing children…?"

"Now that you mention it, Storm, I guess that does sound like something Mini-Histy said…So…they're not Plutie and Johnny's kids?"

"Noooope…I mean, I've never even shared a room with Johnny…"

"Neptune being Neptune I can understand, but for Noire, Steven, and Blanc to misunderstand… ( · . ·;)"

"W-Well, I knew it from the first second I walked in here. Neptune was falling for it real good, huh?"

"What an embarrassing excuse."

"Yes, Blanc, yes it is…"

"Why are you two double teaming me?"

"I would've thought you liked being double-teamed?"

"They grow up so fast." I say, shoulder hugging Blanc while wiping a fake tear from my eye.

"Hehehe! Pea-yah!" Bumblebee hit cream baby.

"Owwy! *sniff* …Waaaaaaaaaaaah…!" Cream baby, no!

"Heeeey! No bully!" Brown and green cried.

"Leave alone!" Weird hand yelled.

"No, no. You mustn't fight…"

"Hyaaaa! Pu-pu!"

"No wunning away!"

"Do sumtin, Plutie!"

"Yeah! Do sumtin!"

"Oh, noooo….! Don't pile on me all at once…"

"Looks pretty rough, Plutie. I doubt I could handle being a mommy or whatever."

"Do not say such things. After all, Neptune, you will be helping us as well. (·A·*)"

"Say whaaaaaat? I will?"

"Of course. This is a Basilicom duty, so the CPUs must handle it."

"You know…I'd be more than willing to take one of these kids off of your hands…"

"No offense Steven, but it I don't exactly see you as the fatherly type." Oh really, Noire?

"Bet you you're wrong."

"Bet you I'm right."

"Bet you you're a skank!"

"Bet you you're an asshole!"

"How much?"

"100,000 credits."

"Deal. Do I get to pick?"

"By all means, do."

"Please do not treat the children like inanimate objects!"

"We aren't, Histoire. I just think that if he wants to be a parent, then he should have a kid that he can actually raise."

"…I do not like this, but fine." I already know my choice. Brown and green aka Iffy aka IF.

"She will do just fine." As I pick her up, she asks me a question that absolutely breaks my heart.

"Are you gonna be my daddy?"

"Wow, you can see the exact moment where G1's heart shattered." Johhny, don't ruin my moment with this precious cinnamon bun.

"Yes. Yes I am." Running hug,exe.

"We aren't taking any with us."

"That is not what is being asked of you, Noire."

"I don't think I'd be of any help when it comes to looking after kids."

"But but but, sometimes dealing with these babies makes me soooo angry…I might even end up transforming…"

"What?! No! You absolutely cannot do that!"

"Who's gonna become a badass? You are! Yes you are!"

"Aaaaaand G1's lost his mind…"

"So what are their names?"

"Thank you for asking, Storm. The girl with cream hair is Compa, Steven's 'daughter' id IF…"

"Can we get paperwork to make that official, Histoire?"

"Sure we can, Steven. I will find the papers later today."

"Cool…"

"Anyways, the girl in black and yellow is Peashy…"

"Black and yellow, black and yellow…" Are you fucking serious, Johnny…?

"And the boy with the mark on his hand is Bryce."

"Will you help me…?"

"Plutie, you're asking them like we aren't going to force them to stay and help."

"Brother, what does he mean by that?"

"Johnny is probably going to put you two under house arrest so that you were forced to help."

"It looks like we don't have a choice, so alright…"

"The matter is settled, then. Thank you for your help, everyone."

"After spending the day taking care of the four, we are all tired. Iffy is napping in the crook of my arm.

"Ugh, I'm so…tired…"

"Neptune, we're all tired…"

"Good work, everyoooone…:

"I stand corrected…" So do I, Storm.

"How aren't you exhausted…?"

"Question of the day, Noire."

"I knew it…I can't deal with kids…"

"Zzz…Bahh…Dad…"

"Mmm…Zzz…Nep-Nep…"

"Zzz…Yum…Neptuna…" Bryce is silent, cuddling an ancient dragon plushie.

"These miniature humans are so cute when they're asleep like this, but…"

"It sounds like two of them are dreaming about you, Neptune. I have no idea what the hell they see in you."

"Johnny, it must be their similar mindsets." Blanc, my pupil, you have impressed your master.

"Oh, okay. So they all see Neptune as a baby, too." Noire pointing out the obvious cliché. *Sin Noise* Yay mental shenanigans!

*In the recesses of my mind*

"I'm glad I put up that filter. Let's me nap easier." The red clad man said as he plopped down onto a couch.

*Back to reality*

"You're sooooo lucky, Neppy…I was the one taking care of them first, but they like you more…"

"Ugh, I've got like zero HP, you guys, I need to sleep for a night and hear some goofy fanfare to restore it."

"I-It is an emergency! Neptune, emergency! Σ(°Д°|||)"

"Oof…I jinxed myself…"

"Shhhh…The babies are sleeping, so you have to be reeeeal quiet…"

"Oh…I am sorry… (;⎺ Д ⎺) But this is not the time for that! Please listen!"

"Histoire, can we please get some sleep…?"

"No Johnny! That is unallowable! You must listen to me NOW! (`□´)"

"If she's that panicked, it has to be important. Just hear her out."

"Okay, fine. What's up?"

"O-Oh, right. Well… ( ⎺□⎺;) I have bad news, and worse news."

"We get to choooooose…? Let's hear the bad news, please…"

"The bad news concerns all of you. There was something akin to a declaration of war sent to all three nations a moment ago. ( · ω ·;)"

"A declaration of war? Not pleasant news at all."

"Technically, it was something. How to put this…The gist was how someone wished to declare war, and so she wants you all to visit her nation."

"Her nation? Where is that? I haven't heard about a new nation being formed on this continent."

"Maybe it's not _on_ the continent, Noire."

"Correct, Storm. It was founded on an island nation south of here. It is called Leanbox."

"Oh, well duh. That fit in with the story's flow of progression."

"Neppy, do you know about it…?"

"Yeah I do. So do the boys. They have our game, remember?"

"Oh, yeaaaah…"

"But I think we should act like we don't. It's lame if the main character spoils the whole story. Mini-Histy, bring on the worse news."

"I received a transmission from the other dimension. I have the call placed on hold for now…"

"Oh, from my Histy? Why's that bad? Ew, maybe it's another lecture? Why? I've been working hard for realsies lately!"

"No, it is nothing like that, but…"

"Then, what? Spill the beans all over my face!"

"Hear that, Storm? She likes it all over her face."

"Johnny, shut up."

"Well, Neptune…"

"That's me, yes…"

"The plan to return you back to your dimension with Storm has beem prepared."

"Oh. So Neptune's…"

"Going back…"

"To her hooooome…"

"And taking Storm…" Johnny is just standing with his arms crossed. He is learning more than techniques from Vegeta.

"Whaaaaat?! The four girls were shocked. Johnny looked disgruntled while Storm and I were just awaiting the inevitable. Histoire leads us outside, but before I followed, I set Iffy down with the other napping children.

"All right. I have done as instructed and have moved to a wide, open area…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Neppy, are you really leaving…?"

"Um, well…"

"That's how things have to be. She has people where she's from waiting for her." Noire's trying really hard to not sound upset.

"Aww. I don't want you two to goooo…It won't be as much fun…"

"Plutie, it makes me sad too, but…"

"If you're going to leave, get it over with. We're busy with the message from…Leanbox, was it?"

"This isn't the time to act so hostile."

"Blanc, there's no fixing that. Tsundere is part of her very being."

"If you say so, Johnny."

"Noire, Blanc, Johnny…"

"Yes. I shall put you on speaker."

"Testing, testing…Neptune, can you hear me?"

"Oh, yep. I hear you."

"I apologize for the lengthy delay. I have finally discovered away for us to create a path and return you home with your guest, Neptune. And it's all because you have worked very hard in that world." That Histoire looks so proud.

"Shucks, it was no biggie…"

"I will open the pathway right now, so please wait there…"

"H-Hey, Histy! Uh…"

"Yes? What is the matter?"

"Can I stay just a bit longer? I promise, only for a little bit!"

"What…?"

"Neppy…"

"I still got stuff to do over here! I'd be a crummy main character if I abandon my pals now! You have Nepgear and the rest on your side, so I'm sure you'll be just peachy for a bit longer…"

"But…your shares are decreasing each and every day you are gone. If you pass on this opportunity, I cannot guarantee that there will ever be another one."

"Oh…really? But, I mean…"

"Neppy…I'm sorry for trying to keep you two all to myself…It's okay, you can go…"

"Naw, you don't need to apologize for that."

"But you have your own dimension, and your friends and followers are waiting for you there…Sooooo…I'll be sad, but I'll deal with it…*sniff, sniff*"

"D-Don't cry…Uh, um…"

"Why're you getting all emotional? This is a good thing. It won't be as noisy around here. I mean, I guess because it was so loud, I might end up feeling a tiny bit lonely without all the noise…"

"Aww, Noire…"

"I don't care for noisy things, but I don't dislike you. Our time together was short, but it was a lot of fun,"

"Blanc, too…!"

"We'll help out whenever it's needed."

"Yeah, hold the fort down and shit."

"Aw, goodness…If you all say this heartfelt stuff, even I might got something in my eyes…"

"Waaaaaah! Neppyyyyy…! Stooooorm!"

"Waaah! Plutie! Everyone!" The two purple girls embrace, and Storm envelopes both of them.

"S-Stop that this instant! You're both so embarrassing…I-I'm a sympathetic crier, you know!"

"…*sniff*" I put a hand on each of the other two CPUs shoulders.

"Neptune, I understand how you are feeling, but time is short."

"Roger, dodger. *sniff* See you in a sequel, everyone..."

"Thank you for everything, Neppy…"

"Have a good life over there."

"Good-bye…"

"Take care of Storm for us." Johnny…Caring? No words. None.

"Storm, make sure she doesn't do something overly crazy."

"No problem, G1."

"Yeah…I will you guys…"

"I will open the path now. When I do, please enter the pillar of light." After she said that, said pillar of light appeared. It had binary code around it.

"So when we walk into it, it's like guaranteeing I won't see Plutie and them anymore…No, no! It's a temporary thing. I'm sure that, someday, we'll-"

"Histoire! My big sister! Is Neptune really coming back?!"

"No, Nepgear! D-Do not disturb this very sensitive process! I need concentrate!"

"Oh, wowee, what's this light? Is this where she's coming from?!"

"I said to stop! Please, stay back!"

"Huh? Histy, what's the deal? I hear some screams and what not."

"Th-There is a slight problem…Oh, my. This is why I had tried to keep this plan confidential…"

"Neptune! Hey, can you hear me?!"

"I know that spoiling voice! It's Nep Jr.!"

"I don't see her. Where is she?!"

"Chill out, girl!" I try to get her to calm down. In vain, of course.

"I told you not to go near that…! No, do not lean into the pillar!"

"So…What's the holdup?"

"Neptune's little sister is two seconds away from fucking up everything." When me and Storm shoot him questioning looks, he responds with "What?! I've been paying attention!"

"Really? Ugh, this kind of ruins the atmosphere. Move, let me see."

"Huh? Uh-oh! I think I'm getting sucked iiiiiiin!"

"Nepgear? Nepgear!" The light intensified before it disappeared.

"The pillar of light vanished. Histoire, what's going on?"

"Methinks we should move out of the general vicinity. Let's pick up Mini-Histy…and place her over here." I move Noire and stand where she was.

"By the way, you owe me for this." A panicked yell could easily be heard.

"Move, move, move…Pleeeeease!" Nope. Your human now, and you hitting the ground would be a bad time for all of us. While I was mulling over her request was when she slammed into me.

"Ooooh, owwy…"

"Oh, boy. It's Nep Jr."

"Huh? N-Neptune?! I…I found you! I've missed you so, so much!" Is she even going to notice that she is pressing her boobs into my face? The only reason I can tell is that her knees are pressed against my thighs, and her feet against my calves, so there was no way it could be her butt.

"That's sweet, kiddo. I've missed you too, and I'm happy and all that, but this situation is…"

"Oh, my. This is terrible…That particular pathway could only be opened one time! Now I have lost not only Neptune, but also Nepgear…"

"Hahahahaha. Sorry, but…this is my driest laugh. It's all I can muster."

"Neptune…Neptune…! NEPTUNE!" Okay! You know what!? NO!

"Could you kindly GET OFF ME!?"

"Huh…?" She looks down. "I-I'm sorry…" She looks ready to cry.

"Look. I'm sorry for yelling. It's just that, I have really sensitive hearing, and your face was right by my ear. It was painful to hear you yelling."

"I'm sorry."

"And stop that. I'm the asshole here. If anything, I should be the one repeatedly apologizing."

"He really is an asshole."

"Not now, Johnny!"

"Who are you?"

"Questions later. I don't want Johnny getting his hands on any blackmail material."

"Blackmail?"

"Look at how you're sitting." She looks, and turns a furious crimson.

"Eeeeeh!" She jumped off my lap.

"Okay Junior, it's intro time! The guy you were sitting on is Stevie…"

"Hey."

"This is Johnny…"

"Sup."

"Storm…"

"Hello."

"Plutie…"

"Hiiii…"

"And these two are this world's versions of Noire and Blanc."

"Hi."

"Hello…"

"I should introduce myself. I'm Nepgear, Neptune's little sister."

"Let's be frieeends…"

"Pardon me, everyone…This is really not the time for this…" Our phone-a-friend says.

"I agree. So what're you going to do now?"

"I am uncertain. For the time being, let us calm down and continue to discuss our options inside."

"Sounds like a plan. We better be careful to not wake the kids, though."

"Good point, Stevie! Let's jam, Nep Jr.!"

"Oh, okay! Please wait for me!" When we go inside, the kids are up and interested in the new-comer.

"…Who dis?" Iffy questioned.

"Sumbunny I dunno…"

"O-Oh my goodness! Are these babies IF and Compa!? They're super-duper cute…!"

"Hehehe. Hewwo!"

"Why, hello! I'm Nepgear. Nice to meet you."

"Gear?"

"Ge-Ge…?"

"Nepgoo! Goo-gee!"

"Neppoo…"

"Don't play with the babies now. What's the situation?"

"That pathway could only opened once. Had Neptune and Storm used it, that would have been the end of it…"

"And now, Nepgear's stuck here too." I am being Captain Obvious, aren't I?

"Hehehe…I'm really sorry…"

"Sorry isn't exactly going to change things…" No shit, Johnny. Good word of wisdom for the situation, though.

"I thought this the last time I saw you, but Neppy Jr., you look waaaay more like the older sister than Neppy…"

"That gag again? I mean, we get it a lot, but…"

"Yes…People say it all the time." Nepgear said, agreeing with her sister.

"We have more important things to deal with right now. Can we cut the chit-chat?"

"Hey, it wasn't my bad this time."

"You messed with a scene's tone. That's usually enough to get put to death by hardcore fans."

"It's that big of a deal?!"

"Probably. It depends."

"Hmmmm…Now I must find a way to make a path that more may cross. But if word gets out that both of Planeptune's CPUs are missing, how long will gathering enough shares take?"

"Not as long as it will be for us."

"No matter, Johnny…But I must ask that you please look after Neptune…and Nepgear…for a while longer."

"Sounds about right…"

"Goodieeee…! We still get to be together…!"

"Yep! One way or another, it's all thanks to my little sister!"

"Hehehe. It was nothing, really…"

"That brings up a problem."

"And what's that?"

"Neptune, we don't have the room to house her."

"What are we going to do? It would be problematic if she stayed in my nation or Lastation."

"What about Steven's neutral area?"

"It'll take a bit of recajiggering, but it's doable."

"Really!?"

"Yeah. You'll have to deal with not seeing your sister every day, though."

"Now that that's dealt with, we best address that you will have to work harder than ever before! You both need to collect as many shares as possible if you want to get back home."

"Yep! I'll work harder than hard! Leave the working to me!"

"I'll do my best to help out, too! I'll do anything!"

"Anything…?"

"What are you thinking, G1?"

"Storm, you and Johnny make me pay you every time I ask you guys to lend me a hand on a job. I currently have the opportunity for free labor."

"Really?" He deadpans.

"What?! She knows how to fight. She'll be fine."

"All right. Then I shall end this transmission. We have talked for quite a long time…I will contact you again when some progress has been made…*sigh*" The larger tome hung up.

"Phew. That was a long call indeed. I am quite tired…My apologies, but I must go rest for a while."

"Go ahead, Histoire. We'll be fine without you for a while." Storm said, reasonable as always.

"Sweet dreeeeams…"

"Let's shelf the matter for now. We've got another task at hand."

"You mean Leanbox. I never thought a nation would be founded beyond our continent's borders."

"Leanbox? That's Vert's…"

"Shhhh. We can't spoil everything for them, understand?"

"I've already had to hide the Vitas to keep them from finding out about things."

"This will be a bit off topic, but where DO you hide them, G1?"

"Well Johnny, I used to keep them in that pocket on the inside of my coat. Now I keep them in Pandora."

"Pandora's Box?"

"Makes a great safe."

"I really can't argue that. It bothers me."

"As it should, Johnny."

"Since she invited us, I'll take this opportunity to see who she is, face-to-face. How about you all?"

"We agree for once. It's probably a trap, but if we go in expecting that, we can keep the advantage." It really is worrisome when Noire and Blanc agree.

"It's decided, then. Come on, you five. Hurry up and get ready."

"Four."

"What?"

"You four, Neptune. I have a roommate and a daughter to get familiar with."

"Are you making a move on my sister?!"

"No…" I say in a manner that is subtly saying "You're a dumbass", "We are going to be living in the same place for an indefinite amount of time. It's reasonable to get to know each other, right?"

"Yeah, alright. Try anything funny though…"

"Understood."

"Yoink."

"Ouchies! S-Stop! Don't tug on other people's hair!"

"Don't care! Yoink!"

"Iffy…It's not nice to pull people's hair. Am I going to have to put you in time-out?"

"No daddy…"

"Then let go."

"Okay…" She let go of Nepgear's hair, if but reluctantly.

"Thank you!"

"Don't worry about it."

"Ge-Ge…Wet's pway dokturr!"

"Hmm? W-Wait, that syringe is just a toy, right…? You can stop her, right…!?"

"Not really. Iffy is the only one I actually can control."

"Nep-punch!"

"Blargh! Ooh…Y-You shouldn't hit people in the solar plexus…"

"Neppoo…You okay…?" It's nice to see that Bryce cares.

"Yes, I'm fine…" She still sounds a bit winded.

"Bryce, can you keep Peashy and Compa from causing trouble?"

"Yeah!"

"Your sister is getting pushed around by babies."

"Nep Jr. isn't exactly the type to get mad or say no."

"That explains why you're the way you are." The girls catch my gaze, and I hope my eyes are screaming the message I hope their receiving: Imma fix that.

"Aww, Noire…I dunno if I can go with youuuu…"

"Huh? Why not?"

"I have to look after these babies."

"But Steven said he'll be here…"

"Do you really think G1 can take care of four children? I'm surprised he's doing so well so far with the one." I'm going to make you dig your own grave before I put you into it, Johnny.

"If Nepgear stays like he said, they'll be fine."

"I getcha. We won't have to worry if Nep Jr. is here to help."

"She did say she'd do anything to help."

"Oh, okaaaay…The babies like her, too…"

"P-Please wait a moment…I finally reunited with my sister, so I'd really prefer being with her…"

"Don't be so greedy. None of us can do it, so you really have no say in the matter."

"Th-That's…but…!"

"It's not like you'll be alone. I'll be here, too."

"And since you came from the same dimension as Neptune, that means you're not a CPU anymore."

"Huh? Is that how it works…?"

"Pretty much."

"Nepgear, don't worry too much. This won't be a permanent arrangement, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Ge-Ge, you so blah-blah…"

"Gear, we gonna play!"

"Only if you play nice, Iffy."

"Okay!"

"Nep-kick!"

"No!" Bryce swatted Peashy out of the air.

"Owwy!"

"Bryce, I like that you did as I asked, but I didn't mean it like that."

"Oh…"

"Yeah…These two will be fine."

"And like that, you owe me 100,000 credits."

"Damn!" She hands me the money.

"What's that about?"

"She bet me 100,000 credits that I couldn't be a fatherly figure, but she just admitted I could. So I win."

"Okay, they're aaaaall yours!"

"I'll bring you back a sweet souvenir! Be a good kid and clean up and stuff!"

"Huh? You're really leaving me…?"

"Hey! No excaping!"

"Pway wif us!"

"Ge-Ge, time for shots!"

"Be nice to Neppoo!" Without a chance to beg, Nepgear and I were left alone.

"Okay, now that they're gone, we can talk."

"About what?"

"First off, the thing that bugs me the most about you. You're a doormat."

"I'm not a-"

"Yes. You are. You bend to your sister's whim. And I get it, you love her. But that doesn't mean you should let her push you around and order you like a maid."

"This is how I've always been, though."

"I realize that. But I don't like how you're treated, so I plan on helping you."

"R-Really? How?"

"How much do you know about demons?"

"Not much…"

"Well, I'm going to make you into a Devil Hunter. Boost your confidence so you won't 'sway in the wind' and teach you to say 'no'. You understand what I mean, right?"

"Yeah. I'll try…"

"That's all I'm asking…I bet you're doing this to impress your sister, aren't you?"

"Can we change the subject?" Looks like I'm not working with a completely blank slate.

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?"

"Why don't we talk about ourselves?"

"Do you want to do this Naruto style?"

"Sure. Can you start, though?"

"No problem. Let's see…My name is Steven. I like video games, reading, writing (All the Meta!), and all things science fiction. I don't like certain vegetables, douche bags and people of similar mindsets, and the Twilight Saga."

"Alright. So I'm Nepgear. I like cooking, helping Neptune, and robots. I dislike people who threaten innocents, people who bully, and when robots get destroyed."

"Now that the formal stuff's out of the way, why don't we talk a bit more casually?"

"Sure."

"Hmm…What's an interesting story I could tell. Oh! I know! Would you believe me if I told you that I broke six bones at once?" (Real story time. 10 weeks in ¾ arm casts sucks so bad.)

"How did that happen!?"

"There was this bully at school who decided he wanted to shove me down a hill. Unfortunately for me, there was a cement wall at the bottom. I broke both bones in my left forearm, the radius of my right (the bigger of the two) both of my eye sockets, and my forehead."

"That's terrible! Did they get punished?"

"Nope. Said they thought I was playing king of the hill with them, so administration let him off." She didn't take very kindly to that bit of information. "It's funny. Years after it happened I became friends with the guy."

"Really!?"

"Yeah. Now, what's something about you that someone couldn't tell by just looking at you?"

"I-It's kind of the reason why I do so much for my sister. After everything the happened involving the Gamindustri Graveyard, I don't want to see her hurt again…"

"That's respectable, but there's a difference between protecting her and babying her."

"I know…" Self-esteem is going to need some serious work. I stand up and place a hand on her shoulder. The babies have been surprisingly quiet.

"It's okay."

"Why are you so nice me? You said it yourself that you were a jerk."

"I'm the nicest jerk you'll ever meet. It's like an on-off switch."

"Um…" She's sitting there pressing her index fingers together. This IS pretty awkward now. "I know this is sudden, and a bit strange, but can I have a hug?"

"Do you need a hug?"

"A little…"

"…Sure…Why not?" So we hug, and I, being a living being that seeks warmth, falls asleep. When I wake up, I'm on my back, cuddling/being cuddled by Nepgear. I'm am officially fucked, and not in the fun way. The four babies are also snuggled up to us, so I may get away with my head still on my shoulders.

"Home plate!"

"Home ruuuuun…!"

"Hey, Histoire."

"Sup."

"What are you doing to my sister!?"

"This is NOT what it looks like! I fell asleep with Iffy and this is what I woke up to."

"That's not twue." Really Bryce. Pulling a JD like I'm Burnie dealing with the Canadian border patrol.

"Shut it, Bryce."

"Bryce, tell me what happened." Neptune said in a sickly sweet voice.

"G1, you dead!"

"Neppoo ask for hug, Stevie gave her wone. They take nap together."

"Oh, really?"

"Okay…We talked for a bit. She asked for a hug because we exchanged some sad stories. It would've been rude to deny her. Then we fell asleep. There, the truth. Happy?"

"I don't like it, but I guess I'll have to let it slide."

"Should we wake her?"

"Nooooo…She looks soooo cuuuuute…"

"Too late!" Dick move, Johnny.

"Huh? Wh-What the goodness!? What's going on?!"

"We fell asleep. Neptune just got back."

"Oh…"

"You should really be careful about who you're with! You barely know him!"

"Big Sis is yelling at me…Even though…I finally reunited with my big sister after so long…She just up and leaves me again…Then when she gets back, she yells at me…Maybe I'm unwanted, after all…I'm a boring and normal and no good and unfunny protagonist…"

"Hey, little miss Nepgear!"

"What is it, big sister who left me behind in a different dimension?"

"Her personality has done a one-eighty."

"That is the effect of how poorly Neptune has treated her. You are a disgrace of an older sister. ( -_- )"

"Aw, c'mon! It's not entirely my fault!"

"*sigh*…Mumble, grumble…"

'Nepgear has mastered the "Negativity" Ability!' Okay, that's weird. How does a text pop-up appear?

"Okay, so what's a 'Negativity Ability'?"

'Good question, Neptune. By worrying about her lack of personality, Nepgear can now master various abilities.'

"Who are you!? Why are you trying to hijack my story!?"

'I am doing no such thing!'

"Shenanigans!"

"G1, that's dangerous!"

"Enough is enough! Neptune, hurry and apologize to her."

"Hurry, hurry…!"

"Okay…So, hey, I'm sorry, Nep Jr. I mean, at the time, my heart was screaming a million commands at once. See, my big farewell scene suddenly got canned. Even for little ol' me, it was too hard for me to keep calm."

"…Where's my souvenir?"

"Huh? Your souvenir…?"

"You promised to bring me back a souvenir, didn't you…?"

"Yeah, I might've said that…Are you really bringing that up now? Hey, Plutie. Did you buy anything? Various healing herbs, a cinnamon stick, a shot glass…anything?"

"Uh-uh…"

"I may or may not have 'borrowed' a figure from Vert's room."

"Johnny, what did you take?"

"Limited edition Gurren Lagann figure."

"You're a life saver!"

"I don't want something stolen…It isn't right…You had him steal something because you forgot about me again. Who cares…It's only me, after all…*sobs*"

"No, no! That's very not correct! Ugh, this is bad. In times like these, I gotta…Yeah! Nep Jr.! Never forget that your big sister, me, Neptune, loves you!"

"…Huh?"

"I can't tell if Neptune is saying that just that just to say it or not."

"Don't bother, Johnny. Me and G1 have already tried."

"Will you…say that again…?"

"As many times as my mouth can handle! I love you! I lovey-dovey love you! I'd even say my head is over my heels!" I don't even need to say anything. It speaks for itself.

"Really? You really love me?"

"Let's stop this before it gets creepy."

"How would this get creepy?"

"You're so naïve, Nepgear. There is such a thing as a sister fetish."

"Woah! I love Nep Jr., but not like that!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I said mean and gloomy things! I love you, too!"

"Nepgeeeeeeear!"

"Neptuuuuune!"

"Oh God! It's the Sunset Genjutsu! Run!"

"Oooh. Dis is hawt." My daughter ships sisters. Wonderful…

"Lovey-dovey sistahs!" Really, Peashy?

"Noooo! Nep-Nep mine!"

"Hewp me!" I'm sorry Bryce, but there's no saving you.

"I believe that in classical theatre, this situation is called a farce."

"Shakespeare would be proud…"

*Time skip 20 minutes*

"Okay, let's make it official! Nep Jr. has joined our party!"

"I'll…I'll do my best!"

"I'm sooo glad you joined…! Hey, um, can I call you Neppy Jr.?"

"Oh, um, sure. That sounds nice."

"Yaaaaaaaay…! Ehehehe…"

"So Neptune's sister is going to be with us from now on. Can she keep up?" Me and Storm just turn to face the foolish male. "Stupid question, wasn't it?"

"Yep!"

"Shut up, Neptune!" And in that very moment, I was truly impressed by Nepgear.

"Don't talk to my sister like that!" She then proceeded to bitch slap Johnny.

"Maybe you don't need my help after all." I say while slow clapping.

"We just gotta make sure my dear kid sister doesn't overdo it. She can't activate HDD right now, after all."

"Right. I heard that from Mini-Histy a few minutes ago. I need some sort of item in order to become a CPU in this dimension."

"Did she tell you about us?"

"She did."

"Would you like to see?"

"Sure."

"Oh no…"

"What's wrong Neptune?"

"You'll see, Jr." The three of us transform, and Nepgear's face was priceless. I decided to use my default Trigger.

"What the goodness!?"

" **So, what do you think?** "

"P-Please change back…" So we did.

"G1, wipe that smile off your face. It's not _that_ funny."

"It kind of is, Johnny."

"It's a good thing that we got this over with. It would've been bad if she locked up during a fight."

"I wonder if a CPU memory popped up in the spot where we found ours…"

"That is unlikely. The fact that Neptune acquired one is beyond the realm of normal luck." Yeah, that's called plot armor. Then again, I can't really talk, now can I?"

"Hang on, Mini-Histy. I can ask Vert about it the next time we run into her. Leanbox might have extras."

"Okay!" Nepgear cheered.

"But what is she's not willing to part with it?"

"G1 and Plutie."

"Storm, why would you suggest that?"

"Because it would work…"

"Who will be watching the kids?"

"I will be watching them."

"Iffy, behave for Histoire."

"I will."

"Alright, let's get to work!"

"Yeah!"

"So what's first on the list?"

"We have to kill an R4i-SDHC." To Kuzarat Facility 1. It was a quick in and out job. We kinda sorta made Nepgear do most of the work, for reasons of course.

*Line break*

"I've prepared tea for everyone."

"Oh. Thanks. Nepgear's a sensible and good girl." That's an understatement, Noire.

"Hard to believe she's Neptune's little sister. Even though my first impression of her was…that."

"She's got more spine than I thought."

"She slapped me!"

"Johnny's so salty he can make a lake into an ocean." In our original world, SkydoesMinecraft cringes. Good job, Storm.

"She is detailed-oriented and very responsible. Even though my first impression was…that. ( ⎺ I ⎺ )"

"But...I've apologized for that so many times now! Please forget it ever happened!"

"You never apologized to me."

"You don't need to apologize to him. He deserved it."

"Everyone's finally recognized her good qualities. That's good news for her loud and proud big sister!"

"Aww, you're soooo lucky…I want a little sister, too…"

"Heh, too bad. I don't think I can give Nep Jr. away, not even to you."

"I don't think I'd want to have any big sister other than Neptune…"

"You know that giving her away has multiple meanings?"

"Okay, let's cut the chatter. How are your nations? It's been a whole week since the Leanbox meeting."

"A considerable amount of Leanbox hardware has been imported into the grey market, but it had no impact." Blanc reported.

"Planeptune has experienced the same thing. No real impact."

"Ooooh, really…?"

"Dang, you work quick, Mini-Histy! When'd you get time to do research?"

"While the four of you were playing, Steven, Nepgear, and I investigated!"

"Sooo that's why I couldn't find you…"

"P-Please remain calm, Histoire…"

"I see…My nation experienced the same, as well. I had my citizens engage in some market research, too. They said the launch lineup was sparse and the disc would get scratched during normal use. All complaints."

"In Lowee, everyone said the console was way too bulky. Especially the controller. People couldn't hold it."

"In Planeptune, many people said that smaller was better. Or that small things are 'justice'. It was weird. You two run a weird nation."

"No we don't!"

"Neptune, you kind of do…"

"You have corrupted my sister's mind!"

"Not really. I just got her to speak her mind more."

"In the end, Leanbox was all bark and no bite. I feel kind of dumb for getting panicked at all…"

"Yeah, I'd never lose to some dumb woman who's only big in one place." Blanc is just as salty as Johnny was.

"I figured something like this would happen. It was Vert, after all."

"Yuuuuup…It was Vert, after all…"

"You're really ripping on her huh? Our dimension's Vert is quite strong when she's serious. I think. Maybe." We should really stop talking about specific people, because Vert just walked into the room.

"Ladies, gentlemen, Johnny!"

"Hey!"

"Yikes! Surprised, I am!" Neptune, no. You're not Yoda.

"Why, it's the Vert of this dimension! They look almost exactly the same…Hello, or…Um, please to meet you."

"Sup Vert. It's been a while."

"Indeed it has. How come you were not with the others when they came to my nation?"

"I had a daughter to take care of. Adopted."

"I see. But how dare you all do this to me! Using such underhanded tactics…!"

"Your greetings are always so kind. What're you blaming us for now?" Noire questioned.

"Feigning ignorance, are you?! To go out and give my console such a horrid reputation…!"

"Horrid, huh? You mean the actual things our people are complaining about at this very moment?"

"Precisely! I cannot accept that MY hardware would garner so much unwarranted criticism…"

"Without criticism, this fanfic wouldn't be as good, let alone posted."

"Storm, now is not the time to be Meta."

"I don't care! You all must have started a smear campaign against me! What else explains the negativity?!"

"Actual flaws in your design, perhaps?"

"Preposterous!"

"I'm just gonna say that we had nothing to do with this. Research it for yourself if you don't believe me."

"Ridiculous. These are the excuses of a sore loser."

"Hmm? None of you did anything? But it's incredibly popular in my own nation…So why…?"

"People are free to like or dislike whatever they want."

"Plus, do you allow imports from other nations?"

"…No…"

"And there's your answer."

"Fine. If you intend to go this far, then we shall settle this!"

"Goodness! P-Please don't fight here. Please!"

"Of course, I would never allow us to have our showdown in a meager location such as this. The most fitting locale for our final battle is where I became a CPU!"

"So you want the home field advantage. Trying to stack the odds, aren't you?"

"That sums up what she's saying, Johnny."

"Say what you will. In that place, I will be able to wield my powers in full. And with them, I will crush you, both body and soul!"

"Jokes on you! I have no soul…"

"Now really isn't the time, Steven." That's what you think, Noire.

"So basically, you're telling us to give you a gigantic advantage."

"I don't see why we should bother to travel there to meet you."

"Well, if you are all scared despite it being seven against one, then I suppose I won't force the issue. But I will certainly let the whole world know that the four CPUs and the Devil Hunters were all too scared to face me."

"Excuse you, but I'm the only Devil Hunter here."

"So in the end, you're threatening us. Fine. We agree to your terms!"

"Excellent. Then I shall await your arrival. Come whenever you feel best prepared for your humiliation."

"Aaaaaand she's gone…"

"Could you try to not decide what we're all going to do without asking, Blanc?"

"Oh…Sorry. All my blood rushed to my head."

"Good grief! The folks over here sure are quick to start a fight."

"Well, we got into fights pretty often in our dimension, too…"

"I guess we have to go now, though. I feel like we're following her orders, so I'm kind of against this."

"It could be worse, Noire."

"Well I've got to go. I totally forgot, but I gotta get a CPU Mammory or whatever from Vert to give Nep Jr.!"

"If Neppy's going, I am tooooo…"

"If she's going to talk shit, I'm in." Is Johnny butt-hurt?

"Same."

"Well, since we're all jumping on the band wagon…" Might as well, right?

"You think CPU Memories are that easy to come by? It's an item that makes you a CPU, y'know!"

"If this kid turns into a CPU, it'll be another nail in Leanbox's coffin."

"Before you say anything, Nepgear, just remember that the longer you wait, the more you'll age."

"I'll plead with Vert for it. Hands and knees, the whole shebang."

"Neptune…You'd go that far for me…?"

"Naturally. Anything for my beloved and lovely little sister! Plus, if you age any more, people will get crazy confused about which one of us is the older sister!"

"Your true motive is leaking out."

"Pretty selfish, Neptune."

"Thank you so much! I really love you, Neptune. Although, it would be great to let myself grow a little more and see some of my parts develop…"

"Even you say stuff like that, huh?" Noire looked unamused.

"Nothing saying you can't wait a year or something."

"They're scheming naughty things."

"What's a scheming?"

"An idea, bumblebee."

'Nepgear has mastered the "Scheming" Ability!'

"Awwwww! Another weird ability! I really don't want that one!"

"Great…now we have two of them…"

"Three, Johhny. G1, Nepgear and me."

"Except when you scheme, you're goal is to be a James Bond villain."

"And here I thought my little sister was pure and innocent."

"So…Shall we get going?"

 **So I would have liked to put this up earlier this week, but Lazer Team is more important. Anyway, I have a favor to ask. Anyone who cares about this story and can actually art, could you draw me a cover pic. I feel it would be better to have it from one of you than finding some pic on google.**


	16. Why? Just Why?

Chapter 16: Why? Just…Why…?

 **I am going to try, key word TRY, to post once a week again. And On3dge, it may not be anytime soon, but revenge will be mine. The troll war shall commence in like, I don't know, 2 chapters. Anyway, have fun with this.**

We reached Halo Forest in Leanbox after a not so short while.

"Hmm. Think this is the place Vert told us about?"

"Did you do anything this past week?" Noire, you should really stop asking stupid questions.

"Nope!"

"I expected no other response."

"You also have to understand that most people don't set their bar that high, Noire."

"I know that, Steven."

"Yet here you are. Good thing me and Nepgear did some research."

"From what we found, I believe this is the right place."

"Do you want to be my little sister? I'd welcome you with open arms. You'd be staying in a much nicer place, too."

"Huh?! G-Goodness, I don't know how I feel about that…And staying with Steven isn't that bad. The only place that's a mess is his room."

"And it's a controlled mess."

"There's a faint energy coming from this place. Could that be the source of that woman's confidence?"

"Why talk about Vert in that tone. Is Blanc jelly?"

"I ain't jealous of Thunder Tits, Johnny!" (I've been waiting so long to type that)

"Wait! Back up! You've been in his room?!"

"It doubles as my office, so there have been times where she has had to be in there."

"That better be it."

"Don't worry, I've learned my lesson. Bonds first."

"Cuddles second?"

"I swear to Christ, Johnny!"

"Calm down. Just fuckin' with ya…"

"Is that her up there?"

"Yeah! Let's go!" Neptune, you are an eager beaver. We ran to where our opponent was waiting. "Heya! Sorry for the wait!"

"So you've come. Because you were running late, I had begun to think you all chickened out."

"Sorrrrry…I'm kinda slow…"

"We have no reason to fear you."

"I fear death by suffocation…" Cue unamused/angry looks. "Okay, I'll shut up." You better, Johnny, or else Blanc will kill you.

"I know we've come all this way but is it really necessary to force ourselves into a fight?"

"Yes! We have our pride as fighters! So shut it, woman!"

'How!? What!? Houston, what the fuck is going on!?'

'This weird energy is allowing us to manifest if we want to.'

'Wonderful. Vegeta is just the person we need walking around right now.'

'I think I'm going to join them.'

"And who, pray tell, are you?"

"I am Vegeta! Prince of all Saiyans!"

"What's a Saiyan?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't forget about me. My name's Jairiya."

"Don't let him near you. He pervs on people for his erotic novels."

"Storm, has he written any in your head?"

"I don't want to talk about it." That's a yes.

"The name's Dante."

"What's going on!?"

"This energy of yours is allowing them to manifest here from our subconscious."

"Boy, it's time I show you what a real Saiyan can do!"

"Storm, I believe it's time to let the masters show the pupils what they can really do."

"Kid, I'm taking the spotlight,"

"We're still fighting her." Blanc stated.

"Whatever, just don't get in my way."

"Whoa, time out! Before we begin would you happen to have any spare CPU Memories, Vert?"

"Hmm? Well, yes, I have collected a few. Why do you ask?"

"Ooh, I knew you'd camp for them! Could you give one to Neogear? She just got here, so she's not a CPU yet."

"I…I'd be ever so grateful!"

"Nepgear? Oh, I suppose your party has increased in size."

"Awww…So I really wasn't being counted before now…"

"I fail to understand the situation. Could you go into more detail?"

"Toad, you got this?"

"Fine. In her world, she's a CPU. Since she's now in this world, she no longer is one."

"I see. Hmm…Hmmmmmmm…"

"Wh-What is it? I get uncomfortable when people stare at me like that…"

"My, you're a cute one, aren't you? You might just make the cut, Nepgear."

"Huh? The cut?"

"Wait. She just said something pretty suggestive, didn't she?"

"Maybe she…swings that way?"

"We could only hope."

"Hehehehe…" Jairaya giggled while writing in a small notebook.

"Dante, Jairaya…Really?"

"Hands off Nep Jr.! There's only one person who could possibly have my dear little sister, and I'm not even sure if I like him enough to let him have her!"

"Would you refrain from letting your imagination get carried away? My feelings are strictly platonic. Here, Nepgear. Because you are so adorable, I will give you this."

"O-Okay. Thank you very much…"

"If you act so frightened, it will hurt my feelings. Now then, please feel free to use it right away."

"You handed it over readily."

"Stop staling the fight! And you!" Vegeta pointed at Nepgear as he said that. "Transform already!"

"O-Okay…Here I go…" *Transforms* "Whew! I did it!"

"That's it…Can't say I'm not disappointed. Then again, there was someone in my world who could manipulate gravity with his eye, so I'm a bit biased."

"I'm happy for you. If you failed, you would've been turned into a hideous monster."

"What!? N-Nobody told me that!"

"Well yeah…It would've ruined the surprise…"

"So that's where Steven gets it from…"

"You are a CPU now, yes?"

"Um, yes. Thanks to you…I'm really grateful."

"No need to thank me. But because you used MY item…From this moment on, you are now MY little sister!"

"Huh?"

"That is the stupidest line of thinking. Scratch that…Nappa's was dumber."

"Those are the rules, I'm afraid. Nepgear, come along and fight at your big sister's side."

"I…I can't do that! What are you saying? My big sister is Neptune, and…"

"Will you just shut up and fight! Take the girl. It'll provide for an actual challenge." With that bit of anger, Vegeta somehow broke Nepgear's will.

"Vert is my big sister now. I am Vert's little sister."

"Yes…" God dammit Vegeta.

"Nepgear! We talked about this!"

'Nepgear has mastered the "Turncoat" Ability!'

"Now it is two against seven. Plus, this is my land. I have the home field advantage." *Transforms* "We sisters shall be victorious!"

"Vegeta, try not to kill them."

"Are you asking me to hold back?"

"I'm just asking you to avoid fatal attacks."

"It's not like that whore can do much damage…" Vert gives him no time to realize how bad he fucked up. She quickly flew over and breaks his left arm with the shaft of her spear. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

"Looks like it's six against two now."

"The difference in numbers changes nothing. Besides…" *Blanc Transforms* "Since the kid looks like she can hold her own, I don't gotta hold back at all while I beat the snot outta ya!"

"I'd prefer not to fight over stupid reasons like this, but…" *Noire Transforms* "If I must, I'm going to give it all I got! Prepare yourself!"

"Nothing like a good fight every now and then to keep life interesting, don't you think?" Dante said, pointing the tip of Rebellion at Vert and Nepgear.

"Goodie, everyone transformed…Then…ummm, me too…!" *Plutie Transforms* "Hmhmhmm. My sweet Neppy Jr.…"

"Eep! Um…P-Plutia…?"

"I've been waiting for this moment…My chance to play with you in this form…I will torment you quite thoroughly, my dearest Neppy Jr…."

"Johnny, you got the popcorn?"

"Of course. You have the Jack?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

"I've got the lawn chairs." Storm said, pulling out three lawn chairs out of absolutely nowhere.

"P-Please…go easy on me…"

"Last time, I only watched from afar, but as I thought, you will prove the most troublesome of the lot." Vert said to Plutie. "Though I am concerned about the combat capabilities of these two. I hope that you are not all bark like the short one."

"Hmm? Vert, I'm sorry, but you're not my type. Go ahead and play with the others."

"I take offense to that remark! Now I will defeat you myself!" Can anyone else smell the bullshit?

"As much as I enjoy the sight of beautiful women arguing, I have novels to write, so can we please hurry this up?" From next to Johnny, I can hear Storm groaning in defeat.

"Crap! Sadie's totally targeting my ex-sister! Wh-What should I do as her ex-big sister or whatever?"

"Transform, you frickin' moron! We can't start until you do!"

"Are we gonna report the play-by-play?"

"WWE style."

"Storm, you watch wrestling?"

"Once. Never again."

"Alright. I'll do it." *Neptune Transforms* "Since it's come to this, I've no choice. Grant your ex-sister the honor of sending you to your grave!"

"M-My grave?! I…wasn't gonna fight you to the death or anything…"

"I always wanted to say that. Don't worry, I'll go easy on you."

"Now then…"

"Let's rock!"

"Dante starts off by hitting Vert with a Drive attack!"

"And Jairaya soaks Nepgear with some toad oil!"

"Now she's on fucking fire because of Noire!"

"Neptune hits Vert with a Cross Combo attack!"

"Plutie is grinding her heel into Nepgear's leg!"

"Will you three shut the hell up?!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"That's more like it!" Well, since Blanc killed my boner (So to speak) I stop paying attention to what was happening. At the end of it all, we won, Dante's got a tree branch through his gut, Jairaya's ball got stomped on by Noire, while said female has a red handprint on her ass, and Vegeta's scream has turned into a mild whimpering.

"Kyaaaaah!" Vert cried out.

"Owwy! I give up! I'm done!"

"No you aren't. Not yet. You betrayed us, and you lost…You have no right to complain about whatever happens to you…"

"I'm so sorry! I really am! P-Please save me, Neptune!"

"Enough already, Plutie. She had no ill intentions."

"Do it! Do it! Do it!"

"Please stop!"

"Sorry Nepgear, but you earned this, even if you didn't mean any harm."

"Indeed. She still chose to fight against us. That is why I simply must torment…I mean…show her the error of her ways."

"Torment! I heard you say it! You said torment!"

"Ugh, to have taken this nuch damage…My body refuses to move…"

"Here. This will at least numb the pain." I hand Vert the bottle of alcohol after I say that.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because I can and because I want to. Fight's over, so there's no point in holding grudges."

"I thought you would've lasted longer with all that chest padding."

"Ohhhh…" *Vert Transforms* She collapses on her knees afterwards and starts crying. " I don't like this! No, no, no! I'll never, ever accept this ending!"

"She's bawling her eyes out…What a brat. Knock it off. It doesn't suit you."

"Hey, you don't exactly have room to talk about acting how you look."

"Shut it, toad!"

"My case in point."

"That was so unfair! If we all had one-on-one matches, I would've won! I demand a rematch!" Alright, inner softy is coming out. If any of you reading this hasn't figured it out yet, I'm the nicest asshole you'll ever meet. Like, I hate people, and yet I'm a clingy sack of shit.

"Come on. Please stop. You're making a fool of yourself. So, if you need one, I'll give you a hug." She wordlessly accepts my offer. "Ah…Hugs are nice…"

"Shut your hole Kakarot…" Vegeta's still conscious? Eh, whatever.

"Thank you…" She whispered into my ear.

"It's nice to see that Stevie has a soft side…Back to you though, Neppy Jr….You're such a naughty girl to have gone so far to fight us…"

"Nooooo! Please save meeee!"

"There is no saving you…"

"I think our time is up. It's been fun, given the circumstances."

"Well…See you later then." The three faded away. Neptune had transformed back into her human form. All attention was then on Nepgear and Plutie.

"*pant, pant* N-No more…Enough, please…!"

"Mmm, such a sexy panting tone! You're inviting me to continue, then? I will answer that call!"

"N-No, that's the exact opposite of what I meant…!"

"I feel bad for Nepgear. I wouldn't wish that on anyone." Vert had turned to face the…event…that was transpiring. She also was shaking like a leaf while staying within my grasp. It was getting awkward, but I don't want her to know that. It'd be rude.

"I know, right? Okay, you two do the untransforming thing. You're both too willing to fight in those forms."

"Fine/Alright." The two transform. Before Plutie followed suit, she made things escalate super quickly. She walked up, grabbed Johnny by the front of his shirt, and kissed him."

"I've grown tired of waiting."

"Oh…Okay…" Shocked Johnny is shocked.

"So you won't fight us anymore…Riiiiight…?" The only response Plutie got from Vert was shaking her head rapidly

"Are you done? Where's Nepgear?"

"Over there, Neptune…"

"Aww…Nobody will want to marry me now…Ugh…It's so awful, sis…"

"I can think of somebody."

"Not now, Storm!"

"I'm sorry. Please forgive your powerless big sister…"

"Huh? No, not you, Vert."

"Yeah, it's me! I'm the sister!"

"So…I guess we're done for today?" I think so, Blanc.

"Yeah. I don't feel like watching this farce anymore."

"Same. This is just ridiculous."

"We should grab them. They'll get lost if we don't." The three purple CPUs were the ones being referred to.

"They'll be fine. Knowing them, something will bring them home anyways." Yup, gonna be that guy.

"Lady Green Heart!" A guard?

"…I spoke to soon."

"I thought too soon."

"What is the matter? I won't forgive you for getting between us sisters if this is trivial!"

"Huh? You have a sister? Wh-When did that happen?" I shake my head towards him. "Oh…"

"She's MY sister, so gimme!"

"Ouch! Please don't pull my arms…They're so sore…" I sneak in and pick her up bridal style so those two could start paying attention and stop trying to tear apart the poor girl.

"P-Please put me down…"

"Nope."

"State your business."

"Oh, right! It's an emergency! Someone claiming to be one of the Seven Sages is destroying the city!"

"What's this? Destroying Leanbox?! What of our military forces?"

"W-We're completely ineffective…"

"That's accurate. Normal people aren't very good against enemies like that." Sounds right, Storm.

"I cannot remain idle knowing this…I must hurry back and…! Ugh…My back…"

"Ahahahahaha! Did you hear that?! Granny Vert's got a bad back!" Before Neptune could continue laughing, she sees me. "Put down my sister!"

"She's had it worse than Vert. Do you really want her walking around hurt?"

"No…"

"Plus, I have more physical stamina than most of us."

"Fine, but just until she's better."

"You were laughing too hard…Whose fault do you think this is? Oww…"

"You can't do anything in your current state. We beat you up pretty good, after all."

"Yeah we did!"

'You should not be talking. You sat in a chair, Johnny."

"We will go protect the city."

"We will, Storm?"

"We will. There are innocent people there, and they shouldn't suffer because we chose to ignore them."

"…I hate that you have a point."

"So we're going?"

"Yup!"

"Everyone…"

"So we're decided. Let's hurry! Are you going to rest here, Vert?"

"Surely you jest. This is my nation! I'll go, even if I have to crawl!"

"Hey, Strong Man! Can you carry one more?"

"…This is revenge, isn't it, Neptune?"

"Maaaaaybe…?"

"Fine. Get on my back, Vert. You'll have to hold on yourself."

"That is fine." She wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. I'm trying really hard to ignore the feeling of her boobs against my back. There are more important things than hormones right now, dammit!

"Let's head to where the Seven Sages are running amok! Ready, go!"

"Goooooo…!" Neptune and Plutie are off, so we have to pursue them and then lead them to the proper place. After making our way through the mess the Seven Sages made, we find two of them: treads and the witch.

"Like hell I'd be fine with this! He's become insufferable for an entirely different reason now!"

"Bwahaha! What's wrong, my treasured ally? Are you holding in some doom and gloom? Let it out! Cast those negative emotions into something useful, like destroying! Come on, let's wreak havoc together!"

"Shut up! Shut up for all eternity!"

"Welp…This is a thing…"

"Roll credits."

"Johnny! That's my thing!"

"I watch CinemaSins too, G1!"

"They destroyed the city while putting on a nice comedy routine. In a way, that's very skilled." That depends on your definition of skilled, Blanc.

"I never imagined my city would fall under such absurd circumstances…"

"Ah. They arrived. Dammit, I think I actually felt relieved to see them. Better than being alone with this one."

"Why it's the little CPUs and their friends! Long time, no see, buddies!"

"Sup?"

"Don't be so friendly with him, Steven!"

"What's the problem, Noire? He's someone who knows that destruction is an art form. I can't not like him for that."

"Oh! I believe I see new friends! That's wonderful! Friends should be treasured above all treasures!"

"We blew him up, right? Didn't we blow him up, Storm?"

"Yes we did, Neptune."

"Thank you, Storm."

"Anytime."

"What's with his personality? It's…odd to say the least."

"Bwahaha! My reliable and completely irreplaceable ally fixed me right up! I can experience the joy of facing you all again, along with the excitement of global destruction! Ahhh, life is such a miracle!"

"Hooray, life…! Clappy, clappy, clap!"

"I told you to shut up! And don't you dare patronize him! *pant, pant* Ahem. We meet again. I've been waiting for the chance to fight you all once more…!"

"Neat." I say, dragging out the "N".

"Are you mocking me?"

"No, no, no, no, no, no…Pfft…Yeah!"

"I will cut you into ribbons! My skill surpasses anything you've ever witnessed!"

"Look, I'm sort that I'm not taking you seriously. It's just that some old hag strolled up into my friend's home, wrecked the place, and is trying to impress me like I'm her alcoholic father. Now, be a sport and grab daddy another beer."

"We should have warned you two. Sassy G1 is a thing that happens a lot. G1, nice reference."

"I've noticed."

"S-Same. I never thought it would get this bad, though."

"Nepgear, haven't you figured out that I'm great at exceeding expectations. And thank you, Johnny."

"Amazing! I never thought such dialogue was possible! All right! I'll pull out my trump card as well, pal!"

"Shut up. Shut up! SHUT! UP! As I was saying! It's time to get payback, especially from those four! That's how it is! You got that?!"

"Awww…That speech was sooo sloppy…"

"Yeah, you left yourself wide open to be mocked."

"Now I see! You are frenemies! You \r relationship forces one another to try your hardest! Friends, yet enemies! Wonderful! I'm envious!"

"You seem quite lively, but do you understand whose city you are trying to level?"

"Huh? Oh, you're Leanbox's CPU. Don't worry. I'll bury you along with the others later."

"Later? You underestimate us."

"Um, sorry, but are you including me in that particular 'us'?"

"Man, you're a stubborn stain! Nepgear is, and always will be, MY sister! Em-eye-en-ee, mine!"

"How are your injuries?"

"You needn't worry, Noire." *Transforms* "It would disgrace my name as a CPU if I am unable to protect my own nation. I shall defeat them myself!"

"Yeah…no. Not happening."

"Storm's right. We've got beef with the mad hatter over there."

"I haven't had the chance to pay her back for impaling me on her spear."

"The rest of you should transform. Things are gonna go from zero to one hundred real quick." The CPUs transform with Storm's suggestion as the cue.

"You three should as well. No need to hold back." Okay. Sounds like fun.

" **Round two, bitch.** " Alastor trigger plus Pandora equals good times.

"The full lineup, is it? How interesting…Hey, you. I'm only borrowing you for your ridiculous strength. You better not slow me down!"

"Huh? Arfoire, you're placing that nuch trust in me…? Oh, to hear such kind sentiments from you…! A-Aw, shucks! It would seem sweat got into my eyes and it's making them all watery!" Can robots even sweat?

"Can we just get on with this?"

"Oh, of course. Here I come!"

First up was treads. Johnny sends a volley of Ki blasts at him, while Storm fires a few rounds coated in fire. Nepgear also fires at the robot with her gun-blade. Pandora shifts, without my command, into what can only be described as Yang's Ember Celica on steroids. It's punchin' time! I run up and punch him repeatedly, shotgun blasts were released with each thrust. Said blasts were accompanied by small electrical storms.

"Broken Fannings!" Nepgear and Vert call out. The duo dance around him, slashing treads apart and end it with both of them stabbing the same spot. He's done. Now it's Arfoire's turn. Pandora changes into an axe, with a blade made of energy. I really need to investigate just how Pandora works. I turn to Blanc, and she gives me a nod. We charge the witch, and deal a huge amount of damage with a barrage of attacks from our lethal weapons. Neptune, Plutie, Noire, Johnny, and Storm swoop in and just about destroy her with their various weapons. It was so chaotic, I couldn't keep track of who was doing what. Pandora hummed at the sight of the mayhem.

"Gaaaaah! You pack quite a punch…"

"This battle is over."

"Yes it is, Vert."

"Hahaha! What a wonderful battle! I am proud to have fought against you, from the bottom of my heart!"

"Because you keep vomiting so many distracting lines, I couldn't fight at full strength…"

"Her form when she transforms…Isn't that…?" Yes, Nepgear. Same person.

"Now now, let's not make excuses. There are no sides after a fight, so let's praise one another's skills! Instead of focusing on winners and losers, recognize the spirit of fair play! Isn't that right?!"

"In what universe does there exist an idiot who takes part in sabotage and then shouts about fair play?!"

"Including this one? Technically, an infinite amount."

"Today, we're going to smash you into so many pieces that nobody will be able to repair you!"

"There's too much else I have left to accomplish. I can't lose now." The witch complained. In addition, didn't you already lose?

"You have other things to do? What are they? We'd be happy to listen to your personal goals."

"Nepgear, we don't have the time for this."

"I'll never be at peace until I can complain to the idiot who 'fixed' up this robot! Come on, we're leaving!"

"Hmm? Oh, are we playing tag now? Okay, I love it! Hahaha! Wait up, you silly friend of mine!"

"You won't escape! We're going to catch you, and…!"

"Blanc, don't bother. They're already long gone." I said after I transformed.

"Bye-byeeeee! Have fun playing tag…"

"What the?! Plutie, since when did you change back to that form?!"

"Huh? Should I not have…?"

"I'm sorry, Vert. We failed to catch them."

"It is nothing for you to worry about." *Transforms* "I am grateful, in all honesty. Without your collective aid, I would have been unable to protect my nation."

"Hmm?"

"Why are you being so modest now?" I think the more important question right now, Noire, is how the hell are you all transforming all ninja-like?

"It is basic etiquette to return kindness with equal kindness. I truly thank you."

"No problem."

"Hehehe…You're sooooo welcome…"

"That was anticlimactic. I thought you were going to start wailing about a rematch thing again."

"There is something more important on my mind than that, Blanc…" Why was she looking at me as she said that?

"Why were you looking at me as you said that!?"

"Reasons…"

"Wow…Vert looks so gorgeous when she makes such a serious face…"

"While reconstruction of my city is underway, I will need a place to stay…"

"And you can't stay in any of our nations…"

"G1…Looks like you're going to have two roommates."

"Two? I was unaware that anyone else was stating with him."

"How would you know if someone was staying with me or not?"

"I like to keep an eye on people who interest me." She said with an earnest smile.

"I'm staying with him, Vert."

"Wonderful! I can stay with my little sister as well!"

"I don't get a choice in this, do I?"

"No. No you do not."

"Guess we better get going. Come on, you two."

"Okay/Alright."

"See you all later."

"Bye, Stevie…" We leave for Vert's home. When we get there, I lay down a few ground rules.

"Pick a few. There's no room for all of these figures. Also, absolutely none of the BL stuff."

"Please!? Just one poster!"

"No."

"Fine." She packed her clothes and a couple of her figures, then we headed to DMC.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

"It certainly is homey."

"You'll be staying in the first room upstairs on the right. Nepgear's is opposite yours."

"But that's-"

"Shhh!"

"You are trying to give me your room, aren't you?" Nod. "And where would you sleep?"

"The couch. Maybe the chair."

"Absolutely not. I refuse to allow my host to sleep in such poor conditions."

"I agree. You don't have to go that far for us."

"That is why you'll be staying with me!" The two proclaim at the same time. Oh no. Please, no. This shouldn't be happening. I don't want to be a harem protagonist! I don't want to deal with the fighting! I grew up knowing that a relationship is between two people. And let's not forget about the character flaws. It looks like the two of them made a decision during my internal panic.

"So we share a bed?"

"Of course, my dear little sister. I don't mind sharing."

"We can unpack your things tomorrow."

"Now that that's settled, let us head to bed." And that's the conversation that led to me falling asleep with Vert snuggled into my right side and Nepgear to my left. Wooo…


	17. Who's Ready for Some Filler?

Chapter 17: Who's ready for some filler!?

*Thud! Bang!*

"*sigh* Are they really at it again?" It's been a week since the two CPUs moved in, and it's been three days in a row that I've been woken up by the sounds of fighting. "Yeah…I'm already tired of this. No shower today, it's problem solving time." I go downstairs to a sight that made the gears in my mind stop abruptly. Nepgear, the conservative and shy girl (who has grown in places. Probably due to the CPU Memory.), is in literally nothing but an apron. Vert is in her panties, and was using my coat to cover the rest of her modesty. God damn it…The two turn to me, both looking embarrassed.

"I thought we've been over this…"

"Hey, Steven…?" My purple haired house guest asked timidly.

"Yes, Nepgear…?"

"Which one of us looks more attractive?" Vert, why you do dis?

"I'm not going to answer that, for my safety as well as yours."

"Just answer the question!"

"You both look beautiful in your own ways." Prolonging my life is the only option I have at the moment.

"We should stop. Stevie looks quite uncomfortable." Well no shit, Vert.

"This is the farthest we've taken things…"

"Can you two please go put some actual clothes on?"

"Sure." The two go to get dressed, but Vert waits a moment. After said moment, she turns around and hugs me. Keep yourself under control. We don't need to make things any weirder.

"I know it might seem strange to you, seeing as how we haven't really known each other for long, but you really have captured my heart." She let go and went upstairs. Okay, what? How? Questions for later. This makes me curious about Nepgear. Is she really in love with me like she seems like, or is this a self-created delusion of hers. Better get that sorted out soon, before something goes horribly wrong. After they come down dressed, I ask the most important question of the morning.

"So, what's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and sausage."

"I'm looking forward to that last one." Wow Vert, there wasn't even an attempt to be subtle.

"Can we just eat now?"

"That'd be great. Would you like some coffee?"

"I'd love some, Nepgear." We have a tradition of sitting on the couch and watch this world's equivalent of Ridiculousness while we eat. The usual line up was me in the middle with the two girls on either side of me and Iffy in her high chair. Today was different. Vert is sitting in my normal spot. As I sit down to her right Vert seems to have known what is was thinking earlier.

"It's truly unfortunate. I was able to find out about Nepgear's fascination with you. She's seems to be mistaking her feelings of gratitude for that of love."

"Do you really think that, Vert?" Vert had the worst timing, because Nepgear just walked into the room.

"Yes, I do…It's great that you feel so strongly about the things he's doing for you, but you shouldn't base a relationship on a favor. I'm sure you've seen how relationships like that go in anime." Nepgear was quiet for quite a while.

"…You're right…I'm sorry for all the fighting. It must have been hard dealing with it for the past three days."

"Don't worry about it. The only thing that's bothered me was this morning. Speaking of that, Vert, where is my coat?"

"It's upstairs. After we finish eating I'll go get it." She scoots closer to me. She probably enjoys the fact that I'm "all hers" now. It's a bit fucked up, but there's one thing I know is a constant about Vert. She aims to get what she wants. As we eat, I hear the phone ring. Nepgear picks it up.

"Devil May Cry. How may I help you?…Okay, we're on our way."

"What's up, Gear?"

"Someone stumbled over a Hellgate and wound up activating it."

"That is indeed a problem. We should get moving. Which nation is it in?"

"Lastation. It's not near any dungeon, so we'll have to find it."

"Won't be too hard. Minor demons will be all over the place. We'll just follow them to the source. Congrats Vert, you're going on your first big hunt."

"Thank you. We should go before it hurts someone." We head there, and are greeted to the welcome wagon. It consisted of Hell Wraiths and Prides. After dealing with those, a Vanguard showed up. I wave off Nepgear. Dealing with monsters and minor demons isn't that difficult, so I want to see how she does against something like this. She was doing fine, until it started phasing into the ground, and teleporting behind her. She eventually figured out about the audio cues (the toll of a bell) and defeated the powerful adversary. She could of done better, but it was her first time so I'll give her a B.

"Nepgear, could you heal her up while I collect the red orbs. Maybe we'll actually be able to make a Divinity Statue."

"Okay." She goes and administers some healing items to Vert, and I collect the crystalized demon blood. I'm not quite sure where they go. They fly towards me then they just kind of get absorbed.

"Steven! We're ready to move again!"

"Alright! I'll be over in a sec!" We set out once more, following the trail of demons. I dealt with any Wraiths we came across, seeing as how only guns worked on them. The only other difficult part was when we came across a few Frosts, and that's because of that ice healing thing they do. It's lame. If you're gonna heal, do it as it happens. And there it stood, in all of its unholy glory, the Hellgate. Time to smash it. Unfortunately, the big bad was in the way. It was a giant green snake that consisted of a lot of individual coils that wrapped around each other. Blank, light green eyes and blood red fangs adorned the face and mouth of the impressively sized beast.

 **"Who dares to enter my domain!?"**

"Isn't it polite to give you name before asking for someone else's?"

 **"I am Ouroburos! The mightiest of Basilisks!"** It said with a snarl.

""That's not a very impressive title, considering that a twelve year old boy killed a basilisk with no problems." It didn't take kindly to that. Aiming to swallow me whole, it dove at me. But unfortunately for the snake demon, Vert conjured a big ass spear that came from this magic circle that caught it right in the side of the head. While it was staggered, Nepgear slashed at it repeatedly with her beam sword. As Ouroburos got up, I jump on its snout and plant several blades before jumping off and tossing the rose/detonator, setting off the explosives. While I got the desired result, it wasn't as effective as I would have liked. That was due to the fact that it didn't keep me from receiving a bladed tail through my torso. It was at the perfect angle to show me my own liver while pinning me to the ground. Vert stabs the tail repeatedly with her spear in a flurry of thrusts. After the offending appendage leaves my body and the wound heals, the snake darted around the rectangular clearing in an attempt to disorient us with its seemingly random directions and speed. Gear gave zero fucks as she straight up punched its ass into the dirt. CPUs are strong, like, stronger than they look and then some. Vert finished it off by stabbing it through the eye.

"That wasn't too hard."

"There were two CPUs and a demon fighting against it. That's not exactly fair." After I say that, I hold my right hand to the corpse so I could harvest the demon's soul. The body dissipated as an orb of green light rose up, and flew towards my hand. My vision was filled with light, and when it faded, two curved butterfly knives were in my hands. They looked a lot like fangs. Floating around me was a chain with a blade on each end of it, one that was a head of a snake and one that was the tail. The chain disappeared into a black portal as I jump towards the obsidian monolith. The blades are incredibly sharp, and had a reach that was far greater than the metal would have you believe. It cut through the stone easily. After cutting the structure to pieces, I finish things off with an axe kick that was coated with green and black energy that took the shape of a snake. Seems like it's going to take a lot to learn how this Devil Arm fully works. Oh well, no biggie. Side thought: If Blanc was Terumi, I am Hazama.`

"What an interesting weapon. So many different abilities that work in tandem with each other."

"I want to know how it moves and extends like that. It shouldn't be possible."

"It's a Devil Arm. They just don't care about logic. Hey, what time is it?"

"Ten-thirty. Why?"

"Oh fuck! I'm gonna be late! I promised Noire that I'd meet her for lunch."

"You best be going. She has called every day to make sure that you wouldn't forget."

"Yes Nepgear, I remember…"

"You better not keep her waiting. She isn't very patient when it comes to her appointments."

"See you two later!" I Trigger so that I can fly to the Lastation Basilicom. When I land I change back, as expected.

"You're late."

"I had some stuff that needed to be taken care of ASAP."

"Like what?" She said, acting huffy.

"Hellgate."

"*sigh*"

"Hey, at least it's not a Monday."

"Let's get going. I know this nice little café that's not too far from here." She said while smiling.

"Sure. Lead the way." I return her smile. The café was about ten minutes away.

"I found this place a few days after you moved out. They have quite a variety of food and the tea is to die for."

"You know I'm not a big fan of tea."

'Ask her if they have pizza.'

'It's a café, Dante. They won't have pizza.'

'What about strawberry sundaes?'

'That's a valid one. I'll ask.' "Hey Noire, do they have strawberry sundaes?"

"Yeah…Why?" I simply tap my temple a few times. "Oh…" we reach the café, and the hostess was waiting at the podium.

"Welcome to-Lady Black Heart!? Would you like a table for you and your guest?"

"That would be great. Thank you." She leads us to a table outside and hands the two of us menus.

"I'll be back in a moment."

"So what are you going to get, Steven?"

"I'm thinking a club sandwich and a coffee. We didn't get to finish breakfast today. How about you?"

"Just some tea. I ruined my appetite with some snacks waiting for you."

"Sorry about that…"

"It's okay. Really. It's been a while since we've been alone together, so I don't mind. Taking care of demons is more important, anyways."

"Here are your orders. Enjoy!" How did she…?

"She has excellent hearing. Kind of necessary due to how busy this place can get."

"Oh, okay. So how's the increased workload?"

"It was a bit strange at first. I don't have nearly as much free time. Have you noticed Vert acting weird?"

"Vert's always a tad weird, but yes, I have. Why?" Om nom nom.

"When she comes to Planeptune with Nepgear, she talks about you more than anything, even her so called little sister. I went into her room at her Basilicom and found a diary, talking about you almost every single day dating back to the day we first went to Lowee. Most of them were really romantic and cute."

"Most?"

"I don't want to talk about the others. I feel dirty just thinking about them."

"Okay…?"

"Anyway, you must have struck her pretty deep."

"I don't know how. I wasn't exactly at my best that day."

"But your walls were down. You should let them down more. The kind, softy you is much better to be around."

"Old habits die hard, Noire."

"You would say that." I didn't notice, but we had finished our food/bevs. "What are you going to do about your roommates?"

"Well, Nepgear unwillingly realized she has her feelings mixed up, and Vert basically admitted that she has a thing for me."

"What about things from your end?"

"I'm…not quite sure. Vert's great to be around and all, and I can actually see us in a relationship, but…"

"You're scared of rushing into it…"

"Yeah…I am…"

"Just go for it. It will definitely go better than a relationship involving two people who only new each other for a few days."

"You're still beating yourself up over that? Come on, Noire. You're better than that."

"Here's you bill. Pay whenever you're ready."

"Noire, I've got this."

"No you don't! I invited you here, I'm paying."

"Before we keep making a scene, let's do this how we used to, then? Let's split it."

"Fine." The two of us split the bill evenly and leave.

"Is there anything else you want to do while I'm here?"

"There is one thing…"

"Which is…?"

"I want to get a pet…" She says meekly.

"A pet?"

"There is nothing wrong with me getting a pet!"

"Okay! Okay…So what kind of pet are you thinking about?"

"A cat…"

"You did have a thing for cats. That's probably your best option too, seeing as how they don't need much active care."

"I'm getting a cat!"

"You really like cats, don't you?"

"S-S-Shut up!"

"Come on. Let's go. We've got a kitty to adopt." I say while chuckling. She leads me to this big pet store that she…frequents…and darts straight for the kittens.

"Noire! You kind of need to make sure you have everything to care for a cat before you can get one!"

"Right! Right…We have to do that…" She got so excited she forgot the necessities. All I can do is shake my head. So we went through the isles picking up cat toys, food, a bed, and stuff like that.

"Alright, now you can pick out your cat." With a squeal, she darts off again. When I catch up, she is covered with kittens. I'd make a swimming in pussy joke, but I don't feel like getting stabbed twice today. I am going to take some pictures. It's too adorable not to. Don't judge me! After pulling herself out of the pile, she lifts a pure black kitten with blue eyes up Lion King style.

"He's the one I want."

"Jeez…Without me you're a crazy cat lady."

"I'm not crazy!"

"Alright, alright…Just chill. So what are you gonna name 'im?"

"Nero." After she says that, I can hear Dante losing his shit.

'Dante…?'

'It looks like a cat version of the kid! Look at its front right paw!" And there it was, the red, scaly and cracked Devil Bringer. You know how they say that animals can see the supernatural? Well, I think this was one of those instances, as Nero was glaring at Dante. At least, I think it was at Dante, because he was looking above my right shoulder.

'You don't think…?"

'Yeah! The kid got reincarnated as a cat!'

'I know what must be done.' I walk up to the angry cat and say the only thing that was appropriate.

"Yer a kitten, Nero." That's when I got what was coming to me. Nero straight up Falcon Punched me into a wall. Dante's laughing, Nero's sniggering, and Noire's eyes look ready to pop out of her head. "Well fuck you too, Nero."

"Steven! What is going on!" (I don't feel like writing an explanation and the conversation that would go on inside of it, so I'll just skip a bit.) "So this is the reincarnation of one of Dante's business associates?" Said being was napping on top of Noire's head as we're walking out the door, bags in hand. I wonder if Nero has the same "condition" as the three of us.

"Yes! Geez! It's like I didn't just finish explaining that!"

"It's getting late. We can take these back, then you should head home. Vert made sure to tell me that you were to be home for dinner. Apparently she's cooking dinner tonight."

"I really should head home, then. Last time Vert cooked she almost burnt the place down."

"We should really hurry, then." And that's what we did. When I got home, Nepgear had taken over the kitchen, and we had an additional guest.

"Hello."

"Zeltrech. What are you here for, you interdimensional troll?"

"Oh, no reason. I just have a gift to give to you."

"And why would you do that?"

"It would be entertaining to watch. This will be a one-time thing, so don't expect any more."

"And what would this 'gift' be?"

"It is a modified class card. I won't tell you what it is exactly. It'll ruin the surprise."

"Zeltrech…" All he did was set down the card and disappear into a portal. "Yeah…Not gonna touch this for a while. I don't trust it. Hey, Nepgear! You save dinner yet!?"

"I had to scrap it! It was too burnt!"

"Dammit Vert! We're low on groceries as it is!"

"It's not my fault! The water caught on fire!"

"How did you set water on fire!?"

"There's a reason I lived off of take out!"

"I can see that!"

"Steven, dinner will be ready in half an hour. Could you please get cleaned up?" Nepgear said as she walked into our living room. "You still have some rubble on you and you smell a bit."

"Well, it has been a bit of a day, so it would be safe to assume that I need a shower." I head up and take a quick shower, or at least quick by my standards. Fifteen minutes later, I come down in plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Vert was setting the table.

"We're having steak with baked potatoes and broccoli."

"So why did you need the water?"

"*sigh* I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"I'm not above holding that over your head for a while."

"It's a wonder you have any friends."

"Yet you said that you love me. Plus, if I'm not messing with you, then that's when there is a problem."

"So teasing or harassing someone means you care?"

"I wouldn't say that I harass people, but yes."

"Steven, could you please go wake up Iffy. She's up in her crib."

"Sure, Nepgear. Do we have any baby food that is similar to what we're having?" I like it when we eat meals as a family, and that means having the same stuff.

"We have steak and peas."

"That's fine." By fine, I mean close enough. I walk up the stairs to my baby's crib. "Hey, Iffy. Wake up, it's dinner time."

"*yawn* Hewwo daddy…Din-Din?"

"Yup. Come on, Lazy Bones." I pick her up and bring her downstairs. The high chair was all set up at its spot next to Nepgear. Said girl was carrying out plates of food. The weird thing was, she was bringing out four plates. "Why are there four plates?"

"Blanc is coming over."

"What's the occasion?"

"You'll see…" After a few moments, Blanc walked in. Vert seemed very happy about it. Today has just been a downhill slope towards my insanity.

"Hello everyone."

"Hey, Blanc. What are you doing here? Usually you call ahead of time when you want to come visit."

"There's something I wanted to talk with you about, and it came up suddenly. I wanted to say it to your face."

"And that is…?"

"Vert and I have been talking…" Oh God…"And we've decided…" Please don't say what I think you're going to say.

'Why haven't you noticed that she has a thing for you too?'

'Not another one!'

'You fell for that big brother thing hard.'

'…Fuck…I did, didn't I?'

'Have fun with that.'

"We want to share you."

"Why…?" It was a question that was more to myself than to her.

"It also helps that I, too, have a fondness for our tiny CPU."

"Who the hell are you callin' tiny?"

"What about her thing with Plutie?"

"I truly am grateful to her, but I have been around long enough to understand my feelings." My sadness knows no bounds.

"Steven, why are you crying?"

"I don't like harem protagonists. They always have these that makes them so annoying. Now I'm becoming one! My life sucks."

"It's not like that, though. The three of us all know and understand what's going on, so those kind of situations are impossible."

"And so I'm moving in."

"So this is my life now…"

"Don't act so happy…"

"Can we…Can we just eat? I'm suddenly really tired."

"Ittadakimasu!" The girls say. Still a bit weird but I at least do the hand thing. We enjoy are food. Iffy, thankfully, didn't make a mess.

"Vert, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why are you so insistant on a harem?"

"Because, it would be my personal paradise." (In Hyperdevotion Noire, Vert says this repeatedly.)

"Oh…well…The heart wants what the heart wants…"

"Indeed. Though I can tell you are still uncomfortable with the idea."

"That is a reasonable reaction, Vert. he, like most people, don't think of harems are a realistic relationship scenario."

"Yeah Vert, you can't expect him to be instantly okay with something like that."

"I know that, my darling little sister, but I cannot help what I long for. And that is for the affection of the two people I have come to care about. Isn't it everyone's desire to be loved?"

"Vert…I'll give it a chance if it means that much to you." That's when I had my first kiss with Vert. Her lips were a bit fuller (am I using the right word here? I'm going for more volume.) than Noire's and slightly softer. Strawberry chap stick? She breaks the kiss, and I can't help but feel disappointed that it was over. Any straight man would.

"Thank you…" Was all she said, tears in her eyes.

"I do believe we should all be heading to bed. We have unpacking to do tomorrow."

"Alright. Goodnight. Vert, could you bring Iffy up?"

"I would love to. Come on, Blanc."

"No. It would be better if you eased him into this. This is not something you can just jump into."

"So you have seen harem animes to, huh Blanc?"

"I wouldn't like to deal with any of the problems that those who came before us have. No need for senseless fighting or headaches."

"Seems legit."

"Of course it does, Vert. Blanc is logic personified, or at least, very close."

"What was that?" The small CPU growled out.

"I mean that in the best way possiblew."

"I think you three should stop. Iffy looks like she's getting upset." Acute observation, Nepgear.

"So Blanc, will you be staying with Nepgear, then?"

"Yeah. Just until everything is in working order."

"Okay, well, you two have fun. Goodnight." The three of us head up to go to bed. Vert places Iffy in her crib, while I lay down on my back. After Vert makes sure the baby was settled in, she joins me after getting changed into her pajamas. They consisted of a light green nightgown that was semi-transparent. She curled up against me, wrapping an arm across my chest.

"My plan is almost complete."

"What plan, Vert?"

"You seems like someone who desires attention, hiding how much you want to feel loved behind crude comedy and sharp wit."

"Please stop psychoanalyzing me."

"I'll get to the point then. You want to feel loved. The two of us want to love you. Once this love triangle of sorts is establish, we'll all be happy. That's the plan." With that, she closes her eyes. Wow Vert, right in the feels. So the only reasonable thing to do was kiss the top of her head and join her in peaceful sleep.


	18. I've got Nothing

Chapter 18: I'd Give this a Witty Title, but I've got Nothing

 **Alright. Here it is. Hope you like your crack, On3dge. To everyone else, enjoy the semi-normal work of literature that is this story.**

It's been two weeks since the Leanbox incident. The usual routine has become wake-up, deal with Vert (she is not a morning person), wait for Nepgear to finish breakfast, proceed to eat said breakfast, get ready for the day, then head to Planeptune with Iffy. I didn't like leaving her alone like when we went to deal with Ouroburos. I'm lucky that she was sleeping until Vert and Gear took her to the purple nation. When we're flying anywhere, Iffy seems to like riding with me. She sits on top of my head and holds onto my horns. I occasionally do a spin or something to get some giggles from her. When we land I lift her up and cradle her before releasing my transformation.

"Hey, guys."

"Hey! Wazzup!?"

"Hey Vert? Why do you always stay here and hang out here at the Basilicom all the time."

"Nepgear insists on being here as often as she cans. My daughter to be is also here on a regular basis. What else am I supposed to do?"

"Back up. What do you mean 'daughter to be'?"

"Steven hasn't explained our little 'situation' to you, Storm?"

"No…he hasn't…"

"Wait. You're talking about his harem thing, right?"

"Yes I am, Johnny."

"So, G1, how long did it take for Blanc to lose her cool?"

"The jealousy kicked in about a day and a half after I reluctantly agreed."

"Fuck you! I did not get jealous!"

"Oh yeah…she got jealous…"

"Johnny, I'm going to tear off your arms and use them to applaud your demise."

"Is Bryce holding a Vita?" Storm asked.

"What!? How!? Bryce! Give me that before you break space-time!" Figuring out how he did that is now on my list of shit to do today.

"No!' Thus began the chase. Little bastard is slippery. I chased him for about five minutes, after which my hand found its place across his ass. Before you judge me, look at the American punishment system. I also placed a laundry hamper with a few books on top of it over him. One jail cell, Binghamton style.

"There. Sit in there for a while and think about what you did wrong. Pandora, you have to have a limit. I know you like chaos, but breaking reality is way over the line of things that are okay, so no more letting him have these." I said to the suitcase, assuming the box was the one at fault here.

"Okay…Sowwy…"

"So, what did I miss?"

"Vert and Neptune almost squeezed Nepgear to death. They then proceeded to argue over the sister thing."

"So…a situation of 'same shit, different day'?"

"Pretty much."

"It's nice to see everyone getting along, but I'd appreciate it if everyone got some work done."

"Histoire, you're wishing for a miracle."

"I know. (T.T)"

"Do you need something done? I know that I'll be able to get Johnny, Storm, and Noire to help."

"Unfortunately, no I do not. The only things to do can only be done by Planeptune's CPUs, for legal reasons."

"Oh…Okay then…"

*Line break*

It's been a while, like two or three years. The kids are about five years old. We're all hanging out in Planeptune's Basilicom, due to it having the most open space for all of us. Neptune is "playing" with the kids. By that, I mean Peashy is kicking the shit out of her, while the other three were cheering her on.

"The kids have gotten big."

"Indeed they have, Blanc…They grow up so fast…I am no longer able to keep up with them. (⎺ I ⎺;)"

"My little girl is so adorable. It's still a bit disheartening that she takes after my husband more." When Vert says that, I start fiddling with the ring on my left hand. Yeah, that probably should have been something I mentioned earlier. That's been a thing for a few months. "Are you still uncomfortable wearing it?"

"Just a little."

"That defeats the purpose of getting used to it."

"That's fair."

"You're one to talk, Noire. You come here all the time just to see Plutia."

"Sh-Shut up!"

"I wish things could stay like this. It's relatively peaceful. No demons, the Seven Sages have been docile, and Neptune is getting wailed on. Everything is good in the world."

"You have a strange definition of 'everything is good'."

"Histoire, I am a strange man. Of course my definition is weird."

"Phew, I'm tuckered out, kids. That tyke's really leveled up…I can't be careless anymore."

"Why don't you take a nap with your boyfriend like Plutia is doing?" Oh yeah…That's a thing that's happened too.

"Great idea, Nep Jr.! Come here, Storm!"

"Neptune please don't-Oof!" She had pounced at him and landed with her head meeting his stomach. Both fell onto the couch behind Storm, where Neptune shifted into a more comfortable looking position. Poor guy. Johnny had Plutie resting her head on his thigh on a different couch.

"Someone help me! (Д;)" Histoire was being "hugged" by the four children.

"Goodness, stop! You mustn't squeeze Histoire with all your might like that, kids!" The four of them respond with a long, drawn out, disappointed "okay" before they let go of the tiny fairy.

"*cough, hack* I was almost squeezed into oblivion…(TωT) Ohhh, good grief! This all stems from you all shunning your duties! Σ(⎺ш⎺ "

"Hey! We've done all of our shit! Don't lump us in with them!" Johnny said defensively.

"Aw, c'mon. That sounds like you're trying really hard to blame us for something." No she isn't, Neptune. She is in the right to say things.

"Uh-huh, you're trying too hard…I always work soooo much…"

"Plutia never works."

"And how would you know what works is?" Neptune asked in an incredulous way.

"Daddy takes me to help him sometimes, It's fun!" And like that, Neptune's shot down.

"Ploo-Ploo loves naps!"

"She naps with us all day!" Compa and Peashy really know how to throw someone under the bus.

"Awwww! That was supposed to be our little secret…"

"Agh!" Ah, the sweet sound of successfully pranking Bryce. Those engineering classes really paid off when I rigged the Rube-Goldberg machine to dump a bucket of Jell-O on him. I told him I'd stop if he stopped stealing my things. I also told him that the longer he didn't stop, the more humiliating the pranks would get. Poor kid doesn't know that I psychologically broke someone in the past (true story) and am willing to do so again.

"You're a hopeless one, Plutie. I mean, mocked by children? Me, on the other hand…!"

"Nep is a stupid CPU."

"Iffy dear, what did your father and I tell you?"

"If you are going to mock someone, mock them right…"

"Good. Now try again."

"Nep is a bad CPU" Atta girl.

"Stu-PU!" Ugh…Puns…Why, Compa? Why?

"Stu-PU! Neptuna is a Stu-PU!"

"What's this? A stu-PU, am I!?"

"Pretty much…" Bryce said, still covered in the red desert.

"Even Bryce?! This world is so cruel…"

"Heh, StuPU."

"An apt descriptor."

"Noire, Blanc, can we stop encouraging the bad pun?"

"Yeah. It was funny the first time, but it started to hurt to hear after that." Storm's on my side about a pun. Yay!

"H-Hey, you little troublemakers! Where'd you learn a phrase like that?!" The four, surprisingly, point to Nepgear. Why didn't they point at-Oh…They heard it that one time I got Gear to rant about her sister. That was fun.

"My little sister! Really!?"

"Yeah. Remember that time you had us watch all four kids. Well, Nepgear wanted to know what the Jack tasted like. Turns out, your sister is the lightest lightweight to ever lightweight. Your name came up, and in her drunkenness, she ranted about you. Some things were good. Most things were bad. They were downstairs at the time, and you should know that children gossip."

"Why would you tell her that!?" Said the lightweight, embarrassed.

"Because it's funny as fuck!"

"Nep Jr., huh?"

"She said Neptuna's stupid and cute!"

"Th-That…I did say, yes. But I didn't mean it in a bad way!"

'Nepgear has mastered the "Backstabbing" Ability!'

"What the goodness?! Not another one!"

"Jeez, Neptune. You don't have anybody on your side."

"You guys are rubbish…" She said in response to Johnny's teasing.

*Ring, ring, ring!*

"The Basilicom land line? How rare."

"I'll answer it. Hello, you've reached Planeptune's Basilicom. Yes…Yes, she's here, but…Noire, it's from your Basilicom." Nepgear dutifully reported.

"Really? I wonder what happened. Hello, Noire speaking. I told you I took today off. So…huh? The nation's online network is down?! How…? Wh-What? We were hacked?! Just…Just wait, okay? Um…I'm on my way! It's an emergency, everyone! Lastation has…"

"What happened to that superior stance, Noire?"

"This is not the time, Johnny! It has to be the Seven Sages' doing!"

"The haughty Noire is a constant in this world of variables. 'Tis akin to a dream on a midsummer's night…"

"I'd correct you, but I think that's a copyright issue."

"Storm, this is a fanfic. We did the disclaimer, so copyright is out the window."

"C-Come on…! Ugh, fine! I can handle a tiny problem like this just fine all by myself!"

"Noire! Um, is it okay to let her go?"

"She'll be fine…"

"It serves her right for acting so high and mighty most of the time."

"Agreed. That girl needs to go through a painful experience."

*Ring, ring, ring!*

"Again? Um, hello?"

"How rare. Our phone usually gathers dust, so this I-abababababa! Now my internal phone rings? Whatever could it be? (´ ºДº `)"

"Is this…the classic pattern our franchise always goes through? I have a funky feeling about this!"

"Yes, I understand. Um, Blanc! Someone's apparently running amok in Lowee's Basilicom!"

"What?!"

"Understood, I will let her know. Vert, it seems some strange monsters have appeared inside Leanbox!"

"What did you say?!"

"Welp. Called it."

"Your bad feeling was spot on…"

"Still haven't learned, have they? I'll make it crystal clear this time!" Blanc said, outraged.

"I cannot believe my city has been subject to a raid not once, but twice! I cannot remain here! Steven, we must leave!"

"Oh, okay. Bye-bye, everyone! Be caaaaareful…" The two of us rush out the door and head towards my wife's nation. When we get there about an hour later, the country was swarmed with these weird bug things. We dealt with them for longer than I would've liked. One of them ran away, so we had to chase it. When we finally reach the damned thing, Vert calls out.

"I've finally caught up!" She failed to notice the other people that were occupying the clearing.

"Vert?! Steven?!"

"Oh? What brings you here?"

"We just finished up helping Blanc and Noire, so now we're here to help you with these…things…"

"Squee! Squuuuuuueak."

"Guys, what are these pocketed monstrosities?! I've never seen critters like them before!"

"I'll explain afterwards. For now, I ask for your aid!"

"Ewwwwww. I don't wanna touch them…"

"Please just suck it up. These things refuse to die." They reluctantly fight the stupid bugs with us in that empty field. After dealing with the resilient bastards. I bask in my personal glory.

"Squeeeeeak…"

"We couldn't finish them off…They've a fierce will to live."

"I'm willing to let them be just so we can be done with this." With that statement the things ran off.

"What were those things?!" I demand a clear explanation!"

"I would like one as well."

"You don't know either, Vert?"

"Precisely." *Un-Transforms* "After rushing here from Planeptune, those monsters had already begun their rampage. We've been chasing them down since."

"Is this the Seven Sages' doing?"

"Most likely, but there's no guarantee."

"It sounds like eeeeeverything is always the Seven Sages' fault…"

"They're the villains of this game/story. It can't be helped."

"Storm! Space-time! Reason the things are in the thing!"

"The thing with the thing?"

"No, the other thing!"

"Oh, right. That thing."

"How do you two even function?"

"You're still asking that question, Johnny?"

"Do you know if there are more of those monsters?"

"We've dealt with over ten of them. They haven't caused any major damage, so it's not so bad."

"However, they have high endurance and are quick to run away, so to be honest, I'm at a bit of a loss…"

"Hmm, I see. That sucks a butt. Good luck out there, you two!"

"Bye-bye…!"

"See ya…"

"Huh? Plutia? Neptune? Johnny…?"

"W-Wait. Did you not come out here to give us aid?"

"Well, we planned to, but uhhhh…You know. I mean…right?"

"Fighting those monsters was soooo super icky. I was sooo creeped out…"

"And what's you're excuse, Johnny?"

"I'm bored. They're boring me."

"Oh, that's bullshit!"

"I have to deal with that feeling as well, girls! Please, help me!"

"Wow, she sounds like she's having a really hard time, so…"

"But, uh, if those things are stuck on Leanbox, we don't really gotta worry about it. Plus she's got Stevie! They'll be fine."

"Neptune, I will stuff your pillows with these things!"

"You wouldn't!?"

"Fuckin' try me! I dare you!"

"Ewwwww! Anything but thaaaaat…"

"G1…would you really…?"

"Maybe. Probably. Could be happening right now."

"Pfft. Only you could create an unwinnable situation. I expected no less from the twisted mind of Stevie."

"Why thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment, G1."

"To me it was, Johnny."

"Um, it's fine if we help and all, but based on what you told us, won't they just run away from us?"

"There is a reason we have given up on eliminating them one at a time. Whoever released them must be here, so I thought to track down their leader by following their retreat."

"We should get moving then. They're getting away."

"Brilliant deduction, my dear Watson."

"Why thank you, Sherlock." Thank you Storm, for playing along.

"If we chase after them at a full sprint, we'll only tire ourselves. Similar to how you found them, I believe they need to rest, as well. Come. Let us be on our way."

"We got no other choice, huh? Oh well. Let's just do this so we can go home. Yep, yep, yep…"

"Uguuu…I really, really don't wanna…"

"Too bad. Let's move." We head to where the bugs went; Zega Forest. Some of us were dragging behind, so I decided to…motivate…them. Their boyfriends were none too happy, but shooting at their feet while yelling "dance, monkeys, dance" was too great of an opportunity to pass up. We make our way through the forest, not finding a damn thing. Neptune makes it known that she is as frustrated as I was.

"We can't find the darn things!"

"Did we lose them?"

"I can still smell them, so they should still be around."

"Smell them?"

"Heightened senses, Johnny. How many times must I say it?"

"Shh…I can hear someone talking." Oh…How did I miss that?

"Squee! Squeeeeaaak."

"Oh, I see. The CPUs and their pawns bullied you. There, there, you poor things…"

"Squeeak?"

"Squee…"

"Your sisters are worried, too. Try not to cry anymore, okay?"

"That's the old man who was being suuuuuper mean to Blanny…!"

"Um, did you forget what he did to G1?"

"What did he do to Steven?"

"Impaled him thirty-seven times in the chest, let alone the ones in other parts of his body." Nepgear looked at me with wide eyes.

"I AM the tank of the group for a reason."

"So this really IS the Seven Sages' handiwork."

"Yes. We've caught him red-handed. You there!"

"Gah, the CPUs?!"

"How dare you bring such things into my nation…"

"How dare YOU! You cretins!"

"For letting these monsters…Hmm? Wh-Why are you yelling at me…?"

"Maybe you did something bad to him without realizing it? That's so Vert!"

"Don't talk as if you know! I haven't done anything to him!"

"Trying to feign innocence?! You made my lovely daughter cry!"

"Okay, first of all, if you think these bugs are lovely then your age is affecting your eyes. Second, I've adopted a 'If it doesn't look human, kill it before it kills you' attitude. It happens when you deal with what I deal with on a regular basis."

"You still insist on denying what you've done?! Look, she's crying right now, in front of you!"

"Squeee…Squeeeee…"

"…Huh?" Confusion struck my wife like a truck.

"Hurry and apologize to her! Tell her how sorry you are!"

"U-Um, pardon my awkward questions, but do you have a wife? And is she…well…human?"

"He's gonna die a virgin!" Thank you Johnny, for getting the idea of this guy dating out of my head.

"Whoa, let's ask that moment to wait. I'm totally confused right now. Nope, got it! You're a hermaphrodite! You sowed and reaped your own seed!"

"G-Goodness, that makes sense! He does resemble a caterpillar. Or maybe even an icky sea slug!" Apply cold water to that burn! Nepgear's bringing the heat.

"Damn, dude. You're slug? But how are you so fat if you survive only on water?"

"He drank a lake."

"I am no slug! Er, ahem. Perhaps the way in which I worded it was unclear. They are not my real children. But I love them as though they are. They see me as their father, too."

"Squeesqueeak!"

"Squeeeee."

"Yes, yes. Wait a bit longer, okay?"

"Y-Yes, well, of course…Perhaps we all were letting our imaginations run too wild…"

"Still, gross. How can you see those creepy things as your kids?"

"What?"

"Don't say that, Neptune! I mean, well, to each their own…"

"Did you call them…creepy?"

"Uh-ohhhhh, he's really mad now…!"

"Squee…"

"Squeeeeeee!"

"For CPUs! Of ALL people! To call my children CREEPY!"

"He totally flipped his wig! But, come on. They're creepy."

"Hey, we hang out with G1 all the time, so we gotta cut him SOME slack…"

"Never…I'll never forgive you! Prepare yourselves, you disgraces! I shall punish you, here and now!"

"Squeak!"

"Squeeaky!"

"Oh, you'll fight with me? I see. Then let's defeat these hateful fools as a family!"

"Squeaaak!"

"Let's see if you can."

"Storm is taunting…? …Oh God! He put on his try-hard pants! Johnny, he put on his try-hard pants!"

"Let's get outta here! Grab the girls!" We grab them and haul ass to safety.

"What do you guys mean? Why did we run?" The world was bathed in fire. "Oh…"

"Some men want to watch the world burn. Storm is one of those men, except he's also armed with gasoline and a lighter." Storm joins us in the bushes as the fire dies down. Mr. Badd and his monsters followed, albeit a bit charbroiled.

"Squeeeee. Squeak."

"Jeezum crow! They're still crazy energetic. These things are tough!"

"Curse you…for bringing such shame to not only me, but also to my daughters…"

"Well, you did decide to piss off the guy who can control fire with his mind, so that's on you."

"Indeed."

"Hmph. This was but a test! For you see, it was their first true battle."

"Squee…"

"Be prepared for next time! My daughters will grow stronger and then crush you into powder!"

"That almost sounded cool, but then you realize he's pushing his dreams onto his kids. That's lame."

"Yeah! Let them pick their own path, asshat!"

"Will there even be a next time? I'm not so kind as to let you off the hook for this, you see…"

"Neither am I, but you already know that."

"Squeeak!"

"Squeeeeeak!"

"What? Do not get in my way! Move aside!"

"Ewwy…! Don't get so close…!"

"Oh, my. Such wonderful daughters, putting their lives on the line to protect me…No! You must flee!"

"Squeak!"

"Don't touch my wife like that!" *Punt* And it's good! As the others dealt with the rest, the old man got away. "Looks like he got away. Oh well, I guess."

"Urrrgh…I can see that! We won't give chase, so please leave us!"

"Squee?"

"Squeeeak."

"Squeaky squee."

"Whew. They finally waddled off."

"Tch. In the end, we let them go…"

"In the end, it doesn't even matter~!"

"Linkin Park? Really?"

"Vert, let it go. No point in getting angry over it."

"They'll be back won't they? Ewww…Goodness, that's no fun…"

"Urrrrgh…My whole body feels like a dirty, moldy sponge…"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Let's bath it up hardcore later. Wanna come back with us, you two?"

"Ahh, the proposition excites me, though! When that day comes, I shall wash your back, Nepgear." She's been trying to do that for a long time. As you can see, she has yet to succeed.

"Huh? N-No, I can do that perfectly fine all by myself…"

"No need to be so polite. It will be a good chance for our sisterly bond to grow stronger."

"Even though she was denied, Vert still goes to follows them to Planeptune. Guess I'm going too. When we reach the city, Neptune takes the time to chill.

"Phew, all done. I didn't know what was gonna happen when all those phones did the ringing thing at once."

"We did sooooomething…"

"I just hope things remain quiet for a little while."

"Who can say? It seemed to me that they were all prepared to show up again without much pause."

"I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you guys had to deal with an almost gay guy in a suit of armor."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I'd welcome another attack. I'll snap their necks the next time I see them!" Do it right Noire, or you'll only paralyze them.

"How careless for you to have let them escape twice. I crushed my opponent into subservience."

"Didn't you let one get away in the past, though. We tortured him, but still."

"What are you two doing here, anyways?"

"I finished repairs faster than expected, so I came to see how everyone else is fairing."

"I just gave a lecture to my citizens."

"But you don't have to come over here every time you wanna hang out. You guys have other places to go, ya know?"

"Isn't it fun to be with everyone, Neppy…?"

"Well sure, buddy. But relaxing all alone is cool sometimes, too. Alone in the dark, silent hills…"

"Says the loudest person in existence."

"Why is Steven in the fetal position?"

"…Silent Hill…Silent Hill…"

"G1 doesn't handle horror games very well and you reminded him of one of the most infamous ones, right up there with Dead Space."

"While I may be a little bitch when it comes to horror games, I can suck it up for Dead Space. Laser guns make everything okay."

"In any case, please don't take it easy right now. We have to set a good example for the kids."

"Oh, quite right! In a way, they're more difficult to deal with than the Seven Sages."

"She says with a giant smile."

"She's not wrong though, Blanc. You live with one of them, so you should know."

"All in all, Neptune has fun. That is why the children are so fond of her."

"Oh! Talking together made time fly. We've made it back. Histoire, we're home! HURRRKKKKK! …Or not."

"What is it? Why did you let out such a guttural sound?"

"Peashy's normal greeting for Neptune is headbutting her. It's pretty entertaining actually."

"Is everyone gone…? Where did they gooooo…?"

"I wonder…Can Histoire really look after four kids by herself?"

"Quiet. I hear something. Coming from the…trash?"

"Moof! Mmmfff! (=; ;)"

"Let's see here…Oh, wow. Someone threw Histy's tome away and duct taped the heck out of it."

"I don't think someone did this for shits and giggles."

"Mmmmf! Grrrmmmfff! (= ; ;)"

"Come on, let's free her." Noire and Blanc remove the tape and free the small fairy.

"*gasp!* (ºДº ;;; ) Whew! I thought I was going to suffocate in there…"

"Histy, are you okay…?"

"Who did this to you? I know for sure it wasn't the cute little Compa. So was it Iffy, or was it P-Ko?! Ooh, Ooh! It was Bryce, wasn't it?!"

"Do not worry about me! The children…! Oh my, what should I do?!"

"Histy, what about the children?"

"They were taken! The Seven Sages have taken the children!" You know what, fuck it. Everyone dies. I'm slowly realizing that I'm reacting differently to the story now. I guess experiencing it myself is different than playing a game.

"I'm going to fucking murder everyone."

"G1, no…"

"Histoire, were did they take them?"

"T-T-They mentioned taking a path to Lowee…"

"Let us be on our way, then. We must get them back!"

"Yeah, before Stevie breaks…" We head to the previously mentioned path.

"They probably took this road. Not like I can be certain, though."

"We haven't the time to second guess ourselves, Blanc. This is the path we have chosen."

"Let's not forget that Steven's on a warpath."

"I hope the kids are okay…"

"They will be, because we're going to rescue them right away." After going through the area, we reach a bridge. Compa and Bryce were there with the rat.

"Found two of them! It's Compa and Bryce!"

"Chu! Th-They're already here?!"

"Yay! It's Nep-Nep!"

"Neptune!"

"Compa! Bryce!"

"Hello, Rat…" Add a creepy smile for added effect.

"P-P-Please don't hurt me!"

"Give us the kids and I won't."

"No problem, chu!"

"Wait. Where are the others?"

"Plu-Plu, Stevie, Mister Mouse is nice. He was gonna take us home!"

"Oh…He waaaaaaas…?"

"Yup!"

"But but, Iffy and Pea were taken away by some grumpy old lady!"

"Quite an elaborate scheme to use multiple suspects and split up."

"Which way did the woman go?"

"Uh, sorry, but there's no way I can tell you that much…" I grab him by the tail and lift him.

"You going to tell us anyway…Riiight…?"

"She went straight ahead, up that path."

"Awwwwww, how helpful of you…Let's go, everyone…!"

"Right. We don't have any time to waste on a filthy sewer rat."

"You live, for now." I drop the rat on his head before we leave, and follow the path that he pointed out. Eventually, we find them and I can hear them having a conversation.

"Lemme go! Let go, you stupidhead!"

"Ouch! Stop struggling, you brat! If you don't stop squirming, I'll-"

"If you beat me up, my dad will come after you. Bad things happen to people my dad goes after."

"Do you really think I'm scared of him?"

"Yes, I do."

"You're a fool."

"Whatever, lady. My dad, his friends and the CPUs will definitely come save me! Definitely!" The moment was perfect to seize the opportunity…

"Sup, bitch!" Just for Johnny to pull the rug out from underneath me.

"Tch. They're here. They came, just as you said."

"Iffy, are you okay?"

"Yay! You came, after all!"

"Why wouldn't I? Now, to deal with you…"

"If they've come this way, it means the rat can escape…"

"Iffy! I'm glad you're okay!"

"Same here."

"Wait! Why're those brats here, too?!"

"Your rat friend handed them over without a fight."

"He also informed us in a polite tone which direction you headed in."

"…That damn rat!"

"Kidnapping children while adults are away…The Seven Sages have hit a new low…"

"I agree, it's a pretty despicable plan. I wasn't on board with it."

"Then please return IF to us. If you do so peaceably, we'll let you go!"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Nepgear. She's pissed of the wrong dad."

"And don't look down on me! Ugh! All this stress will give me wrinkles. Go along with me for a bit longer. If you manage to defeat me, I'll hand this dumb tyke over!"

"You're seriously outnumbered and outgunned, and you think you can win!? Really!?"

"Looks like we can add dementia to the list of her problems."

"Even with all of these problems of yours, here's some good news! There's no need to wonder where your god is! Because he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy." SAO Abridged has influenced me more than it should have.

"D-D-Dad?"

"Don't worry, Iffy! I'm going to take care of this, then we can go home and eat ice cream."

"You think that you're so tough. I will never be defeated by the likes of you. I don't like to use this form, but today, I think I'll face you with all my strength."

"She seems to have a plan…At least she is not going to use the children as hostages, I suppose."

"Compa, Bryce, please hid somewhere safe."

"O-Okay…!"

"Sure…!"

"Let it begin…Once you see my final form…You will know your days are numbered!"

"What the fuck…?!"

"Gwooooooooh! Kill…everyone…!"

"Ahhh! A real monster! That old biddy turned into a big, ugly monster!"

"What a vulgar ace to have up your sleeve."

"After everything Steven has put us up against, this isn't very impressive."

"Wh-What? N-No…Scary…"

"Aww, poor Iffy! C'mon everyone, let's show her our final forms, too!" Everyone agreed and transformed, except for me and Plutie.

"G1, why didn't you transform?"

"Principle, Storm. Principle."

"Plutia? What're you doing? Transform already!?"

"Hehehe…Hahahaha…What is that thing…? It's soooooo disgusting."

"H-Hey…That speech pattern…Those mannerisms…"

"Ahahahaha…This is reeeally bad. I'm soooo angry, I think I'm getting mixed up…"

"Wh-What is going on?" Vert said with a bit of shaking.

"I…don't know…This woman will accept aaaaaall of my bottled up rage, riiight…?" *Transforms* "Because it would be a shame if she died before I got it all out! Ahahaha…Hahahahahaha!"

"You and me both, Plutie!"

"Groooooh? Grrrrr…"

"Wow. It's no laughing matter when your buddies are more frightening than the enemy."

"Even our opponent seems taken aback."

"Ahahahaha! This is gonna be fucking great!"

"I've heard tell of people so consumed with rage that they laugh hysterically, but…"

"Wh-What should we do? I don't think we can stop them this time…"

"They're still a reliable source of strength. Let's not think about it any harder than that."

"I can't…I can't contain my fury any longer. It's fine, right? I can do anything I want, right?"

"Of course, Plutie! Let's go ballistic!"

"Yes. We won't stop you. Go all-out!"

"W-Wahh…*sniffle*"

"Hahaha, my sweet little Iffy…We're coming to save you!"

"Graaaaaaah!" I run up to the monster lady and deliver one of the more powerful of Ouroburos' moves.

"Serpent's Infernal Rapture!" She was launched into the air where I use another of the powerful weapon's moves. "Ouroburos!" I pull her towards me with two of the chains where she slams in to ground. She is then lifted off the ground. "Screeches!" I hit her right side with a kick while I'm pulled by a chain and then I hit her with a slice from my knife to her left side. "Of the Condemned!" I come down from above her covered in the serpentine energy that took the shape of a snake head and tackle her into the ground, with me landing on my feet. Noire performed her Tornado Chain skill. Johnny fired a Gallick Gun and Storm slashed repeatedly with his sword covered in flames. The Planeptune sisters and the two other residents of my house attack her from all sides with their variety of bladed weapons. She fell to the ground, but before she could get up, I sweep my leg up high and pin her head to the ground with my foot. Plutie planted her sword through her shoulder and into the ground after repeatedly whipping her with her whip-blade. She turns to me with a Devilish smile, and I can feel my face contorting to match it. I lift up my right foot (the one that was on her head) and Plutie lifts her left one. That was when the fun began.

*Time skip several minutes*

"Storm, I lost count. How many times was that?"

"Johnny, I stopped counting at fifty, and that was a minute ago."

"We should stop them."

"Give it a moment."

"Plutie, do you want the honors, seeing as how you did get to do much this fight?"

"As much as I would like to, you should finish this." I slide my right foot under my victim, launch her into the air, then deliver a round house kick with my left foot that was, of course, covered with the snake like energy. Having the power to destroy Gods is fun.

"Gah! Damn, damn, damn it all! I lost, even after exposing that form?!"

"Hmph. For being so big and ugly, you were a gigantic pushover."

"The ugly shall be stamped out by the beautiful. That is how the world works."

"I'm in the same boat as Noire, that was disappointing. And Vert, for the record, I prefer the term handsome." Johnny, for fuck's sake.

"As promised, we will take Iffy back now."

"You were super cool, Nep! Like a totally different person!" If it wasn't for the fact that she's a bit scared of me right now, I'd be hurt. I don't blame her, though. I'd be a bit scared of me too.

"Hahaha. I get that a lot…"

"IF seems unharmed. What a relief."

"Me too."

"U-Um…Plutia…? Dad…?"

"Hmhmhmm. Wait a bit longer. There's something else your father and I need to finish first."

"No, this doesn't end here…Next time, I'll definitely…!"

"Back up. Did you really think you'd be forgiven that easily for this little shit show of yours?"

"Wh-What?"

"You touched my precious belongings. As punishment, you will have to take in ALL of my overflowing rage."

"Wait. Just…wait…"

"Yeaaah…How about no…?"

"Indeed. No more waiting."

"Wah! Waaaah!"

"Iffy, sweetheart, please don't cry…This will all be over soon, promise…" Softy mode deactivated.

"Take this! And THIS!"

"It's time to slide the knife!" *Slash! Slice!*

"Gah! Y-You would really attacksomeone after they've lost?!"

"Dogs bark! They do not speak! Ah-hahahahaha!"

"Yeah! Shut the fuck up, bitch!"

"Gah! Ack…!"

"W-Waaah…"

"H-Hey guys…Children are watching, so…"

"You three, go stop them."

"You really think I'm going anywhere near a psychotic G1 with knives?"

"You tell her, Storm."

"N-No way! I can't!"

"Ahahahaha…Hahahaha!"

"Ahh! Gah! Stop! S-Stop already!"

"No way! I'm just getting started! This is what you get for taking my daughter!"

"At least he has his priorities straight."

"She's getting her comeuppance, but I can sympathize her a little bit…"

"True. But all we can do is stand by and let the scene unfold…"

"No…No…No…" We spend five more minutes doing horrible things to Arfoire, all while mentally scarring my poor baby girl. It was so horrible that I won't write it because then it will be on the internet forever.

"Well, I feel better now."

"Ahhhh. That was so refreshing!"

"Ugh…*cough, hack*"

"They're finally done. I admit, I had to avert my eyes for a while…"

"To use such merciless force while never dealing a fatal blow…Such a useless, precise skill…"

"How is she alive? Her blood is everywhere."

"Nepgear, that's a question that's better left unanswered…"

"Okay, my darling little Iffy…I'm sorry for the wait…"

"N-No!"

"Today was scary, wasn't it? It's okay, we made it aaaaall better. We taught the bad lady a lesson…"

"Eep…*hic* Wah…"

"What's wrong? Why aren't you saying anything? Tell me that I'm cool, just like you said to Neppy."

"Uuuugh…Bwahaa…"

"Hey, Plutie. Let me take over."

"Okay…" She reluctantly got up and walked away from Iffy. I ran over and eveloped my daughter in a tight hug.

"D-Dad…?"

"I'm glad you're okay…I've lost a lot of people that were important to me, so I don't want to lose you too…Come on, let's go home. Okay?"

"Y-Yeah…"

"I still feel bad for Iffy. She's gonna be scarred for life after that." All of the CPUs and my fellow males released their transformations.

"Why was Iffy crying?"

"Well, Compa…Plutia kind of…Umm…"

"Awwwwwwwww…" She looked depressed.

"We can't explain it to you right now. Wait until you're older."

"I don't get it…"

"Me either."

"Hey, old lady, we couldn't ask you earlier because of these two, but where is P-Ko? Where'd you jerks take her?"

"Gah? Heh…hehehe…"

"She's in no condition to respond." Vert said.

"But she's the one who took the kids, so she must be keeping Peashy nearby."

"No! Wrong, wrong, wrong!" Compa said hurriedly.

"She's not the one who took Peashy! It was some other lady!" Bryce said, continuing what Compa was saying.

"Whaaaaat?!" After that little revelation, we searched for the final missing child for hours. After those hours passed, we went back to Planeptune.

"We couldn't find her, after all…"

"If we could've asked that woman, things may have ended differently."

"Look. I went overboard, okay. I'm sorry."

"I hope P-Ko is okay. She acts tough, but she gets lonely easy. I hope they aren't picking on her…"

"You're not acting like yourself, Neptune. She is indeed a hostage, but we also know that she is safe that way."

"They should send the stuff soon, so they shouldn't hurt her before then." Storm said, trying to comfort his lady friend.

"But until we save her, Peashy is all alone, surrounded by enemies."

"Awwwwwwwww…It's all my fault…!"

"Don't be like that, Ploots. Nothing good'll happen if you act all depressed."

"Let's all settle down and call it a night. No point staying up all night worrying."

"Ugh, you're right. What'm I gonna tell Histy?" We reached the door to Planeptune Basilicom just in time for the conversation to make sense. "Histy, we're home…"

"Neptuna!" 'Kay…Wat?

"Bwooooah?!" Oooh…That has GOT to hurt, especially after the day we've had. "Huh? What's this ripple effect going through my stomach that makes me want to puke my insides out?"

"Hehehe! Welcome home!" You know what? I think it's time to stop following the story. Peashy is NOT getting taken again. I don't want to see a repeat of today. Plus, that ploy was so fucking stupid and we're not gonna let it fly.

"Johnny, Storm, could you two come here?"

"Uh…sure?" The two follow me into a secluded part of the sanctuary.

"G1, you want to keep Eden from forming, don't you?"

"Yeah I do. It'll save us a lot of stress and we don't have to see a repeat of today."

"What'll we do when they don't see her age?"

"What are you guys talking about?"

"When Peashy was kidnapped, she accidently used (read ate) a CPU Memory thinking it was candy."

"So she's a CPU?"

"Yup. You two have fun with that."

"Fuck off, G1! This is your plan-"

"Our plan. Storm had the same idea as I did and thus I am exempt from your logic."

"Whatever. You're helping."

"Yeah, just not as much as you two are. I mean, how often am I actually here?"

"He has a point, Johnny."

"Hey! Where are you three!?"

"We'll be right there! Okay, so here's the game plan. Guard Peashy, teach her about CPU stuff, break it to them later."

"Okay." After that we rejoin the girls in the main room.

"We're gonna hang out and aaaaall sleep together tonight…!"

"I'm down for it."

"Same."

"You two are weird."

"Really, Storm?"

"What?"

"You are the king of weird."

"You're not wrong."

"So you're all sleeping over. Fine. I guess I'll stay too."

"Lonely Heart appears once more. Planning on snuggling with your ex-lover?"

"Stop calling me that! And no, I'm not!" I'm having a hard time not calling bullshit.

"Hehehe. Good work, everyone. Since you are all so tired, I shall prepare futons early! (*´∇`*)"

"I'll help you. I need to secure a good spot…"

"Iffy, dear, come spend the night with your father and I."

"O-Okay…"

"Ahh, such a peaceful scene. This is what family is all about."

"Uh-huh…I wanna be with everyone forever, and ever, and eeeeever…"

"Ploot! Lemme go Ploot!"

"Please let go…"

"Will somebody help us?"

"Nah…You three are fine, Bryce." Blanc and Histoire went and brought back a bunch of futons. They were set relatively close to each other, so that they could be rearranged as we pleased. Me and Vert move two right next to each other. The two of us hold Iffy between us, and we're facing each other. Blanc is using Vert's butt as a pillow, Plutie is snuggled up with the three children that she refused to let go of. Johnny is right next to her with an arm wrapped around the bundle of people. Neptune had Storm to one side of her and Nepgear on the other. Noire…Noire did exactly what she said she wasn't going to do, or at least, that's what the familiar softness that my back is feeling is telling me. I think I was the last of us to fall asleep, but oh well. I'm just glad that everything is going good for them.


	19. Time for a Wedding!

Chapter 19: Let's Have a Wedding!

 **Since Johnny brought it up, it was kind of a dick move to just drop that marriage bomb out of nowhere, so here it is! The wedding. I'll be honest, this is also a stalling tactic because the really chapter isn't quite ready yet. Well, here we go.**

The day was like most other days. Except it wasn't. Because I am currently in a church in Leanbox, nervous as can be. Instead of my normal wardrobe, I'm wearing a black suit with a red dress shirt. Johnny and Storm are in the room with me, also garbed in suits, although theirs are with white dress shirts.

"Calm down, G1. Freaking out is the one thing you shouldn't be doing right now."

"Easy for you to say, Storm. You're not the one getting married."

"Dude, chill."

"Well, sorry about panicking. I never exactly expected to be in this kind of situation."

"You expected to be forever alone?"

"Yes. Yes I did." There was a knock at the door.

"Steven. It's time." Noire poked her head in as she said that.

"Okay. Thanks Noire. Now, seeing as how I don't trust these two with this question I'll ask you: How do I look?"

"Besides your tie, you look fine."

"Can you fix it? I had to tie their ties."

"Sure." She comes in and ties my tie correctly. She was waiting outside because she was my best woman and was not okay with getting ready with us guys. She was in a red dress with black accents. "There. Now let's go down."

I anxiously go down to where the priest was waiting for the event to begin. There wasn't many people there seeing as how it was an event for family and friends. We had Histoire rigged up a bit so Neptune's friends from her dimension could watch. I still think it's a bad idea, but Neptune was able to convince Vert otherwise. It must be uncomfortable for Neptune's Vert to watch this. We'll find out later. An older version of Bryce is here with some other people. Don't know how it happened, but I'm not complaining. We got so much food for the reception, so more mouths are welcome. Neptune and Peashy have been restrained so that they won't interrupt the ceremony. We line up on the right side if you're looking at the priest. Noire is right next to me with the two guys next to her. Across from us was Blanc, Nepgear and Plutie in light green dresses. Blanc was the bride's maid. After what felt like an hour (which was actually only a few minutes) the organist started playing, signaling Vert's approach. Iffy and Compa lead the way as the flower girls. Iffy was in a suit (my little tomboy) while Compa was in a light green dress like the bridal party. Bryce was the ring bearer. Vert was in a white strapless dress with dark green lace and a heart shaped neckline. She was absolutely beautiful. I honestly droned out all of what the priest was saying, seeing as how I was too focused on the woman in front of me. I started paying attention a minute or two before we got to the vows. (I don't wedding so I'm just going to skip to when Vert says I do.)

"I do."

"You may now kiss the bride." No hesitation now. I kiss her just like how most people do in movies. I think I saw the other Vert faint out of the corner of my eye.

"I now present to you, Mister and Misses Steven Stanton!" There is a god, seeing as how the stuffy stuff is over. We head out after pictures to see everyone who could wield the bubble bottles blowing bubbles. We climb into the limo after posing for some pictures. The ride took half an hour. We took side roads and stuff so we could give everyone enough time to get there and enjoy cocktail hour. I still don't know why it's called that seeing as how it only lasts for fifteen minutes. After getting there and waiting for a few minutes, Vert nudges my arm.

"The DJ is introducing us. Let us go in and enjoy ourselves."

"Sure. I'm not looking forward to Noire's speech though. She's going to call me out on a lot of shit."

"But I'm sure that you'll still laugh and have a good time."

"Oh absolutely. It's just that older Bryce and co. knowing my dirty laundry is a bit strange."

"Yes, it is quite strange to see the child version and the older standing right by each other. At least we know what to expect."

"True, true…"

"Please help me welcome the new Mister and Misses Stanton!"

"That's our cue." We walk in as two of older Bryce's friends opened the door for us. Never got their names, but I'm fairly certain that one of them was Noble from Lost Pause. Weird. Cheers accompanied our entrance. While I was still in my suit, I had taken the coat off. Vert had changed into a dark green dress with light green detailing with a skirt that reached her knees. After the applause died down we sit at the raised table meant for the wedding party. I look across the room and take in our handiwork. Alternating gold and green tablecloths with ornate centerpieces that had both colors. I didn't wait more than five minutes before the food came out. We had the options of steak with mashed potatoes and a choice of broccoli or corn on the cob, marinated chicken with white rice and carrots, salmon with a baked potato topped with shrimp, and a salad with breadsticks. I got the steak while Vert got the salad. I don't hesitate to steal one of Vert's breadsticks, because they were Red Lobster cheesy biscuits in stick form. We all enjoy the meals of our choices, until I hear the clinking of a spoon on a glass. God dammit. We kiss, as per tradition. Another clink. God fucking dammit. I should just be glad that this is a small group. We kiss again, and I can see older Bryce almost losing his shit. He's the one doing this.

"Older Bryce, the more you give me hell, the more I give the younger you hell. Just letting you know." He started pouting, his mini started shaking, and everyone else started laughing. Blanc and Noire were talking about who should toast first. Apparently they agreed on their order because Blanc was the one who stood up as she tapped her glass.

"Thunder Tits and I never really got along for a while. She didn't hesitate to call me out when it came to her…assets…But the girl has a good heart. She has fun, is light-hearted, and knows when to take things seriously and help out those she cares about. I can't help but say that we've become friends over these years." In that instant, Blanc knew she fucked up. Johnny started chanting something that I had chanted back in my days in the Clarkson pep band.

"More than just friends! More than just friends!" I couldn't help but join in. Seems everyone but Blanc and Vert shared my sentiment. Everyone was chanting while those two were blushing. I don't see why they're embarrassed, they haven't exactly been hiding the fact they're smitten with each other. Once the laughter died down, Noire stood up.

"It seems like it's my turn. Steven is one of a kind. He is possibly the most infuriating asshole that has ever graced existence. He's also an excellent father and someone who will willingly throw himself to the wolves if it means protecting people. Between all the stab wounds, sexual innuendos, and other crazy moments that he drags us into somehow, there's never a dull moment. I'm better friends with him than I am with Plutia, and that's saying something."

"So I propose a toast to two wonderful people who manage to brighten our day in some way, shape, or form!" The two said at the same time. Everyone except for the kids drank their champagne. We had sparkling grape juice for the kids (for those who don't know, it's just carbonated grape juice). After finishing our meals the DJ announces that it was time for the first dance. I stand up and hold out my hand for Vert to take. We move to the dance floor. I place my arms around her waist and she wraps her arms around my neck. I've never been good at dancing, so right now is a struggle to not stop on her feet. The entire time we say sweet nothings into each other's ears. After that, things got all fun. The music picked up and we were joined by whoever else wanted to dance. We traded partners and all that jazz for half an hour. Cake time! We had chocolate, vanilla, and red velvet layers on the four tier cake. After everything was said and done, we all went home. Iffy went to bed, and an hour after, to make sure she's out, we consummated our marriage. Sweaty, tired, and smiling like mad, we turn to each other.

"I love you, Vert."

"I love you too." We fell asleep in each other's arms.

 **I apologize for the laziness of this chapter, but my reason was already stated. If you made it through, congrats. I didn't want to write the details of the… *ahem* action…for a variety of reasons, so deal with it. Until next week then.**


	20. Fuck This Bullshit

Chapter 20: Fuck This Bullshit

 **Now, I thank everyone for their support and criticism. It has come to my attention that I may have not described things in the most accurate way. Storm's Radiance and Johnny's SSG transformations are instantaneous, or at least, close to it. They're supposed to take as much time as the transformations in the games. And I also appreciate that I was reminded of the already known fact that I am not the best writer. I know things were weird, but you also have to take into account that when emotions are running high, people say things that are on their minds even if they don't want to say them. Okay, now that the tiny rant is over, let's get on with this train wreck (let's be honest, this is a train wreck when looking at almost every other story on this site).**

"Um, so we called this meeting for one reason!"

"One reeeeason…!"

"You know that we probably would have been here today, considering." Ever since the day the kids were kidnapped, when we didn't have a job, me, Vert and Blanc served as a security detail. Johnny, Storm and Nepgear take of it when we can't.

"Geez, can you stop with all the emergency summons? I'm SO busy." Noire said irritably.

"Says the one who's here." I love when people get sassy, especially the ones who live with me. That way, I can take credit. So thank you Blanc, for feeding my ego.

"Our dimension's Histoire contacted us a few days ago…" Nepgear started.

"She said that while the Share situation is a work in progress on their side, shit's hitting the fan because of some organization called the Citizen's group."

"That's no good." Vert said, slightly upset about the news. She has such a good heart.

"Meh. Not the worst thing that could be happening." Me…not so much.

"Wow, that was such a cold response, you must be dry ice! I mean, you get what we're asking, don't you…?"

"Yeah, kind of a dick move there."

"What? That was me being optimistic."

"It's selfish of us, but could we please get help from you all."

"Not only is it selfish, but you're asking the CPUs of other nations to help you gather shares for Planeptune. I understand that you are used to working outside of nation restrictions, Nepgear, but this is too much."

"I know, right Blanc? How can a nation that effectively has three CPUs have the lowest share count in the world?"

"Very easily, apparently."

"Hey! Uh…We've been way too busy thinking of the children, you guys!"

"All you do is play with Peashy, Nep." Iffy said condescendingly.

"Nuh-uh! I'm the one playing with Neptuna!"

"She plays with Peashy and ends up ignoring me…"

"Same here. It's annoying."

"So this is how the kids see you."

"Well, Neptune's laziness aside, what about you four?"

"I was…Well, I was busy taking good care of my sister when I was here…"

"I gotta help her take care of Neppy, too…"

"There's only so much we can do since we're not CPUs."

"Yeah, and dealing with Neptune is a pain in the ass."

"Huh? Why'd you all say that? I didn't expect this alliance!"

"As for me, I wouldn't mind helping."

"Vert, you rock! It must be true that the size of your heart is directly proportional to your boon size!"

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Blanc, calm down. You have a big heart even if your boobs are small."

"Steven, you're not helping…"

"But if I help, that means the day Nepgear returns home will draw ever closer, does it not?"

"Wow, looks like G1 is chopped liver." I'm just gonna sit here and pout.

"Oh. Um…"

"Knowing that, I cannot force myself to be motivated. Still, I cannot let Nepgear suffer by refusing…" Still sad. Still pouting. Blanc hugged me in response. "Of course, it also means Neptune and Storm will be leaving us too."

"Uh, yep. That's why we're going to gather shares in the first place."

"I see." Blanc looks a bit heartbroken, but then again, I probably do too. After all this time, I'd consider the lazy purple girl a friend. When this works, I'll have lost three friends to the boundaries of separate dimensions. I look around and see that everyone looks sad as well.

"Aww, come oooon, everyone…Don't talk like that…Let's help both Neppys out!"

"Plutie…?"

"Are you all right with this? If they leave, would you not be the loneliest of us all?"

"Not really…I'll still have Johnny…I'll be really sad, but they need our help, so…"

"Plutia…"

"Besides, you are my friends too…And I can be sad when they're gone, so I don't wanna be sad now…What I mean is, ummmm…"

"I'm glad that you think that highly of us, and I believe I understand what you are saying. That may be the most constructive way to manage your feelings." If Vert hadn't become a CPU, I bet she'd have made a great psychologist.

"If Plutia is that gung-ho about it, then there's no escaping this one. Let me just say one thing…"

"Is it, 'It's not like I'm doing this for your sake. It's all for Plutia'?" Of course Blanc knows the tsundere stereotypes. She was the one who has made me lose quite the many hours of sleep watching anime.

"Don't finish my sentences for me! A-Anyway, yeah, that's how it is."

"Thank you so much, everyone!"

"Don't mention it. It's no big deal."

"I'll do my verrrrrry best to help…"

"Yeah! Thanks, fellas! Thanks, Plutie!" They all leave to go complete some quests. I stay because I agreed to be on Peashy duty. Only a few minutes passed before the kids stopped being well behaved.

"I don't wanna play inside! I wanna run around out in the sun!"

"Stop, Peashy! Lady Plutia and my dad will get angry at us!"

"Yeah, we don't need to cause any more problems."

"You know…All you had to do was ask me. I'd be more than willing to take you all to a park or something."

"Yay!" The four children cheered.

"Okay, could you girls go get ready? I need to talk to Bryce for a moment."

"Uh…sure…" The three run off with Peashy in the lead. I hand Bryce a buzzer once I'm sure they were out of the room.

"Look, I've seen how far you got in the game from your save file, so I know you know what's going to happen." He nods. "So if you see Anonydeath, press this down for a few seconds. It emits a really high pitch that only I can hear, and once I hear it I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Okay. No problem." He goes to get ready with the girls in the living room. Once they were all ready, we head out the door. I can see the effeminate hacker out of the corner of my eye before he disappeared behind a building.

"So you all know the rules, right?"

"Don't talk to strangers and play nice with others."

"Got it in one. Good job, Compa." We went to the local park and the kids did kid things. I spent my time on a bench like a typical babysitting dad where I could keep an eye on all of them, except for when I was asked to push one of them (Iffy) on the swings or help with the monkey bars (Compa). My little spy stayed close to the human bumblebee. We stayed at the park for an hour and a half before we left for home, but before that, we stopped for some ice cream. We walk into the Basilicom's living area, cones in hand, to see Anonydeath standing in the middle of the room.

"You know, my job is so much harder when people get in my way…" I pull out Infamy with my free hand and point it at the man(?) in the mech suit. "There is no need for that."

"I know that you're here for Peashy, and I don't exactly appreciate the fact you broke into my friends place. I suggest you leave before you have to repair a lot of bullet holes in your fancy little suit."

"Okay, okay…I know when to pick a fight. I'll be leaving." And just as he said, he left, presumably the he came.

"To think he'd be bold enough to pull a stunt like this."

"Who was that?"

"A bad guy that you should stay away from, Peashy."

"Okay!" About an hour after the incident, the questers returned home. Peashy greeted Neptune by head butting her in the gut, as per usual.

"Hey. Did anything happen while we were gone?" Nepgear asked, a bit worried.

"A robot guy broke in!"

"Really, P-ko? What did he look like?"

"He was pink and talked like a girl."

"I took care of it. I didn't even need to fire a single shot."

"That's good, but that still leaves one question. Why was he here?" To tell the truth or not to? That is the question. I turn to Storm, and he nodded.

"He came here to brainwash Peashy. While she was kidnapped, she accidentally ate a CPU Memory. They were going to use her to create a nation that would strip you all of your power by taking as many shares as possible."

"You knew all of this would happen…"

"You already know that, Noire."

"Then why didn't you stop this from happening!?"

"I wish I could. This thing existing keeps that from happening." I lift one of the Vitas to emphasize my point. "There are things known as fixed points in time. Because of this thing, certain things happen no matter what we do about it."

"So you choose now to start interfering!? Why!?"

"You're right, I am! Because I'll be damned if I have to see those looks on your faces again!" That was more than enough to stun everyone present.

"Aww…G1 has a heart…!"

"Yeah, I do! That's how I am. I have several, layers, if you will. A bit of douche, a lot of emotional gooeyness, and at my core is pure, concentrated, undiluted asshole."

"Okay, everybody, let's calm down. There's no need for us to be fighting amongst each other. If he wants to change how our story goes, then there must be a reason. Wouldn't you if you knew?"

"I…I guess your right…Sorry, Steven."

"It's fine, Noire. You had every right to be pissed off. I'm actually surprised Blanc wasn't the one to blow her lid."

"Hey!"

"Ploot! Hey, Ploot!" Peashy cried out as she rushed into the room holding a damaged stuffed animal.

"Yeeeeees…? What is it, Peashy…?"

"My stuffed animal's leg came off. Fix it!"

"Woooooooow, again…? Peashy, you're soooo rough with your stuffed animals…"

"It's not my fault! The stuffed animal is too weak!"

"Don't say that…Ummmmm…Maybe I need to make one using thicker thread…"

"No! I like this one!"

"Ohhhh? But a new one will be soooo much prettier…"

"And you can play with it even more." Johnny added, trying to convince the small girl.

"It's 'cuz you've fixed this one tons of times, so it's got a lot of Ploot stuffed inside it!"

"Woooow, so it has a lot of me inside of it…?"

"Uh-huh. See? In here." She pointed at the plush's chest.

"As usual, P-ko is using some mysterious, lost language."

"I get what she's saying. You're just a bit dumb."

"Stevie, that's mean."

"But true." Nepgear grabbed my ear and pulled. "Ow…Please stop…"

"Apologize."

"Fine…Sorry, Neptune…"

"It's cool."

"Well, okay…I'll do my best to fix this one up for you…"

"Yay! Fix it!"

"But, ummmm, if a lot of me is in it, try to take better care of it…"

"I said it wasn't my fault! It's too weak!"

"We should get going. We're going to grab lunch then get Iffy a phone like I promised."

"Have fun, G1"

"Shut up, Storm." The trip to the store went exactly how I thought it would. As soon as we walked into the store, Iffy was enamored. Three hours later we walked out of the store with Iffy being the proud owner of nine cellphones. Nine! Both my wallet and my soul hurts. We still had a bit of time before we planned to go home, so we headed back to Planeptune's Basilicom. When entering the sanctuary, we are treated to the sounds of Peashy and Neptune arguing, sort of.

"No! No peeking, Neptuna!"

"What's going on?"

"Oh, hey Vert. Peashy is drawing something while Neptune is trying to look at it."

"Why does Stevie look sad…?"

"Nine phones…Nine fucking phones, Plutie…"

"He bought her nine phones? ( º_º )" Histoire said, astonished.

"She has a talent for the puppy dog eyes."

"If you knew that, why didn't you stop her, Blanc?"

"I fall for it worse than you do."

"Come on! Let me see!"

"Neptune! Do not interrupt her. She has been hard at work for several hours. ( · ∀ · )"

"Really? P-ko's working that hard on a drawing? Now I wanna take a peek more than ever before!"

"No means no!"

"Neptune, just let the girl work…"

"What about me, P-ko…? Can I seeee…?"

"Ploot's not allowed, either!"

"And me?"

"Nepgear definitely can't see it!"

"I 'definitely' can't, huh…?"

"Why do you all keep asking? The answer isn't going to change."

"I agree, Storm. You should refrain from disturbing her. ( ·∀· ; )"

"She wouldn't even let us see." Bryce said dejectedly.

"Pea is being a meanie."

"From the looks of it, she's being pretty rude about it too."

"She does not mean to be mean, IF. Please wait a bit longer ( ^ ^ )"

"Do you know what she's drawing, Histoire?"

"Yes I do, Johnny. I happened to get a very tiny peek a while ago. ( ^ ∀ ^ )"

"Stupid Unfairsty! I wanna see, too!"

"And meeeeee…!"

"Just be patient. She'll be done any time now." After a few seconds the scribbling sound stopped.

"There! All done!"

"All done, huh? Can we see it now…?"

"Yeah. Here!"

"Oh, it's…uh…Is this art?" Storm not so nicely nudged Neptune with his elbow.

"Yes, it is, Neptune."

"She did all of this in a few hours? We aren't exactly few in numbers, yet here we all are. Impressive."

"Yup. Here we are. Hahaha! Suck a dick, Johnny! There's only half of you on here!"

"God dammit…"

"Sorry. I ran out of room…"

"It's okay."

"Hmph. If you're going to draw me, you should've made me look like way cooler."

"Iffy, don't be rude. Thank you, Peashy. I think you've made everyone's day." I do know how to be polite, people.

"Your drawing is sooooo good…You did your best, huh…?"

"Why don't you guys frame it?"

"That's a great idea! We'll go get one tomorrow!" We go home and perform our nightly traditions before heading to bed. We show up the next day (around mid-day) and find Bryce trying to deal with Peashy.

"I'm hungry! Gimme food!"

"Peashy, you just had a snack a few minutes ago. Learn to be patient."

"Vert, Blanc (Nepgear was off with Neptune) remind me to never take her on a fishing trip."

"Boo! More pudding! Now!"

"Hey, Dad, are you ever gonna take me fishing?"

"You okay with dealing with worms?"

"Yeah, why?"

"'Cuz your dad isn't."

"You don't like worms?"

"No, Blanc. No I do not."

"You want me to bait your hook for you, don't you Dad?"

"…Yeah…"

*Smash! Bounce, bounce…*

"Huh? What was that?"

"Really, Peashy? I did not hear…any…*yawn*"

"Ugh, Histoire…I'm getting really sleepy…"

"Me too…*yawn*"

"Blanc, I am tired as well. Shall we take a quick nap?"

"Sure." One by one they all fell asleep. The only ones left up were me and Peashy. I know why I'm up, but Peashy? It's not because she's a CPU because Blanc and Vert or currently on the floor.

"Aww. They all fell asleep." I could her clinking footsteps coming closer.

"Alright! Who's there!?"

"Oh…You're still awake…"

"Healing factor works on poisons and what-not too, remember?"

"You weren't even supposed to be here, though."

"Last minute decision. Couldn't be helped." Not really, but he doesn't know that.

"It seems like I wasted my time. What a shame."

"Now get out. Before things get out of hand."

"I'm a bit curious, though. Why are you so insistent on stopping us?"

"You guys have your motives, and I have mine. You can understand that, right?"

"Yes I can. I bid you a good day." Like before, he left peacefully.

"Hey, Peashy, I don't know about you, but I feel like taking a nap. Why don't we join them after I lock up?"

"Okay!" I go around and make sure no one who isn't supposed to be here can get it. The two of us then join those of us that were currently using the floor as a mattress. After a while, I was woken up by a door opening up and slamming shut.

"Phew! We're done for today. Hey, Histy, we're back!"

"Do you guys mind keeping it down? They're still sleeping and it would be rude to wake them like that."

"Oh, well, there's someone waiting outside."

"Hello? May I please come in?"

"Not my place. Neptune, Plutie, do you want to let them in?"

"Um, okaaaay…"

"Sure! Come on in and take a seat! We'll wake everyone up." Those of us that are awake go around and wake those that are still napping. Once everyone was awake, the man looked ready to talk business.

"As much as I don't want to do this, I must. I, unfortunately, am the bearer of bad news. I'm from child services."

"You have found a home for one of the children."

"Yes, we have, Lady Histoire. A nice family has decided to adopt Peashy." I can see Noire and Johnny look at me and Storm. We look at each other before turning back to them and shrugging. I have no answers. This is new to me. "We have met the family already, and they would like to have her move in as soon as possible."

"I don't wanna go…" No. Don't you dare do David Tennant on me.

"I understand. As much as I don't want to see you leave, there is a real family waiting for you with open arms." Most, if not all, of the girls teared up as Histoire spoke.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm sure that they'll let Peashy come visit."

"*sniff*…okay…"

"Hey buddy!" Neptune said pointedly. "If she's not happy, I'm holding you responsible!"

"I understand completely. Now go pack your things so we can go."

"Okay…" Plutie and Neptune go with Peashy to help her gather her things. The little one walked out with a small bag while Neptune hands the man a much larger bag. He crumpled a bit under the weight of the bag. Peashy ran over to a shelf and grabbed the plushie of Plutie that was sitting there, and squeezed it with all of her might.

"Be a good girl, okay…" Neptune said, hugging the girl.

"S-Sure, Neptuna…"

"Come now, we mustn't keep them waiting."

"Okay…*hic*…Bye-bye…" The two of them walk out the door. Why do I get the feeling that this going to come back to bite me?

'Because it probably will.'

'Geez, could you have any more faith in me?'

'You? Yes. Others? Not so much.'

"I miss her already…"

"Waaaaah…I don't like this!"

"I don't think any of us are, Compa."

"Today has been quite a day. We should take time to recuperate from such a taxing ordeal." The five of us head home, heeding Histoire's advice. It was only when we got there, I realized that we would have to go out again. Well, that's only if they agree to my little plan.

"Do you guys want to go bowling?"

"Sounds like fun."

"What a splendid idea!"

"Sure, Dad."

"Why not?"

"We should go to the one in Lowee. I could probably get us in for free."

"Sounds good to me." All of us that could transform, did. I pick up Iffy before we all take off for Lowee. Landing in front of the establishment, I set Iffy down. We all deactivate our transformations and walk in.

"Hello! How can I help you Lady White Heart?"

"Could we get one lane ple-"

"Two."

"Two?"

"One for those of us who can't bowl, and one for those who can."

"Okay…So, two lanes, please."

"No problem. You'll have lanes fifteen and sixteen. You can get your shoes and balls over there."

"Thank you." We head over to where she had pointed and got the required items to play. After getting to our lanes, I see that one has bumpers and one doesn't. I take Iffy with me to the one with bumpers.

"So why are you bowling with Iffy?"

"Two reasons. One, I want to play with her during her first bowling trip. Second, I can't bowl to save my life." The three start laughing at me. When they settle down, we all start playing. I'm having a good time, Iffy's having a good time…it was fun. During the second game was when things started to get competitive.

"Suck it, Thunder Tits! Three in a row!" Blanc had gotten a Turkey (three strikes in a row).

"I will not stand for this! Consider your challenge accepted!" Neither of them were all that serious, considering the huge smiles on their faces. We played a total of four games, taking a break after the second game to get something to eat. The entire time, the alley was filled with laughter. I really do enjoy how close the two nation's leaders have gotten. Hell, it's nice to see just how close the five of us have gotten. Nepgear's the little sister that I wish I had back home, a daughter that I love, and two wonderful ladies that usually keep me from something too stupid. After all was said and done, we went home, did our thing, and went to bed.

*Time skip five days*

We were all sitting around in Planeptune's Basilicom, watching an incredibly pathetic sight.

"Mehhhhh…"

"Mehhhhhhhhh…"

"Ugh…"

"*snore*"

"I thought we were going to be helping you increase your shares."

"Yeah. I think we're allowed to get upset at them now."

"You'd think they'd be a bit more productive."

"Indeed."

"I-I'm sorry about them…! Neptune! Plutia! Storm! Johnny! Please get your acts together, right now!"

"I don't know why you're apologizing for them."

"Say it all you want, but…There's no point in doing the same thing, day after day…"

"It's soooo quiet in here now…It used to be loud and exciting…"

"And we can't get them motivated to work. We can get them to do anything but work."

"Your lazing about is going to set a bad example for Compa and Bryce…"

"See, Compa? This is how you don't act as an adult."

"Okay. Nep-Nep and Plu-Plu are bad adults."

"It seems they are able to teach themselves that this is what not to do…Then again, my adorable little girl had excellent examples and passed that knowledge onto them."

"I'll take care of Plutia." Noire said, taking command. "Nepgear, get your sister. Steven can deal with the other two." Now this is the series of events that got my two friends off of their asses. The bottle of Jack appeared above Johnny's head. Gravity took hold and made the bottle fall on his head. From there, it fell onto a remote on the floor at just the right angle to send it flying. The propelled remote smacked a plate that was sitting on the coffee table. The pudding that was on said plate then found it's way to Storm's face. Both wound up bolting upright.

"Well, that solved itself."

"Convenient."

*Knock, knock*

"Oh, we have a guest. Yes, come in."

"U-Um…Excuse the intrusion…"

"Abnes, right?"

"Ugh, it's the annoying one again."

"This little girl entered the scene in a normal manner?"

"No more 'ga-thunk'…?"

"No more bitchy-ness?"

"I don't do that all the time, y'know. And…don't call me a bitch or a little girl. Um, well, today…"

"What is it? I don't think we have the kind of relationship where you can just come over like this." Noire noted skeptically.

"It's not like I'm dropping by for a friendly visit! I'm really worried and I have no one else to turn to…Please help me! Help me rescue the kidnapped children…!"

"Huh? More kids were napped?"

"Such nonsense. I believe the ones who were abducting children turned out to be the Seven Sages, correct?"

"And you are one of them, so why are you here?"

"I left them because of that. I had no idea they were doing that! I would've put my life on the line to stop them!"

"And why would we believe you? Your story is fishy as fuck."

"Watch your language around the children you muscle bound oaf. Ugh…I know how suspicious this looks, and I definitely didn't want to come begging, but…As we speak, who knows what's happening to the children?! Please, help me!"

"Blanny, Johnny, I don't think Abnes is lying to us…"

"She genuinely cares about the children more than anything else."

"I agree with Plutia and Storm. She's asking us in such an earnest way…"

"You three are too soft."

"So? What would you have us do, Abnes?"

"I somehow figured out where the Seven Sages are holding the kids. But I'm just a normal human girl. I can't save them myself…"

"I wouldn't say it's normal to look like a little girl for as many decades as you have, though."

"You really shouldn't bring up age, Neptune. Haven't you been around for, like, millennia?"

"Sh-Shut up, Johnny! It's not nice to bring up a lady's age!"

"Whatever the case, we now know what must be done."

"Yeah, this lazy stuff is getting pretty boring."

"Preach, Johnny. This isn't like me at all, anyway!"

"No, Neptune, that is exactly like you."

"It really is, Neptune…"

"So true…"

"Hush. Rude quips are outlawed by order of the sheriff. Oh yeah. You three, just in case this is a trap, be sure to keep an eye on this little girl, okay?"

"I expect to be paid."

"That's my girl!" I pick her up and hug her after I say that.

"Dad! Put me down!"

"I really didn't think he'd be THIS kind of dad."

"It's a nice change of pace to the G1 we normally see."

"We'll do our best!"

"She won't get away from us!"

"Stop calling me a little girl already! Erm, but…I really am begging you. Please save those children!"

"Okey-dokey…Let's goooooo…!" We head to the location Abnes gave us, which was the Metroid shelter in Lowee. When we walk in, we were greeted by an impressive sight.

"Wow. There was a hidden base here."

"I wonder if their main base is nearby, too…"

"Probably not. They aren't that stupid."

"Did you not know of this area, Blanc? It seems like somewhere you should have been at least once, seeing as how you were the only CPU on this continent for such a long time."

"No, I had no idea. I only showed on interest for things happening inside my own nation."

"Isn't this part of you nation, though?"

"Shut up, Steven…"

"I'm not gonna forgive them for this! Kidnapping tykes and then locking them up in such a place sucks!"

"The fuck-you-up squad has come to bring righteous vengeance!" Righteous vengeance? Really, Johnny? You couldn't have come up with something better?

"But, ummm, because of the kidnapping incidents, we were all able to live together and Iffy got a family…"

"I know, but…"

"Are you still upset about Peashy…?"

"How unexpected. I did not think of you as the type to stay upset for such a long time."

"Well, yeah…I mean…We spent so much time together and now she's gone…"

"She really is upset about this."

"You would be sad if Iffy went away too, Vert…"

"Yes I would. But all of this aside, we must deal with the problem at hand." There was a shuffling sound.

"What's that?"

"Squeeeak?"

"Ahhhh, fuck…"

"Uhhhhh…"

"…"

"Gross me out! They're here!"

"Squeeeeak?!"

"Uh-oh! It's running away!"

"Because someone among us had to shout at the top of her lungs!"

"Yeah, dumbass…"

"Not your brightest moment, Neptune."

"I couldn't help it, honest! Of course I'd shout if something gross like that comes outta nowhere!"

"H-Hey. What the heck was that?"

"I've never felt such a disgusted feeling before. A friend of yours?"

"That was one of the bug things that attacked Leanbox."

"I thiiiiink they're supposed to be that bald old man's daughters…"

"The old man is senile. We couldn't understand what he was saying even if we tried."

"Those icky things are wandering around here? Ewwww, I'm not okay with that at all…"

"Same. Whenever I have to square off against those, I feel like I've become pond scum, destroyer of soap."

"I don't know why you're scared, Nepgear. You got eaten by a giant frog before."

"How did my sister get eaten by a frog?"

"I pushed her into its mouth so I wouldn't get eaten. I also wanted to desensitize her to the whole demon thing."

"I-I don't know why you're afraid of some ugly thing like that. Did you forget that we need to rescue the children?"

"Yeah, but still…Fine, I'll take the rear! Noire, you take point!"

"No! Neppy, that's not faaaair…"

"Don't make such a ridiculous request!"

"Fuck it! I'll take point!" Johnny stormed up to the front of our group to take the lead. "Come on, let's move." We go through the cave systems that fill the hidden base. Johnny may or may not have gotten us lost at one point. We looked around for two hours without finding anything.

"Hmm…They're not here. I see no kids, nowhere."

"It would seem so. And we have explored this entire area, too."

"We were duped."

"Not necessarily. Sometimes you have to look underneath the underneath." I swear, if Storm pulls out a lower face mask and an eyepatch I'm going to flip.

"Maybe she was given false information in the first place."

"We can't really know that. Pretty sure if we keep looking, we'll…"

"Oh. You all came."

"That's…!"

"Hey look, it's the chode!"

"Hiw dare you speak of me like that! …*clears throat*…It has been a while, Lady Blanc."

"Don't you dare call me 'Lady'! It makes me wanna puke."

"Good grief. I see your barbaric personality hasn't changed."

"She really only gets that way when she's pissed. Otherwise, she's very pleasant company."

"G1's kissin' ass."

"Yeah, pretty much. You can't deny that she's pretty cute when she's calm."

"I don't want to die, so I'm not going to say anything."

"He has been talking as though he knew we were coming."

"Then we WERE duped."

"His 'daughters' could have told him."

"Indeed. They informed me that they say you at the entrance."

"Wow…He really is able to communicate with those creatures…"

"I'd rather ask how you came to know about this place, and why you have come here today."

"Abnes told us aaaaall about it…She said this is where the kidnapped children were being held…"

"Ah, I see. The childish brat defected, has she? She lacks integrity…Crawling to the CPUs after fighting against them as bitter enemies for so long…"

"That's not the point. Where are the kids?"

"Why yes, they are here. Right here…But that is of no matter to you, because you are all about to die!"

"You really think killing us is that easy? Ha! Think again!"

"Kyah!"

"Kweh…!?"

"Tch…They've squirmed out of the cracks again, so to speak."

"Ugh, do we have to fight again? I mean, it'll be like the third time we've fought the same boss…We've fought that old hag three times, too. Aren't we rehashing a little too much?"

"Not really, seeing as how there's only SEVEN 'bosses', and two of them don't fight. They don't have much to work with."

"Silence! I may have the same appearance, but my base parameters have all increased! I will make it so those smart mouths of yours never make such comments again!"

"That's my line. I'll punch those nicotine-stained right down your throat!" Mr. Badd then donned the mech suit he normally wears, and was surrounded by the three bug creatures. I equipped Lucifer and drew the sawed-off shotgun that I found in my pocket all those days ago. Storm and Johnny seems to be taking this seriously, because they activated their transformations. However, they looked different. Storm's flames were blue, the color of his eyes turned orange, and his pupils became toad-like. Johnny's hair turned spikey and blue instead of the red hair that swayed in a non-existent wind that normally came with his power up. It looks like Storm learned how to access Sage mode and Johnny is able to go Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan. Lucky bastards. I've been trying to achieve something similar, but I've failed…miserably…It's called Majin Trigger, and the only time I activated it successfully, I couldn't control it. Blanc wasn't happy about the fact that there is now a one mile wide clearing that used to be a forest. I guess I should be glad that the form is an energy guzzler, or the damage would have been even worse. Dante explained that the whole thing is _supposed_ to be like Hulking out, except I maintain my sanity. It also becomes my default Trigger if I'm ever close to death. The CPUs arm themselves, and we wait for something to attack. One of the creatures lunged at us, and I respond by shooting it in the face with blasts from both barrels. The other two get in front of the injured bug once it landed. Storm punched the mech suit with the added benefit of senjutsu. There was a large dent where his fist landed. Johnny unleashed a blue version of the Gallick Gun on the group of monsters. I'm just glad that he was holding back with that attack. The CPUs all attacked him at once, kicking the shit out of him with their myriad of weapons. I throw a good twenty darts into his back as he was knocked away from them by Plutie's plush, and detonated the blades so that he was launched back to them. I teleported next to Nepgear using the Trickster Style that Dante had taught me recently, and twirled the shotgun around like it was a set of nun-chucks to hit him with several rounds from the short range projectile weapon quickly. Storm hits him with one more punch that puts the mech on its back. It was stuck like a turtle and he was beaten into submission by Blanc and Plutie. Both looked insane in their own ways.

"Your girlfriend is scary, Johnny."

"So is yours, G1."

"Won't deny that."

"Gwaaaaaah! Damn, not again…!"

"Tch. He's still alive. I couldn't finish him."

"Squeak?"

"Squeeeeak!"

"No need to worry. All that got destroyed was my power suit. My body is relatively fine."

"Squee…"

"What is with these things? Fighting them really gives me the heebie-jeebies…"

"Thinking ahead, I believe it may behoove us to take care of them all here and now."

"Wh-What a cruel thing to suggest! Are you demons?! Evil incarnate?!" I raise my right hand.

"I'm a demon by technicality!"

"Noooope, we're CPUs…!"

"Out of all of us CPUs, Plutia is the closest to a demon…"

"Ummmmm…Neppy Jr., did you just say something…?"

"How rude of you, Gear. To think this adorable bundle of sadism is anything like me…"

"I-I'm sorry! Please forgive me!"

"You are forgiven, or now…"

"Whatever. You can go, old dude, but only if you tell us where the little'uns are. I mean, I don't want to have to deal with these gross monsters."

"Heh. Hehehehe…I see…Where the children are, is it? As I've said, they are right here."

"And as I'VE said, where are they at this very moment?!"

"As I'VE said, right HERE!"

"Maybe I hit him on the head a bit too hard and knocked some screws loose."

"This is getting us nowhere. Why don't we gank one of these things to get our point across?" Johnny said, lifting his hammer with a mad glint in his eye.

"Squeeak!"

"Geez Johnny, you guys call me a mad king, but that's completely uncalled for!"

"What?! Just giving out options…"

"Grr, how dare you frighten me like that…But there is no way any of you could do such a thing, anyhow. Because you would never raise a hand against the very children you came to save!"

"Huh? Um…What the goodness is he saying?" I could see the gears in Johnny's head turning at thirty miles an hour as he muttered under his breath.

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"CPU Memories…This motherfucker used CPU Memories on the kidnapped kids and they were turned into monsters!"

"That is correct. Do you still wish to fight my daughters? Hmm?!"

"What I want to do is rip you limb from limb!"

"Guys…Watch out for G1."

"Why?"

"Look at his left arm." I can feel myself shaking. Just like before, this is so much different seeing it with my own eyes. I'm three different kinds of livid because of fuck face here. "He's partially activating his Devil Trigger."

"How does it feel, hurting the children you've been trying to save with those weapons of yours?! Heh, heh, heh! Is there anything more comical?!" Johnny ran up and firm planted his fist in the old man's stomach.

"You feel that? That's what honesty feels like. It feels a bit like that." I think things are about to go horribly, because all I see is red, and the edges of my vision is fading to black. I hear a snap, and everyone, including Dante, are yelling for me to calm down. That's when everything went dark.

When I came to, I'm chained to the couch in Devil May Cry.

"Ugh…What happened…?"

"Well, you actually activated Majin Trigger for the second time in your rage. Blanc and I had to drag you out before you brought the whole place down and took everyone with it. After a while, you passed out. During your power nap, a new CPU showed up, mopped the floor with us and flew off. She called herself Obsidian Heart. We chained you up in case you woke up and transformed again."

"That's fair. How are the others doing? And what about Obsidian Heart?"

"Fine. Johnny and Plutie are still angry about the children. Obsidian Heart…G1, Peashy is Obsidian Heart. The only thing that was different than what her normal CPU form was her color scheme."

"So we fucked up. We fell for his trick…"

"Things have changed. How were we supposed to know?"

"Still doesn't help me feel better about it."

"I can't fix that. I'm heading home. It's late and I'm they're expecting me."

"Alright. Good luck. …Unchain me first, though…" He does before disappearing in a small whirlwind of leaves. Fucking ninja bullshit. I'm learning that. I can teleport, but that is a lot more dramatic. "Time to head to bed, I guess." I walk upstairs and see Nepgear and Iffy in Iffy's room. Gear must have been dealing with her before falling asleep. The door to my room is open. Odd, considering that we normally keep it closed. The bed was occupied by Vert and Blanc, bandaged and holding each other. I take out my phone and took a picture before crawling in next to Blanc. I press my back lightly to hers so I don't irritate her wounds. After I make sure they didn't wake up, I fall asleep. I'm need to sleep, and being unconscious doesn't count.


	21. One Year Today

Chapter 21: One Year Today

It's been a year since the formation of the new country that the Seven Sages founded. The four original nations' shares have been plummeting steadily no matter what the CPUs do. Progress on my Majin Trigger has been slow; I can maintain control for a whopping forty-five seconds now. The three of us males decided to exchange notes so that we had a wider variety of abilities. Dante helped Johnny and Storm train to properly wield there weapons. He was a little too excited to mess around with Storm's Sunsinger. Jairaya taught me and Johnny jutsus based on our elemental affinities. Johnny's was lightning and mine was water. He also taught us the rasengan, which I picked up fairly quickly. Taking physics in high school really paid off. I learned the Hidden Mist jutsu and the water prison jutsu, which I messed around with. Vegeta taught us energy management and manipulation. I am physically unable to manipulate ki, but the theories that are used came in handy for an idea of mine. As I contemplate the time that passed, the phone started to ring.

*Ring Ring! Ring Ring!*

"Hello?"

"Is this Devil May Cry?"

"It is."

"I have a job for you."

"What are the details?"

"We've discovered what is believed to be a Hellgate in Eden's main city, and would like you to take care of it. The pay is quite high as well."

"Sorry, but Eden's a no-go. Their laws keep people like me from getting in." By people like me, I mean someone who doesn't intend to apply for citizenship.

"Don't worry about that. We have a temporary pass for you signed by the CPU herself."

"…Alright…I'll be there as soon as I can. Can I get a more specific area that it's in?"

"Trust me; once you get here, it will be hard to miss." The call ended. I put on some nonchalant clothes so I wouldn't get recognized in the unfriendly nation. The trek took six hours so they didn't see me approach. I didn't feel like getting shot down. There was a man in a business suit waiting at the main gate.

"So you're the Devil Hunter? I was expecting a bit more…red…"

"I wanted to be able walk around without having to be noticed. So when did it pop up." I said, pointing at the Hellgate.

"About a week ago. Nothing major has come through it yet, but we don't know how long that will last. Here are the papers that will let you have free reign in the city while you are here." The hands me the paperwork and I stick them in my back pocket after folding them up. He walks off to where ever. Time to explore the city. From the looks of things, the source of the gate is underground. This is strange, not having anyone with me. Walking around, I see a sketchy looking building that was giving off a demonic vibe. I open the double doors and take a few steps in. From the ceiling, a multitude of demons dropped down and attacked. I weaved past the attacks and landed behind the crowd. I get to let out some steam. Sweet. They were all weak, but there was a lot of them so it took a little while to deal with them. I used Nix to cleave through them. I really need to investigate this place. There's no way that a gate shows up out of nowhere. There's a door at the back of the atrium that lies in the middle of the large building. The door led to stairs going down. Yay…Stairs…

*Several flights of stairs later*

"…I…Hate…Stairs…Okay, first things first. Close the Hellgate before more demons come through. Now, where is the anchor point." It was at the base of the gate, but instead of the usual glowing orb that held most gates open, there was a sword. Not just any sword, but a very familiar one.

'Hey, isn't that?'

'Yeah, it is. Now the question is; how did they get their hands on it? And who would use it to open a Hellgate?'

'Questions for later.'

'I guess.' I walk over and pull the large sword from its place in the middle of the runic circle. The eye sockets of the skull that rested on the handle started to glow. Oh, this is going to be fun. I place Rebellion on my back. Lucifer may be my first Devil's Arm, but I think it's only appropriate that the magic claymore is to become my default weapon. It's versatile and badass as fuck. There was a roar from the surface.

"I shouldn't keep my guest waiting any longer." I make my way outside to see people panicking, and go the opposite way of the crowd. I find the ruins of what was once an elegant looking plaza. Standing there was an enormous beast comprised of rock and black flames. It doesn't look very fast, but looks can be deceiving. Its arms do look meaty, so a punch from it will most likely hurt.

 **"Why hello there, mortal. What is an insignificant welp like you doing here?"**

"Well…I WAS going to ask you politely to leave, but now I'm going to take you out."

 **"While I commend your bravery, you are foolish. Now you will fall to the might of Labareda!"**

"You really think I'm going to let an overgrown toaster put me down?! You're the fool."

 **"Enough talk!"** The demon threw a punch towards me, but I back flipped to avoid it.

"Aww…And here I thought we were becoming friends…" Another punch, another dodge. "Are you even trying?" I just barely rolled out of the way of a pillar of fire that rose up from where I was standing a moment ago. That's when I decided to let my guns do the rest of the talking. They didn't do as much damage as I would have liked, seeing as how they were not deterring him from shooting fireballs and making pillars of flame erupt. Time to get up close and personal. I draw Rebellion from my back and pull Alastor from where ever my Devil Arms go. A claymore being dual wielded with a longsword. This will be interesting. I charged forward, dodging the pillars and cutting through any fireballs that I couldn't avoid. Not my best idea. I feel like I got quite the nasty sunburn and it's not going to go away any time soon. It really is disappointing that he's so slow. That kind of strength and power is far too useful to be so clunky. And those black flames are no joke: Those burns hurt worse than they should. The two swords carved through the rock that made up the demon's body. Molten hot "blood" spilled out onto the ground, melting the marble and, at the same time, set it ablaze. Labareda let out a dome of black flames from his earth-like body. It felt like I was hit by a car again. The fight became a rinse and repeat operation; dodging, striking, then dodging again to avoid his counter attack. This process went on for fifteen minutes. Would've been done sooner, but I didn't want to cause any unnecessary property damage.

 **"How could I be…defeated…?!"**

"You're slow and predictable. I would've finished you sooner, but I didn't want any innocent people losing their homes. Now, do me a favor and die." One last round found its place in the fire demon's head, causing it to explode in a shower of sparks and a pain filled wail. The sparks coalesced in my outstretched left hand. The black orb expanded like when I took Ouroburos' soul and became a set of gauntlets and grieves. The fingers had claws at the end of them, flames coming off of the first two knuckles (the two that aren't near the tips of my fingers) and wrists, and had what looked like jet boosters mounted on the elbows. The grieves had vents on the feet to allow my kicks to be coated in flames. Cool. As much as I want to give these a test run, I think Rebellion wants to taste monolith. I throw the massive claymore at the hellish stone, and it pierces right through and kept going. Next thing I know, the blade is sawing through it horizontally. After catching the sword, I jump up and dice the falling debris into more manageable and less dangerous pieces. Resting the blades edge on my shoulder, I turn and see a ton of citizens standing around awestruck. They started to cheer and I smiled. It's nice to see that it's only the government that's corrupt. The man from before walked up to me with a fairly large envelope.

"Here's your pay, plus some bonuses for making clean up easy and for keeping damages to a minimum. It is good to know that your reputation proceeds you."

"Just remember, my kindness is towards your people, not your nation."

"I did not expect any less, honestly."

"Well, I'll be on my way. See ya." I walk out of the city, and check the time on my phone to find out that it's only one-thirty. Let's make a call, shall we?

"Hello?"

"Hey, Blanc. What are you guys up to?"

"We've done as much as we could today here in Lowee. We're heading over to Leanbox now."

"Well, I'm done for the day. Mind if I join you?"

"Sure. Meet us in half an hour." She hung up, and I decide to do something stupid. I'm not going to fly there with my wings. I'm gonna do it Iron Man style. Equipping Labareda once more, the flames intensity turns up just enough to provide me lift. I lean forward and take off. Forty-five minutes later, I crash down in Leanbox with a decent sized tree branch through my shoulder.

"Note to self: Fly long term with wings, not fire."

"Stevie, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Vert, just decided to take a more…unconventional route here…"

"Hold still."

"Blanc, I can…Ow…! I could've gotten that…"

"I know…But you really need to learn to stop being so reckless."

"Fine, fine…Let's get started, shall we?" The two girls had a lot of Quests lined up for the day. I got mostly hunt Quests because anyone can do them and increase a nation's shares. While questing, I got hit more than I should have, but that's only because I know next to nothing about MMA, which is really needed to use the flaming Devil's Arm fully. Good thing the fire doesn't need to be controlled via movement. Three and a half hours of continuous work later, and the three of us are crashing on a couch in Leanbox's Basilicom.

"Can we all agree that today sucked?"

"Yes, Blanc…Yes we can…"

"You two can't complain. I'm still a bit charbroiled from dealing with my last job."

"Couldn't you have made that energy armor thing?"

"I can only make one rib. The skeleton is just the first layer, too. I'm meeting Storm and Jairaya tomorrow afternoon to work on it more."

"And he can't protect himself unless he forms the full ribcage, Vert."

"Sorry. I forgot. Do you blame me, though?"

"Not at all. I really want to call it a day."

"Why don't we do something while we're here? It's not often that we are alone, just the three of us…"

"It's is six o'clock, Steven…"

"Alright. Let's go. Vert, you know someplace good, right?"

"Indeed. Follow me." We walked down the streets and Vert lead us to…a place.

"Really, Thunder Tits? A burger joint?"

"What…? It's not a fast food restaurant and I've had a craving for a while now."

"C-Craving…?"

"V-Vert…Your'e…?"

"W-What! No! No, no, no, no, no…! I am not pregnant…"

"Oh thank God…"

"Don't scare us like that!" Vert held the shaken Blanc close to her.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realize you two would jump to that conclusion!"

"Heart attacks aside, let's go in and get something to eat." This diner…This diner would make Naruto question the divinity of ramen. Everything was absolutely delicious. After I pay for the bill we walk out and head to Planeptune to pick up Iffy. When we land, Iffy storms out to us all huffily.

"You were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago!"

"We wound up working later than expected, so we got something to eat."

"Don't worry, though. I bought you a pie when I paid for the bill."

"What flavor is it?" I made the most serious face I could muster.

"Pie flavor."

"Really, G1…? Really…?" Johnny said unimpressed.

"Dad, what flavor is it?"

"Banana cream."

"Oh, okay. Cool."

"We should head home. I plan on taking you fishing tomorrow morning."

"Really?! Finally!"

"So which one of you two is the mastur bater?"

"Fuck off somewhere else, Johnny."

"Come now, dear. Let us head home. You will have to hold the pie for your father, though."

"Okay, Mom." She's come to refer to Vert as Mom over the last year, which is nice. Thought it would take longer, honestly. She grabs the bag from my hand and walks out to the balcony.

"Hey Storm, we still on for tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yeah. Meet us here, then we'll go to the usual spot." And with that we headed home. The four of us adults each got a slice of pie after Iffy impatiently forced us to cut it. Said impatient bundle of joy ate the rest of the pastry. Me and Iffy went to bed early so we can get up early. The next morning, I'm standing by the door, waiting for my daughter. Instead of my usual ensemble, I'm wearing a blue flannel shirt, jeans and those overalls that were also boots. You know what I'm talking about. In my hands were an adult's and kid's fishing rod, a tackle box, and a bag with things of bait in it. Two fish buckets, chairs, and some refreshments were stored away in my infinite pocket. Iffy was dressed in jeans, a black tank top, her usual oversized jacket, and boots.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah! Let's go already!" She turns to me, expecting to be picked up.

"We're not flying, Iffy. We're gonna do this the fun way." Outside was a four wheeler that I had procured from Noire. "Seeing as how the lake that we're going to is fairly close to here, I thought that we'd take a bit of a ride." I packed up what was in my hands and climbed onto the ATV.

"Do you know how to drive one of these?"

"Nope. The last time I was on a four wheeler, I was a passenger and the driver was drunk."

"That sounds like it was a bad idea."

"It may have been a bad idea, but it was a fun idea."

"No wonder Mom and Blanc call you an idiot."

"…Why would you say something like that…?" She just shook her head and climbed on the back, wrapping her arms around my torso to hold on as we took off. Despite what she was saying, Iffy was hooting and hollering the entire time. Once we got there, I pulled out the chairs and the coolers. One cooler had the food in it while the other had the drinks. From the drink cooler, I pull out two things of orange juice. I tossed one to my daughter, who didn't like happy about it.

"Can't we have the soda…?"

"It's seven-thirty in the morning. It's too early for soda."

"Fine…" We finished preparations before casting out our lines. It wasn't until an hour passed that one of us had a tug on our lines.

"Dad! I got one! I got one!"

"You got it?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay. I'll go get the buckets." I grab the buckets and when I came back, she's got a decent sized sunny flopping around on her hook. "So, do you want to keep it as a pet, eat it, or toss is back?"

"Let's keep it!"

"Glad we got that fish tank…" Two and a half hours after that, Iffy had caught three more sunnies, a salmon, and two bass. Me? I caught nothing. Absolutely nothing. I technically caught the salmon, because Iffy wasn't strong enough the reel it in. But, it was on her line so it doesn't count, even if she insisted that it did. We're going to keep the sunnies and sell the other three. I pull up in front of Planeptune's Basilicom after selling the fish, and rev the engine. Iffy traded places with Storm, who grabbed onto the cargo rails. He also shot me a questioning look.

"What? Four wheelers are fun." He just signaled me to leave and I did. Jairaya and Dante appeared once we got to the clearing, and the two of us split up. Storm with Dante and me with Jairaya.

"So…Any progress since last time?"

"No. I still can only form one rib out of the entire protective ribcage."

"Even making ONE without a Mangekyo Sharingan is impressive."

"But you'd think I'd have made more progress by now."

"Maybe we aren't looking at this problem at the right angle."

"What do you mean?"

"You've never been the most talented when it comes to defensive techniques, and that's all you've been working on. Why don't you try to make the skeleton, and figure out how that works before making parts of it?" Alright, let's do this step by step. Form an image of what you want, release the necessary energy, then shape it. "Oh…would you look at that…"

"What?"

"You hit the nail on the head. Look."

"Oh…I did the thing…"I made the whole fucking skeleton. This should make making partial parts a lot easier.

"See. Progress. Now let's start working on smaller parts."

"Still. Six months of nothing, and then I form the entire skeleton on my first try. Why is Susano'o so weird?"

"No idea. You do know that the scroll says that it only gets harder from here, seeing as how this is only the first layer?"

"Hey, I'll take what I can get right now. This will still be useful."

"Celebration time over. Let's keep working." For four hours we worked with the Uchiha's powerful technique. I can build the partial parts almost instantly. It's still hard to incorporate it into my fighting style, but things like that DO take time. The full skeleton takes a few seconds to form. The Susano'o standard blade is in its left hand, and a big gun in its right. What comes out of the gun depends on the Devil's Arm I have equipped. I drop Storm off before picking up the money from the fish place. I was asked to come inside the purple capital building via text. I walk in to see the Histy-phone is up and running.

"Storm, Johnny…Bryce?"

"Hello." He said with a wave.

"What did the author say about this?"

 **(Which one?)(On3dgeGaming)**

 **I think it was me…**

 **(Oh shit! Run for the hills! We must escape his wrath!)**

 **Get back here!**

…

…

…

"Anyways…Plutia has a sister now…"

"…What's that sound I hear in the background?"

"…Nomia and Plutia bonding?" I heard Johnny cough out a bullshit after Bryce said that.

"…" Cue deadpanned stare.

"Iris Heart is being Iris Heart with Iris Sister, who also happens to be a masochist."

"Oh…" Yeah…Not gonna touch that one.

"I'm just going to warn you, Mini-Me doesn't have one of these bracelets yet, so sooner or later he may end up…trying out his powers and just…making a complete mess of everything…Hope you like anti-gravity!"

"…This all?" I mean really…Anti-gravity is fun. I flew up to space once just to see if I could and floated around a bit. And it's not my place being made into a mess.

"I'll probably end up sending him a package with a bracelet in it…and maybe something else…"

"Okay. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go."

"Bye."

"Uh, guys? Anyone feel…floaty?" I turn away from Johnny and the ensuing chaos to see the connection got cut. "G1! Help!"

"Not my problem! See ya later!" I fly home with Iffy and when we open the door, it's chaos. Nepgear, Vert and Blanc are freaking out. Blanc is also in HDD for some reason.

"Steven! Help! I can't change back!"

"Slow down. Tell me everything that led up to this."

"So we did our normal thing and I was feeling fine, but after breakfast, I felt sick and threw up. I took a nap to try and feel better and when I woke up I was in HDD and couldn't turn back."

"*sigh* Alright, stay calm. I'm going to make a call." I find the business card that was in my pay envelope.

"Hello, Devil Hunter. How may I help you?"

"Could you redirect this call to Anonydeath? I need his help." God, now I feel dirty.

"Of course. Give me a moment." A few seconds later, I get a greeting that was eerily similar to a greeting from Donut.

"Hello~"

"Look. I don't like you, and you probably don't like me, but I need your help."

"Sure thing. After helping us, I do owe you a favor."

"Could you look into anything involving CPUs not being able to change back from their goddess forms?"

"Give me a few minutes, would you please?" Five minutes of keyboard clicks coming through the speakers passed by before he spoke again. "Quick question: Did she throw up for seemingly no reason?"

"Yeah…"

"Well if that's the case, I have some interesting news."

"And that is?"

"Well, there have been several isolated cases of this happening in times past. Due to certain circumstances, their unique biology makes it so they are stuck in HDD."

"And that circumstance is?"

"She's pregnant. Her body won't age out the hormones and physical changes. I do have to congratulate her though."

"Oh…uh, thanks…"

"You're welcome." I hung up and turned towards the four others in the room.

Well?! What the hell's wrong with me?!" All I do is walk up to her, place a palm on her stomach and smile. "W-What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Iffy is going to be an older sibling."

"R-Really?"

"Congratelations, Blanc! Though, I am a bit jealous that you are to be the mother of his first child and not me."

"What about me being in HDD?"

"You're…stuck like that. Forever…"

"Oh…"

"Hey, at least they can't say you're flat anymore."

"Heh. I guess you're right. This ain't all bad." My stomach rumbled loudly.

"So…uh…What's for dinner?"

"We haven't really thought about it, all things considered."

"I don't feel like eating out."

"We could order some pizza."

"Nepgear, add in wings and some garlic knots and you have a deal."

"I think I shall pick out a good movie. Come Iffy, maybe you have one in mind."

"Sure, Mom."

"Gear, could you order the pizzas. I need to talk to Blanc alone."

"Okay." She walked out of the room.

"I really wanted to do at a better time for a better reason, but it's only appropriate that I do this now."

"Do what?" I get down on one knee in front of her and pull out a small box.

"Oh, you know…This." I open the box to reveal a gold ring. There was a flower shaped set of gems, with diamonds being the petals and a sapphire in the middle.

"I-I-Is that…? Are you asking what I think you're asking?"

"Yup. So, what do you say?" She ran up and kissed me.

"Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" I know that Blanc is more emotional in this form, but this is just shocking. She has a huge smile on her face and tears of joy welling up in her eyes. Her lips met mine again after she forced me onto my back. We laid there for a few minutes in each other's arms before I stood as both up and slid the ring onto her finger.

"The pizza will be here in about half an hour. Are you two…done…?" Nepgear's eyes are staring directly at the piece of jewelry on Blanc's left hand.

"Yeah, we were just about to join you guys. Come on, Blanc."

"I'm coming, I'm coming…" We walk into the living room to see Vert with a shit-eating smile on her face. "What's with that smile?"

"I've been waiting so long for this. Finally, all of my planning has come to fruition."

"Of course…So what movie did you two pick out?"

"A movie called 'The Avengers'."

"Good pick. Now we just have to wait for the food." Nepgear sits down in my Lazy-boy while the rest of us get comfortable on the couch. Vert is leaning against my left side, Blanc situated herself in my lap, and Iffy is to my right. Both pieces of furniture was angled towards the TV and had a decent sized table in front of both. The movie started, and just when the previews ended, the doorbell rang.

"Hey, Blanc? Could you get up so I can pay?"

"Yeah, sure. Now they come, right when I was getting comfortable, too." She stands up and I go to the door.

"A sheet pizza with two dozen wings and a dozen garlic knots?"

"Yup. Here you go and keep the change."

"Thanks. Have a good one." Food in hand, I shut the door and place the boxes onto the table next to the plates that we grabbed earlier.

"Alright, everyone. Dig in." The plates were claimed and filled while Vert restarted the movie. Blanc occasionally fed me a bite from a slice of her pizza and I returned the gesture. Who knew she would be such a romantic in this form? The movie ended at 9:15, and we head to bed to get up early in the morning. We had to get as much work done as possible. As the three of laid in bed, Blanc sighed contently.

"What's up?"

"I thought everything was going to Hell, but now things might not be as bad as they seem."

"You're right, Blanc. We have a ray of hope for our nations."

"I don't know about you two, but I've had enough excitement for one day. Good night."

"Goodnight." Happy that the two are happy, I close my eyes and fell asleep.


	22. Extra Long Time Skip

Chapter 22: Extra Long Time Skip

 **So…Me and Storm done goofed. We kind of guessed the amount of time that had passed between the children being little and when they were kids. So I unfortunately have to work around that error. I apologize for any inconvenience and I wish that someone would have called me out on it sooner. I should have started doing this sooner…but…On to reviews!**

 **On3dgeGaming: It's fine. It helps keep continuity between us.**

 **Phillipaltom555: I would quite know the fate of Iris Sister, for she is not my character. Check On3dge's stories for that.**

 **Ugh…this feels weird…Anyway…Showtime!**

It's been thirteen years since my bout in Eden. I was married to Blanc two months before the babies were due. Yes, I said babies. She gave birth to two beautiful twin girls, and almost ripped my head off while she was in labor. She had named them Rom and Ram. I instantly found it funny. Instead of them being sisters, they are mother and daughters. My contribution to their genome made itself known through their arms. They each had on like Nero's. Ram's demonic right arm was light blue with pink cracks, while Rom's left hand had the opposite color scheme. Both were learning how to control the powers that came with their demonic heritage from the now seven foot tall bipedal cat-thing, Nero. Me, Johnny, and Storm perfected the techniques we were taught as best as we could, as well as created a few of our own. The four nations' shares were at an all-time low (no, not the band), while Eden had all of the shares. We try as best we can to stop them, but their trump cards hold us at bay. The scariest part is that the people of Gamindustri have more faith in the three of us than they do the CPUs. On a brighter note, I've been training Bryce and Iffy with their weapons of choice. Alongside the powers that he gets from his bracelet, he has a green metal gauntlet that turned into a mechanical version of Alex Mercer's Blade. Iffy has two Qutars that she kept hidden up her sleeves. She also had a pistol strapped to her left hip. The two are pretty good, but compared to the rest of us they are still wet behind the ears. We have an actual house now. It's half a mile away from DMC, which is now a proper business. Iffy and the twins used to attend school in Planeptune. Iffy had graduated, and the twins used some of the CPU Memories that Vert still had when they were twelve. They are now getting their education from Histoire. I think Bryce and Iffy are a thing, but I'm not too sure. Whenever I ask Vert or Blanc, they say they don't know. But they say it all suspicious like. But if he is dating my daughter, well, I'm going to have to have a nice "chat" with him. I won't kill him, but I'll make him think I will. It'll be great. The five of us decided to spend today at Lowee's Basilicom. We were all hanging around a toketsu (call me out on this if I didn't spell this right) when Neptune and company entered the room. Both she and Plutie were cradling a child. Neptune had a boy and Plutie had a girl. The boy had Neptune's purple eyes (their blue now, but…) and Storm's hair. He had a mix of Storm's and Neptune's HDD form's complexion. The girl had Iris Heart's bluish purple hair, along with Johnny's eyes and skin tone. Their names were Pico (the boy) and Gene (the girl, obviously). Neptune spoke on behalf of the entire group as Bryce walked over and sat really close to Iffy.

"I hope you do not mind us meeting here. The appeal of having every gathering in Planeptune has grown stale."

"Yes, it has become soooo boring seeing Planeptune in the background."

"*sigh* I'd like it if you didn't use my Basilicom for a stupid ass reason like a change of scenery!"

"Blanny, it's sooo rude to talk to a good friend like that…"

"Um, Blanc…Remember that we're meeting here because your Basilicom is the closest to Eden's border."

"It does not change the fact that we haven't done this in fourteen years. It makes us look bad. It is strange that nothing has changed at all since then. The only reason some of us got new outfits is because we are stuck in HDD."

"My appearance remaining the same cannot be helped, as beauty is an everlasting trait."

"How come you aren't stuck in HDD like the others, Vert?" Vert's face fell after Johnny brought that up.

"I…I am unable to have children…"

"Oh…I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

"We didn't exactly make it public knowledge, numb-nuts."

"Can we please move away from the subject?"

"I like that we're all socializing, but you all DO understand the awful situation we're in, right?"

"Oh, we understand, Noire…"

"Then shouldn't we have a serious discussion about it? That's why we're gathered together, right?"

"Noire, you take things too seriously sometimes. In dark times like these, you should be keeping your spirits up."

"You four don't take things seriously enough, Storm." There was a steady rumbling before Copypaste rolled into the room.

"This is where green tea is perfect! Drink the tea I boiled with my burning heart and calm your spirits!"

"Why thank you. That is very thoughtful of you."

"You're quite welcome! It was no trouble at all!"

"Blanny, why is there a member of the Seven Sages here in Lowee's Basilicom?"

"We fixed him. It's only natural to have a tea-making robot in a Japanese-style castle."

"I still can't get over the fact that you keep a robot here."

"At least he's here and not at home."

"Hmmmmm…Hey, Blanny…?"

"What's up?"

"You're soooo nice, Blanny…"

"N-No, I'm not! It's not like that! Don't take my actions the wrong way!"

"Bwahahaha! The blushing face of Lady Blanc is absolutely ADORABLE!"

"Yeah it is!" I fist bump the large machine.

"Focus people! We're here for a reason, dammit."

"It looks like Johnny is getting angry. Perhaps we should stop."

"But Neppy, teasing Blanny is so much fun…"

"Could you leave, please?"

"Sure thing! Give me a holler if you need a fresh pot of my delicious tea!" He rolled out. Shitty reference is shitty.

"Even if we have a serious talk, there isn't much to go over."

"Correct. We'll keep losing against P-ko, and we cannot harm the children turned into monsters."

"I agree, Sis. It feels like time is passing us by as we sit here, unable to take any action…"

"We just get together and bitch about it to each other."

"Alright, how about a spearhead operation to cut off the head of the snake?"

"So, what we've been doing all this time?"

"Let me finish. If we can't beat her, why don't we get her to join us?"

"That's…That's not a bad idea, actually."

"I forgot that G1 was the smart one of the three of us."

"How do you expect us to do that?"

"The magic of friendship…?"

"Oh, Stevie…Am I going to have to put Gene down…?"

"No. No you don't."

"We really should be focusing on our shares. Without them, Neptune and Nepgear can't go home."

"Yeah, you're right, Noire."

"Our dimension is in trouble, too. Whenever I talk to Histy, I can almost smell the tension."

"We really need to do something…"

"And yet, our only plan has a very low chance of success."

"LADY BLANC, GRAAAH!"

"He is louder than Nep Jr.'s snoring."

"My…My poor ears…And I don't snore!"

"Gear, your room is across from mine, and I can safely say that you snore loudly."

"Why don't you make out with your boyfriend, IF?!"

"Boyfriend?"

"D-Dad! I can explain!"

"Oh, please do. You can start with how long this has been going on."

"*sigh*…Two years…"

"Bryce. We'll be having words later…" I willed the shadowy version of Susano'o to appear behind me.

"*gulp*"

"What the hell! I told you never to shout. Remember?"

"Whoopsies! Old habits die hard, eh? But it feels so refreshing to howl from the pit of my stomach!"

"I prefer laughing, but I see your point…"

"Uh-ho! So you understand! Let's express ourselves together! Ready,and…YEAHHHHHH!"

"Ahahahahahaha!"

"Knock it off! You have something to tell us, don't you?"

"Oh, right! I nearly forgot! An urgent message has arrived! It seems the Seven Sages are up to no good at the city's outskirts!"

"That's rather close to us."

"Now they're just being cocky! I guess I'll just have to go hurl them back to their base!"

"But what if those kids are there?"

"We can't let that chance prevent us from doing our jobs."

"Be sure to guard this place, okay? And make sure these two don't do anything inappropriate." I said, pointing to the two.

"Oh and I must thank you for the tea…It was very good…"

"You're welcome and I will."

"Who said we're staying here?"

"I did."

"We're twenty now, Dad. We can take care of ourselves."

"Fine. Whatever. Just, bounce if things get rough." All of us head to Ario Plateau, a random ass place in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere. I haven't been looking forward to this day. As a Guild agent, Iffy had several other experienced members as backup, and right now, all she has is Bryce. Bryce is powerful, but inexperienced with his abilities. We have no idea just what he is capable of, and we haven't had the means to get him someone who did. We ran around, trying to navigate the maze of a dungeon, for a good half hour. Standing at the end were the monsters that appeared to be at least placed here.

"Here are the monsters from the report." Neptune reported.

"They seem to be a group of normal monsters to me." Johnny said.

"So they aren't trying to destroy Lowee? They're just harassing us?" Noire said casually.

"Grrr…Treating me like a fucking joke…!"

"Well, they were placed here, so they have the ability to, at least, destroy this area's ecosystem."

"That was well put, Bryce." I lean in close to his ear. "It still won't save you…" The kid looked terrified. Good. It'll make the talk later all the more fun.

"Plus, those children aren't here, so we don't have to worry about that."

"That doesn't change the fact that I'm pissed!"

"Blanny is so mad…"

"Blanc, why don't you vent on these things?"

"I'll beat them with their own kind!" The goddesses that were stuck in HDD equipped their processor units, while the others transformed. The nice thing is that, in both situations, they are enveloped in the same column of light. We all would have fought them, but Blanc went on her rampage. The last surviving monster was sent flying towards Iffy. Before I could form Susano'o's ribcage around her, Bryce cut it clean in half with his Blade. The others deactivated their goddess powers.

"That was a thing…"

"That's my line, Neptune." Though I am surprised by the instinctual reaction from Bryce. There may be hope for him yet.

"They were pathetic. Dammit! That wasn't enough to calm me down!" I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her.

"Feel better now?"

"A little…"

"So what do we do now? Should we go back to the Basilicom and talk some more?"

"No thanks. I don't think we'll find any more solutions even if we talk until the sun goes down."

"She does have a point…"

"Besides, if we were able to come up with a brilliant plan by talking, we would have done so years ago." Of course we would have, Vert.

"Well, a plan that's not based on your game."

"So…are we calling it a day?"

"Yes, Neptune. We are."

"Good, because I want some peace and quiet with my family."

"Hehehe…Neppy is so cute when she wants to be a mommy…" It's still weird hearing stuff like that in Iris' voice.

"Okay, seeing as how we're in agreement, let's leave. Except for Bryce. He and I need to have a little talk."

"Dad, be gentle with him." They all head to the exit, and once the coast was clear I grab him with one of the constructs arms and brought him close to me.

"Your break her heart, and I'll beat you to death with your own skull."

"Is that even physically possible?"

"Want to find out?"

"No, not really…"

"Also, if you truly plan on taking your relationship with her seriously, you'll have to get me to fight you seriously. Let's just leave it at that."

"Game on, old man!"

"Old man?! I'm only thirty-nine! And I'll look nineteen forever, so it's not like it matters!"

"You're still old, and you'll always be old!" I draw Rebellion and he runs to the group.

"Come back here, you little shit!" My chase caught us up to them in a matter of minutes. Bryce hid behind Johnny and Storm.

"Um…Why are you chasing Bryce with your sword?"

"To drive my point home. Now onto a more important subject. Iffy?"

"Yeah…?"

"I'm not old, am I?"

"No, Dad. You're not old."

"Ha! Suck it, kid!"

"While you two were 'talking' we decided to go over to Planeptune for some of Compa's cooking."

"Oh, okay. Sounds good to me." Since we all agreed, we head to Planeptune.

"Histy, we're home!"

"Welcome home Nep-Nep, Plu-Plu! Oh, everyone else is here, too." Johnny was grumbling about "not being directly mentioned even though he lived there too".

"Hey Compa, we came for a visit."

"Sorry for barging in all of a sudden. We're not bothering you, are we?" Noire asked politely.

"Nope. I had a hunch you all would be coming, so I made extra helpings for both snacks and dinner tonight."

"Thank you, Compa. You're so thoughtful. I hope Pico grows up to be just like you. You were always the daughter I never had…"

"Neppy…She's MY daughter…"

"Honestly, until you two had kids of your own, you were never very motherly…"

"Compa does have a good point."

"…"

"What's wrong, Blanc? You're being really quiet."

"I should've frickin' waited until I grew up a bit before becoming a CPU." She said, staring at Compa's chest.

"Hey, after having the twins, you went from an A to a C, so that's good. Right? Speaking of the twins…where are my baby girls?"

"Dad!" A pink bullet hit me like a truck while an identical girl in blue walked up and hugged Blanc. You can tell who each takes after.

"Hey. How was your day?"

"Good! Aunty Histy read us a story!"

"…It was funny…"

"Did you guys do anything else?"

"We wrote you a story."

"…Read it, Mommy! Read it…!" For fifteen minutes she read the little book. The entire time her face was as red as her eyes.

"W-Where the hell did you two find the ideas for this?!"

"There were these little orange books in Neptune's room." Me and Johnny are losing our collective shit. They found the smut Jairaya makes Storm write.

"Will you two stop laughing?! Steven, you're their father! Don't encourage this!"

"*pant*…I'd punish them…*pant*…I really would…*gasp*…but that was too funny…"

"Before we punish them, may I see it?"

"Sure!" Ram takes the book from Blanc and hands it to Vert. She takes her time reading it before shutting it quickly.

"We must NOT punish them for this work of art!"

"They wrote smut!"

"But how often do you see one with a story! A good one, too!"

"I'm confused. Are we in trouble or not?"

"I don't think so…"

"I don't think you two are in trouble, but if you plan on doing this again, don't show mommy, okay?"

"…O-Okay, Dad…"

"C'mon, everyone! There's no need to start a fight."

"Iffy is right. You guys are making a scene."

"Plus, we don't want Lady Plutia to get angry with us."

"Oh Iffy, haven't you learned that Plutie enjoys scenes like this?"

"Johnny, don't encourage Plutie. She's already scarred Iffy for life."

"To be fair, so did you."

"Iffy, I want you to call me Plutie just like how you call Neppy, Nep."

"T-There's no way I could do that! Lady Plutia is Lady Plutia. Yep."

"*sigh*…You're so lucky, Neppy…"

"Really?"

"IF, did you have to work today?"

"You work as an agent at the Guild, right? The Intelligence Division?"

"Yeah. It's fancy speak for giving Histoire and my dad a hand with information gathering, so it's not a big deal."

"That's not true! I'm still trying to pass nursing school while Iffy's got a neat career already!"

"G-Geez…I just said it's not a big deal…"

"At least she's humble, unlike someone we know." With Storm's piece said, almost all of us turn to face Johnny. Johnny and Noire, however, we're starring right at me.

"I never thought I would see the day that Iffy would become such a splendid adult. I remember when little Iffy peed herself in fear before Sadie…"

"I-I never wet myself! Liar! Don't make up stories about a time I don't remember at all!"

"You were six. You remember. You can't lie to me, the man who YOU asked to take a bath with you that night."

"I took a picture. It was a scene that had to be captured."

"Dad! Mom!"

"I'm sorry that I made you embarrass yourself, Iffy…I really didn't mean to scare you…"

"Okay, enough embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend for now. That comes later, when I bust out the baby pictures."

"Please don't, Dad…"

"You have known me as long as you can remember, and you haven't figured out that I'm THAT kind of parent?" Her face was so red, it was making my coat green with envy.

"Hahaha! She's all red! You have a cute girlfriend, Bryce."

"You knew, Neptune? For how long?"

"Since it started. You didn't know?"

"I found out today. So she told everyone but me?"

"Dad…Can we talk about this later…?"

"Yeah, okay…"

"I have returned. Ah, I see everyone is already here. I heard loud voices from outside, so I wondered if something had happened."

"Welcome back, Histy. We were just talking about the time Iffy peed all over herself." I haven't noticed, but their human personalities are bleeding into their HDD ones. It doesn't often show much with Neptune, but Plutie is not as sadistic/ is nicer, and Blanc tends to be a lot calmer.

"Don't say that! I didn't do it!"

"Yes you did! I did your laundry that night. Washing your coat was a pain in the ass." Compa came on and saved Iffy from any more embarrassment from Blanc.

"Snacks are ready, everyone!"

"Why, these look scrumptious. Your culinary skills have leveled up once again."

"Aw, thanks! I always do my best so everyone can have happy tummies."

"I'm jealous that you get to eat so much delicious food every day."

"Noire, Nepgear's a pretty good cook too, and you're more than welcome to swing by."

"Yeah! Come on by!"

"Uh-huh…Come visit…"

"*nom nom nom* More, please."

"So…So…So…Everyone was watching me…?"

"Vert, could you…?"

"It appears that she needs to be brought back to reality." Vert walked up behind the shell-shocked girl, and delivered the legendary Gibbs slap to the back of her head.

"Huh? What happened?"

"It has been ages since I have been able to sit with everyone and enjoy a snack in peace. o(*^∇^*)o"

"You have been super busy, huh Histy…?"

"Related to Eden, I presume?"

"Yes. Monitoring activities. (-_-; Calculating damage caused. (-_-; Gathering intel has proven difficult. I do not possess high enough processing capabilities to parse the information."

"Poor Histy…"

"What a crummy calculator."

"I will not tolerate being given that description. Understood, Neptune?"

"We're sorry. It's all because we can't do anything…"

"And it's not like we aren't trying."

"This is not your fault. Please do not worry."

"I've thought of ways to get our shares back, but we keep losing, so I can't put my plan into action. And Steven's plan has a one-in-a-million chance of working."

"You have a plan, Noire? What is it?"

"Classified. I'll tell you when the time is right."

"Really, Noire…? Really…?"

"Phew. That was quite a feast, Compa. Well then, I shall return to my work. (*·∇·*)"

"More work?"

"Why don't you take a break for a while, Histoire? Not every day that we get to come over just to hang out."

"I would certainly like to, but the more I rest, the more things will get delayed."

"If you work too hard, you'll overheat. Let me, Johnny, and G1 make clones to take care of it." The two make a large squad of shadow clones, while I make the one that I can using the Doppelgänger style. At least mine doesn't pop after one hit. Winning.

"Why thank you." The small army went off to work as the small girl floated off of her book and laid down on my head.

"Excuse me?"

"Your hair is soft…" God dammit.

"What is with people and my hair…?" A ring tone went off, and Iffy grabbed one of the phones from her belt.

"Hey, I need to go. The Guild wants me to go on security patrol. I'll be back later."

"Alright. Don't have too much fun without me." She shook her head.

"I won't, Dad." She left, and we got to work. There was a Quest in the pile of papers that we easily took care of. As we walked back to the Planeptune Basilicom, Neptune looked deep in thought.

"What's wrong, Neptune?"

"Well, Storm, I've noticed that we reentered 'the pattern'…"

"The pattern…?"

"Yep! Whenever it specifically says we're returning to the Basilicom, some kind of emergency happens."

"You could have picked your words better."

"You've really got to limit how often you break the fourth wall."

"I have, especially since I had Pico."

"On that note, here we are at the Basilicom's doors…"

"I've got the door." Johnny said as he held the doors open.

"Oh, everyone! There is an emergency! ((=⎺□⎺=;))"

"Something terrible is happening! It's a really big deal!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Motherfucker…"

"Hmm? What is the matter? Why are you all wearing such indifferent expressions? (⎺□⎺;)"

"To sum it up…Neptune called it on the way here."

"What is it this time?"

"It's Iffy! She's been taken!"

"Hahaha…! What?"

"Someone calling herself Arfoire contacted us a short while ago. ( ; ºΔº ) She said that is we want IF returned safely, the CPUs and their allies must go to the specified place…"

"Arfoire, you say? She is the one who kidnapped IF before, correct?"

"Looks like she didn't learn, even when Plutie and G1 kicked the shit out of her."

"I see…She's being mean to Iffy again…Maybe it's time we punish her again…"

"Plutie, now you're speaking my language!"

"I love you so much."

"Now is not the time to let our rage get the better of us."

"Please, please, please calm down!"

"What're we going to do?"

"We'll rescue her right away. She needs our help, after all."

"But there's a one hundred percent certainty that this is a trap."

"Look at me, not giving a single fuck, Gear!"

"But rushing in there is a stupid idea at best."

"How rude! You won't save Iffy, Noire?!"

"That isn't what she meant. We need to prepare before we go."

"Instead of all of this pointless talking, we go save her…! Now!" Everyone but me and Johnny stood at attention at Plutie's command.

"That was a wonderful display of taking control, Plutia."

"Everyone is very well trained…"

"We'll be going now…Try not to get kidnapped while we're gone, okay…?"

"Understood."

"Okey-dokey!"

"I'm going with you."

"Just…try not to get yourself killed. I don't want to have that conversation with her." We all charged out of the building and towards the cave. Anything we ran into was dealt with by our large numbers. At one point a breed of Ancient Dragon showed up.

"Argh! We don't have time for this!" I flip through a series of hand signs. "Water Style: Water Prison!" A sphere of water that was stronger than steel trapped the beast. "Demon Art: Hell's Iron Maiden!" Several spears similar in make to Susano'o's bones appeared as I outstretched my right hand. I close my hand and the conjured projectiles flew at the dragon and pierced through it. "Just die!" The spears destabilized and exploded, finishing off the mob. At the deepest part of the cave, I could hear Iffy arguing with her captors.

"Hey, G1? Wanna make them piss themselves?"

"Hidden Mist?"

"Hidden Mist." Hidden Mist sounds better than "Hiding in the Mist". The thick mist formed from the water molecules in the air as I activated the technique.

"Hey! What's with the fog, chu?"

"It doesn't matter. This won't affect anything."

"You really should stopm chu! If you do this again, those CPUs and whatever those three guys are gonna go nuts with rage!"

"If you're that afraidm go home. I don't even remember asking you to be here in the first place!"

"I'm telling you that as a favor!"

"That's right. When Nep, Dad, and Lady Plutia get here they'll defeat you both in a heartbeat! In fact, they already won!"

"And what makes you say that?"

"It's simple, really. This isn't fog, it's mist. The title my dad goes by most is 'The Demon of the Hidden Mist'. (Let's be honest, it's an awesome title)"

"Ha! You really think I'm scared?!"

"You should be." I love using this technique. For whatever reason, it makes my voice come from everywhere, and it makes what comes next all the more entertaining.

"What was that?! Where are you?!"

"Everywhere and nowhere."

"Show yourself!"

"Okay…" I willed the full (not perfect) Susano'o to form behind me as I entered Devil Trigger, drew Rebellion from my back, and equipped Nix in my left hand. I really want to cement the idea that they're facing the Devil.

"Iffy!"

"Oh, Iffy…"

" **You okay?** " I dispelled the mist when Neptune first called out to my daughter.

"I'm good. I'm glad you all came. Though, there are a lot of you…"

" **What? Don't want your** _ **boyfriend**_ **to see you tied up?** "

"We've got a nosebleed!" Storm reported loudly.

" **Thank you, Storm. Remind me to kick him in the dick later.** "

"Will do."

"This is no time to be doing this!"

"I see you've yet to learn fear. Take that as a compliment."

"Says the one shaking." Johnny quipped.

"In anticipation! I've been waiting for this for so long…"

"We've come, as promised. Now give Iffy back!"

"If you fail to comply, you are in for quite a terrible experience."

"I mean, do you see the energy construct behind us?"

"Take one more step, I dare you." She placed the blade of her spear against Iffy's throat. Bryce takes one step forward and lifts his Blade so the point was facing the wanna-be stripper. "So you intend to ignore the hostage and instead focus on doing something horrible to me!"

"I don't care what happens to me, so long as they beat you up…!"

"They're both misunderstanding."

"No shit, Blanc."

"Something horrible…? You're still being bad even after I gave you so much punishment…?"

" **Seems like you just won't learn your lesson. Plutie, it's time to give her an extra session.** "

"Eep! No…no no no no no…" Did Iffy just…?

"Th-Th-This feeling, chu!"

"Huh? I'm shaking even worse than before…!"

"Johnny, hold me. I'm scared."

"I'm not gonna hold you, Storm."

"As effective as this is, it's traumatizing the hostage as well."

"I'm sorry, but…Even being next to them in this situation frightens me…"

"Grrrrrr…! What is this sense of dread? My shivering refuses to subside…!"

"IF, now!"

"No no no…huh? Oh, see let go of the rope! I'm coming!"

"No!" You seem Arfoire didn't tie a very good knot, so when let go the knot untied and Iffy was able it easily get out of the restriction. (I think to Bryce's disappointment. ((Still gonna kick him in the dick)))

"Crap, crap, crap! Wh-What're you doing, chu?!"

"I can't stop shaking! I can't help it! Damn, to think that I could feel such fear…"

"Thanks! I owe you all." Bryce rushed up to her and hugged her. This…is going to take some getting used to.

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah. Thanks to you too, Lady Plu-"

"I'm soooo happy you're back…Come here, Iffy…!"

"Eeek! Nonononononononono…" There it is again!

" **What about me? Can your dad not get a hug?** "

"Steven, remember the last time you hugged something while Triggered?"

" **Right…Thanks for reminding me, Gear.** "

"And Plutia, um, you mustn't get any closer to IF!"

"Why not…? I'm just happy to see her…"

"Her personalities are really getting mixed together."

"But in this case, it's a good thing."

"You've lost your hostage."

"Nothing's going to stop them now! You'd better brace yourself!"

" **Hahahahaha…! This is going to be fun…witch…** "

"D-Dammit. I can't move…Have I…already lost…?"

"Good grief…You're such a pain, chu."

"Hmm? What're you planning, rat?"

"You can't fight like that, chu. I'll buy you enough time to escape."

"Are you insulting me, rat?! I won't lose to them…!"

"Give up the bluffing already! Run away and live to fight another day, chu!"

"What…? Why would you go so far for me?" For fuck's sake…This is turning into one of my mom's soap operas.

"Even the most twisted and evil organizations believe in the power of friendship, chu!" Never mind…It's become an episode of My Little Pony. That's just sad…

"Tch…Don't expect me to thank you! I'll do that when we meet again…!" The old woman took off.

"She's gone. Sorry to have kept you waiting, chu. I'm your opponent…Warechu!" He struck a pose like he was gonna give us the ol' razzle dazzle. (Tumblr, what a wonderful thing.)

"Whoa…Well played, rodent dude."

"He's our enemy, but…bravo."

"I-It's not like I'm getting misty-eyed because he mentioned the power of friendship or anything!" Oh, do I have some shows that she'll get addicted to.

"Here, Noire. Use my handkerchief to wipe your eyes."

"Thank you, Nepgear."

"It's…become hard for me to fight this creature."

"C'mon, we're still enemies. I don't need no sympathy, chu!" Plutie equipped her processor units in a flash of light.

"Hmhmhmhmhmhmm…"

"…Uh…"

"Have we been apart so long that you've forgotten how to fear me? I'll need to retrain you…"

" **Would you like my help like last time?** "

"I think I'll be fine on my own…Thank you for the offer, though…"

"Nooooo!" Iffy yelled while shaking violently.

"Wait, what? Something's wrong, chu. This conversation wasn't going in this direction at all, was it?" Before anyone could do anything else, I decided what his punishment would be.

" **Johnny, do the thing!** "

"Doing the thing!" You all know what the Hulk did to Loki in the Avengers, right? Yeah, that's the thing.

"Ugh…All I feel is pain, chu…" He was still conscious after that, which drove Plutie to have her fun. It lasted for a while, but it felt like hours. We decided that the right thing to do after his little stunt was to take him home with us. An hour after we got home, Compa decided to wake her patient.

"…Mister Mouse…Mister Mouse…!"

"…"

"Mister Mouse…Mister Mouse!"

"…"

"Wake up, Mister Mouse!" He sturred.

"…Wait! I'm alive, chu…?"

"Are you awake now? Yay, I'm so glad…"

"Are you feeling okay? You look a little confused. You all went far!"

"To be fair, most of it was Johnny and Plutie."

"Even after we defeated him and he passed out, she, um…tortured him for quite some time…"

"I didn't ever go that far today…"

"And I only smacked him around a little."

"When I see how IF is reacting, I cannot in good conscious believe you."

"No Lady Plutia, it looks painful, it hurts watching, no more, no no, I'm scared, stop, no more pain…!"

"She's been sitting in the corner and muttering to herself since our return."

"Her mental fortitude is surprisingly weak."

"She was scarred for life at a young age. Cut her some slack."

"I'm worried about Iffy, too, but right now Mister Mouse has priority! How are you feeling? I'm not the top of my nursing class, but I did my best to treat your owwies."

"Umm…W-What is your name…?"

"My name? That would be Compa. It's lovely to meet you!"

"Compa…How lovely and kind…Compa, you are…an angel! A living, breathing angel!"

"This is getting weird…"

"It was immediately weird, Johnny. Just try not to focus on it."

"At least he has the energy to speak now. You understand that we didn't bring you here out of the kindness of our hearts, right?"

"Compa…Compa…! Compa!"

"Please make it stop…"

"Johnny, this train has no brakes…"

"Eep! Please don't toss and turn! Your wounds will reopen!"

"Listen to me!"

"Later! I'll talk later…! Right now, all I want to focus on is this angel in front of me…"

"Steven, Plutia, could either of you transform for me real quick?" We kept using the terminology, even though it isn't exactly correct anymore. I transform as quickly as I could.

" **Done.** "

"NO! A-Anything but that, chu!"

" **Now, start talking, or I'll send you to meet real angels.** "

"Okay, okay…I get it, chu…Whaddaya wanna ask me?" I release my transformation as Blanc started her interrogation.

"Spill everything you know about the Seven Sages."

"Information about Obsidian Heart would be the most helpful."

"Her abnormal strength must have some secret source behind it."

"Oh, you've realized that much, chu? But did you think I'm gonna go from rat to stool pigeon that easily?" Two guns, a grenade launcher, and a katana were pointed at the rat.

"Yes. Yes we do. Now start talking."

"No amount of threats and pain will change my mind, Yellow." Racist rat is racist.

"Mister Mouse, my friends are in so much trouble right now. Can't you help them? Pretty please?"

"I'm no expert on it, but that CPU was modified so that energy can be injected into her remotely, chu. That way, she can access powers up to ten times that of a normal CPU. Or so that bragging robot says."

"Energy from another place? Is that possible, Histoire?"

"I am not sure. It is inexcusable to modify the body of a CPU in the first place."

"If we cut off that energy supply, she'd only be as strong as one CPU?"

"How is it being given to her, though? Is it some kind of machine?"

"You want me to rat out my comrades more than I already have?! I haven't fallen that far, chu!"

"Aww, please, Mister Mouse?"

"You know about Anonydeath already, but you might not know that he has an R&D factory on Eden's border."

"The south east border?"

"Yeah…? How did you know?"

"I found some documents about it when I was in Eden. The building where the Hellgate was being held open was a sub lab."

"Okay. Well, that's where the device is, chu."

"Why didn't we just have Compa ask all of our questions?"

"Storm, some questions will never be answered."

"This is rather useful information. If we can destroy that device, then…"

"We can beat that damn wanna-be CPU for good!"

"All thanks to Compa. Thank you!"

"I'm so glad I could help you!"

"Ugh, I feel right into their trap and spilled every last bean, chu…Since I've already dug my own grave, why stop there, chu? You wanna know anything else?!"

"Why was he researching demons in that facility in the capital?"

"He thought that we should fight fire with fire. It was all to get something to help deal with you."

"Well, he's failed then. Hasn't he."

"But he has, though. That CPUs gear is made from all kinds of demon stuff. Sure packs a punch."

"Great. A Devil's Arm wielded by a child who is using the equivalent of super steroids. This'll be fun."

"Since we figured out our plan, let us strike while the iron is hot!"

"Yes. We'll be going now, Histoire."

"I see. Be careful out there."

"You two. Stay here. Iffy, Bryce, can you make sure they stay here."

"Sure thing."

"But Dad! We wanna come!"

"It's not safe for you two. You're still having a hard time controlling your demonic power."

"…Dad's right, Ram…"

"*sigh* Fine."

"We've got this. Don't worry."

"If you say something like that, Storm, you might trigger your own death."

"Bye-bye Histy…! Have fun…!" We all left for the lab, going to Lastation to get in through that side. When we get there, everyone started looking around. The place was enormous.

"I've never been to a laboratoire like this one the robot guy has…"

"Why the random French, Neptune?"

"I just felt like it." She said with a shrug.

"This looks more like a research lab to me. I wonder if there's any sort of interesting hardware here…"

"*sigh* Her eyes are sparkling."

"I don't care how advanced it looks, if it's anything to do with demons; smash it. We can come scavenge this place later if you really want to, Gear."

"Really?!"

"Stop talking nonsense you two. Let's move. Since it's that creepy robot I'm sure he's figured out we're coming. Steven, I have a strange favor to ask."

"Okay…?"

"As long as we're here, we're dating again." She said with a blush.

"Why…?"

"So he'll have less of a reason to be so creepy!" I turn, and the two people whose opinions are most important to me nod.

"Fine…It's gonna feel weird though, after all of these years."

"Yeah…" We meander our way through the large structure looking for any hint of the device. When we reached an area very far away from the entrance, there were some voices.

"Hey, did you here that?"

"Yeah, I did, Johnny. Sounds like talking. I think it came from this way." We followed Storm to the room he thought he heard something from. The room was devoid of anyone, though.

"Are you sure you heard something?"

"In swear I did, Neptune…There was arguing."

"Well, at least he found a big machine." Blanc pointed to a fancy looking device.

"Awww, they're already here!" The hacker came out of absolutely nowhere.

"We found you! Been a while, creeper."

"Oopsies! I've been spotted! Noire, sweetie, don't be so coy and call me by my name. Say it with me. Ah non ee death! Anonydeath. Go."

"I don't care about your name! And don't call me sweetie! As you can see, I'm off the market." I hadn't noticed that she had slipped her hand into mine until she lifted both of our hands.

"So cruel, as always. I just can't believe you went back to that brute."

"Hey! If anyone's a brute, it's Johnny."

"The fuck?!"

"Sweetheart, he's right…You are a bit of a brute…"

"But I'm your brute."

"Indeed you are."

"Still, you've come too fast, Noire. Boys don't like girls who do that. Wouldn't want to disappoint _bae_ (not sure if that's the right one) now would you…"

"They don't like it if I…ack! W-What are you saying, you idiot?!"

"Noire, you're so cute when your face is all red…It's making it hard to not tease you…"

"Why is Noire's face all red?"

"Perhaps she is imagining some kind of perverted interpretation."

"She did live with G1 for three years. Three years of innuendos is bound to leave a mark."

"I think I can imagine what she's thinking right now."

"Seems like the workaholic hasn't let go. I don't think he let go either."

"You bring up a good point, Blanc. Maybe she should join us?" I don't think that's a very realistic train of thought.

"R-Really…?" She's considering it!?

"O_O"

"I think G1 broke. He spoke in emoticons."

"Aww, poor Noire! Let's defeat these meanie-pants together, okey-dokey?"

"Yeah, with the two of us, we…No! Of course not, you jerk! I have a better offer!" Seriously?! What the fuck?!

"Whoa! Noire showed us a rare glimpse of going along with a joke!"

"That's new…"

"Well, that isn't her forte, so her delivery was flawed. But it does make for a valuable scene to witness. And it's nice to see she accepted my offer, even if I hadn't asked yet."

"So you want our husband to get married _again_?"

"Who said he's the one getting married to her." Johnny's nose was bleeding a bit and desperately trying to hide it. I'm fairly certain mine was too. I heard a thud in my head signifying that Dante had K.O.'d himself.

"AGGHHH! Knock it off already, everyone!"

"Tee-hee-hee! It's so fun to tease you, Noire! That's why I love you so, so, so much."

"I hate you so so much!"

"Noire's being strung right along…"

"But you have to admit, Gear, it is fun to see the faces she's making."

"SHUT IT, YOU!"

"Now, now. If you keep shouting, you may burst a blood vessel."

"If you really believe that, then let's hurry up and defeat this creepazoid!"

"Aww, but this is our sweet reunion. Let's just sit back, kick out the boys, and enjoy some more girl talk."

"I have nothing to talk to you about! Not now! Not ever! And WHAT about you is a girl?!"

"Quit stalling and fight us."

"It seems that there is someone that's level headed among you…"

"There are a lot of angry people here, so someone calm like me is necessary."

"Except for the fact that ever since you had the twins, you've had a hairline trigger."

"What was that, Steven?!"

"N-Nothing, dear."

"That's what I thought."

"Whipped."

"You really want to start this again, Johnny?"

"Not really. Just throwing it out there." Everyone transforms except for me. Devil Trigger has grown into a last ditch move now that I have all of these techniques and abilities. I'm also becoming OP as shit and that just doesn't sit well with me.

"There's no reason for us to talk any longer now, is there?!"

"Goodness, Noire is really raring for a fight…"

"I know I can't possibly win, so your offer is quite attractive…But…Well, I know it's silly of me to ask, but you can't let both me and my precious device go, can you…?"

"Nope." Johnny and Storm said in unison, both popping the P.

"Not even a breath of hesitation…"

"Sucks to be you. We're done negotiating."

"We shall grind both you and your machine to dust!"

"You don't get to hog all the fun, Vert! Leave some crap for me to break!"

"Aw, this turned into a big messypoo. I'm not suited for negotiations."

"Vert might've been ready to let you off the hook before, but I was set on caving in your face from the start!"

"There really were no other options for you."

"The machine is no fun since it can't cry and beg for mercy, but you'll make up for that, won't you…?"

"Plutie, I don't want to be THAT guy and burst your bubble, but I'm the one that actually played your game, and he's a bit of a masochist." Johnny's lucky; a pouting Iris is adorable.

"All this talk of fighting does cause me some concern now…Oh, right! My adorable Nepgear, I have a rigid-flex circuit board that I was hoping to give you…"

"Huh? Golly wow, really?! What's the size? The manufacturer? What year's model is it?! Ooooh!"

"Nepgear! Keep it in your pants!" But she's not wearing pants, Johnny…

"Neppy Jr…?"

"O-Oh…Um, well, it's the thought that counts. I have to pass, sorry…"

"Right…That was my last trump card. Well, if they say the beautiful must die with grace, so shall it be."

"No. No. No…Only when your organization is in ruins and your plans are reduced to ash will you have my permission to die." My Batman reference said, I equip my oldest Devil's Arm and draw two blades from the bottom of the wings. He sent his eight floating wing…things…at us, which we all dodged. I, however, didn't dodge them when they came back to him. That wasn't fun. While I was still on my face, I could see him surround me with the devices. Next thing I know, I'm getting high voltage electroshock therapy. When everything started to become understandable again, I could hear talking.

"He'll be fine, Storm."

"Fine, Johnny. Sage Art: Toad Phoenix Devastaion!" Ahhh…fuck…The incredibly hot fire of the EXE Drive seared me and Storm's target.

"Saiyan Art: Lightning Dragon Cannon!" Great. Since Johnny is using HIS EXE Drive, I'll be crispy inside and out. Once again discombobulated, I see blurs of different colors flying towards and being sent away from a pink blob. My vision became normal, but my ears were still ringing and my entire body feels like it's still on fire.

"Steven, are you alright?" I tried to stand but collapsed to the ground.

"I'm…I'm good…I'm good…"

"Clearly you aren't. Plutie, help me get him to Compa."

"Sure thing, Neppy…" The two put my arms around their shoulders and hauled my sorry ass to Planeptune. We were in the air for a few moments before I blacked out. When I come to, it was dark and I was in a bed. There was a hand on top of mine, but it was too dark to see whose it was. The digital clock in the room said twelve o' one in the morning, so I decided sleep was the best option right now.

 **There! Are you not entertained! I did the thing! Review if you wish. But I demand you call me out on the things that I obviously put that I'm not sure is correct. Thanks and I hope you enjoyed.**


	23. Notice

**I'm just writing this so anyone that cares will now what's going to come in the future. As I approach the end of this story (there will be a sequel), I must achieve the true ending in the game. I know some of you might be thinking "but it's on youtube". Well, I can't exactly carry around youtube like I can my vita. So there probably will be delays. Something bugged out in my save file so I can't get to a dungeon I need for it, even though I already completed the plan, and now I have to start a new game (not new game plus. Doesn't work). I'm sorry if anyone is disappointed by this, and I'll try to make it up to said people. Until then, see ya.**


	24. The New Adventure Begins

Chapter 23: The New Adventure Begins

 **Well, I have some news. While this will not be the last update to this story, it will be the last chapter of story. I figured instead of going to the end of ReBirth 3 and then go on to a sequel, I could take the long way around and also make my own story in the end. You know, I had a whole speech and everything and now I'm drawing a blank…Anyways, on to the show.**

The next day (sorta) I woke up to see that my buddy from earlier was gone. I had an IV in my arm (*shudder* Needles…) attached to a medicine bag of some kind. Unsure if I could actually stand, I grab the IV stand and use it as a crutch. I still had my pants on, but everything else was gone. If they had to throw out my coat, I'm gonna be so pissed. There was a commotion out in another room, so I went to make my presence known.

"Hey guys. I'm up."

"Huh. So he's alive, chu?"

"Why aren't you still in bed, Mister?! You need rest!"

"Compa, honestly, what I need right now is some coffee and something to eat."

"No coffee." I sat down on the couch that Abnes was occupying. Didn't want to, but it was closest to the table.

"So what did I miss?"

"That damn CPU showed up. We beat her after smashing that machine. She turned back into Peashy and we almost undid whatever brainwashing the Seven Sages did to her, but he escaped with her before we could."

"We've also been trying to learn where the Seven Sages' true hideout is."

"Vert? Why does Noire look so tired?"

"She spent the night looking after you and only got a few hours of sleep."

"Speaking of which. What happened? I thought you could handle something like that."

"What we've all come to overlook is that I'm not invincible. I can still be killed. I still have limits. And getting hit by two powerful EXE Drives does a lot of damage."

"And because of the nature of our abilities, they do become more powerful than most of your guys' moves…"

"They do bring up good points, Noire."

"Shut up, Neptune!"

"You know…It's mean to talk to Neppy like that…"

"S-Sorry!"

"Can we please start interrogating them?"

"All we have to do is ask the stupid rat, since he squeals with the least effort."

"You're really underestimating me if you think I'll leak any more info than I already have, chu!" Compa placed a sandwich and a bag of kettle chips in front of me. I reach for the chips, only to find out it hurts to move. I look up to see the IV bag was empty.

"He told me more when I asked…"

"Heh, well, if my angel asks, I can't refuse her, chu."

"A rodent without integrity. Hmph."

"Hey, Compa?"

"Yes?"

"The bag is empty and it hurts to move…" I said, pointing to the medicine bag.

"Let me go get another one." As my nurse left to get me my drugs, Nepgear walked in with a ton of tea cups and a large kettle.

"U-Um, everyone, I brought some tea. Oof…It's getting kinda cramped in here, don't you think?"

"Johnny…I hate you for putting me in this situation."

"Kind of worth it in the long run…"

"No! No it wasn't! I'm probably gonna be out of commission for at least a few days." Compa came backed and swapped out the bags.

"The Basilicom is unable to accommodate so many people. Especially large robots…"

"How did he fit through the door?"

"Trade secret. I can't tell you, Stevie."

"I get it. Thanks anyway, Neptune."

"What do we have here? A mighty tiny little girl! Come rid atop my head. It's like box seating!"

"Pardon? N-No. I am quite fine here. I will respectfully decli?! Aaaah! w¦;ºДº¦w"

"It seems that Copypaste has captured an Histy!"Ah…Sweer, sweet pain meds…

"I would say he plucked her from the ground, rather than captured."

"Hey! No bullying little girls!"

"So, how do you like that? The best view in town, isn't it?"

"No, no, no! This is too high! This is rather terrifying! Please set me back down!"

"Hmhmhmm…I wanna sit up there, too…" Plutie then proceeded to try to climb the large robot.

"Um, Histoire, can't you fly down?"

"Not from this height! Someone, please get me down! ( )"

"Everyone's doing whatever they want. Mind taking control this time around?" Blanc asked, looking at Noire. Said tsundere put on a deadpanned expression.

"Don't hand out roles like we're directing a film. I don't want to deal with this crazy group, either. Why don't we have one of the boys take care of them?" I lift my arms in a "dafuq?" manner.

"I hate myself for feeling nostalgic because of all this noise, chu."

"Everyone! Cram it!"

"Yikes! Iffy…"

"Noire mk-II has been completed."

"Don't ever say that again." Noire said, calm rage glistening in her eyes.

"Blanc, Vert, Nepgear, where did we go wrong?"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Exactly what you think it means, Noire."

"Don't you get the situation?! We should be focusing on getting Peashy back home safe now that we know Dad's plan will work…"

"But that's exactly why we should be relaxing."

"Huh? Nep…?"

"It's okay…We're all reeeeally worried about Peashy, but…" Plutie had stopped trying and looked over to Iffy.

"But even so, it does us no good to get too riled up. We must be true to ourselves and how we behave."

"Plus, if we go to her when we're all worked up and angry, it might scare Peashy even more…"

"We should wait until Steven is ready to go." Nepgear said.

"Oh…You were planning ahead, huh? Sorry. I yelled at you without understanding the situation…"

"Now you know, and knowing is half the battle." God dammit Storm…

"Hey kiddies, don't worry about it! I'm dependable in a pinch, y'know!"

"I can't believe how loud you are! Try not to butt in, okay?"

"Oooooh…Someone, anyone…Please help me down…! ( )"

"So what's our game plan?"

"We could just run in there."

"We can surely defeat her. The matter of her memory returning or not lies with those for."

"We've already come up with a plan for that. We'll get her memories back. And if we can't succeed with Plan A, we'll go to Plan G."

"Plan G?"

"Plan G is fuck up everything with the push on an inconspicuous button, Vert."

"How did you know, Stevie…?!"

"Plutie, I watched Achievement Hunter more than Johnny did."

"So that's why you four were making such a ruckus last night."

"Excuse me, everyone! We have a favor to ask!"

"Oh, what's up?"

"Take me, Compa, and Bryce along. We won't hold you back!"

"Okay…Let's play together…!"

"Thanks! We won't let you down!"

"Yippee! Thank you so much!"

"We're going even if you say no! I have some things I want to say to Peashy too, and we…Wait, you said we can?"

"I'm sure they knew you had some speech prepared."

"What about us?!"

"We want to go too…"

"…Fine…But if you're going, stay close to you sister. Okay?"

"Are you sure it's okay for them to come?"

"You'll be with them, and who better to watch over them than their mother. Plus, their as stubborn as you are…I wanted to wait until your birthday this year, but it looks like now is the better time to give you these…" I summon Pandora into my left hand, which was hanging off the side of the couch. "Iffy, could you please open up Pandora? I've kept them inside it since I got them."

"I'm assuming you're giving them a weapon, G1. So that brings up the question: Why would you keep them in there without using them?"

"You'll see…"

"Sure." She takes the briefcase from my hand, set's it down on the table, and opens it. The room was illuminated by the light trapped inside. "So what am I looking for?"

"The motor mouths…"

"Why would you do that to your own daughters?"

"Because they are going to suffer as much as the twins are." With no reaction, she reached into the light. Her arm went in up to her shoulders. Two jagged scimitars were in Iffy's grasp when she pulled her arms out of the box. One was bluish-green and the other was a redish-orange. These are Agni and Rudra, the Firestorm Brothers. A pair of living swords that don't know how to shut up. Agni, like his name suggests, is the fire part of their title, while Rudra is the wind part.

 **"Master!"**

"Nope. Shut up."

 **"But Master! We-!"**

"I'm not your master anymore. These two are. The one in pink is your new master, Rudra. Agni, yours is the one in blue." The two girls run up and take the swords from their older sister before the blades could object.

"Thank you so much, Dad!"

"Thakn you…" Their non-human hands started to glow their respective colors and when the light died down, the weapons were gone. It really is kind of useful that their Devil Bringers can store demonic weapons and artifacts.

"Where'd they go?"

"In our arms, remember…Uncle Nero told us about it before…"

"Oh yeah…How do we get them out?"

"I'll have Nero teach you two later. Now, be careful. If you guys don't bring them back unharmed, I will show you the true meaning of fear…"

"Understood!"

"Now, take care of my patient, okay?"

"Compa, I'll be fine. I have no plans to do anything for quite a while."

"Mister Mouse? Could you make sure he stays here? Just to be safe…"

"Sure thing, chu!"

"Now that everything is all settled, let's go. The P-ko rescue mission starts now!"

"Yeah!" Everyone that was going cheered.

"Um, e-excuse me! Please wait! Before you go, get me down from here! w¦;ºДº¦w" Her pleas fell on deaf ears.

"And they're gone…All we can do is cheer them on with our loudest voices from here!"

"One, no. And two, can you put her down, Treads?"

"Absolutely! Here you go, little one!"

"Thank you, Steven. Do you need anything?"

"That sandwich in my face-hole would be greatly appreciated."

"Why would you talk to her like that?"

"Look at me…" I said, impersonating Achmed. "I talk to everyone like this… And after eight grade, this situation is not a new one." I answered, along with the question Histoire was probably going to ask.

"Okay. Just give me a moment." She floated over, picked up a triangle of the sandwich, sat down on my head, and placed an edge into my mouth. The rest of the sandwich followed after it over the span of twenty minutes. I really feel bad for her. It must be hard being that small.

"Thank you, Histoire. I think I'm going to head back to that room you guys put me in and catch some Zs."

"Abnes, could you please help him?"

"Uh…Sure…?" I shakily stand up with the help of the IV stand and the small woman. After getting comfortable and letting the former Seven Sages member leave, I fell asleep. I woke up to a lot of noise, and went to investigate. In the main room, there was streamers, balloons, food, cake, and music.

"What's with all the noise?" My voice sounded groggier than I wanted it to.

"Pea-pawnch!" Next thing I know, my chin hurt and I was on my back.

"Why…?" I wheezed out.

"Peashy! You just punched the one person we said not to punch!" Neptune cried out.

"He startled me!"

"He startled you?"

"He. Started. Me."

"What's happened, happened. There is no point in dwelling on it." Noire said as she helped me up.

"So…How'd it go?"

"Have you looked around, G1?"

"Too sleepy to process things. I just woke up."

"We were actually waiting for you to start."

"Now that everyone is in attendance, enjoy!" Histoire announced. She had some hair stuck to her so it would be safe to assume that she had spent some time napping in my hair.

"Yay!" The three younger girls cheered. As Neptune walked towards the pudding cups that were on the table, she was covered in a pile of feathers that fell from a tarp that had been rigged up. The twins had developed a knack for pranking, and Neptune is their favorite victim.

"Very funny, you two…"

"Hahaha, ow. It hurts to laugh." Storm helped out Neptune while we began to eat without them. I got filled in on everything that happened when someone finished chewing their food. From agreeing to help change the children back, to returning Peashy's memories, to the shits and giggles use of Plan G. Noire didn't leave my side the entire time. Her head was on my shoulder just like old times. It's been over a decade, but this polygamy thing is still weird.

"So, did you want to look over Peashy's weapons now?"

"Sure." Peashy transformed and walked towards me. She detached the claws from her arm, and I examine them. Five minutes of science-ing later (Dante looking things over), I hand them back.

"Well, the official verdict is that they're the same material as a Devil Arm, but they lack the other qualities that make them so dangerous."

"That's it?"

"Pretty much."

"Since the situation has calmed down for the time being, shall we discuss a bit about the future?" Histoire said, trying to strike up a conversation.

"Having saved the girl, can we assume that we have eliminated Eden?"

"Yeah we can, Vert. But, we also have to go about all of their research buildings and what not to scrub them. I'm not comfortable leaving all that demon research lying around for someone to get their hands on it."

"You just don't want extra work, do you G1?"

"Nope. I meant what I said."

"And it's safe to assume we've basically gotten rid of the Seven Sages now, too."

"I'm still a little worried about where that creepy robot went, but…"

"But our main threat and the villains responsible for it are gone, right?"

"Right, Iffy. But to be quite blunt, we each are each other's enemies, too…"

"Aren't I basically a peace treaty between at least you and Blanc?"

"He has a point, Vert…"

"And I don't exactly want to fight you all…" Aww…Noire…

"What about them?"

"As the spouse to one of them, I can safely say that they wouldn't attack any of you. Except Plutie. She'll hurt all of us." I feel so bad for Storm. He and Neptune walk through a minefield of nukes every day.

"Um, so basically, there's nothing in particular that we need to do, right?" Nepgear asked hesitantly.

"Yes. We can all go back to our normal routines."

"Can we even call our routines normal?"

"Not really, but I don't care. It's time to relax, and I've been waiting for this for a long time…"

"I hear ya, Plutie…Why don't we take Gene to the beach or something?"

"We should all go. They deserve a vacation as much as we do, and we're all a big family…"

"Damn…Just when I thought the three of us would have our getaway. Family though, huh?"

"Yeah…Neppy Jr. is pretty much Stevie's little sister as much as she is Neppy's, and since me and Neppy are basically sisters, we're all related."

"Never thought of it like that. We can all go tomorrow. We'll be rested and ready to go."

"Alright, Neptune, if that's the case, I'm heading to bed. I want to be as recovered as possible."

"We just said that's what we're doing, you idiot."

"Hey, my memory's always been kind of bad. At least I'm not flubbing words nearly as often."

"Before you look even dumber, let's head to bed. Goodnight, everyone." Blanc led all of us to the room I had occupied the night before.

"So, how are we gonna do this?" Four of us. One bed.

"You get in and get comfortable. We'll work around you."

"It's not frickin' rocket science…"

"You don't need to talk to him like that, Blanc."

"Noire, sweetie, you have to remember that sarcasm is not always meant to be rude."

"Come on, you three. It's too late to be fighting."

"Just lay down…" Well, at least Noire is still done with my shit. That's something I don't have to take care of again…I laid down on my back, and awaited the coming conflict. A conflict that never came. Blanc curled up next to me, pressing her back into my right side. Noire was to my left, using my shoulder as a pillow. Vert decided that I was going to be her mattress for the night. This is definitely the oddest situation I've been in. Gonna have to work something better out later. The next morning, the four of us were woken by three children jumping on the bed. Rom, Ram, and Peashy decided that we were sleeping for too long, even though it was only six o'clock, according to the clock.

"C'mon! We gotta get ready!"

"Yeah! Come on, Mom!"

"Please wake up…"

"Ugh…I understand Peashy, but you two know daddy isn't a morning person and needs his sleep…"

"We have to go home and get ready though…"

"Fine…I'll wake up these three. Now go on and make sure someone has some coffee ready for me…"

"Okay…Ram, Peashy, come on…" Rom led the other two out of the room, and I go about stirring the three others that share my bed. Vert was the first, for obvious reasons.

"What time is it?" She said sleepily.

"Five minutes after six. The little ones woke me up a few minutes ago."

"They want to leave already?"

"The twins want to go home so we can get their stuff."

"Well, there aren't any stores open and they don't have anything here that would fit them. We don't have anything here either. We'd have to go home anyway."

"Help me wake these two and let me get some caffeine in me before we do anything." We stirred the other two. Waking Noire was fun and I say that with as much sarcasm as humanly possible. She's as much of a morning person as I am, and I need a cup or two before I tolerate the day. Once we were all properly awake, we left for home to get our stuff for the outing.

"Okay, once more. Sunscreen?"

"Check." Noire said, stuffing it into the bag.

"Umbrella?"

"Got it!" Blanc called out from another room.

"Towels?"

"Packed." Vert answered, angling the open bag to me.

"Children?"

"Here…"

"Here!"

"Swimsuits?"

"Underneath our clothes."

"…I'm having a moment…"

"You didn't put your suit on already?"

"I already admitted to having a moment, Vert! What more do you want?"

"Nothing. Just go and get changed before the twins get restless." I went up to the bedroom and put my shorts on under my many layers of pants.

"There. Now…did we ever discuss food?"

"We're having a barbeque there, but I believe Compa said she was to be the one cooking." When Noire was done speaking, I shoved the pair of boxer-briefs that were in my hands (they're comfortable, dammit!) into hers.

"I'll be back! Give me five minutes! Ten, tops!" I run out the door, and towards a twenty-four hour store that is nearby. Quicksilver, I love you so…I grabbed several packages of hotdogs, hamburger, spices to make burgers, cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon, chips, and sour cream and onion dips. The American necessities for a barbeque. I shot Compa a text asking her to make pasta salad. I got an affirmative as I head home with my groceries in hand. "Okay, let's go."

"Really? More food?"

"You have you traditions, I have mine. There's nothing wrong with that, Blanc."

"Whatever…Let's get moving…" We all transformed and flew to the beach, which was in Leanbox, so it took a while. The twins just learned how to fly and we had to catch them a few times. While flying, we ran into the others. Iffy was being carried by Bryce in his SD form with a flight module (That's the only power of his that we could get to work via ex machina). Compa was carried by an uncomfortable looking Storm. Neptune was boring holes into the back of his head. I wonder what happened. We landed, and I handed Compa the supplies that I picked up earlier.

"Thank you. I was worried we wouldn't have enough. You three eat a lot."

"That we do."

"Alright everyone…Let's enjoy ourselves…" The members of my household (plus one) stripped down into our suits while the others went to get changed somewhere private. I had on black trunks with silver tribal symbols on the left leg. The twins had on one pieces with small frilly skirts attached. Rom's was powder blue with pink polka dots, and Ram's was orange with red. The others were in bikinis of varying styles. Blanc's was similar to Rom's, except it was solid blue but kept the one piece's conservative nature. Nepgear's was blue and pink stripped and covered her stomach while leaving her back open. Noire's was a spare of Blanc's. Not sure why she didn't go to her own Basilicom to get one of her own. She had plenty of time. It was silver in color with black trim. Vert had a simple green suit that sat high on her waist and showed of her hips. When the others came back, the first thing I thought was that Plutie's outfit looked more fitting in a porno. She was wearing an outfit similar to her processors, but with even less covering. The teeny-tiny bikini was a deep purple, almost black. Neptune's was a lighter shade of purple, with a white design. Compa had a black and white frilly suit with black spots. Peashy's swim suit was almost the same as Ram's, except with diagonal stripes instead of dots. Iffy had a dark blue and black two-piece with jean shorts over the bottom. Bryce had on an American Flag print trunks and a diving T. I gave him a thumbs up for his choice. Johnny's was a shorts version of his pajamas from all those years ago (Canadia themed). Storm had crimson shorts with a blue flame design starting at the bottom hem and rose towards his waist. All in all, we looked ready for fun.

"Where's Histoire and your kids?"

"Histy said she had to stay so her pages wouldn't get ruined…" Plutie said, slightly sad. She probably considers her family too.

"Pico and Gene are a bit too young for salt water. We left them in Histoire's care." Storm responded. That's reasonable. I didn't start teaching the twins to swim until they were five. I also wound up teaching Blanc too. That was a fun day. The children tried to run into the water before Vert stopped them.

"Now now…You should know better than that. Let's get you three prepared." Ten minutes of getting the three to cooperate later, they were in the water with Nepgear. The rest of us took the time to get everything set up. Storm had most of the things we needed in a storage seal. And, like every beach episode in every anime ever, us guys had to put sunscreen on our ladies' backs. It got really awkward when Vert had me apply it to her side boob in front of everyone. After all was said and done, we all headed to where the four were while Compa got the food ready. I agreed to take her place in an hour or so. Fifteen minutes in, I felt a weight on my shoulders, accompanied with the sight of a familiar pair of legs.

"Blanc? What are you doing?"

"I was put here by Neptune. They want to play some game."

"Oh, I know this game, and we're gonna kick ass!"

"If it's that kind of game, I'm all in!" There was a surprised yell from a little ways away.

"Neptune! Put me down! I don't want to play!"

"Just play, Noire. It will be fun."

"…*huff*…Fine…Just put me down."

"I'm glad you agreed."

"I said that I'm only doing this so you'd put me down!" Neptune did put her down…on Vert's shoulders. "What are you doing?!"

"This is how you play. And do not worry. I am fine with this setup and I do not think you would like to be in my situation." Vert's going to enjoy this, I just know it.

"Don't you think this is awkward?"

"Nope. In fact, this is quite pleasant. It's so warm." Vert nuzzled her neck into Noire's…yeah…The result was as expected. I honestly didn't expect Vert to pull something like that, let alone continue to do so until Noire let out a loud moan and fluid was running down Noire's legs and Vert's neck, back, and chest. That's right ladies and gentlemen. Vert just rubbed Noire until she came (I'm gonna earn that M-rating).

"C-C-Can I get down now…?"

"I-I believe that would be best…" Both sank into the water to get rid of the evidence of what just transpired. "I'm sorry, Noire. I didn't mean to go that far."

"It's fine…" She said, embarrassed as hell. Already down a pair, there was now four sets of us competing. The battle begins.

"Go for Plutia! She's the biggest threat!" Obeying Blanc's command, I charged as fast as I could towards Johnny and Plutie, holding onto Blanc's thighs so she wouldn't fall off. This shouldn't be too hard, because Blanc is the physically strongest CPU. The two locked arms while Johnny and I butted heads. It took a while, but we won when Blanc made Plutie do a back bend. Only her head went under because of Johnny's hold on her. She came up, and was not happy.

"Couldn't you have let go?"

"Sorry, babe. Didn't notice you tipped over."

"It's fine. We still had a bit of fun. I think I'll go sample what Compa has made so far."

"Touch my pasta salad. I dare you."

"Fine, Stevie…I won't eat your salad…" She walked out of the water.

"She's going to eat it."

"I know, Johnny…"

"Why did you say anything then?" I looked up to Blanc.

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty."

"That's on you then. On to the next one!"

"Neptune or Iffy?"

"Save Iffy for last."

"Let's go then." We approached our next victims as they were sneaking up on Iffy. Blanc grabbed them while they were unaware of us and threw them aside into the water. "Oh~Bryce~…" The duo shuddered. It may not be the kick to the dick that I want to dish out, but this will make me feel a little better. Moving as fast as I could, I close the distance between us without disqualifying us. My forehead clashed with his in a much fiercer manner than when I did so with Johnny. The girls above us had also started clashing. Their struggle was more intense than ours, gaining cheers from those watching from the coast. They were trying to throw each other off, and we were trying to trip and shoulder charge one another. Blanc knocked Iffy over as the little bastard dislocated my left knee. Blanc put my arm around her and dragged me to shore, where I promptly set my leg back in place with a sick sounding pop.

"That makes two, Bryce. That makes two…"

"Two…what?"

"Two kicks. Keep this up, and I'll never have grandkids." He turned as white as the sand we were standing on. "Alright everyone. Back into the water. Compa, time to take a break."

"Okey-dokey!" As they all went back into the water, I started grilling the burgers and hot dogs while making sure what our cook put on didn't burn. I did this for fifteen minutes before putting everything on serving plates and bringing them to the food table.

"Food's done!" Almost everyone rushed to the table. "Ah, ah, ah! You are civilized people, not animals!" Everyone formed into a kinda orderly line. Plates were filled with the variety of food available. As we were eating, we all tried to decide what to do next.

"So, what do we do now?"

"Sending the Neps home would be a good start. Cleaning up demons would be a good idea too."

"I need to get ahold of my powers. I'll have to ask Histy to contact the older me's Histy."

"Getting our shares back into working order is my priority. I also need to go find that creepy robot." From the water, something rose up.

"Um…? Is that…?"

"Yep."

"Are you gonna take care of it?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Honestly…I'm too relaxed to get motivated."

"It's doing something…"

"It looks like a black hole!" Me, Johnny, and Storm just looked at each other when Vert mentioned that detail.

"Not again…" At this point, we were being pulled into the death bringing singularity.

"What do we do?!"

"Pray for a miracle!"

"Really?!"

"Don't really have any other options here!"

"G1! Don't you have something that can take care of this!?"

"No, Johnny! I don't have anything that can break reality!" We all fell into the infinite blackness. When I came to, we were in a forest filled with trees that don't look familiar. "Hey Storm?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you happen to have our clothes? It's getting a bit drafty."

"Give me a moment." He activated the matrix that was usually hidden by his sleeves. All of our clothes appeared in a neat, folded pile after the puff of smoke cleared. We grab our respective garbs and head into the bushes to get changed.

"So…Where the hell are we?"

"I believe the better questions is: What are you all doing here?"

 **Well, there it is. The setup for the sequel. I hope you liked it. It won't be up anytime soon. Probably in a few weeks when I have stuff worked out. The other two updates to this will be a better tie in to On3dgeGaming's Guardians and Sanity Breaker stories. Until then, see ya.**


	25. Notice Number 2

**Well, I changed my mind. I've figured out a more creative way to tie in Tegh's and Bryce's stories. This notice is to officially announce the completion of Welp...This is a Thing and the start of We're Really Doing This Again?. Now about that. I have gotten a review on it saying that it belongs in the crossover section. Here's why I'm not going to put it there. It's all about audience. When someone makes a crossover, they are aiming to get readers from both works. That's not what I want. I put in under the normal story section because that's where I want it to be read. It's a continuation of this story and it would defeat that purpose if it was somewhere else where the people who want to read the sequel won't see it. So with all of that said, I will not move it. That's kind of why I put the vague disclaimer in the description.**


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